Does anyone have a mental disorder?

[BarbaraTherese]

I would ask anyone reading this to pray for me. I have given up praying lectio divina. The silence was too much for me. But I feel that I am growing strong enough now. Please pray for me that I persevere. I don’t want this illness to take that away from me. THank you and God bless.

Those who have never suffered mental illness can find it near on impossible, if not totally impossible, to in any way insight what we can go through. I think you were very wise if you felt silence was getting too much for you, to abandon Lectio Divina…at least to put it on the back burner until things would hopefully level out for you again. Whatever Grace God would have granted during Lection Divina, He surely granted to you anyway.

Probably one of the worst things we can go through spiritually is making decisions about our spiritual lives and which way to go, which decision to make for the best and our spiritual good hence that of others - and probably while trying to juggle issues of our mental health…rest assured in this darkness and unknowing, The Lord richly blesses us and as if we chose the very best decision of all for our spiritual good. In uncertainty and unknowing cast the burden on trust in The Lord! “come to me all you who labour and are burdened, and I will give you rest”. Just make a decision that seems the way to go, all things considered, and then rest in Peace and trust in The Lord and don’t worry your soul needlessly.
It is well known that those who do suffer mental illness can find the most ordinary every day type of decisions a great burden, a great difficulty and overly complex.

Will be keeping you in prayer for Lectio Divina.

Blessings…Barb

 

[nahbios]

Aah! I had my responses nearly complete, when I accidently pressed a key and it was wiped!

Oh well, it can’t be that long to start again, particularly as I have it fresh enough in my mind. So here goes…

Grandmama: I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter, Donna (beautiful name). It sounds to me that she was a great daughter and a wonderful mother and wife, well loved. I’m glad that you were able to be there by her side in her last hours on Earth. At least you were able to pray the Chaplet there. Remember one of the Promises that Jesus told St. Faustina of: “When they say this Chaplet in the presence of the dying, I will stand between My Father and the dying person, not as the just Judge but as the Merciful Savior (1541).” (from The Diary of St. Faustina) He granted you both a wonderful grace by giving you time to pray the Chaplet! May He have mercy on Donna’s soul, and grant comfort and peace to you and your family and to Donna’s own family.

DonnaMc: I don’t know how old your daughter was when her OCD and anxiety disorders were diagnosed. I can only empathise. I’ve been told that I’m lucky that my OCD was diagnosed early. My nurse was wonderful in teaching me CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) and in helping me to practice it (it does take practice!). I take medication (a drug called Favarin…though it wasn’t the initial drug prescribed). It may take a little while for the right medication to be sorted for your daughter. I hope that they do find something that won’t clash with her meds for her stomach, God Willing. I hope your prayer life is improving. I know myself that it can be tricky for me. However, in the past week or so, I’ve been praying for an hour or so each night (if only I didn’t do it so late! ) What I would suggest (and which I hope helps) is to talk to God as a friend. I know that this is difficult sometimes for me - after all, this is the Creater and Redeemer, the Lord, the Giver of Life we’re talking about! - but I think that perhaps there is a certain balance: you can recognise and love God as *a Master *who is your Friend.

I guess everyone could benefit from knowing this. I offer my suggestion to Donna to everyone on this thread, and to anyone who finds praying difficult. I personally find that using a good prayer-book is very helpful, as I sometimes get a bit befuddled trying to pray in my own words. Onaquest, I offer this advice to you too! I think I would find Lectio Divina rather difficult in that I feel like I’m “accomplishing” more by praying to God rather than reflecting. However, I do love the idea of learning more about Scriptures (as long as it is in accordance with what the Magisterium teaches). I’m glad that things are improving for you!

Bullfrog, hopefully you can still read what we’re posting on the forums. I just want to say that your attitude to your MI is pretty inspiring! Thanks for sharing it. May God Bless you.

