Does anyone else just get a kick out of some parts of the Bible?

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OMG… That is so funny… It looks like Gary Larson gone religiously incorrect… 🤣
The prophet turned and saw them, and he cursed them in the name of the LORD (Ed Note: For calling him bald).
I wonder if Elisha’s response isn’t just the ancient equivalent of saying, “Why aren’t you kids out playing in traffic?”
 
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Also Holofernes was a prideful man and a powerful general. He knew he was about to overwhelm and enslave yet another helpless city. It was perfectly natural (he thought) that a beautiful woman would rather belong to him than stay in the city to be raped when it fell and then enslaved.
I also think at the time women were considered harmless. Is there any woman before Judith who killed anyone in the Bible?
 
Anybody else have favorite Bible moments like this?
I have two. Prov 11:22 “As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman who is without discretion”. The image of the swine’s snout decked out in jewelry cracks me up and both my wife and I have used this in many jesting ways over the years.

The other is Judges 3:21-22. The delicacy of the King James language always amuses me; “And Ehud put forth his left hand and took the dagger from his right thigh and thrust it into his (the king’s) belly; And the haft also went in after the blade; and the fat closed upon the blade so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly; and the dirt came out.”
 
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Is there any woman before Judith who killed anyone in the Bible?
Yes, Jael killed the general Sisera (Judges 4). In much the same way too - she pretended to be nice to him and hide him in her tent, then when he fell asleep she drove a tent peg into his head.
 
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Is there any woman before Judith who killed anyone in the Bible?
Jael, wife of Heber, got a tent peg and took a mallet in her hand. When Sisera was in a deep sleep from exhaustion, she approached him stealthily and drove the peg through his temple and down into the ground, and he died.
Judges 4:21
 
What cracks me up is when the disciples are standing looking up into the sky after Jesus has ascended, and the angels show up and ask, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand here looking up into the sky? Don’t you know that Jesus will come again as he left?”
 
3 (1) Kings 18: 7 et seq.:

And as Abdias was in the way, Elias met him: and he knew him, and fell on his face, and said: Art thou my lord Elias? [8] And he answered: I am. Go, and tell thy master: Elias is here. [9] And he said: What have I sinned, that thou wouldst deliver me thy servant into the hand of Achab, that he should kill me? [10] As the Lord thy God liveth, there is no nation or kingdom, whither my lord hath not sent to seek thee: and when all answered: He is not here: he took an oath of every kingdom and nation, because thou wast not found.

[11] And now thou sayest to me: Go, and tell thy master: Elias is here. [12] And when I am gone from thee, the spirit of the Lord will carry thee into a place that I know not: and I shall go in and tell Achab, and he not finding thee, will kill me: but thy servant feareth the Lord from his infancy. [13] Hath it not been told thee, my lord, what I did when Jezabel killed the prophets of the Lord, how I hid a hundred men of the prophets of the Lord, by fifty and fifty in caves, and fed them with bread and water?[14] And now thou sayest: Go, and tell thy master: Elias is here: that he may kill me. [15]And Elias said: As the Lord of hosts liveth, before whose face I stand, this day I will shew myself unto him.

Cont’d
 
When Jesus is with Mary and Martha, and Martha complains that she has all the cooking and housework, while Mary sits at the feet of Jesus. And Jesus says to her, “Martha, Martha, you are careful and troubled over many things.” What he doesn’t say is, Martha, Martha, stop cooking!

He goes on, “But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” And then (as I imagine it), “By the way, when is that chili going to be ready?”
 
Cont’d from previous post

This is my favorite part of 3 (1) Kings:

[22] And Elias said again to the people: I only remain a prophet of the Lord: but the prophets of Baal are four hundred and fifty men. [23] Let two bullocks be given us, and let them choose one bullock for themselves, and cut it in pieces and lay it upon wood, but put no fire under: and I will dress the other bullock, and lay it on wood, and put no fire under it. [24] Call ye on the names of your gods, and I will call on the name of my Lord: and the God that shall answer by fire, let him be God. And all the people answering said: A very good proposal. [27] And when it was now noon, Elias jested at them, saying: Cry with a louder voice: for he is a God, and perhaps he is talking, or is in an inn, or on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep, and must be awaked… [30] Elias said to all the people: Come ye unto me. And the people coming near unto him, he repaired the altar of the Lord, that was broken down:

