Do you think that Infedility is grounds for leaving a marriage?

[faithhopelove]

I’m not sure if this is the right forum for this, but it seemed the most appropriate.

I recently got into a debate with someone regarding adultery and marriage. The person, a fervent Catholic, believes that adultery is a valid reason to leave a marriage and that infedility is grounds for dissolution of the marriage (reasoning being that anyone capable of infedility was either lying about his/her intentions during vows or unable to keep those vows because sexual fidelity is so vital and integral to a marriage). I did some research regarding the Church’s teachings on this, including the explanation of Matthew’s discussion of marriage which is typically the point that most Christians use when asserting the dissolution of marriage due to adultery, and have come to a deeper understanding of why adultery is not considered sufficient grounds for dissolution or annulment of a marriage within the Catholic church.

Do you think that if someone married with the explicit intent of leaving the marriage in the case of infidelity, that is a valid union? Another way of asking the question is do you think that if one spouse leaves a marriage because of infidelity and it can be proven that he/she always believed that infidelity was a legitmate reason to end a marriage (ie on the wedding day) that this is valid grounds for an annulment?

I’m not speaking about a specific case here, but on the principle that if you go into marriage thinking that X is unacceptable and knowing that you would leave if X happened, is that a valid marriage?

On one hand, this may seem like splitting of hairs in the discussion of annulment, but I think it is something worth thinking about, because I think many Catholics who consider themselves validly married also would assert that they would leave the marriage if infedelity were to occur.

Thoughts?

 

[buffalo]

No!

 

[Shiann]

IMHO adultery is wrong and is grounds for an invalidation, regardless of how the parties involved view adultery- yesterday, today, or tomorrow.

 

[buffalo]

Shiann:

IMHO adultery is wrong and is grounds for an invalidation, regardless of how the parties involved view adultery- yesterday, today, or tomorrow.

A Decree of Nullity says a marriage never took place. If a marriage did take place and infidelity occurred after then it does not qualify for an annullment.

629 For this reason (or for other reasons that render the marriage null and void) the Church, after an examination of the situation by the competent ecclesiastical tribunal, can declare the nullity of a marriage, i.e., that the marriage never existed.132 In this case the contracting parties are free to marry, provided the natural obligations of a previous union are discharged.133

Divorce

2382 The Lord Jesus insisted on the original intention of the Creator who willed that marriage be indissoluble.174 He abrogates the accommodations that had slipped into the old Law.175

Between the baptized, "a ratified and consummated marriage cannot be dissolved by any human power or for any reason other than death."176

2383 The *separation *of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.177

If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.

2384 *Divorce *is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery:

If a husband, separated from his wife, approaches another woman, he is an adulterer because he makes that woman commit adultery, and the woman who lives with him is an adulteress, because she has drawn another’s husband to herself.178

2385 Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society.

2386 It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.179

 

[Shiann]

I did speak too soon. I did some quick research, and noted my error- pulling my previous post.

I had hoped it would not enter into the thread- but as it did, I wan’t to apologize for the post. It seems as though it is incorrect.

 

[Shiann]

faithhopelove:

Do you think that if someone married with the explicit intent of leaving the marriage in the case of infidelity, that is a valid union? Another way of asking the question is do you think that if one spouse leaves a marriage because of infidelity and it can be proven that he/she always believed that infidelity was a legitmate reason to end a marriage (ie on the wedding day) that this is valid grounds for an annulment?

My previous apology aside, it would seem from the evidence, that if this can be proven to be the case- that is, that the spouse had never considered fidelity part of the marriage contract- there would never have been a marriage… More thoughts?

1 On what grounds does the Church declare nullity for some failed marriages?

In technical language, the most common reasons are insufficiency or inadequacy of judgment (also known as lack of due discretion, due to some factor such as young age, pressure to marry in haste, etc.), psychological incapacity, and absence of a proper intention to have children, be faithful, or remain together until death.

These grounds can manifest themselves in various ways. For example, a couple, discovering her pregnancy, decide to marry; only much later do they recognize the lack of wisdom in that decision. Or one spouse carries an addictive problem with alcohol or drugs into the marriage. Perhaps a person, unfaithful during courtship, continues the infidelity after marrying.

americancatholic.org/Newsletters/CU/ac1002.asp

 

[buffalo]

Shiann:

My previous apology aside, it would seem from the evidence, that if this can be proven to be the case- that is, that the spouse had never considered fidelity part of the marriage contract- there would never have been a marriage… More thoughts?

Correct.

 

[Benedictus]

Canon law clearly recognizes that adultery is grounds for separation (cf. canons 1151-1155).

A spouse would be foolish to stay with somone who expressed no sorrow for adultery.

 

[Katie1723]

I have had this relationship philosophy for as long as I can remember: I don’t share me and I don’t share him…EVER. No three strikes you’re out with me…once and done.
~ Kathy ~

 

[faithhopelove]

Benedictus:

Canon law clearly recognizes that adultery is grounds for separation (cf. canons 1151-1155).

A spouse would be foolish to stay with somone who expressed no sorrow for adultery.

This is interesting… What about a spouse that does have sorrow, one that wants to make amends for his/her sins? Obviously (at least in my opinion), the most loving, Christian response would be to accept the spouse back, but is this required? Or does the Church recognize a permanent separation in these cases? What about if the spouse decides to get a civil divorce?