Thank you for your prayers, Rocket. It’s so good of you to be praying for us even as you and your family are going through the same problems that us others on this thread are. May God Bless you, and everyone here on this thread and your loved ones. And may Our Lady and St. Dymphna intercede for you.

 

[Donna_Mc]

Nahbios, thank you so much for your post. My daughter was
diagnosed with OCD last year at 17. We are waiting to find out
what drug the doctor will order for her. One of her doctors
is recommending starting her on Luvox, he is confering with
her other doctor on this.

I think what you said to Grandma was perfect, I too was thinking
about what St. Faustina said and I hope that will give her some
comfort.

Thank you also for your prayer advice!
I hope you are doing well, God bless you!

 

[grandmama16]

Thank you everyone for your responses and prayers for us and our daughter, Donna’s soul. In some ways, even tho we were there, it’s still hard to believe she’s gone. Her sisters used to call her all the time and even now will start to pick up the phone to do so. I let religion get in the way of our relationship but, at least, we had some things that brought us together. I don’t think most people understand the strain of being in mormon country. They are nice and helpful people but, :banghead: their conversion strategies are not the most honest or straightforward so our family had a very difficult few years. Being on Prozac helped me get thru some of it, including her marriage in the temple to which we were not allowed to attend but could wait outside or in a waiting room…then there was picture taking outside. Only temple worthy mormons are allowed to be inside so someone else took our places. They go to a room lined with mirrors to represent eternal marriage, hold hands across a padded altar, listen to what a mormon bishop says and then they are married. Then the next couple in line goes in with their group. The big thing here in Utah is the reception where they stand in a reception line with their attendants and parents who may or may not have been able to go in to the temple with them. You greet them and then sit at a table and get your little goodies, and leave. Some have receptions with actual food and some even cut the wedding cake. Donna had a reception the night before the wedding which her surrogate mormon parents gave for her at their home where she had lived when attending BYU. We went but had very little part in it. We gave the very small brunch after the temple ceremony which was just for family and the temple bunch. It was so hard to do but we got thru it. They wanted kids right away but lost many until a progesteron problem was discovered thru her catholic aunt who teaches NFP so she did finally have 3 girls. She went thru a lot and loved much.
I just started 30 more mg. of Cymbalta along with the 60 I have been taking. I’ll just have to wait and see if it helps more. I pray for all who have any kind of mental disorder. It’s so hard to explain to those who don’t. I’ve heard there are even people who have never had a headache. That is hard for me to fathom…and hard for them to understand what it feels like. How much more it must be for those who do not have mental issues to understand those who do. I don’t blame them at all. Take care everyone.M.A.
p.s…how can I get the extra smilies to stay on. Everytime I am finally able to use one they all disappear and I can’t get them back.

 

[jars9277]

I have been suffering horribly for the last 17 months with a problems. I am 30 yrs old. It started off with an unexpected blasphemous thought about the holy spirit, then I thought because of that thought I could be in real trouble and worried very much that I would go to hell. The thoughts muchroomed out of control. This is killing my life. Now I get them every second of the day. To make matters more complicated I have deep regret because as a Catholic I did not have specific devotion to the Rosary. When I was a young kid I used to say it and used to get strange thoughts pop into my head and felt like it was very difficult for me to pray the Rosary. As I got older I did not say the Rosary and wish I did. Though I loved the Blessed Mother and had tremendous respect and reverence to her.
I remember right before this happened about three times a woman asked me when coming out of a chapel to join the legion of Mary. I feel like if I joined the Legion of Mary this would not be happening. Maybe God wanted me to do that and I did not realize it at the time. I have bad thoughts every second of the day and life at times seems almost unbearable. I get nightmares. No medication has worked for me in fact I just got adverse reactions to them cause not everyone responds well to them. It feel like I have gotten angry with God and don’t want to be. I want to be healed in mind, heart, and soul. What is so concerned to is I go see a priest on a weekly basis and go to confession and nothing is happening. Same feeling in my heart, it feels like hard. I go to mass on Sundays and receive communion and feel like an outcast at Mass. When I receive communion I don’t feel renews as I should, same with confession. I want to have love in my heart but feel like void of void and have gotten jealous of others my age leading normal lives. I have been out of work this entire time. I wish the jealousy would go away. I don’t know why I am not getting better after confession and communion, my mind and heart still feel mess up and I get these bad thoughts all the time. They diagnosed me with OCD and major depression but this feels like worse than OCD cause I did not respond to any treatments. Now the thoughts seem like they are coming out of blame of God which is the worst thing. I am afraid that in the beginning of this I feared that I was going to go to eternal death cause of that thought and the longer it went on the more I possible could have been insulting the mercy of God by paying too much attention to the thoughts and now get them all the time. I feel like I need a miracle. I did not know this type of thing existed. I think this is more than OCD cause I think now the thoughts are coming out of anger. I hope God forgives me. I always feel like I am in despair. Does anyone have any advice. I know it is not right but I get jealous when I see others leading normal lives at least, I wish I was not jealous though. Praying is so hard. I do it but it is very hard and feels like I don;t have much faith at all. Any advice would be appreciated

