Do you think you do enough to help your neighbor?

[Bill_7154]

I, personally, don’t believe I do enough to help my neighbor. A couple of weeks ago I had some new neighbors moving in and rather than offering to help them I avoided doing so, going back into my apartment rather than offering to help them. I’m not sure if this is a ‘sin’ or not, but I felt guilty about this.

As I reflect upon my behavior, particularly since I have recently re-discovered my faith as a Catholic, I find myself reflecting upon this more often. There are many times have passed upon making even very small gestures of kindness or assistance that would have a positive impact upon the world.

I also feel as though I could do more for my extended family. My wife’s side of my family is very generous with their time towards me and my family, and while we reciprocate to some extent, my wife does more of the reciprocation than I do. I could spend more time with my niece and nephews and extend offers to assist them, something I only do very occasionally. I feel as though I should do more for them and also feel guilty about this as well, even though as a family we help them a lot.

I feel as though if I were more generous towards my neighbors I would be, in my own small way, making the world a better place.

God Bless,
Bill

 

[Christmastwin]

I think the more you begin to practice little acts of kindness they become habit and a way of life. Will probably take some conscious effort at first. I was raised to open doors, help people with packages, etc., etc. (thank you, Mom!!), so it’s not been a problem for me.

Right now I’m trying to focus on giving away a lot of “stuff” I’ve accumulated that I hold on to for no good reason other than I “may” wear it someday. No more excuses. Others can use them.

I was listening to a Fr. Barron CD recently called “Seven Deadly Sins, Seven Heavenly Virtues.” A great talk. You can find it on www.wordonfire.com. He talks about some of this in it. His talks are wonderful.

Giving is really its own reward. It feels good.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

I confess to almighty God,
and to you,
my brothers and sisters,
that I have sinned through my own fault,
in my thoughts and in my words,
in what I have done,
and in what I have failed to do;
and I ask blessed Mary,
ever virgin,
all the angels and saints,
and you,
my brothers and sisters,
to pray for me to the Lord our God.

 

[acacia12]

I confess to almighty God,
and to you,
my brothers and sisters,
that I have sinned through my own fault,
in my thoughts and in my words,
in what I have done,
and in what I have failed to do;
and I ask blessed Mary,
ever virgin,
all the angels and saints,
and you,
my brothers and sisters,
to pray for me to the Lord our God.

 

[acacia12]

I think the more you begin to practice little acts of kindness they become habit and a way of life. Will probably take some conscious effort at first. I was raised to open doors, help people with packages, etc., etc. (thank you, Mom!!), so it’s not been a problem for me.

Right now I’m trying to focus on giving away a lot of “stuff” I’ve accumulated that I hold on to for no good reason other than I “may” wear it someday. No more excuses. Others can use them.

I was listening to a Fr. Barron CD recently called “Seven Deadly Sins, Seven Heavenly Virtues.” A great talk. You can find it on www.wordonfire.com. He talks about some of this in it. His talks are wonderful.

Giving is really its own reward. It feels good.

I clicked on the link and it took me to “wink bingo” has this just happened to me???
Its ok. Sorted

 

[adrift]

We probably should do more. We loose many graces. It is for your good that you help your neighbor. The more you love God the more you will love your neighbor.

 

[Christmastwin]

I clicked on the link and it took me to “wink bingo” has this just happened to me???
Its ok. Sorted

Ooooops! Supposed to be .org not .com.

 

[homeschoolSAHD]

I was listening to a Fr. Barron CD recently called “Seven Deadly Sins, Seven Heavenly Virtues.” A great talk. You can find it on www.wordonfire.com. He talks about some of this in it. His talks are wonderful.
.

Sounds worth listening to. The link to that talk is actually a .org website… wordonfire.org/WOF-Radio/Sermons/2001/Sermon-10—1st-Sunday-of-Lent----The-Seven-Deadly.aspx

 

[JRKH]

No - I know that I don’t. In fact, I find myself on the receiving end of my neighbor’s kindnesses right now…With My wife being ill, my neighbor has taken to cutting my yard without my ever asking…I give the a few tomatoes and some homemade pickles but still I feel so blessed…

That said, I do try to do little things. I park further away at the store…especially in cold or inclement weather. I won’t melt and besides…the exercise is good for me (physically and spiritually). I try to smile and make others smile. I offer to take someone’s shopping cart back, reach an item for a person…things like that (as you see mostly my “outings” are to the store…)

We can always do more…And I know there have been times when did not help and, like you felt bad about it later…

Peace
James

 

[austenbosten]

I don’t think Catholicism is about “doing enough” any Catholic who thinks they’ve “done enough” is probably in danger of falling into minimalism which is what JP II spoke out against. Now of course there’s a limit on how much we can do, but we should always strive to do more.

