Doctor prescribes condom use - advice needed

[slomotion]

My husband and I lost our first pregnancy last week. The baby stopped growing at 8 weeks and I miscarried at 11 weeks.
It was a very physically painful experience and now that I’m healing the emotions are all hitting hard.

My husband has taken very good care of me throughout this and we really want to be close and intimate again. We were married in the thick of COVID, so all celebration and travel had to be cancelled at that time. We were finally able to book a honeymoon which happens to fall next week, but the miscarriage has thrown a wrench in the intimacy side of things. It’s a bit complicated so please forgive me for the length of this.

My doctor advised we should be fine to have sex, but asked that we use a condom as it’s important to avoid a new pregnancy while they make sure the miscarriage is complete, and to avoid any harm to myself if I were to become pregnant. The last beta test to determine whether the miscarried is complete is scheduled for right after our honeymoon.

Are we permitted to use a condom in this situation to protect me so that we can be intimate again, or are we expected to abstain in this situation throughout our honeymoon? Or is it okay to have ex without protection and risk a pregnancy and Risk messing up the beta results against my doctors advice?

Please be kind, the last few weeks have been extremely difficult.

 

[Fauken]

@edward_george1

 

[ProdglArchitect]

Are we permitted to use a condom in this situation to protect me so that we can be intimate again, or are we expected to abstain in this situation throughout our honeymoon?

Unfortunately, you must abstain. While there are certain medical necessities that may justify the use of a hormonal contraceptive, there can be no other purpose for condoms other than to avoid pregnancy. They cannot ever be licitly used during intercourse.

You could be intimate and potentially mess up the test, there is nothing immoral about it. The question of whether or not it’s prudent is up to you and your husband.

I will say that, with a misscarriage there might be a kind of incompatibility between you two. I forget the cause of it, but it’s something my aunt and uncle dealt with for years before they found out why. It almost always results in a miscarriage, but the miscarriage can be avoided with the proper medication. I’d ask your doctor about it. Some bloodtype incompatibility or something like that.

Offer your hardship to God. I know that is no comfort, but we cannot endorse sin to avoid hardship.

 

[Lucy_1]

Are we permitted to use a condom in this situation to protect me so that we can be intimate again, or are we expected to abstain in this situation throughout our honeymoon? Or is it okay to have ex without protection and risk a pregnancy and Risk messing up the beta results against my doctors advice?

I would not go against your doctor’s orders to have sex without protection. That would be foolish. Medical treatments which use birth control are allowed under certain narrow circumstances. Humanae vitae says

The Church does not consider at all illicit the use of those therapeutic means necessary to cure bodily diseases, even if a foreseeable impediment to procreation should result there from—provided such impediment is not directly intended for any motive whatsoever.

There is a principle of double effect which states that if the person acting intends only the good effect (medical cure) and would act otherwise if possible to avoid the bad effect (preventing pregnancy).

However, I’m not an expert and don’t know if a condom would apply here.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

However, I’m not an expert and don’t know if a condom would apply here.

They don’t because they don’t address any medical issue, they only serve to prevent conception through physical barrier. They avoid the problem rather than address it. As such, they are not covered under that exception, and cannot licitly be used.

 

[edward_george1]

Medical treatments which use birth control are allowed under certain narrow circumstances. Humanae vitae says

But using a condom to prevent pregnancy is not a therapeutic means that impedes procreation. It’s an action that cannot do anything but impede procreation by its ordering.

There is a principle of double effect which states that if the person acting intends only the good effect (medical cure) and would act otherwise if possible to avoid the bad effect (preventing pregnancy).

Double effect does not apply here. In order to invoke double effect, the action being done must be good or morally neutral, and to use a condom is neither good nor morally neutral, it is an intrinsically disordered action.

To the OP, first, I’m very sorry to hear of your potential miscarriage. That is certainly a great difficulty starting out in your marriage.

Unfortunately, the advice your doctor has given you is not morally licit. You cannot do a moral evil for the sake of producing some kind of good; the ends do not justify the means. You could either abstain in this time, or else roll the dice with the test being interfered with, though that doesn’t seem prudent.

You are in my prayers. Please feel free to message me if you have further questions.

-Fr ACEGC

 

[1ke]

My doctor advised we should be fine to have sex, but asked that we use a condom as it’s important to avoid a new pregnancy while they make sure the miscarriage is complete, and to avoid any harm to myself if I were to become pregnant.

Contraception is intrinsically evil. It is never a moral option.

What you can do is continue with complete abstinence or use periodic abstinence if you have clear signs of fertility (natural family planning observations).

Are we permitted to use a condom in this situation to protect me so that we can be intimate again, or are we expected to abstain in this situation throughout our honeymoon?

Contraception is always immoral. No one can “permit” you to commit acts of grave matter against the sixth commandment.

Have you been unaware prior to this that contraception is immoral? This should have been discussed in premarital preparation, but I’m not sure of your background.

Or is it okay to have ex without protection and risk a pregnancy and Risk messing up the beta results against my doctors advice?

It’s always “OK” to have sexual relations with your spouse if both are OK with it.

It isn’t smart to go against doctor’s orders if he’s told you that another pregnancy might be dangerous, but ultimately it is your decision together with your spouse.

Please be kind, the last few weeks have been extremely difficult.

I’m sure they have been. Abstain until you are ready and able to welcome a child should pregnancy occur.

 

[ReaderT]

They don’t because they don’t address any medical issue, they only serve to prevent conception through physical barrier. They avoid the problem rather than address it. As such, they are not covered under that exception, and cannot licitly be used.