Sincerely,

John

 

[AMDGtoo]

Any advice would be appreciated

You are truly, truly suffering. I hope that my suggestion will be helpful, but I can only hope and pray–consider getting in touch with Scrupulous Anonymous (the organization helped me years ago) and follow what your Spiritual Advisor says to the letter (I assume you are already receiving medical help). Please keep up with Communion, Mass Attendance and yes, if not the Rosary itself–then “smaller” devotions like the Chaplet of Divine Mercy or even ejaculations throughout the day. “We walk by faith, not by sight” and in the words of Father Corapi “Just do it”. I pray that you find peace. God Bless you!

 

[BarbaraTherese]

This document can make heavy reading at times and is fairly lengthy, so I have taken out of it those passages from which sufferers of MI can draw much comfort and indeed understanding and insight spiritually and morally…
cathnews.com/news/602/doc/10wds2.htm

THE MENTALLY ILL PATIENT: A FAITHFUL IMAGE OF GOD.
By ………… Javier, Cardinal Lozano Barragán
President of the Pontifical Council
for Health Pastoral Care,
Vatican City

In Christian thought it is said that these severe mental illnesses reduce man to sad conditions, like a deformed image of God, which is compared to the suffering servant of Isaiah (Is 53,1-7). Yet, apart from that deformation, or rather due to it, the mentally ill person resembles our Lord on the cross; and since the cross is the only way to the resurrection, the mentally ill person, has so to say a superior level, is worthier and reaches such a level of excellence because of the magnitude of his love and the suffering he endures.9
If the above holds true, I would like to move a step further and venture a statement that might shed light on the issue, from the point of view of Moral Theology. The statement is that: the mentally ill person is not a deformed image of God but, rather, a faithful image of God, our Lord…

Therefore, once the mental illness has caused such a disorder as to take away from the mentally ill patient any responsibility for his actions, qualifying them as separation from the divine will -as a sin- the mental patient cannot separate from God. In other words, the image of God in him cannot be distorted. In this case his knowledge or his volitive option are no longer sufficient to motivate any human action that separates him from God. His bodily and psychic conditions do not allow him to commit a grave sin, given that in his state of disequilibrium he does not have that full knowledge and ability of assent required to sin.
If we approach the argument from this point of view, whereby the mentally ill patient does not have the knowledge or the faculty of full consent required to commit a mortal sin, his is not a deformed image of God, since that image can only be deformed by sin. Certainly, it is the suffering image of God, but not a deformed image. He is a reflection of the mystery of the victorious Cross of the Lord. Inspired by the image of the Suffering Servant of Yahweh (Isaiah 53, 1-7) we are drawn to a conscious act of faith in the suffering Christ.
It is true that the objective disorder of sin and its consequences are manifest in the mentally ill patient; however, at the same time, there is in him the historical equilibrium of the only possible order, the order and equilibrium of the Redemption.
and on the other hand the idea of seeing in the patient the love of God who has indicated him as his chosen one, in the sense that he shall not be separated from Him.
Remembering that sentence engraved on the lintel of a German hospital “Infirmis sicut Christo” – to the sick as to Christ- I would like to conclude my reflection insisting on this image of Christ suffering in the depth of his soul, full of pain and affliction, yet he succeeds in transforming this evil into a source of life, since his pain and suffering constitute the nucleus of his Resurrection, and therefore our salvation. Our way of approach to the mentally ill is a difficult test for our faith. Handling them effectively means professing our faith in the agonizing and suffering Christ, but at the same time victorious.