I guess I also go back to my original question, what if the wronged spouse believes from the outset that there would be no second chance? Is such a marriage valid? Also, what about the many marriages where this never becomes an issue, but it is understood that if either spouse committed infidelity(however defined by the other spouse), that the marriage would be over. Are these marriages valid, despite the fact that they are “conditional”?

 

[Catholic2003]

faithhopelove:

This is interesting… What about a spouse that does have sorrow, one that wants to make amends for his/her sins? Obviously (at least in my opinion), the most loving, Christian response would be to accept the spouse back, but is this required? Or does the Church recognize a permanent separation in these cases? What about if the spouse decides to get a civil divorce?

The most loving, Christian response is indeed to forgive and accept the adulterous spouse back, but this level of forgiveness is not required of the wronged spouse.

faithhopelove:

I guess I also go back to my original question, what if the wronged spouse believes from the outset that there would be no second chance? Is such a marriage valid?

Yes, this would be a valid marriage. It is acceptable to expect the other spouse not to commit adultery, even to the point of deciding that there would be no forgiveness should adultery occur.

faithhopelove:

Also, what about the many marriages where this never becomes an issue, but it is understood that if either spouse committed infidelity(however defined by the other spouse), that the marriage would be over. Are these marriages valid, despite the fact that they are “conditional”?

Again, this would still be a valid marriage, as long as infidelity is defined as adultery, i.e., actual sexual relations outside of marriage.

 

[mark_a]

Katie1723:

I have had this relationship philosophy for as long as I can remember: I don’t share me and I don’t share him…EVER. No three strikes you’re out with me…once and done.
~ Kathy ~

That sounds like the most “natural law”.

The most difficult scenario is:

if my spouse committed adultry and her actions indicate she is not sorry, and I choose to separate, I must abstain from sex forever from that point onward.

Forever.

Period.

That’s difficult.

Would it be sinful to to remain married just for sex? After all, it would be pretty difficult to have warm fuzzy about her.

 

[katy]

mark a:

That sounds like the most “natural law”.

The most difficult scenario is:

if my spouse committed adultry and her actions indicate she is not sorry, and I choose to separate, I must abstain from sex forever from that point onward.

Forever.

Period.

That’s difficult.

Yes, it is difficult, but that is not the only way it happens. Much prostate cancer surgery results in the same thing. Not what one signed up for, but still sometimes the only way.

 

[trailblazer]

Yes! I once took my wife back. On top of that she has had other indescretions. If ever I find out that she is having sexual relationships again – I am gone!!!

Bob

 

[CARose]

As difficult as it can be, we are called to love our spouse until death do us part, not, until infidelity or other difficulty do we part.

CARose

 

[cynic]

Didn’t Jesus say, or imply that fornication was an acceptable - if less than forgiving - justfication to “put away” your wife?

 

[Katie1723]

trailblazer:

Yes! I once took my wife back. On top of that she has had other indescretions. If ever I find out that she is having sexual relationships again – I am gone!!!

Bob

multiple “indescretions”?? The key word is “find out”…she’ll be more careful next time, but I would bet she’s having them.You know the old saying, a leopard doesn’t change it’s spots.
~ Kathy ~

 

[mark_a]

CARose:

As difficult as it can be, we are called to love our spouse until death do us part, not, until infidelity or other difficulty do we part.

CARose

That’s hard. I’m not that good. I have no chance of being that good a person.

As terrible as it may sound, I have no desire to be that good. I just don’t see how it could be.

I have a better chance of being the Pope.

 

[prayers19]

I am actually the wife of a man who had an affair. I just discovered it recently and went directly to my priest. Because of all the other things he has done throughout the marriage and because he did not enter the marriage (I only returned to the church 6 year ago and had the marriage blessed) with intentions of practicing being true to the marriage the priest indicated I have grounds for an annulement. When my husband agreed to the blessing he was at the time lying about our financial situation and apparently having emotional affairs with other women. He just recently decided to take the route of completing the affair sexually.

 

[benidict]

I’m not sure if this is the right forum for this, but it seemed the most appropriate.

I recently got into a debate with someone regarding adultery and marriage. The person, a fervent Catholic, believes that adultery is a valid reason to leave a marriage and that infedility is grounds for dissolution of the marriage (reasoning being that anyone capable of infedility was either lying about his/her intentions during vows or unable to keep those vows because sexual fidelity is so vital and integral to a marriage). I did some research regarding the Church’s teachings on this, including the explanation of Matthew’s discussion of marriage which is typically the point that most Christians use when asserting the dissolution of marriage due to adultery, and have come to a deeper understanding of why adultery is not considered sufficient grounds for dissolution or annulment of a marriage within the Catholic church.

Do you think that if someone married with the explicit intent of leaving the marriage in the case of infidelity, that is a valid union? Another way of asking the question is do you think that if one spouse leaves a marriage because of infidelity and it can be proven that he/she always believed that infidelity was a legitmate reason to end a marriage (ie on the wedding day) that this is valid grounds for an annulment?

I’m not speaking about a specific case here, but on the principle that if you go into marriage thinking that X is unacceptable and knowing that you would leave if X happened, is that a valid marriage?

On one hand, this may seem like splitting of hairs in the discussion of annulment, but I think it is something worth thinking about, because I think many Catholics who consider themselves validly married also would assert that they would leave the marriage if infedelity were to occur.

Thoughts?

Trust is broken. Covenant is shattered. There IS no more marriage, once infidelity has occured. Its over. I have no problem with divorce for this reason.