Does any other married woman have this problem?

[renee1258]

Cynic,

That is why I don’t like couples ordering each other around in bed. Think about all those sex articles in women’s magazines. It isn’t just a Catholic problem. You seem to agree that passionate sex is more unplanned. We wouldn’t disagree on that.

The probelm doesn’t lay in what the Church teaches or doesn’t, but how hectic our lives are in the secular world. We are always running out fuel at the end of the day, and we zone each other too exhausted to make room to create desire.

 

[rayne89]

renee1258:

I not big on trying new things in bed, i.e new positions and unneeded foreplay. I just don’t like the idea of wives barking out orders to their husbands.

Some husbands like that.

I realize this is a painful issue, I’m not trying to make light of your situation (just someone’s comment.)

This is a very personal issue and public forum is a difficult place to really address this. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[StephanieC]

It also doesn’t help that catholic teaching says that female sexuality doesn’t (or shouldn’t) exist. Consequently many women told this stuff never work out what pleases them and what they are comfortable with etc. Worse still is the unrealistic idea that sex should be completely free of desire. An almost ceremonial, impersonal, pure thing, done soley to glorify god and make children. Who on earth is thinking about our creator or having children while in the bedroom?..

Cynic,
I’m going back to this comment.
Where exactly does Catholic teaching say this?
I don’t want to hijack Restless Flame’s thread, though; maybe a new thread should be started to continue the discussion…

 

[Ghosty]

I can imagine what the book says, sex is a pure, cerebral, non desiring thing - god glorifies our bodies for procreation etc. None of that solves the problem of non existent attraction, or even acknowledges that attraction has anything to do with it.

Actually it says, among other things, that mutual sexual desire and pleasure is absolutely necessary for proper marital relations, and that mutual sexual desire and pleasure are part of the spiritual quest towards understanding God and specifically the Trinity. The Catechism teaches that marital relations without mutual desire are indicate a disordered or unhealthy marriage.

You should really do some reading on Catholic teachings before making arguments from assumptions. We are taught, and encouraged, to really, really enjoy our marriages. It’s a principle of our theology and Church teachings.

 

[rayne89]

cynic:

It also doesn’t help that catholic teaching says that female sexuality doesn’t (or shouldn’t) exist.

Wow you really are a cynic. No such teaching exists. Some people have a more rigid idea of the role of sexuality in married life, but that’s just opinion or personal preference. If you read the church encyclicals about sex within marriage you’d know these notions you have about what the church teaches are false. I can see see why a few posts may give you the impression otherwise.

If I can find the official teaching online I’ll post it for you.

side note: Ya need to capitalize the G in God, it’s kind of a matter of respect.

 

[cynic]

Ok well I was wrong then, my mistaken impression.

But I do have a problem with

Ghosty:

that mutual sexual desire and pleasure are part of the spiritual quest towards understanding God and specifically the Trinity. .

this.

Where does the need to relate everything we do back to worship come from? Isn’t loving the other a good enough reason for married people to have this? Does every thought have to be put in direct reference to our creator? If so I think such ideas have no relation to reality. I’d put it to anyone out there that NO couple (whether sinfully or virtuously) in the history of the earth has ever gone to bed with God - not the other person - foremost in the mind, even in Genesis, where sex is viewed as no more than a means to have children.

 

[cynic]

rayne89:

. I can see see why a few posts may give you the impression otherwise.

.

that’s probably it, I’ll put sock in it now.

 

[Ghosty]

Cynic: God represents perfect love and perfect unity, therefore the love and unity experienced by a married couple making love points to the reality of God. It’s not about thinking about God while making love with your spouse, but rather realizing that the feelings you experience with your spouse have a real spiritual value, and reflect perfect union with and within God.

I think you’re focusing too much on the idea of God as this stern old man watching people have sex, and not God as can be experienced through human sensation. Catholics believe that joy here on Earth is not in any way seperate from God, but rather reflects imperfect unity with Him. We have a much larger and deeper view of God than merely as some old guy who tells us what to do and how; God is infinite joy and love.

 

[coralewisjr]

When DH embraces me, I don’t usually climax (don’t know that I ever have) but it’s definitely an occasion to stop taking DH for granted and thank God. I try to pray mentally (sometimes verbally) at least once while we are maritally embracing. It’s really a beautiful act. Now that I’m pregnant I’m usually not very open to sex and DH can’t understand that unless I’m having weird pregnancy pains, but it’s still a beautiful thing. I’m a young wife (20) but sometimes I understand what you older women are going through in terms of not wanting sex. I suggest approaching the marital embrace with a spirit of prayer. Maybe it would help to contemplate how the Father and the Son’s love creates the Holy Spirit; that’s what I learned in at a Catholic college in religion class. It certainly applies to DH and I now that we created new preborn life: our love made a new person.

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne

 

[deb1]

cynic:

It also doesn’t help that catholic teaching says that female sexuality doesn’t (or shouldn’t) exist. Consequently many women told this stuff never work out what pleases them and what they are comfortable with etc. Worse still is the unrealistic idea that sex should be completely free of desire. An almost ceremonial, impersonal, pure thing, done soley to glorify god and make children. Who on earth is thinking about our creator or having children while in the bedroom?..

Your profile says that you are Protestant. I think that you are very confused and posting on a subject that you have no direct knowledge of. It might have been better if you had prefaced your statement with “I have heard” or “is this true”. then everyone would have realized that you are not certain about your info. Coming to a Catholic forum and telling Catholics what they believe could be construed as rude.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

cynic:

Does every thought have to be put in direct reference to our creator? If so I think such ideas have no relation to reality. I’d put it to anyone out there that NO couple (whether sinfully or virtuously) in the history of the earth has ever gone to bed with God - not the other person - foremost in the mind, even in Genesis, where sex is viewed as no more than a means to have children.

To the contrary. There are people, lay people, for whom God is then lens through which they see everything. This is what St. Paul meant by “pray always.” So naturally, these people experience God intimately and profoundly when they experience something so intimate and profound as sex. Such people don’t “relate back”… God is right here, right now, in every moment. I have times like this, although I don’t live there as I would like–don’t you? You can imagine this, at any rate. We’re not talking about something that is forced or rote, but a matter of how life is lived. Surely, such a life is the ideal of a Christian.

 

[puzzleannie]

cynic:

It also doesn’t help that catholic teaching says that female sexuality doesn’t (or shouldn’t) exist. QUOTE]
no, it does not. you have been misinformed.
read John Paul’s theology of the body which among other things reminds husbands that the wife’s pleasure and orgasm is paramount, before his own pleasure and satisfaction.