Does age play a part in dating?

  • Thread starter Thread starter trumpet152
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

trumpet152

Guest
Does age play a part in dating? Should a 30 year old man date a 20 year old? Or a 15 year old? Or perhaps the reverse. A 30 year old woman dating the younger man. Obviously, maturity comes into play. But asuming maturity levels are the same, where is the line? Or is there one?
 
I think it is generally more an issue of life experience and growing up than physical age. For example, an 18 year old is in a far different place in their life than a 30 year old. I think that in most circumstances that would be a bad idea.

However, a 30 year old dating a 40 year old would probably have a better chance of being successful.

I do not believe a 15 year old should be dating at all as I believe dating is for the purpose of finding a spouse. One should not date unless they are ready to be married (whether you are 15 or 50).

Does that help?

Malia
 
I’d like to second what Malia said. And to add this…

There are certain life experiences that only happen when people become responsible for their own future and in particular, their own financial needs.

I think it’s generally a mistake for anyone who is supporting himself/herself to seriously date someone who is being supported by his/her parents.

If both parties are fulling supporting themselves I think that is best.

If both parties are supported by the parents, (even if support means assisting with college,) the relationship will at least be on equal footing. I’ve known some very successful relationships which developed out of college, or even high school relationships. But I’ve known others where one or both parties really needed the experience of being on his/her own to finish growing up. Those relationships tended to fail.
 
I don’t doubt that and older person dating a very young person is a bad idea, but is it morally wrong?
 
What about a older woman/younger man? Like Demi Moore/Aston Kutcher? Any problems with that?
 
40.png
trumpet152:
I don’t doubt that and older person dating a very young person is a bad idea, but is it morally wrong?
Click to expand...
It could be, yes. A 15-year might think that he/she is ready for marriage, when the vast majority are not regardless of what they think. This situation would be extremely problematic.
 
I will repsond with the ultimate cop out - it depends. The thing is, that’s the truth. It totally depends on the people involved.

As far as being morally wrong, I think that would only occur if one of the people were taking advantage of the other.

Your example of a 30 yr old dating a 15 yr old is DEFINITELY wrong!
 
Maturity and the openess/ability to procreate matter more. So long as both parties understand the moral obligations of a marriage, and therefore the reason for their dating in the first place, then more power to them.

Joseph was quite older than Mary, if I recall, and they were engaged before the Annunciation.

Now if you have an older woman or man who manipulates a younger person into becoming dependent upon them and inferring that is the expression of love, then you have a serious problem. But again, if the younger person is mature they wouldn’t fall for the manipulations.
 
40.png
YinYangMom:
Joseph was quite older than Mary, if I recall, and they were engaged before the Annunciation.
Click to expand...
Actually I just found out that their marriage was arranged to protect Mary’s devotion to our Lord. The way I understand it, they didn’t have nuns/convents like we do now, so women who were like nuns needed to have someone who would take care of them but not be married in the traditional sense.

You can read about it here:

catholic.com/library/Mary_Ever_Virgin.asp

However, due to considerations of ceremonial cleanliness, it was eventually necessary for Mary, a consecrated “virgin of the Lord,” to have a guardian or protector who would respect her vow of virginity. Thus, according to the Protoevangelium, Joseph, an elderly widower who already had children, was chosen to be her spouse.

Malia
 
40.png
YinYangMom:
Maturity and the openess/ability to procreate matter more. So long as both parties understand the moral obligations of a marriage, and therefore the reason for their dating in the first place, then more power to them.

Joseph was quite older than Mary, if I recall, and they were engaged before the Annunciation.

Now if you have an older woman or man who manipulates a younger person into becoming dependent upon them and inferring that is the expression of love, then you have a serious problem. But again, if the younger person is mature they wouldn’t fall for the manipulations.
Click to expand...
I heard something interesting tonite…I am not sure how it was figured…but she was ONLY 14 when she had Jesus??
Code: 
    Can anyone clear this up??

                    ~ Kathy ~
 
I am 11 years younger then my husband. We have been married for 30 years now. I was 19 he was almost 30. Of course now a then a little “generation gap” was there. But at now 49 and he’s 60, there is little difference. The only “shocker” for me was an AARP card when I was only 39:rolleyes:. They give a spouse a card too, no matter how young, I guess.
 
Please feel free to start a new thread in Apologetics so this thread will stay on topic.
 
