Do you think it's acceptable for a woman to keep her last name if she were to get married?

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ChildofGod7

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Or do you think a woman should take her husband’s name?

I’m a female only child and if I get married someday I’ve always had the idea I want to keep my last name and possibly pass it on to my kids to keep the family name. I guess i’m open to combining it with my future husband’s, if his wasn’t too long.
 
My personal view is generally no (in English speaking tradition) but with exception where for example the wife is in business or the professions in her maiden name.

I also think combining names as you suggest to preserve a family heritage is fine (and v common for lots of non-English speakers. In fact I wish I had done that as my only brother doesn’t seem in a hurry to have children
 
Absolutely yes.

You aren’t property.

I dont like combined names. To me it seems indecisive. Most of my friends took the male’s last name. Three have taken the female’s last name as a family name. Two have combined by hyphen. A friend of a friend picked a last name that was common in both’s anscestry (citra 1700’s).

The real issue is the naming of children. It is hard, somewhat embarrising, for staff of school/church/restraunt to “guess” last names. There is a stigma still for families who have different last names.

I think there is a return to family last names as many of my friends come from broken homes where mom wanted to keep her last name. They see it as a sign of cohesion. I will personally be taking FH’s last name…I have 3 brothers, two already married, so my parents are well covered
 
Let’s say future husband’s last name is already hyphenated because his parents were married in Europe. He has his dad’s last name then mom’s last name.

He lives in a country now where it’s a tradition for the woman to take the man’s last name. He wants to keep his name exactly how it is (his dad’s name plus mom’s name hyphenated) and is not open to dropping his mom’s name and adding his future wife’s name. He just wants to keep what he has and pass it down to his future kids.

Do you think he should be willing to drop his mom’s name and add his future wifes? Or just drop his moms name so his wife and kids will have a less complicated name? I guess it doesn’t really sound too bad, the first name is one syllable and second name is 2 but just out of curiousity what do you guys think?
 
I’m definitely taking my FH’s last name.

While that might work for other women, I’ve seen what happens in families where you don’t have the same last name as your children.

SeaShoreGirl was talking about this.

Since my parents divorced when I was young, and then my mother remarried (taking her new husband’s name), She often had to bring my birth certificate, her driver’s license, and her marriage license, to ANYTHING where she had to prove/explain that she was my mother. She always hated the hassle, to the point that she wanted me to change my last name to her new husband’s at one point. I didn’t like him, and still don’t, so my reaction was “lol, no.”

So, generally, I would take my FH’s last name, so that our children would be part of a family unit, where we all had the same last name. Plus, I never envied my teachers the moment when she’d walk in to a conference and they’d say, “You must be Mrs. H----!” And she’d say, “Erm, no, I’m Mrs. M-------…”
 
I’m not a great fan of hyphenated names…and I have one. Not because we combined ours. I married into it.

But it caused a lot of confusion surrounding my husband. People often thought the first half of his last name was his middle name. Both his parents kept their last names (for professional reasons) and gave their kids hyphenated names. So mom, dad, and children all have different last names. It’s just one great mess. He toyed with turning part of his last name into his middle name (since people assumed it anyway) but his mom raised enough of a stink over it to make him feel it wasn’t worth it as it was her portion that was going to be dropped.

I didn’t care if I took his name or he took mine. I just wanted to have the same name as my husband and potential children. He didn’t want to take mine as he would then share a name with a famous celebrity (and forever be associated with dazzling vampires) so I took his.

In the US the process of going through paperwork for ANYTHING isn’t there yet for hyphenated names. Many computer systems don’t accept the hyphen in a name (thus creating more middle name confusion). I mean…having everyone in the family have the same last name is worth all the trouble. But there is a LOT of trouble that wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for that dang dash. :o
 
There is nothing wrong with. A last name is a last name. I think it’s important to realize though that having the same last name provides family unity. It’s about all of you being one family unit. As long as you do it for the right reasons.
 
I don’t think it’s a moral issue. Sharing the same name does simplify matters especially with kids, but it’s up to you and your husband really. You’ll have to see what he thinks when you get to that point. My husband would not have been ok with me keeping my name, but luckily I had planned on changing it anyway! It’s for you and your husband to decide !
 
I think it’s something that needs to be discussed between couples. I wish I could have kept my last name but with DH in the military in the mid 70s, that would have been a nightmare.

There are jurisdictions where a woman can’t simply assume her husband’s last name. In Quebec, she has to go to court and legally change her surname forever. Were I to move there now, after 37 years of having my husband’s family surname, I would have to revert to my maiden name as it would be the only name legally recognized.
 
It’s totally fine to keep your maiden name. I was married for a year before I decided to finally change my name to my husband’s. My reason for deciding to, was that I wanted our family to have a unified name. I gave my son my maiden name as his middle name, so is still gets the opportunity to be passed down and recognized.

I know plenty of women that keep their last name, or they may keep their last name professionally, and socially go by their husband’s last name. I know women that hyphenate (even when both names are really long), and it’s totally cool. Whatever you want goes, it’s not a religious issue at all. People handle last names a variety of ways all over the world.
 
Depends on the reason.