 

[Elizastaci]

I haven’t read all this thread yet but I did read the first few posts…and wanted to reassure the OP that you definitely are not alone!!!

I’ve had anxiety disorder and depression for years, and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and severe manic depression in March. This followed horrible periods of intense suffering, and dehabilitating mood swings that were made even scarier because I had no idea what was going on. Now I’m taking medication, which I will probably have to do all my life, and am in therapy.

Those who have read my “spiritual muteness” thread know just how much of an effect there’s been on my prayer life–it’s actually brought it to a halt for now, but I am taking all the proactive steps I can to fight for it. I miss God and want a relationship with Him back.

So of course it’s quite hard, but rest assured in God’s love for you, and keep faith. Also, PM me if you ever want/need to talk (of course that goes for everyone else too!).

 

[jars9277]

Thanks for your kind words. I have been receiving medical treatment and unfortunately have gotten adverse reactions to the many medications I have taken. Some people seem to tolerate them better than others. I got adverse reactions. Tried about 11 or 12 in this 17 month period. I am very concerned because medical treatment is not helping at all. I always feel like crippled. I need faith it feels like despair. I need my faith to be strengthened. I am very fortunate to have such a kind and patient priest to try to help me. What is so concerning is that I am doing all I know to do and everything I do I still stay the same or get worse. I get bad thoughts also about my own soul. I wish I could be in communion with God and people and myself. In my humaness I wonder what happened and ask why. I just want to get well and be able to serve God and not be lost. I feel trapped in my own head even when I am doing others things. It gets so bad I even get jealous of People when watching TV. This is how bizarre this is. It is relentless like 24/7. I don’t say that to complain just to tell the truth. I wish I could feel love again. I really don’t want to be lost and wish I could serve The Lord here and in Heaven. Feels like my heart is hard. I know that God can do anything I hope he just will penetrate my mind and my heart with His love. I feel trapped in my house and feel like I can no longer act right in public because of these thoughts. When I hear scripture at mass I often feel condemned because my life is not bearing good fruit now. My spiritual director is a really an excellent priest and am fortunate to have him. If I lost faith I am hoping that it can be restored. Sleep is always way off and have this feeling in my eyes too. Everything that was once natural is a bad struggle. These thoughts around the clock. I am greatly concerned that medical treatment has not worked for me. For the first six months I think I was on too much psychiatric medication at once and that knocked me out and effected my thinking in a way I wish it did not. I appreciate the kind words and support. I need hope. I feel like I am hanging on by a string. I just hope the Lord gets through to me and that I can have the faith to be healed. Unfortunately it has been 17 months since I experience a good mood and my sense of humor is messed up. I need God’s help and I want to be able to cooperate.
Has anyone heard of anything like this before? Thanks again for the kind words.

 

[Kathrin]

I haven’t read the whole thread either but something in your last post Jars made me want to reply… I remember a time when I would feel a kind of “jealousy” of other people… maybe not while watching TV, but for example while riding a streetcar, I remember that quite well, thinking about all those people who probably have “normal lives” and how easy they must have it…
(while of course I couldn’t know? They didn’t know what I was going through either, mostly anyway.)