40.png
kaymart:
I am 11 years younger then my husband. We have been married for 30 years now. I was 19 he was almost 30. Of course now a then a little “generation gap” was there. But at now 49 and he’s 60, there is little difference. The only “shocker” for me was an AARP card when I was only 39:rolleyes:. They give a spouse a card too, no matter how young, I guess.
Click to expand...
No way! I’ll be getting my AARP card at 39, then too. My husband is also 11 years older than me. It’s worked out well for us so far. We were both at the same point in our lives, wanting the same things. I just feel very blessed that he waited for me (he was 36 when we got married)!! Of course, if I want to drive him nuts, I’ll point out that “did you ever think when you were graduating from high school that your future wife was out there, and in the second grade?” 🙂
 
I do drive him nuts.😃 I remind him he made his Confirmation the year I was born. 😉
 
40.png
trumpet152:
I don’t doubt that and older person dating a very young person is a bad idea, but is it morally wrong?
Click to expand...
I don’t think you can say absolutely but there are some things to consider.

There is a certain cultural aspect to this. The amount of life experience, education, and maturity needed to survive as an adult tends to vary by culture. Culture helps shape the roles the individual will play in an eventual marriage. There are three possible cultures which are significant. The culture of the man’s family, the culture of the woman’s family, and the dominant culture where both reside.

I think that is a bad idea for an older person to date a younger person if the younger person has not reached the the cultural age of adulthood in all three cultures as mentioned above. Such dating is likely to interfere with the younger person’s growth. To me, that is taking advantage of the younger person.

The example was given of Mary and Joseph. In the culture of the time it was normal for a girl of Mary’s age to marry. There are parts of the world where this is still the case. In 21st century America, it is NOT normal for 15 year olds of either sex to marry. Even if mature, American 15 year olds are cultural children.

While it might not be wise, I don’t think it’s wrong for a person to date an adult who is much younger. But to date a child is to rob the younger person of childhood. Stealing is definitely wrong.
 
Maturity levels rather then age play a major role in this. As long as the younger person is a legal age for the culture that they live in (here in the US it’s 18) and that the older persons intentions are pure and respects the youth and inexpericence of the younger person there is nothing immoral about this. Also the younger is looking for a spouse, a lifetime equal partner, not a replacement for a parent to take over were Mom/Dad left off. Or looking for a replacement for the parent lost or never had. This is what usually leads to divorce in these cases, because the younger remains a child and the older becomes a parent and resentment sets in on both sides after a while.
 
I think this is a case by case situation. Difference in age can bring issues for some people, but so can differences in upbringings, cultures, habits, ideas, etc etc
 
Ok, So how about this.
I am 21 and my girlfriend is 29. I get mixed reactions. She is fun and very Catholic. I atleast desire and work towards being mature. Everything aligns for us except age.

With that being said, I am still in college and won’t be out until… well, she’ll be 31. Help me out people. I love this girl very much and it is hard to find serious Catholics that fully agree and live in the mindset of the Church. If age is too much of a barrier, I don’t want to waste her time because she desires a large family. Every second counts to both of us because I too want a large family.

Give your opinions and rationale. Thanks!

🙂
 
40.png
blaster:
…If age is too much of a barrier, I don’t want to waste her time because she desires a large family. Every second counts to both of us because I too want a large family.

Give your opinions and rationale. Thanks!

🙂
Click to expand...
Whether age is a barrier is very relationship dependant (assuming everyone is above the age of consent)

I’ve seen happy marriages where the couples were as much as 30-years apart. I’ve also seen pathetic pairings, typically with a younger person desperate to prove maturity and an older person who is running from death.
As pointed out before it depends.

I’m about to marry a woman 13 years older than myself we are very compatible and due to our age children aren’t a concern like they are with you. (The first time she whipped out that AARP card was a shocker….but hey 15% off is 15% off) 😉

In your particular case I’m sure you’re aware of the biological wall you’re headed towards regarding children. I’m not sure what you mean by a large family but 12 might be a bit problematic. On the other hand, 31 isn’t that particularly old (downright youthful almost) and you’ll still have time for at least some children.

And, as my fiancée and I have discussed, if you still want more there is always the option of adoption.
 
I reckon - since she is the older, she is the one who might have to be a little patient with you sometimes. And of course at age 29 she is ready to be a mother, so the question is whether or not you will be ready to be a father in a few years. So really it’s not you who has to decide whether age is a problem, it’s her. If she is happy to take on any extra challenges that being with a younger person might bring on, then I don’t see the problem. 8 years is not that great a difference anyway (my maternal GM and GF were 19 years apart, although it was my GF who was older). Sounds like you 2 should be fine.
And btw, I’m pretty sure that there’s nothing in the Catechism saying that it’s morally wrong to date a woman 8 years older than you.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top