Do you think marriage is hard work?

[Am2010]

On CAF and in pretty much all popular media, I see marriage described as being “hard work.” This has always been a little confusing to me. To me, hard work could be physically hard (digging a trench), mentally hard (quantum physics), or emotionally hard (caring for patients with Alzheimer’s). I’ve never found marriage to be any of these things. On our worst days, my husband might annoy or aggravate me, but I still don’t think I’d call being married to him hard work. We have to have commitment to each other, but that comes easily to us. Spending time together isn’t work; that’s joy. Supporting each other emotionally gives us peace.

Caring for our kids can sometimes be physically and/or emotionally tough, but that would be true for anyone caring for children, and not necessarily work in marriage, per se. Housework is work, but we’d have to do that married or single. I am just having a hard time thinking of ways marriage itself (separate from just life in general) is hard work.

I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way. Do you think marriage is actually hard work? If so, in what ways?

I don’t think it has to be if you pick well. My husband and I are best friends and genuinely enjoy being together and we haven’t lost the passion for each other. We’ve been together 23 years and married 20 with four kids. Our love and relationship can get us through anything. I’m very thankful for him!

 

[Edward_H]

Love is the work we are willing to do WITHIN US for the true good of another.

The work we do in us…might be pushing aside our selfishness in big or little things…increasing our attentiveness, going against our little preferences more cheerfully, working a little harder at times, taking care of our house, getting up when we don’t want to, etc.

All these are really “internal projects” not necessarily physical work…though they may involve that too…but it’s the “going against the grain” that is really the work to face and to do for the love of God and our spouse, family.

 

[jmkm777]

The way I see it is, when some people use the saying “marriage is hard work.” It is hard work. I believe with every vocation, God wants us to love others the way He loves us and to become holy in the process. Becoming holy comes from suffering usually, especially those who were brought into the world from childhood with a difficult life. Suffering is hard. Sometimes people suffer in marriage not necessarily because of their spouse but because God is purifying their soul to become holy just in any vocation. So rather the saying should be, “Any vocation God calls us to is hard work.”

Some people had a hard childhood that has shaped them into who they are today. Some people go through situations that change them. I can say personally that I had a difficult childhood, broken home, sexual assault, etc. Its not easy for me to have relationships with people because of trust. I have to go to counseling for this but my boyfriend sometimes gets hurt because of my past. So yes that makes relationships hard. Therefore if we were married it’d be hard. Not everyone is fortunate to go into marriage without any serious flaws or serious issues. Some people need more suffering to become holy. And sometimes God chooses people to suffer more for only reasons he knows, especially saints such as (that’s just extreme examples).

Yes, it is great to have someone by your side through lifes trials and sufferings. That’s why marriage is a pretty awesome vocation, but I still think it’ll be hard no matter what. Everything in this world is hard because its a constant battle for Christians to try to Follow Jesus’ example without becoming of this world. Anyway, I can see how it can be easy at times and at times it can be hard, in any vocation.

 

[Edward_H]

The way I see it is, when some people use the saying “marriage is hard work.” It is hard work. I believe with every vocation, God wants us to love others the way He loves us and to become holy in the process. Becoming holy comes from suffering usually, especially those who were brought into the world from childhood with a difficult life. Suffering is hard. Sometimes people suffer in marriage not necessarily because of their spouse but because God is purifying their soul to become holy just in any vocation. So rather the saying should be, “Any vocation God calls us to is hard work.”

Some people had a hard childhood that has shaped them into who they are today. Some people go through situations that change them. I can say personally that I had a difficult childhood, broken home, sexual assault, etc. Its not easy for me to have relationships with people because of trust. I have to go to counseling for this but my boyfriend sometimes gets hurt because of my past. So yes that makes relationships hard. Therefore if we were married it’d be hard. Not everyone is fortunate to go into marriage without any serious flaws or serious issues. Some people need more suffering to become holy. And sometimes God chooses people to suffer more for only reasons he knows, especially saints such as (that’s just extreme examples).

Yes, it is great to have someone by your side through lifes trials and sufferings. That’s why marriage is a pretty awesome vocation, but I still think it’ll be hard no matter what. Everything in this world is hard because its a constant battle for Christians to try to Follow Jesus’ example without becoming of this world. Anyway, I can see how it can be easy at times and at times it can be hard, in any vocation.

Amen,

 

[EasterJoy]

I don’t think it has to be if you pick well. My husband and I are best friends and genuinely enjoy being together and we haven’t lost the passion for each other. We’ve been together 23 years and married 20 with four kids. Our love and relationship can get us through anything. I’m very thankful for him!

Even in the world of salaried work, many of those who do the most work and the most excellent work are those who would still go to work if they weren’t paid. A labor of love is still a labor, though. If anything, the best work is done at a level of effort that couldn’t be forced and yet wouldn’t be traded by the person doing the work. It does not seem a labor to them, perhaps, but it is. Anyone trying to imitate them without the grace of so much natural inclination and the help of so much grace can attest to that!

The people who get into trouble are those who go into marriage thinking that marriage pays you automatically, rather than that the graces available from marriage still depend on the willingness of each spouse to put themselves out for the sake of the other spouse and the work they have to do in this world. Marriage will only seem like no work to those willing to work when work is called for as a matter of course. They can exert themselves without even noticing; they can find their labors to be among their greatest treasures. Those who go into marriage with a “what’s in it for me?” or a “when I give, I expect to get back” attitude are not going to be among the ones who find the labor of marriage a sweet one.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

Anything worthwhile tends to be hard work in some way. Living well and doing the right thing is hard work no matter how fulfilling it may be. The feeling of satisfaction when things go well can make the hard work less noticeable, but even getting to a point of peace and happiness in marriage meant work to get there. Building and maintaining good habits is work.

 

[AussieTrish]

Yes, marriage is often hard work. Any kind of life is. And relationships of any kind, and responsibilities of any kind. are often difficult, and hard work.

 

[bmaj]

Yes, definitely hard work — but worth the effort. In the first few years, it didn’t seem to be as much “work” to me, but as the decades passed, it somehow became a lot harder after I learned things about my husband that hurt me to discover. He would likely feel the same about me. It’s very true what one of the posters above wrote about the need to take up your cross each day in the vocation of marriage - and have faith in God. Lots of prayer helps tremendously, too!

 

[AussieTrish]

Oooops, I’ve just noticed that this is an old thread, June 2013 last posted to on June 24 2013, before yesterday. CAF seems to require that we begin new threads if we want to discuss the same issue.
The OP hasn’t visited the forum since April.