Just remember: What is right now, is really just that: Right now. If youf eel stuck now, that doesn’t mean you will feel stuck forever. Yes, you are right: God can do anything, penetrate your heart with His love… do not despair.

When I came out of that really bad time again I felt so blessed and could appreciate things so much more that I actually thought it was all worth it.

Kathrin

 

[BarbaraTherese]

I haven’t read the whole thread either but something in your last post Jars made me want to reply… I remember a time when I would feel a kind of “jealousy” of other people… maybe not while watching TV, but for example while riding a streetcar, I remember that quite well, thinking about all those people who probably have “normal lives” and how easy they must have it…
(while of course I couldn’t know? They didn’t know what I was going through either, mostly anyway.)

I recall when I was going through my hardest of times journeying with a very active mental illness and major psychosis, I would look at people shopping in malls, walking down the street, sitting in Church…most everywhere…and wonder if they were overwhelmingly grateful for being “normal”, for being able to do normal things in a normal way…or did they take it all for granted.

Just remember: What is right now, is really just that: Right now. If youf eel stuck now, that doesn’t mean you will feel stuck forever. Yes, you are right: God can do anything, penetrate your heart with His love… do not despair.

Good points…try to hang on to hope even if it is by the slenderest of threads with all your might not giving in to a sense of despair. I sometimes think if I can come out of the hell that seemed to have embraced me, then all have good cause for hope. On the other hand, those that tried to encourage me with a sense of hope, left me with a dreadful feeling of isolation and loneliness. At times in the psychotic nightmare I would fear that everyone was dead, and I was the only person alive. Dreadful thoughts invaded my mind and sometimes gripped and obsessed me. Yet somehow there was always a measure of hope to hang on to somehow, somewhere -at times a very slender hope but hope nonetheless.

When I came out of that really bad time again I felt so blessed and could appreciate things so much more that I actually thought it was all worth it.

… …Amen!..If I was told I had to go back through it all for some good reason, then I would not hestitate, as much as it would cause me to shudder and shake.

But intuition seems to say to me, that more than you need to hear from those who have been through similar to yours and now it is all in the past…you really need to hear perhaps mostly from those still enduring such sufferings and with words of support, encouragement and hope…while those who have been through similar and are now out of it all, I hope can be messengers of hope to you too.

 

[mslizzie]

I have been diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder 3 years ago. It has been a roller coaster ride for me since then. I have had 3 hospitalizations, major med adjustments and fortunately with my new set of meds, I am stable as of today. It is very tough to endure this type of MI. I do have a family (a husband and three small children). I live for them and at times I admit I can barely function.

I have a great psychiatrist who I believe is “God-send”. He listens and understands my symptoms and know what medications he needs to prescribe me. Without these meds, I would hit rock bottom.

Others seem to be so ignorant (the normal ones) about my illness. I would be called negative names, would hear insults, etc. They just do not realize how painful it is to carry this burden.

I am glad to have found this website and to be able to share with people like me who are suffering with a mental disorder.

 

[spauline]

I have been diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder 3 years ago. It has been a roller coaster ride for me since then. I have had 3 hospitalizations, major med adjustments and fortunately with my new set of meds, I am stable as of today. It is very tough to endure this type of MI. I do have a family (a husband and three small children). I live for them and at times I admit I can barely function.

I have a great psychiatrist who I believe is “God-send”. He listens and understands my symptoms and know what medications he needs to prescribe me. Without these meds, I would hit rock bottom.

Others seem to be so ignorant (the normal ones) about my illness. I would be called negative names, would hear insults, etc. They just do not realize how painful it is to carry this burden.

I am glad to have found this website and to be able to share with people like me who are suffering with a mental disorder.

God bless you, mslizzie, that you endure such a cross with great love. Jesus is here for you, and I pray that He hold in His arms forever.

Love,
scott

 

[nahbios]

Bump! :bounce:

Just a quick note to say that I hope everyone is getting on okay.