**[31] And he took twelve stones according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Jacob, to whom the word of the Lord came, saying: Israel shall be thy name. [32] And he built with the stones an altar to the name of the Lord: and he made a trench for water, of the breadth of two furrows round about the altar. [33] And he laid the wood in order, and cut the bullock in pieces, and laid it upon the wood. [34] And he said: Fill four buckets with water, and pour it upon the burnt offering, and upon the wood. And again he said: Do the same the second time. And when they had done it the second time, he said: Do the same also the third time. And they did so the third time. [35] And the water run round about the altar, and the trench was filled with water.

[36] And when it was now time to offer the holocaust, Elias the prophet came near and said: O Lord God of Abraham, and Isaac, and Israel, shew this day that thou art the God of Israel, and I thy servant, and that according to thy commandment I have done all these things. [37] Hear me, O Lord, hear me: that this people may learn, that thou art the Lord God, and that thou hast turned their heart again.[38] Then the fire of the Lord fell, and consumed the holocaust, and the wood, and the stones, and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench.**
 
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Oh, I have the equipment 🙂

I’m wondering if I can re-pururpose my five pound cheese press to crush them (although this year there will be few enough to do by hand. (then again, I ground 30 pounds of early by hand. once. Never again!)

My grandmother used to go to her vineyard two weeks after the commercial folks picked (and sent her a check), and collect the late harvest.

She canned the juice. Canned Zinfandel grape juice will etch the insides of a mason jar! (and it’s oh so wonderful . . .).

I have about a half dozen of each type at the moment, and will eventually get to a dozen or so of each. I also have netting over them (and next year I’ll probably put it over the hothouse. I thought roadrunners were cool until one sole my last blueberry a few years ago. And yesterday, I saw one steal a cherry tomato! 😡 The trick will be finding netting small enough to keep out roadrunners and air rats, but with big enough holes to let the hummingbirds and bees in . . .
What he doesn’t say is, Martha, Martha, stop cooking!
A few years ago, on the day of that reading no less, I was able to rib a parishioner named Martha about complaining to her sister Mary about not helping enough as they hosted the social 🤣:crazy_face:😱

(all three of us had a good laugh over that one . . .)
 
Oh, I have the equipment 🙂

I’m wondering if I can re-pururpose my five pound cheese press to crush them (although this year there will be few enough to do by hand. (then again, I ground 30 pounds of early by hand. once. Never again!)

My grandmother used to go to her vineyard two weeks after the commercial folks picked (and sent her a check), and collect the late harvest.

She canned the juice. Canned Zinfandel grape juice will etch the insides of a mason jar! (and it’s oh so wonderful . . .).

I have about a half dozen of each type at the moment, and will eventually get to a dozen or so of each. I also have netting over them (and next year I’ll probably put it over the hothouse. I thought roadrunners were cool until one sole my last blueberry a few years ago. And yesterday, I saw one steal a cherry tomato! 😡 The trick will be finding netting small enough to keep out roadrunners and air rats, but with big enough holes to let the hummingbirds and bees in . . .
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Shasta-Rose:
What he doesn’t say is, Martha, Martha, stop cooking!
A few years ago, on the day of that reading no less, I was able to rib a parishioner named Martha about complaining to her sister Mary about not helping enough as they hosted the social 🤣:crazy_face:😱

(all three of us had a good laugh over that one . . .)
My father’s parents (both deceased now RIP) were named Joseph and Mary - you can imagine the ribbing Dad got growing up!
 
We like to quote scripture when we have chili …
“Hey, give me some of that red stuff, I’m starving!”

New American Standard Bible
and Esau said to Jacob, “Please let me have a swallow of that red stuff there, for I am famished.” Therefore his name was called Edom.
 
1Samuel 5:9:
And it was so that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the Lord was against the city with a very great destruction; and He smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had hemorrhoids in their secret parts.

Don’t carry off the Ark! It’s heavy and causes problems! 😂
 
Every time the Apostles don’t get a teaching and Jesus has to explain it again without parables. This happens many times in John’s Gospel and with my translation is very funny 🤣
 
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