 

[JRKH]

I don’t think Catholicism is about “doing enough” any Catholic who thinks they’ve “done enough” is probably in danger of falling into minimalism which is what JP II spoke out against. Now of course there’s a limit on how much we can do, but we should always strive to do more.

Very good…

We should always keep in mind this passage…

Luke 17:10
So you also, when you have done all that is commanded you, say, `We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.’

Peace
James

 

[Bill_7154]

I don’t think Catholicism is about “doing enough” any Catholic who thinks they’ve “done enough” is probably in danger of falling into minimalism which is what JP II spoke out against. Now of course there’s a limit on how much we can do, but we should always strive to do more.

This is an interesting point you raise. And while I personally know there are limits to what I can do (particularly financially, but also in the way of time and energy) I think you raise an important thing for me to keep in mind. That even if I were rich and blessed where I didn’t have to work at all to support my family, and I choose to open programs to help people, there would probably come a point where I would sit back and think “I"m doing quite a bit, I"m certainly doing more than most”, or whatever. But as you point out we are subject to falling into the trap of doing a routine thing/things and feeling that it is enough, and the potentially dangerous mindset that could lead to. I would be sitting back content, probably even proud of all I was doing, rather than having the mindset of “what else could I do, or how could I improve upon what I"m doing” which would I think put me in a mindset of more actively being aware of how much need there is in the world.

God Bless,
Bill

 

[acacia12]

This is an interesting point you raise. And while I personally know there are limits to what I can do (particularly financially, but also in the way of time and energy) I think you raise an important thing for me to keep in mind. That even if I were rich and blessed where I didn’t have to work at all to support my family, and I choose to open programs to help people, there would probably come a point where I would sit back and think “I"m doing quite a bit, I"m certainly doing more than most”, or whatever. But as you point out we are subject to falling into the trap of doing a routine thing/things and feeling that it is enough, and the potentially dangerous mindset that could lead to. I would be sitting back content, probably even proud of all I was doing, rather than having the mindset of “what else could I do, or how could I improve upon what I"m doing” which would I think put me in a mindset of more actively being aware of how much need there is in the world.

God Bless,
Bill

 

[Nom_the_Wise]

I used to be very involved with several ministries, like youth ministry, retreats and music. The last time I did anything for the church was teaching CCD at my last parish 7 years ago. Long story short, my wife and I had moved, and when I went to our new parish trying to volunteer they made it seem like ministry was a privilige that I wasn’t worthy of yet. They claimed that they had all of their needs met and didn’t need anyone new. That was like a wrecking ball, not to my faith, but to my sense of a welcoming community.

I’ve left that parish now (having never been involved in any ministry, and rarely going to mass), my wife and I are divorcing, and I’ve used all of these as excuses not to serve anymore “until I’m in a better place.”

I’ve given that advice to people that I’ve known (back when I was in “a better place”) whom thought they should be doing more, but they had some kinid of titanic struggle going on in their own lives. I said that at that moment they really were not “in a good place” to be ministering to others, that they needed to be ministered to and to get back to a sense of normalcy before they could truly give of themselves.

I’m wondering is this a cop out? I’m pretty sure that it must be, and I should know better. I used to have such a strong sense of community building, which seems to have been whittled away as my marriage was dissovling. There is something selfish in there and I haven’t been able to break myself of it. I’m writing this I suppose because I’m hoping someone will either pat my back and say “No, you’ve been through alot–come back to ministry when you’re ready,” and someone else will say “No, get to your new parish and let ministry heal you.”

So, no, I don’t think I’m doing enough for my neighbor, and yet I fear that my helping might do more harm than good.

 

[austenbosten]

I used to be very involved with several ministries, like youth ministry, retreats and music. The last time I did anything for the church was teaching CCD at my last parish 7 years ago. Long story short, my wife and I had moved, and when I went to our new parish trying to volunteer they made it seem like ministry was a privilige that I wasn’t worthy of yet. They claimed that they had all of their needs met and didn’t need anyone new. That was like a wrecking ball, not to my faith, but to my sense of a welcoming community.

I’ve left that parish now (having never been involved in any ministry, and rarely going to mass), my wife and I are divorcing, and I’ve used all of these as excuses not to serve anymore “until I’m in a better place.”

I’ve given that advice to people that I’ve known (back when I was in “a better place”) whom thought they should be doing more, but they had some kinid of titanic struggle going on in their own lives. I said that at that moment they really were not “in a good place” to be ministering to others, that they needed to be ministered to and to get back to a sense of normalcy before they could truly give of themselves.