Also that I find the Revelations biblical reference (I think it’s Revelations) in Scott’s (spauline) signature rather scary… :frighten:

Beannacht Dé oraibh go léir! (an Irish blessing = the blessings of God on you all!)
Siobhán.

 

[spauline]

Bump! :bounce:

Just a quick note to say that I hope everyone is getting on okay.

Also that I find the Revelations biblical reference (I think it’s Revelations) in Scott’s (spauline) signature rather scary… :frighten:

Beannacht Dé oraibh go léir! (an Irish blessing = the blessings of God on you all!)
Siobhán.

God’s blessings on you, too, nahbios!

But also, “Fear not, little children, for it is the Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”

“Be not afraid!”

“Behold, I am with you always, unto the end of the age.”

“The Son of Man did not come to condemn the world but to save it.”

I am doing well, btw.

God bless you, nahbios.

Scott

 

[nahbios]

God’s blessings on you, too, nahbios!

But also, “Fear not, little children, for it is the Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”

“Be not afraid!”

“Behold, I am with you always, unto the end of the age.”

“The Son of Man did not come to condemn the world but to save it.”

I am doing well, btw.

God bless you, nahbios.

Scott

Thanks Scott. I just need to concentrate on living a good, Christian life and helping others to do so too.

 

[DavidW]

Sadly, I spent a week in a psych ward in mid-February and another month in partial hospitalization. The good news is the spring is usually my best time of year and I can expect to be mostly up, if a bit uneven, through the summer.

It is the fall that is most treacherous for me, and this past fall was one of the absolute worst. I need better psychiatric care, someone that understand the symptoms I am describing better. I think I may have found one.

I had hoped God would heal this, but apparently not. Or perhaps He may yet, we’ll see.

I get baptized, confirmed and first communion in just 10 days now. That won’t do any harm.

I’ve grown used to the suffering now, having had or been aware of it for about 30 years. It is the pain it causes my family that really bothers me. That’s a real problem with mental disorders, people around you can’t tell what’s going on. I wish we had a flashing red light on our heads or something. We can be bleeding to death inside and there’s not a sign to be seen by the casual observer.

 

[nahbios]

Sadly, I spent a week in a psych ward in mid-February and another month in partial hospitalization. The good news is the spring is usually my best time of year and I can expect to be mostly up, if a bit uneven, through the summer.

It is the fall that is most treacherous for me, and this past fall was one of the absolute worst. I need better psychiatric care, someone that understand the symptoms I am describing better. I think I may have found one.

I had hoped God would heal this, but apparently not. Or perhaps He may yet, we’ll see.

I get baptized, confirmed and first communion in just 10 days now. That won’t do any harm.

I’ve grown used to the suffering now, having had or been aware of it for about 30 years. It is the pain it causes my family that really bothers me. That’s a real problem with mental disorders, people around you can’t tell what’s going on. I wish we had a flashing red light on our heads or something. We can be bleeding to death inside and there’s not a sign to be seen by the casual observer.

Hello David,

I can empathise completely as regards your stay in the psych ward. I was only there for three days and two nights but it felt so much longer. The pain my OCD caused my family hurt more than it did me at times - and that was pretty bad, as you can imagine.

Congradualations in advance on your arrival to the Catholic faith!! I hope it brings you solace.

Well, the only other thing I’ll say is that…
God responds to prayers in one of three ways:

1. Yes.
2. Not yet…
3. I have something better in mind…

I’ll say a prayer for you. Keep up the faith!

Siobhán.

 

[Robert_Sock]

I’ve been diagnosed with major depression and a generalized anxiety disorder. Doctors also suspect Aspergers syndrome. I’m on about 5 different medications. I really hold on to religion and my strong belief in a Hereafter. Judging from the size of this thread, I’m not alone!

God Bless!

 

[spauline]

God bless you, Robert. What a cross you have.