Does anyone else squirm when reading answers?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Rascalking
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

Rascalking

Guest
Does anyone else feel awkward or uncomfortable while speaking to others about Catholic living?

When talking about a divorced person’s inability to re-marry without an annulment, it really makes me feel awful towards the person. Human beings are not perfect, and while we grow, we stumble, fall, and sometimes make serious mistakes.

When talking about NFP vrs Contraception, I cringe when I read someone talking about the horrors of artificial birth control and how NFP is so much better.

Some people who are having doubts in their faith might be further pushed away by us-not that I think we should fold our values, but let’s try to focus on the compassion, forgiveness and understanding.

Anyone thoughts??
 
Rascalking said:
Does anyone else feel awkward or uncomfortable while speaking to others about Catholic living?

When talking about a divorced person’s inability to re-marry without an annulment, it really makes me feel awful towards the person. Human beings are not perfect, and while we grow, we stumble, fall, and sometimes make serious mistakes.

When talking about NFP vrs Contraception, I cringe when I read someone talking about the horrors of artificial birth control and how NFP is so much better.

Some people who are having doubts in their faith might be further pushed away by us-not that I think we should fold our values, but let’s try to focus on the compassion, forgiveness and understanding.

Anyone thoughts??
Click to expand...
I cringe at some of the comments on this site too, not necessarily due to their orthodox content(which would be good) but at the way they are stated.
You can be an orthodox Catholic and a compassionate one. It comes down to the attitude of the commenter.And some of us are just more gifted at stating things than others.
True charity speaks the truth & doesn’t water down the Faith,but you need to do it with love & no other hidden agendas.
 
I really think that we need to be very careful about how we write to each other in a forum like this.

Forums and emails don’t convey body language or voice tone to be able to discern the compassion that we have for another. So I can see why you might read this forum and “cringe”

It’s also easy to just casually fire-off emails and posts without thinking about the emotional content of the message; we need to be aware of this before hitting the send/post button.
 
Often we in these forum we are dealing with absolutes (e.g. right vs. wrong) and it is quite easy to forget tact, compassion and proper manners when communicating the Truth. Often people forget that Love, Charity and Truth go together. Just because I say something right, that does not make me a righteous person, but I guess a lot of people would disagree with my statement.
 
we must show love and charity in our responses to others.
we must also show others the Truth.
the Truth can be uncomfortable to many, but it still needs to be said.
 
I agree with Chewchoo.
Truth with Loving Kindness.
“Know the truth and the truth will set you free”.
 
I’ve actually thought that generally this forum does pretty well at watching tone, for an Internet forum. There are some exceptions, but most people seem to think about tone as well as content (but the exceptions do seem to come out in the NFP discussions, I’ll agree, and I do occasionally squirm).

However, I might also be more familiar with text communication since I work in IT. So I might be more used to its limitations than others, and not as sensative anymore. Not sure.

I know that one explanation I’ve heard given for using harsher messages is that “some people really need to be slapped with the truth before they wake up.” Although I agree that this is sometimes true, I think such messages are better delivered in person - not on the Internet, unless you’ve really built up a relationship and a raport with the person. And even then, only via PM. Getting slapped with the truth constantly leaves people feeling battered and defensive, and defensive people are not open to influence IME.
 
I squirm when I read LongingForLight’s posts.😃

I’m kidding. I understand what you mean. I do like to kid alot, but it’s hard when you can’t “hear” me typing.
 
I do sometimes squirm, too. It’s mostly because how some people’s posts are delivered. Because we can’t see the person making the statement and hear the inflections in the voice, some of our statements can come off as really unloving and judgemental towards individual people - even if that wasn’t the intent. I’m sure I have a few posts that may have come off that way, as well, especially if I was having a bad day.

I actually don’t care if people are really passionate and intense about opinions on subjects and things. I enjoy healthy debates and I like it when people get really passionate. But when it seemingly attacks the person, either in ad hominum attacks regarding debates, or being incredibly harsh regarding a person’s way of life, that’s when I cringe.

I believe that because the main tool of communication is only the written word, it’s even more important to try to be as gentle in communicating - especially when we don’t really know the other person’s psyche. Some people, in order to change, need lots of coddling, nurturing and gentleness. Some people need a nice kick in the butt, but you usually don’t really know the other person on the screen to get a good feel on how to give advice or answers to questions. There are some where they’ve composed enough posts to get a decent view on how they handle things (some are tough cookies and can take it in as much as they dish it out), but most you really can’t tell. So, I try to be as understanding as I can. Being harsh on someone who doesn’t take well to it could push a person totally away from the faith.
 
