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Hipster_Doofus
Guest
My math skills are lousy, but I’ve long heard 50% of all marriages fail, and then* 75%* of all marriages begun with cohabitating fail too. Wow.
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Genesis315
Guest
My girlfriend and I do not plan on co-habitating at any point. It’s immoral.
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RWMorris
Guest
We didn’t live together before we were married. That fact made coming home from our honeymoon and getting to decorate our new apartment so special!
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the_phoenix
Guest
I don’t cohabit, and didn’t when I was dating. Marriage was not my destiny … Having tried Catholic Singles Online and prayed about it, I decided to simply abandon my account, even though I had several months paid for that I could have stayed and used. Years passed, I checked out various religious orders, but the typical Franciscan, Dominican, Benedictine, and even Carmelite charisms never quite seemed to fit, not even the contemplatives.
Decided to remain single and use my voice as a witness on behalf of defending the unborn and the Pope. This has its price … normally I tend to be well-liked until people learn that yes, I’m a practicing Catholic and pro-life … then suddenly it’s a different story. Now I’ve seen “Into Great Silence,” the movie about the Carthusians, and after I return from an out-of-state trip later this month, will be looking into a related group called the International Fellowship of St. Bruno. The combined charism of Solitude, Silence, and Prayer resonates in a way that the others haven’t.
~~ the phoenix
Decided to remain single and use my voice as a witness on behalf of defending the unborn and the Pope. This has its price … normally I tend to be well-liked until people learn that yes, I’m a practicing Catholic and pro-life … then suddenly it’s a different story. Now I’ve seen “Into Great Silence,” the movie about the Carthusians, and after I return from an out-of-state trip later this month, will be looking into a related group called the International Fellowship of St. Bruno. The combined charism of Solitude, Silence, and Prayer resonates in a way that the others haven’t.
~~ the phoenix
We did not cohabit and we waited until our wedding night. Yes, this was 19 years ago and things have changed quite a bit since then, but if we were getting married this year, we still would make the same decision we made 19 years ago.
The most beautiful weddings I’ve attended (both Catholic and non-Catholic) were those in which the bride and groom did not cohabit and waited until their wedding nights. And you could tell, believe me. The looks on their faces, the sincerity with which the vows were said, something just radiated from them. And in three instances (one of them being our own wedding), the groom choked up and/or cried during the vows. And, at least in my personal experience, those weddings tended to be simpler. The couples who had “played house” for years had presumably opened a “wedding account” at the bank and had extravaganzas that must have cost thousands of dollars. And I wasn’t moved nearly as much as those weddings by couples who did it, as my parents would say, “the right way”.
Cohabitating makes a mockery of marriage and relationships. As a friend of mine put it to her youth group: “It’s like going and sticking your finger into the cake and tasting the frosting before you’ve had dinner. When it’s time for dessert, there’s nothing to look forward to… and the dessert doesn’t look so great anymore.” (Well, it worked for that group… that was fifteen years ago and almost all the girls are married and waited 'til the wedding night!)
The most beautiful weddings I’ve attended (both Catholic and non-Catholic) were those in which the bride and groom did not cohabit and waited until their wedding nights. And you could tell, believe me. The looks on their faces, the sincerity with which the vows were said, something just radiated from them. And in three instances (one of them being our own wedding), the groom choked up and/or cried during the vows. And, at least in my personal experience, those weddings tended to be simpler. The couples who had “played house” for years had presumably opened a “wedding account” at the bank and had extravaganzas that must have cost thousands of dollars. And I wasn’t moved nearly as much as those weddings by couples who did it, as my parents would say, “the right way”.
Cohabitating makes a mockery of marriage and relationships. As a friend of mine put it to her youth group: “It’s like going and sticking your finger into the cake and tasting the frosting before you’ve had dinner. When it’s time for dessert, there’s nothing to look forward to… and the dessert doesn’t look so great anymore.” (Well, it worked for that group… that was fifteen years ago and almost all the girls are married and waited 'til the wedding night!)
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kell0618
Guest
Let your friend know that yet another poster says, “I didn’t shack up before I was married either!”
