Does anyone else hate the Christmas season?

  • Thread starter Thread starter cmscms
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I watched this old Mother Angelica video a few days ago and it helped me a lot, because as I stated before I’m not feeling great either. It is about the spirit of Christmas. If you have 45 minutes to spare and feel bad because you think that Christmas is about romantic feelings, being all cosy and happy and having a real fun time with your family, … watch it. Mother talkes about another side of Christmas and what we can offer Baby Jesus when we are sad, poor, lonely, or just not in a festive spirit for wahever reson. I think this is one of her best episodes I’ve ever seen.

youtube.com/watch?v=TTbQF6oKMmY
 
See if you can find a local monastery at which to observe all the liturgies of the Octave of Christmas. I think you’ll feel very refreshed from a place where the exteriors match the interior you’re hoping for. The need to flee from the excesses of “the world” is an old one, after all, and it is why monasteries were founded in the first place.

As for everyone else, leave them to their exteriors and the interior meaning they have for them. No need to judge them. It will only keep you from feeling serene yourself. Those who have “hijacked” the holiday, after all, are expressing a thirst. You can’t blame someone for what they do when they have a thirst that they don’t realize how to quench. Figure that they’re trying their best, and if they are trying to be charitable towards others, well, in Heaven’s eyes that is a point in their favor. Not easy to do, but don’t be hard on yourself, either!

As for everyone else trying to talk you out of a healthy response to an toxic family, remind them that forgiveness is something one side can accomplish, because it means that you bear no ill will against those who have offended against you, which you don’t, so you’re good there. Reconciliation, unfortunately, takes two sides, which is why we have a Sacrament of Reconciliation. As it is, you are a near occasion of sin for your family, so you are leaving them alone. These others may not understand it, but they need to refrain from talking you out of it. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It is an educational campaign worth doing, even as much as it costs you to do it. Someday, you may save someone who has been beating their head against an impossible situation from continuing to try to change what is not theirs to change. You may be the person who causes them to ask, “Do you mean I can both love my family and deny them access to abuse me?” Major revelation, right? Freeing that one person will help the hassles from everyone else be more worth having to endure.

As for your relatives who tempt others to rash judgment, it is verse 3 of the same song. Hang in there. Love covers a multitude of sins. Continue to put in the loving distance you’ve put in, and your will have done the kind of sacrifice that pleases God and covers sins.
 
I find people become a bit more generous and easy-going for a couple of weeks, so I’d have to say I find Christmas pleasant from that aspect.

But I do get cynical about the commercialisation, and I’m not a fan of endless carols, with every Mayor, major retail chain, and Tom, Dick and Harry of Showbiz getting in on the act.

I can understand people from dysfunctional families not enjoying it. When my father was still alive, Christmases were nothing to write home about, half of them ending in some stupid, petty argument. Once he died though, it was a happier occasion, cold blooded though that sounds. We could even enjoy ourselves.

The problem is not Christmas - it’s the dysfunctional family, which serves as a backdrop against what seems to be everybody else’s enjoyment. The tension is there all year round, but the contrast isn’t as noticeable the rest of the year.
 
I don’t like the Christmas hoopla either. I like going to church for midnight Mass (yes, my parish actually has it at midnight). I could do without the shopping, crowded stores, crowded parking lots, trying to buy for relatives out of state that I only see once a year at most and not at this time of the year. Since I am alone, I don’t feel the need to be someone’s pet project for Christmas - sometimes when I have gone someplace I wish I would have stayed home. Really, it doesn’t bother me to be alone on Christmas. I do go to people’s houses some years but I’ve come to be more selective about that after witnessing serious family drama at other families’ houses.
 
I hate the political correctness being forced upon Christmas there in the West.
 
Our Pastor said something at Mass that will always stick with me. Our goal is to bring Jesus to everyone during Christmas season. We need to bring Him to work, school, to dysfunctional families, to atheists, and to all the people at the stores and mall. No words are necessary. Just allow Jesus to shine through. He is the Gift of the season and we must bring Him everywhere. If we revel in being unhappy and hating Christmas, then we simply can not bring Jesus to anyone. I say this as one from a dysfunctional family. I know it is difficult to keep our perspective when dealing with miserable, materialistic peeps, but we have to try.
 
Honestly, I am very surprised by some of the sentiments on this thread. 😊

If one truly understands what Christmas is about, all the other things don’t matter. Put aside all of the people, traditions, decorations, shopping, baking, and everything else that bugs you about Christmas and get back to what it is: the birth of Our Lord, Jesus Christ.