I squirm when I read the “Is it a sin to…?” posts. Some of them are valid questions but others just seem so ridiculous they can’t be real questions.
 
Yes, when I’m writing about an absolute. I know the person may be hurting and need compassion, but it’s very hard to sound compassionate when the truth is the opposite of what they would like to hear. The discussion about abortion for medical reasons comes to mind. The church teaching is clear as can be, but my heart goes out to women when they are faced with serious medical issues during pregnancy.
 
A couple of threads have made me squirm today. They involved curious non-Catholic people asking basic questions about Catholicism. The threads were promptly hijacked for the purposes of unrelated squabbling. Everyone has their pet issue and that’s fine. But do we really need to scare away curious folks by aggressive posting in unrelated threads? 🤷

I agree that we need to post in love and gentleness. But sometimes the truth does hurt. A lot of people will only listen to the answer they want and get offended when they’re told they are wrong.
 
LongingForLight said:
I know that one explanation I’ve heard given for using harsher messages is that “some people really need to be slapped with the truth before they wake up.” Although I agree that this is sometimes true, I think such messages are better delivered in person - not on the Internet, unless you’ve really built up a relationship and a raport with the person. And even then, only via PM. Getting slapped with the truth constantly leaves people feeling battered and defensive, and defensive people are not open to influence IME.
Click to expand...
Agree - it is a true statement but me, myself, personally, I need to know someone very well and do a lot of thinking before I can be absolutely sure I at precisely this time am the Holy Spirit’s chosen instrument for delivering that slap. 😉

That said, it is also very easy for someone who is simply a clear thinker to come across as handing out a slap when they are simply stating a truth in the same economical, unemotional way one would express a fact by writing down mathematical equations.

I did squirm recently when a poster was chastised a bit for not taking advice given here a year or so ago and still “coming back expecting sympathy” or words to that effect … sometimes it takes time to be really sure you are seeing things for what they are when your whole life is crumbling round your ears, no matter how much good advice you are given. I had a situtation in my own family where there was a time component in the balance between abandoning a family member at the first sign of bad behaviour and “enabling” continued bad behaviour and my family copped enough garbage from uninvolved know-alls over our judgement of that time interval that I’m a bit sensitive to that kind of thing and notice when it happens round here. But I suppose it’s understandable on a written board where the train wreck of some poor person’s life is reduced to three paragraphs.
 
Guitar said:
Agree - it is a true statement but me, myself, personally, I need to know someone very well and do a lot of thinking before I can be absolutely sure I at precisely this time am the Holy Spirit’s chosen instrument for delivering that slap. 😉

That said, it is also very easy for someone who is simply a clear thinker to come across as handing out a slap when they are simply stating a truth in the same economical, unemotional way one would express a fact by writing down mathematical equations.

I did squirm recently when a poster was chastised a bit for not taking advice given here a year or so ago and still “coming back expecting sympathy” or words to that effect … sometimes it takes time to be really sure you are seeing things for what they are when your whole life is crumbling round your ears, no matter how much good advice you are given. I had a situtation in my own family where there was a time component in the balance between abandoning a family member at the first sign of bad behaviour and “enabling” continued bad behaviour and my family copped enough garbage from uninvolved know-alls over our judgement of that time interval that guess I’m a bit sensitive to that kind of thing and it seems to happen a bit round here. Which I guess is understandable on a written board where the train wreck of some poor person’s life is reduced to three paragraphs.
Click to expand...
Agreed…I saw the post you were referring to and I thought it was quite lacking in compassion. Thankfully that was a lone voice on a thread full of real, helpful advice.
 
I think it was St. Francis de Sales who said, “We must cook the truth in charity until it tastes sweet.” Good advice for all.

Betsy
 
I’ve been a member for over a year, but have scooted off the boards for months at a time; simply fed up with what looked to me like a complete lack of love in the community. I am a convert, waiting for my annullment to come in to the Church. If I were looking at the people rather than the God, I might have been chased from the Church all together.

There are many here who are wise and wonderful in their posting. But, unfortunately, the hijackers and the bullies are often the ones who stand out.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top