I call it a test drive. Gives a better illustration of what is going on.
I call it a test drive. Gives a better illustration of what is going on.
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PatienceAndLove
Guest
My FH and I aren’t cohabitating. But we are struggling sexually, because we did engage in premarital sex (I was a morally less “sex is my right and my power” feminist witch when we met). We have since decided to live chastely, and it is working out well, though difficult.
When we were on Engagement Encounter (not to be confused with Engaged Encounter), I felt like we were the only couple not living together.
And to quote the priest on the retreat “cohabitation does not increase divorce, though some bishops may tell you so” and cohabitation is a “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation. That made me seethe.
(Before anyone asks: Yes, a letter is going to the Bishop)
When we were on Engagement Encounter (not to be confused with Engaged Encounter), I felt like we were the only couple not living together.
And to quote the priest on the retreat “cohabitation does not increase divorce, though some bishops may tell you so” and cohabitation is a “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation. That made me seethe.
(Before anyone asks: Yes, a letter is going to the Bishop)
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Hipster_Doofus
Guest
I’ve always wondered what’s so special about the wedding nights/honeymoons of couples that had premarital sex. I would think those kind of honeymoons are at best just an excuse for an expensive vacation.
BTW, the phoenix, I have an art house theater down the street from my house, and I hope to see “Into Great Silence” this week.
BTW, the phoenix, I have an art house theater down the street from my house, and I hope to see “Into Great Silence” this week.
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the_phoenix
Guest
The theater is On Your Street …? Do more than hope then … Definitely go see the film. While the DVD will be awesome, it won’t compare with seeing it on the big screen. What a reviewer said is right, that the cinematography is such that in some scenes, given the lighting conditions, the monastery seems to spill over into the theater so that the theater becomes almost a part of the monastery, and you can feel yourself there, in a way that doesn’t normally happen in movies.
Will now get back officially on topic for signing out of this post …
From one who lives alone and has for many years, (and is intrigued by a group of solitudarians living out a vocation in community),
~~ the phoenix
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Hipster_Doofus
Guest
Yes, the theater is about four city blocks from my apartment, right behind where I buy my groceries. I don’t have a car, and it’s an easy walk. I don’t have an official job right now–I’m just doing a contract project from home, so I might catch a matinee, so I can have the theater more or less to myself. Anyway, I always sit in the 2nd or 3rd row, so no one is in front of me.
They advertised the movie in my diocese newspaper.
I’d have seen the movie this weekend, but I was broke and waiting on my paycheck.
But yeah, monastic life interests me as a subject, even though I’m pretty sure I’m too worldly, willful, anti-authoritarian, and selfish to consider living in such a community.
Okay, now *I’ll *get back to the topic…
They advertised the movie in my diocese newspaper.
I’d have seen the movie this weekend, but I was broke and waiting on my paycheck.
But yeah, monastic life interests me as a subject, even though I’m pretty sure I’m too worldly, willful, anti-authoritarian, and selfish to consider living in such a community.
Okay, now *I’ll *get back to the topic…
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KennethFong
Guest
hye hipster,
my girlfriend and I are enganged and will be getting married in May next year. Though we did “cohabit” (for holidays) but we did not have pre-marital sex. But having said that, we do not cohabit after the holidays. She has her own place and I do.
Being a born again Catholic taught me alot about chastity. Before knowing the Lord personally, I was ‘everywhere’ though sex was not the top priority but one of the many. Thank God that he protected me.
That come the wedding day, we will start a family on GOD.
cheers!
my girlfriend and I are enganged and will be getting married in May next year. Though we did “cohabit” (for holidays) but we did not have pre-marital sex. But having said that, we do not cohabit after the holidays. She has her own place and I do.
Being a born again Catholic taught me alot about chastity. Before knowing the Lord personally, I was ‘everywhere’ though sex was not the top priority but one of the many. Thank God that he protected me.
That come the wedding day, we will start a family on GOD.
cheers!
