I never said private vows weren’t a big deal or that they don’t have merit. I said they can’t be received by a priest and shouldn’t be pronounced aloud at Mass so as not to confuse people about the difference between vows received by the Church and those that are simply private.
The Benedictine Oblates are not a Secular Institute. A secular institute is an institute of consecrated life which has semi-public vows in that the vows are received by the Church and the person is truly consecrated even though they remain in the lay state. Oblates, on the other hand, are associates of the Benedictine Order and have ties to them but are not consecrated.
If you are looking for a spiritual director, I highly suggest the book Seeking Spiritual Direction by Fr. Thomas Dubay. It is the go-to guide for seeing what to look for in a spiritual director and what is expected in the relationship.
If you are a female virgin and physically disabled, you may want to consider becoming a consecrated (sacred) virgin. Sacred virgins have a marriage bond with Christ and do not need tip top health to become espoused to Him by their bishop. One of the sacred virgins I met in Rome appeared to be quadriplegic and was in a wheelchair with an attendant. Another in Italy suffers from Downs Syndrome, but has enough intellectual ability to assume the obligations of this vocation. Just to be clear, sacred virginity is not a private vocation. It’s public and in the consecrated state. It was the first vocation other than marriage for woman, Our Lady being the first to be made a sacred virgin by the overshadowing of the Holy Spirit.
Another possible official Church vocation besides sacred virginity is diocesan eremitic life. The hermit makes semi-public vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience and the bishop is his/her legitimate superior. Some hermits are physically disabled. Because they don’t live a communal life like religious, they also don’t need to be in tip top health because their illness will not make common life difficult for oneself or others.
The Church wants the formality to be reserved to things She recognizes. So for a priest to witness a vow unofficially, it should be done in an unofficial setting- in the rectory, in a private chapel, at the home of the person making the vow surrounded by some close friends. Why? Because the Church doesn’t formally recognize private vows. It’s kind of like a private army. A private army can wear uniforms that don’t match a country’s official uniform (just like any company can have uniforms) but they can’t expect to be saluted by real soldiers or be addressed by titles or ranks because they have no standing in any country. Does that make any sense? For the Church to make a private vow formal would be to make it a public vow which is against the whole concept of a private vow.
One reason it is essential to learn the theology of the vows is that people really underestimate the vows of baptism. Lay people have a very special place in the Church and unfortunately, improper teaching about vows makes people think they are second class citizens of the Church if they don’t make any. It is true that the vow of chastity does make one closer to Christ (the state of celibacy is greater than marriage) but one has to truly grasp WHY one would undertake the renunciation of marriage on a permanent basis before thinking of making such a commitment. People can and have become saints, gifted mystics without making any vows or receiving anything beyond baptism and confirmation.