That is it. I think that we make ourselves crazy sometimes with our own expectations for ourselves and others, when really, it isn’t about them or us. I understand missing people you love when all that is left are the memories of them. But don’t let other people make you feel bad about the birth of Christ by their commercialism. Don’t be a part of it. Stay away from people that are truly dysfunctional if you must, or put up with them and offer it up. You can choose to maintain some sense of what the day is about or you can give in to the pressure and do as the masses do. The choice is up to us. Put out your own little Nativity and sit by it. Pray for others and for yourself.

May Jesus come into your hearts this Christmas and bring you His peace.

O, come let us adore Him.
 
Thanks everyone for sharing on this thread. This has given a bit more strength to face a family gathering tonight. We will be going to a gathering where we encounter 2 relatives with an MO of general nastiness. Last year I simply walked away from one when she started a rant, and left her to direct her criticisms to whoever else was in vicinity. The other none of us have been too sure how to handle (sharp-tongued, sarcastic, etc.). When confronted, she usually turns it into “I was only joking and you’re so sensitive, etc.” Since the weak smile and walking away worked last year with the other, I may try it again tonight with this one.

To the OP, I can completely understand the desire to stay at home. Part of me would like to, but there are other people at the gathering who we do want to see, and I don’t want to prevent my family from having the opportunity to enjoy each other’s company just because of the two spoilsports.

Mary, Queen of Peace, pray for us.
 
I can honestly understand why people do not enjoy the traditional observation of Christmas, which does include the commercialism, presents, etc., so I m not being judgmental. I also come fom a very dysfunctional family with adultery, mental illness, alcoholism, etc.

But I enjoy Christmas thoroughly. Much more than when I was a child in that family. I have enjoyed making Christmas for my husband and children for 30 years. I am losing the ability to do all the preparations I used to, I have a progressive nerve disorder, but I am at peace with what I can do. My mother, who seriously impacted 48 of my Christmases died a few years ago, but we had stopped including her the year before. I was never really at peace before she passed on, but guilt ridden and distracted. I rarely got to watch my own 5 children open their presents as she kept up a constant monologue and I thought it was my obligation to make her happy, an impossible task.

I just wanted to caution you against hardening your heart entirely about the Christmas season. If your circumstances change and you have the opportunity to celebrate it with your own spouse and children some day it can be a wonderful thing. Your feelings are perfectly valid, just do not allow bitterness to creep in and harden.
 
Last year was a good Christmas for me. This year, life went downhill and my relationship with my family is very tense during this season. I’ve also put up with the abuse and its awful to be offended by your family on Christmas Day. I’m going to cherish prayer on that day, and I’ll ask for Jesus who I know is the only true source of comfort and hope. Also I’ll pray for those in need out there, who are experiencing a sad Christmas.

You are in my prayers.
 
Julia_Mae said:
The day I turned 18 I swore I’d never spend another Christmas near my family. Never have, either.

BUT - turning it into a time of loneliness and anger and all that, not thinking this is a good way to go. SO! Take all the $ you saved not travelling or buying presents for them, and next year - adopt a family or child from a giving tree. My church has one, some stores have them, call social services if you can’t find another way. Then you can have a lovely time providing for people who wouldn’t have a Christmas any other way.

On Christmas Day, go find a homeless shelter or soup kitchen and pitch in. Make some cookies and take them along - not store-bought, your own. This pain can become God’s love - you just have to let it.

Merry Christmas!
Click to expand...
I love your suggestions which emphasize helping those in need. Visiting a homeless shelter will make such a charitable and fulfilling Christmas 🙂
 
divinefaith said:
Last year was a good Christmas for me. This year, life went downhill and my relationship with my family is very tense during this season. I’ve also put up with the abuse and its awful to be offended by your family on Christmas Day. I’m going to cherish prayer on that day, and I’ll ask for Jesus who I know is the only true source of comfort and hope. Also I’ll pray for those in need out there, who are experiencing a sad Christmas.

You are in my prayers.
Click to expand...
If you’ve never read it, this is a really good and inspiring book to learn about setting healthy boundaries.

Boundaries

You really don’t have to put up with abuse.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
I was just wondering if it would be wrong to just stop celebrating Christmas…I mean, Jesus’ birth wasn’t even celebrated by the early Christians, but his death was commemorated. Over the centuries Christmas has come to be at least equal to, and in many cases, more important than Easter. Does that sound too much like the JWs??

Honestly, I’d still go to church during Advent and all, but do we have to do all of the rest of it? Even church on Christmas? You can tell I don’t have small children!
Click to expand...
Look at the attention the first Christmas got when it happened though. Shepherds, wise men? How often does the sky open up to reveal a multitude of angels? I think we have to celebrate it, and we SHOULD celebrate it with great joy. However, we don’t have to do all of the material things that go along with it. Sure, many of them have religious meaning, and CAN enhance the spiritual experience of Christmas. But they are not required.