I’m wondering is this a cop out? I’m pretty sure that it must be, and I should know better. I used to have such a strong sense of community building, which seems to have been whittled away as my marriage was dissovling. There is something selfish in there and I haven’t been able to break myself of it. I’m writing this I suppose because I’m hoping someone will either pat my back and say “No, you’ve been through alot–come back to ministry when you’re ready,” and someone else will say “No, get to your new parish and let ministry heal you.”

So, no, I don’t think I’m doing enough for my neighbor, and yet I fear that my helping might do more harm than good.

There is something I want to say but the words are not coming to me

However I’m sorry you are in such a trying time in your life and I hope that this is the darkest moment before the dawn. In regards, I think you should heal others and let the new parish ministry heal you. You need both, helping others will help you because you can see how even in a miserable state like you are in right now, you can bring so much joy to others and that’s the key. You’re not doing much right now because you feel that it’s fanciful to believe joy can be brought to conquer other people’s misery when you yourself are miserable, but you are wrong. You have the capacity to bring a lot of joy even in your sadden state. While you are helping others you can get let the new ministry heal you.

So I say go to your new ministry and let it heal you but also help heal others at the same time too. Many are hurting just like you but wouldn’t it be great if someone could just break open the shackles of pain and allow the healing to begin? Let Christ forge you back into that hammer again and start being the man you were made to be.

 

[Bill_7154]

No - I know that I don’t. In fact, I find myself on the receiving end of my neighbor’s kindnesses right now…With My wife being ill, my neighbor has taken to cutting my yard without my ever asking…I give the a few tomatoes and some homemade pickles but still I feel so blessed…

James

I find that little gestures of appreciation go a long way. It can be as basic as a warm, heartfelt ‘thank you’ with the type of handshake and eye contact that really, really conveys the messsage of appreciation.

At one point in my past I was homeless. To this day I maintain that the ‘best meal’ I have ever eaten was the bologna sandwhich that one of the workers at the homeless shelter gave to me, my first meal as a homeless person. I was sooo extremely greatful, I really had no idea what to expect from a homeless shelter as I grew up in the suburbs and didnt’ have any conception of what any type of assistance programs to the poor were like. I remember the look on the woman’s face who gave me the sandwhich. She was like shocked and awed. She had become accustomed to people taking for granted the food that they were given. Plus, maybe she was thinking “gee, it’s just a bologna sandwhich” or something like that. She certainly wasn’t used to it.

And while I was and remained honestly thankful for all the help I received during the 2 months I was homeless, and simply thanked people helping me because I believed it was the right thing to do, I feel as though it made them feel better about what they were doing. There were a lot of ungreatful poeple at the shelters I lived at, and in retrospect can see (especially since I now work in ‘the system’ and am on the receiving end of similar thank you’s from time to time) what a difference it makes when a person gives you a heartfelt thanks for something that you do for them.

God Bless,
Bill

 

[Bill_7154]

I used to be very involved with several ministries, like youth ministry, retreats and music. The last time I did anything for the church was teaching CCD at my last parish 7 years ago. Long story short, my wife and I had moved, and when I went to our new parish trying to volunteer they made it seem like ministry was a privilige that I wasn’t worthy of yet. They claimed that they had all of their needs met and didn’t need anyone new. That was like a wrecking ball, not to my faith, but to my sense of a welcoming community.

I’ve left that parish now (having never been involved in any ministry, and rarely going to mass), my wife and I are divorcing, and I’ve used all of these as excuses not to serve anymore “until I’m in a better place.”

I’ve given that advice to people that I’ve known (back when I was in “a better place”) whom thought they should be doing more, but they had some kinid of titanic struggle going on in their own lives. I said that at that moment they really were not “in a good place” to be ministering to others, that they needed to be ministered to and to get back to a sense of normalcy before they could truly give of themselves.

I’m wondering is this a cop out? I’m pretty sure that it must be,

In my opinion it depends, it’s definitely NOT a slam dunk. I’ll give you an example:

I have a client who has a major mental illness, someone whom if you met him and begain talking to him it would take less than 10 seconds for you to figure out there was something wrong with him mentally. His appearance, that of a homeless/discheveled person would lead you to believe he had struggles even before talking to him.

He doesn’t take his medications as prescribed and actively drinks and uses drugs. What is interesting is that 3-4 years ago this guy used to be a ‘peer educator’ speaking to others who were mentally ill and sometimes struggling with being active drinkers/drug users as well. He was organized, had many many positive activities/groups built into his day and was a role model for most all of the other clients of mine and my co-workers.