R
rwoehmke
Guest
People in my parish must be under-sexed. My pastor told me only about half of couples coming in for marriage arrangements are shacking up, uh sorry, co-habiting.
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Rach620
Guest
Nothing special at all. In fact, as a future bride, I’ve been surfing the various wedding sites (I can verify–it’s a scary world out there, beyond the dresses and flowers). On one site I was reading about ‘alternative honeymoons’–they actually suggested that the bride and groom take their honeymoon *before *the wedding, to take a break from all the stressful planning before the big day!
Weddings are pretty much seen just as an excuse to throw a ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ extravaganza these days… pretty sad.
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Hipster_Doofus
Guest
I asked my friend why brides bother wearing white anymore, what it signifies now, and all he could do was snort and say, “You really don’t know, do you? What century do you live in?”
He did say his sister-in-law, when she married a second time, wore a blood red dress as a (tasteless) joke.
He did say his sister-in-law, when she married a second time, wore a blood red dress as a (tasteless) joke.
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Hipster_Doofus
Guest
I don’t go to many weddings. I find it hard to sit there and listen to people gush on about how “no two have ever loved each other the way we do” when I know the couple will probably divorce. Plus I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding that didn’t have at least one really tacky or tasteless element in it.
I went to a wedding 11 years ago where, when it came time for the garter toss, the groom got down on his knees, buried his head under the bride’s dress in a vulgar manner, and pulled the garter off with his teeth. Later on, I was talking with the guests I’d ridden with, and mentioned how deeply embarrassed I was by the garter thing, as if I’d been witnessing some private bedroom antics, and the couple looked at me like I was crazy, and said, “You don’t go to many weddings, do you?*** Everybody*** does that now.”
I went to a wedding 11 years ago where, when it came time for the garter toss, the groom got down on his knees, buried his head under the bride’s dress in a vulgar manner, and pulled the garter off with his teeth. Later on, I was talking with the guests I’d ridden with, and mentioned how deeply embarrassed I was by the garter thing, as if I’d been witnessing some private bedroom antics, and the couple looked at me like I was crazy, and said, “You don’t go to many weddings, do you?*** Everybody*** does that now.”
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PatienceAndLove
Guest
I am 21, and I have been to weddings where they did the same thing, and I blushed (I can be rather vulgar)
And no, Everyone does not do it. T and I aren’t even doing a garter toss, to main propiety.
C
cathyt
Guest
My hubby and I had a looooooooong courtship and what seemed like an even loooooonger engagement. We made it through 5 years without living together and one of my happiest memories ever was coming home together to our dinky little apartment, having special moments together and just doing the ordinary things of unpacking the kitchen and cleaning the place up.
Another thought–an older couple at our wedding thanked us for our example in not living together–partly because we are also close to their grandchildren. What a great idea–thank and compliment couples who make this difficult choice–and find ways to encourage them in this very best but difficult decision in their lives!
Another thought–an older couple at our wedding thanked us for our example in not living together–partly because we are also close to their grandchildren. What a great idea–thank and compliment couples who make this difficult choice–and find ways to encourage them in this very best but difficult decision in their lives!
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ElizabethAnne
Guest
Hey Rach620,
It’s not your naivete. That’s what people who would encourage you to live together would say though. In high school I made it pretty plain that I would not be having sex before marriage. I had other girls tell me that I would be the first girl out of all of us to have sex since I was so opposed to it outside of marriage. Their argument was simply that I was naive, stupid even. Well, frankly they were completely wrong.
If you and your fiance are committed to living separately before marriage and you pray to God for strength, you will not cohabitate. And it is not naivete for you to state that!
God bless you.
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ElizabethAnne
Guest
Maybe this is a joke? I just don’t think it’s very respectful of men at all. The only way women get tricked into marriage is if they don’t see that their man is an animal who can’t control himself? This is the very idea that leads people to live together in the first place!Of course, the beauty of not cohabiting means a woman doesn’t get to see the man sitting around watching TV in his underwear, belching, scratching, and worse, until the ink dries on the marriage license.
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Hipster_Doofus
Guest
Yes, that was an attempt at a joke, hence the smiley face.
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