My last name is uncommon. My wife’s last name is very common. The job she had when we got married involved firing people. I suggested she keep her maiden name, in case anyone decided to get revenge. Good luck hunting down a Gonzalez in California.

On the other end of the spectrum, I have a friend with the last name of Smith. His wife kept her maiden name because she felt that being Cathy Smith was “An ugly name, too plain.” That didn’t sit well with her sister-in-law Cathy, who lived with that name for about the first thirty years of life! 😃
 
I was born in Scotland and I understand women always were known by their own name up until the governments invented census counting and income tax in the nineteenth century.It was much easier to keep track of people if they were listed under one family name ,If you take a look in Scottish cemeteries you will find many women married for years but listed by their own name on their gravestones…I.E JEAN MC ELROY
wife of
DONALD MC LEAN
This is a well known fact in Scotland and many women in smaller towns who maybe well known locally the first name IE Jean is dropped and the last name is commonly used to address her .there was a belief you leave the world as you came into it and the Baptism name was the one you are judged under when you get to the pearly gates
 
It may be fun for you to think about now, but just realize that once you actually meet your FH, it may all go out the window. 😉

I mean, what if he is the only son of an only son of an only son, with a unique and distinguished surname which has a long and veritable history? And you want him to drop it and take your name? :eek: 😛 😉 😃

I’m being a tad facetious, but my point is that you really can’t come to a firm conclusion until you actually meet the guy you’re going to marry. Then talk it over with him.

Perhaps I just run in different circles, but I don’t think I know anyone (family or friends) where the wife did not simply take the husband’s last name. 🤷 The only people I know who either kept their maiden name or have a hyphenated name are professors I had in college, or people I have met professionally.

But, as others have said, it’s not a moral issue. Different cultures do these sorts of things differently. A couple really needs to decide this together and make sure they are both okay with the decision and ready for any consequences that may result.
 
I think the practice of the two becoming one in marriage is reinforced beautifully when couple has the same name. On the reverse, I think we don’t yet understand the potential for harm when people retain subtle separateness when they marry (I’ve never understood separate bank accounts either.). We even share a common e-mail address.

I do think it is not necessary that it should be the woman who take the man’s name. The bible says that it is the man who leaves his father and mother to take his bride, why not take that as meaning it is the woman who keeps the name? But I suspect that we still have a bit too much machismo left in our culture for that ever to happen.
 
manualman said:
I think the practice of the two becoming one in marriage is reinforced beautifully when couple has the same name. On the reverse, I think we don’t yet understand the potential for harm when people retain subtle separateness when they marry (I’ve never understood separate bank accounts either.). We even share a common e-mail address.

I do think it is not necessary that it should be the woman who take the man’s name. The bible says that it is the man who leaves his father and mother to take his bride, why not take that as meaning it is the woman who keeps the name? But I suspect that we still have a bit too much machismo left in our culture for that ever to happen.
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manualman said:
But I suspect that we still have a bit too much machismo left in our culture for that ever to happen
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85% of married women still take their husbands surname. Perhaps machoism has something to do with the 15% who don’t exclusively want their husbands surname.
Its a turn away from tradition. But really how many husbands get inflated egos as if Lording if over their wives because their wives decided to take and keep their husbands surname? Any man who thinks this way would be fanatically childish.

There is an unparalleled drive today in society to do away with anything that is resemblance of traditional values.
 
As I’m not married or nowhere close to engaged it’s never been an issue for me but I’ll probably hyphenate my name since I’ve had my maiden name most of my life. It’s not really a big deal to me either way though.
 
ChildofGod7 said:
Or do you think a woman should take her husband’s name?

I’m a female only child and if I get married someday I’ve always had the idea I want to keep my last name and possibly pass it on to my kids to keep the family name. I guess i’m open to combining it with my future husband’s, if his wasn’t too long.
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Many women with professional degrees tend to keep their original surname. Some people just hyphenate though.
 
manualman said:
The bible says that it is the man who leaves his father and mother to take his bride, why not take that as meaning it is the woman who keeps the name? But I suspect that we still have a bit too much machismo left in our culture for that ever to happen.
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Well, on a practical level I think the reason for taking the husband’s name had a lot to do with how property passed through families and, typically, preserving the husband’s family surname made it easier to trace property succession and prove ownership, especially when names were more associated with specific families/clans back in the day. It also made the process of recording geneologies a whole lot easier.

That said, I’m kind of in the same boat as the OP. I’m rather fond of my last name, and as my mother remarried twice since I was born, I am the last one to have it. I’m not sure why I’m attached to it, but I guess over the years it’s become a big part of my identity. That said, having a different name from my other family members does make for a lot of complications. Also, in my profession most people associate my identity/work with my name, not to mention the fact that the expensive of changing the sign on the door might be a bit irksome. 😉
 
Joe_5859 said:
It may be fun for you to think about now, but just realize that once you actually meet your FH, it may all go out the window. 😉
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😃 That’s what happened to me!

(More or less.)

I’m a female only child too. And, even as a child, I hated the idea that the name would die with me. I often wondered if I could find a guy who would take my name…

But, then I met my fiancé. And he is quite attached to his name, which is also unique from his family…so…

🤷 I’m willing to change. It’s not that important. I’m more concerned that we all have the same name. 😛
 
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