He has since taken a major turn for the worse. However he does not see it. Everyone else does, but he doesn’t (very complicated because of the nature of his mental illness). He is in desperate need of getting himself into some sort of structured help, accepting some basic services, but he doesn’t see it. When I meet with him and counsel him about taking care of himself and prioritizing things like taking his meds and avoiding alcohol and drugs and doing other things to substitute that (like substance abuse counseling, groups, etc, etc, etc) he tells me that street drugs are more helpful to him that meds prescribed by his doctors. When I speak to him about taking these steps to help him towards his goal of getting into a peer specialist training program so he can get a certification and job helping other mentally ill clients he retorts that he is already ‘peer educating’ speaking of how he talks to homeless people on the streets, etc and is helping them. His daughters mother takes advantage of him financially, yet he doesn’t see it. He talks about how he has to ‘help his family’.

So, while you make a great point, there is also, IMHO, something to the fact of getting one’s own house in order so that one can be in a better postion to help others. This guy has great potential, but it’s hard for him to accept that he needs to put in hard work to get where he was a few years ago, so he clings to his delusional beliefs that he’s doing fine and helping others effectively. An extreme example I know, but I do believe there is validity to one helping oneself (or ALLOWING oneself to be helped- some people because of their pride won’t accept help and suffer in silence- not living up to their potential and also not able to help others because of the trap/pit they are in, with stubborn pride getting in the way of them allowing themselves to be helped, where they would be better and in turn be able to help others do better as well).

So I don’t see it as a cut and dry issue. I understand your point but think (am pretty sure) there is another side to that coin as well.

God Bless,
Bill

 

[Bill_7154]

So I say go to your new ministry and let it heal you but also help heal others at the same time too. Many are hurting just like you but wouldn’t it be great if someone could just break open the shackles of pain and allow the healing to begin? Let Christ forge you back into that hammer again and start being the man you were made to be.

This brings to my mind things like group therapy, where a group of people help each other while at the same time they are receiving help. This type of thing can be practiced in probably number of different ways. I"m not sure what’s right for you at this time in life, but your thinking about it and talking about it.

Five Stages of Change (there are variations to this formula)

1. Pre-contemplation- ther person doesn’t see any problem at all, therefore they are not even considering the need for or possibility of trying to make a change.
2. Contemplation- Person is ‘thinking about’ making a change (can be any type of change about anything in life basically)
3. Planning- Person starts to actually formulate some sort of plan that would work towards change.
4. Action- person takes active steps towards change (maybe putting their ‘plan’ into action).
5. Maintenance- Person has made the change and sustained it for such a length of time that it has become sort of second nature and the person is able to sustain the change without much thought, if any at all.

People can and do cycle through the stages. For exampel someone might go from step 2 to step 3 then back to step 2, then to 3, then 4, then back to 2, then to 3, then to 4… this is common and a ‘normal’ way for a person to change something about themselves or the way they live, a goal they have, whatever.

The chronically and severely mentally ill typically cycle from 1-3 (might stay at 1 their whole life) and find it extremely hard to enter stage 4.

Very ‘high functioning’ people can typically set goals and go from 1-5 without many, if any bumps in the road and then take on more goals, rince and repeat.

 

[Nom_the_Wise]

There is something I want to say but the words are not coming to me

However I’m sorry you are in such a trying time in your life and I hope that this is the darkest moment before the dawn. In regards, I think you should heal others and let the new parish ministry heal you. You need both, helping others will help you because you can see how even in a miserable state like you are in right now, you can bring so much joy to others and that’s the key. You’re not doing much right now because you feel that it’s fanciful to believe joy can be brought to conquer other people’s misery when you yourself are miserable, but you are wrong. You have the capacity to bring a lot of joy even in your sadden state. While you are helping others you can get let the new ministry heal you.

So I say go to your new ministry and let it heal you but also help heal others at the same time too. Many are hurting just like you but wouldn’t it be great if someone could just break open the shackles of pain and allow the healing to begin? Let Christ forge you back into that hammer again and start being the man you were made to be.

These are very encouraging words. Thank you.

 

[maryjk]

No - I know that I don’t. In fact, I find myself on the receiving end of my neighbor’s kindnesses right now…With My wife being ill, my neighbor has taken to cutting my yard without my ever asking…I give the a few tomatoes and some homemade pickles but still I feel so blessed…

I am in the same boat.

Last year, I was the caregiver for both of my parents. I lost one in the beginning of the year. And the other in the second half of the year. People were bringing meals, food and help most of the year.

This year, I was diagnosed with a serious long term illness. So, again people are delivering meals.

I do what I can, but honestly, most days I take a 2 - 3 hour nap due to my illness.

I was told by a friend, that if everyone was helping their neighbor, who would be on the receiving end? And in fact, by allowing them to help me, and by extension you, we are allowing them to see Christ in their fellow man. We are allowing them to live out their Catholic faith.

So, some help and some are helped.