She said that the condom is “to avoid any harm to myself if I were to become pregnant again” while the miscarriage is still running its course. I’m no doctor but I assume that means the mix of the new zygote with the miscarried body elements could result in contamination / infection / sepsis / that sort of thing. Or maybe I’m wrong, maybe @slomotion can clarify what bodily “harm” the doctor mentioned.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

My husband and I lost our first pregnancy last week. The baby stopped growing at 8 weeks and I miscarried at 11 weeks.
It was a very physically painful experience and now that I’m healing the emotions are all hitting hard.

I hope it will be of small comfort that my wife and I went through the very same thing. It was deeply hurtful, but thankfully, our son was conceived a few months later. (Once we achieved moral certainty that the baby was dead, she had a D&C. There were no discernible remains, it just dissolved. We didn’t think we could go through the anguish of waiting for nature to take her course.)

The doctor’s recommendation would be immoral under Catholic teaching. It would be an immoral means to a good end, and that can never be done. As others have noted, “double effect” would not apply here.

This will pass. Please accept my condolences and prayers for the two of you.

 

[1ke]

Medical treatments which use birth control are allowed under certain narrow circumstances. Humanae vitae says

That isn’t what Humanae Vitae says at all.

What it does say is that lawful therapeutic means that have the side effect of sterility (temporary or permanent) are not immoral.

However, I’m not an expert and don’t know if a condom would apply here.

It does not. The contraception is principally intended, sterility is not an unintended side effect.

 

[Lucy_1]

They don’t because they don’t address any medical issue, they only serve to prevent conception through physical barrier. They avoid the problem rather than address it. As such, they are not covered under that exception, and cannot licitly be used.

Well if it’s making sure that the miscarriage is complete, and making sure that she isn’t harmed, that’s definitely addressing a medical issue.

By the way, @slomotion, I’m very sorry for your loss.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

Well if it’s making sure that the miscarriage is complete, and making sure that she isn’t harmed, that’s definitely addressing a medical issue.

Sorry, doesn’t cut it. The primary intention, and only use, remains contraceptive. Avoiding pregnancy because an issue exists isn’t sufficient reason to use a contraceptive because it still intends contraception as its primary purpose. The instances where hormonal contraceptives are allowed are things like hormonal imbalances where the contraceptive supposedly addresses the problem, with contraception being an unintended and undesired side effect. If avoiding pregnancy is your primary intent, as it is in the OP situation, then your only choices are to abstain or use natural methods like NFP.

There’s really no wiggle room here, sorry. The Church is pretty clear on this.

 

[Lucy_1]

Double effect does not apply here.

Good to know.

That isn’t what Humanae Vitae says at all.

What about PCOS and other medical conditions? I thought birth control was allowed

There’s really no wiggle room here, sorry. The Church is pretty clear on this.

Oh, OK

 

[edward_george1]

There’s a difference between taking a hormonal pill to treat a medical condition, with the side effect being a loss of fertility, and engaging in behavior which can only be contraceptive.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

She said that the condom is “to avoid any harm to myself if I were to become pregnant again”

Yeah, meaning that the primary intent in using a condom is to avoid contraception. That is literally contraceptive ends. What other reason you have doesn’t really matter, if you intend to avoid pregnancy then your only choices are abstinence or NFP.

 

[Lucy_1]

I was just referring to other medical conditions when I said narrow reasons. I should’ve been more specific.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

What about PCOS and other medical conditions?

That’s the sort of situation where there’s still room for discussion, and faithful people fall on both sides of the fence. On one hand, contraceptives do treat the symptoms and relieve the pain, so as long as you’re not intending contraception then it’s technically permissible. On the other hand, some moral theologians argue that since the hormonal contraceptives only treat the symptoms and not the underlying condition, they cannot be used licitly. The Church hasn’t made a specific judgment on the topic yet, so it’s still open to prudential judgment.

If you’re interested in the topic I believe The Magis Center has information on topics like this.

 

[ReaderT]

Yeah, meaning that the primary intent in using a condom is to avoid contraception. That is literally contraceptive ends.

One could equally say the primary intent is to avoid a life-endangering situation that will be caused by the conceptus - the same situation as when the baby lodges in the fellopian tubes, and the CC deems it’s licit then to remove the tube before the baby grows and ruptures it (and causes the death of the woman)

 

[Lucy_1]

OK, I hereby promise that I will not comment on threads where I have no expertise. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing

 

[ProdglArchitect]

One could equally say the primary intent is to avoid a life-endangering situation that will be caused by the conceptus - the same situation as when the baby lodges in the fellopian tubes, and the CC deems it’s licit then to remove the tube before the baby grows and ruptures it

Sorry, but no you can’t. The means you’re using to avoid pregnancy are to engage a contraceptive. There is no licit procedure being undertaken, you’re just physically stopping the sperm because you don’t want to get pregnant, no matter the underlying reason you want to avoid. Again, the church is explicitly clear on this issue. You cannot use a contraceptive to avoid pregnancy, period. There are no ifs-ands-or-buts attached to that teaching.

The only situations where there’s grey area is if you are achieving a licit medical end (such as correcting a hormonal imbalance), and an unintended side effect is temporary sterilization.

In the OP’s situation, the primary ends of using the contraceptive is contraception, no matter the underlying reason, so it cannot be undertaken licitly.

You can try to reword it as many times as you want, you’re not going to change the underlying reality of the situation. A condom cannot be used morally, period, because literally the only thing it can do is prevent conception.

The issue with the Fallopian tube implantation is a clear instance of double-effect. Conception and implantation have already occurred, and unfortunately the child and the mother will both die as a result of it, period. The only way to save either life is to remove the tube, but it has the unintended side-effect of killing the child. Again, unintended and undesired, key words. In the OP’s case, the entire intent would be to avoid pregnancy, so you just can’t do.

OK, I hereby promise that I will not comment on threads where I have no expertise. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing

No worries, it’s hard to learn without making mistakes. We’ve all been there.