Keep in mind that the true preparation of Advent is preparing us for the second coming of Jesus. This is something that we should embrace. We all need to better prepare ourselves for that. And if you look at the biblical verses associated with advent, they are so applicable to this day. We are truly living in a dark world. But a light is shining in the night, and the darkness will not overcome it. Whether we light an advent wreath or a simple candle, we can certainly cultivate the hope that the prophets told us about, and that Jesus’ birth provided, during Advent and Christmas.

I think that if I were in the position of the OP, I would try to retreat into myself during this time - really, make it like a retreat. I would probably try to spend less time with other people, and try to use the Advent season for spiritual growth. Lots of folks (I wish I were one) choose a particular thing for spiritual reading throughout advent, and others fast. You don’t have to fast from food. You can fast from tv (which is probably a big perpetrator of the invasion of the material side of Christmas on your life). If you can grit your teeth and smile at the folks to are excited to wish you a Merry Christmas, then just make it home, or to a church, or to adoration, with your spiritual reading, and your bible, and your prayers. Take the time that others are spending on shopping, baking, and decorating, and spend it in adoration. Imagine what the season might become for you if you are able to find yourself focused on Jesus because you are really spending that time with him. Not only will you get more out of it, but you might also find your heart softened to all of the materially excited people.
 
I don’t “hate” the Christmas season, but the crazy consumerism leading up to Christmas does drive me a bit nuts. I sometimes wish that Advent was twice as long so I could spend more time just meditating on the Messiah and not feel so crazy trying to get everything ready for Christmas. It does bother me that so many people celebrate what they call Christmas but what is really just a gift giving fest. But who am I to judge?
 
I only hate it now because I associate it with family. If it weren’t for that I think I’d actually enjoy it.
 
I stopped celebrating birthdays and holidays when I was 13. I love the idea but it seems like in real life families don’t really have time for each other. I wish that I was born into a family that was not so fractured. Many of my Facebook friends seem happy. I feel more like going to mass and spending time with my eternal family. Movies are horrible because real life is not so wonderful.
 
I stopped celebrating birthdays and holidays when I was 13. I love the idea but it seems like in real life families don’t really have time for each other. I wish that I was born into a family that was not so fractured. Many of my Facebook friends seem happy. I feel more like going to mass and spending time with my eternal family. Movies are horrible because real life is not so wonderful.
 
cmscms said:
OK, I know I am not alone in thinking Christmas is way too material and I know it is a difficult time for a lot of people but… it just seems it is so wrong to actually come out and say 'I HATE the Christmas season.

I can’t stand all the songs on the radio, the atmosphere in the shopping malls nor all the talk. A few people that I will not see until the new year have started saying to me ‘Have a good Christmas’ and to be honest the most I can say is a ‘thank you’ out of politeness hoping my disgust does not show through. Most of the time I don’t even have it in me to wish them a merry Christmas.

I will not be visiting family because there are some people I refuse to be in the same room with. So I spend Christmass with friends. And to be honest, I have accepted an invitation from one family out of being too chicken to say no. I would much rather just stay by myself.

It hurts everytime I hear ‘it is a time to be with family’. I know in my heart some members of my family are just to abusive to me and it is best I stay away. I am not traveling 400 miles just to hear them yell at me and insult me. But it seems like such a hidden shame to carry. Everyone who knows why I don’t go home just throws guilt trips at me saying things like I should forgive the people who have hurt me. No one has any sympathy for the fact that the family members that have hurt me see nothing wrong with their behaviour and continually keep up their abuse.

And the worst thing is, behind my back, the same ring leader of all the abuse says nice things about me to make me look like the bad one. This person is SO two faced. Why is it such taboo!

I have come to a fairly good level of acceptance that this is the hand I was dealt. I just feel so alone in the sense that when I do the right thing and accept I did not come from a good family, instead of being praised for my honesty and ability to break the family denial, people see me as the bad guy. Why so much insistance at ‘not being alone during the holidays’ when I live alone the rest of the year?

That is my rant for now

CM
Click to expand...
Buddy, whats important is to know whats the truth and since the ring leader is two faced, acknowledge that, forgive yourself and tell the people exactly why you’re not visiting them. Don’t say it as if you want to make him look bad, say it becuase you have a reason to say it. Tolerance and forgiveness are two diffirent things; if they don’t work on common sense there is no point why they should be practiced.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top