Does being a Catholic encourage emotional weakness + stress?

[Sereta]

For example,if one is a Catholic,if they feel overwhelm at their kids,life etc they might ask someone to help “carry their cross”
If someone isn’t Christian then they look at overwhelm/stress from a Psychological view-ie that it’s an abnormality in your hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis and learn how to react different to situations and do destressing activities.

So,doesn’t asking for someone to help carry your cross actually keep a person emotionally undeveloped and with poor coping skills?
I find all this confusing to understand because I see many Catholics that are stressed or trapped in cycles of stress.
Thanks

 

[thewanderer]

For example,if one is a Catholic,if they feel overwhelm at their kids,life etc they might ask someone to help “carry their cross”
If someone isn’t Christian then they look at overwhelm/stress from a Psychological view-ie that it’s an abnormality in your hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis and learn how to react different to situations and do destressing activities.

So,doesn’t asking for someone to help carry your cross actually keep a person emotionally undeveloped and with poor coping skills?
I find all this confusing to understand because I see many Catholics that are stressed or trapped in cycles of stress.
Thanks

To be honest I don’t really understand where you are coming from at all. I’ve never heard a Catholic ask someone else to help them “carry their cross” unless you mean asking God in prayer. And, to be honest, then it is in its own way a method of destressing, of putting all your fears and worries about the situation in God’s hands. So that you no longer worry and stress about your life but instead live it in hope and trust that God will take care of you and help you through the hard times.

There is nothing in the Catholic faith that discourages people from reducing their suffering or the suffering of others. It is also true that Catholics are encouraged to use reason and so trust scientific progress (though of course not all Catholics do). The official position is that faith and reason complement each other and are both important in our life here on earth. There is nothing in Catholicism that teaches or encourages people to fail to develop good coping skills. So, if you are finding that the Catholics you happen to know seem to be particularly stressed with poor coping mechanisms I would be very hesitant to blame that on their Catholicism rather than looking for other things which might lead to poor coping skills.

 

[JimG]

I don’t think being a Catholic has anything to do with it. But I have noticed a tendency in recent years to increased narcissism among a lot of people regardless of religion.

 

[pianistclare]

On the contrary, I don’t think I could have weathered the intense storms that I have, had it not been for my Catholic faith.

 

[Auntie_A]

I tend to think the opposite. I have many friends who are psychologists or are people who trust all the latest psychological insights who struggle with emotional weakness. My catholic friends who have a deep prayer life seem to be more emotionally resilient and able to yield and handle loss and change. AND these same Catholics acknowledge deep psychological and spiritual truths; they just take more time to discern the truth of the latest pop psychology. They “offer up” their woes more than whining about them. That has been my experience.

 

[marywarfield]

For example,if one is a Catholic,if they feel overwhelm at their kids,life etc they might ask someone to help “carry their cross”
If someone isn’t Christian then they look at overwhelm/stress from a Psychological view-ie that it’s an abnormality in your hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis and learn how to react different to situations and do destressing activities.

So,doesn’t asking for someone to help carry your cross actually keep a person emotionally undeveloped and with poor coping skills?
I find all this confusing to understand because I see many Catholics that are stressed or trapped in cycles of stress.
Thanks

Do you have any references or citations
re: many Catholics having many stress cycles or hypothalamic
pituitary or adrenalin issues? Re: studies revealing
defective pituitaries result in short Catholics? Anything?

 

[agnes_therese]

On the contrary, I don’t think I could have weathered the intense storms that I have, had it not been for my Catholic faith.

Same here.

 

[Sereta]

To be honest I don’t really understand where you are coming from at all. I’ve never heard a Catholic ask someone else to help them “carry their cross” unless you mean asking God in prayer. And, to be honest, then it is in its own way a method of destressing, of putting all your fears and worries about the situation in God’s hands. So that you no longer worry and stress about your life but instead live it in hope and trust that God will take care of you and help you through the hard times.

There is nothing in the Catholic faith that discourages people from reducing their suffering or the suffering of others. It is also true that Catholics are encouraged to use reason and so trust scientific progress (though of course not all Catholics do). The official position is that faith and reason complement each other and are both important in our life here on earth. There is nothing in Catholicism that teaches or encourages people to fail to develop good coping skills. So, if you are finding that the Catholics you happen to know seem to be particularly stressed with poor coping mechanisms I would be very hesitant to blame that on their Catholicism rather than looking for other things which might lead to poor coping skills.

Thanks

 

[edwest2]

For example,if one is a Catholic,if they feel overwhelm at their kids,life etc they might ask someone to help “carry their cross”
If someone isn’t Christian then they look at overwhelm/stress from a Psychological view-ie that it’s an abnormality in your hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis and learn how to react different to situations and do destressing activities.

So,doesn’t asking for someone to help carry your cross actually keep a person emotionally undeveloped and with poor coping skills?
I find all this confusing to understand because I see many Catholics that are stressed or trapped in cycles of stress.
Thanks

We must always be careful about making assumptions about groups of people. In some places, people have friends and they rely on each other, and they don’t have to be of the same faith. In some communities, neighbors offer help to their neighbors as a matter of course. It is not looked at as anything exceptional. People who have goodness in their hearts are inclined to help others and if the person who appears to need help refuses, not because he can’t cope, but out of certainty, that is a good thing.

Healthy communities start with like-minded people. They are all on the same page. The radicalization of society by the media means greater isolation. A series of deformed ideas about how relationships between people are supposed to work - or actually - never work. Trust and friendship, real friendship, are often both sacrificed in the process.

People who are out for their themselves and who come from homes where they weren’t shown love or who spend hours watching the same thing on TV sometimes decide that life will be on their terms and their terms alone. Being mature emotionally is knowing love and knowing right and wrong, and treating people with the respect they deserve.

It is no good to say I see this or that group trapped in anything. If you can help, help - on an individual by individual basis. If you can’t help, at least pray for that person.

Generalities disperse our focus and our energies.

Peace,
Ed

 

[Sereta]

Do you have any references or citations
re: many Catholics having many stress cycles or hypothalamic
pituitary or adrenalin issues? Re: studies revealing
defective pituitaries result in short Catholics? Anything?

No I didn’t mean that being a Catholic causes someone to be stressed.
What I meant was that people coping mechanism to stress,and their views regarding it,can differ depending on whether they are religious or not.
I don’t have any statistics on how many Catholics are “in a cycle of stress” as generally,when people are enrolled in stress studies they arnt asked their spiritual beliefs.
Studies regarding stress are usually funded by non religious groups so I guess they’re probably not too interested in that factor.

 

[Sereta]

I don’t think being a Catholic has anything to do with it. But I have noticed a tendency in recent years to increased narcissism among a lot of people regardless of religion.

In which ways does narcissism manifest in life?

 

[Sereta]

We must always be careful about making assumptions about groups of people. In some places, people have friends and they rely on each other, and they don’t have to be of the same faith. In some communities, neighbors offer help to their neighbors as a matter of course. It is not looked at as anything exceptional. People who have goodness in their hearts are inclined to help others and if the person who appears to need help refuses, not because he can’t cope, but out of certainty, that is a good thing.

Healthy communities start with like-minded people. They are all on the same page. The radicalization of society by the media means greater isolation. A series of deformed ideas about how relationships between people are supposed to work - or actually - never work. Trust and friendship, real friendship, are often both sacrificed in the process.

People who are out for their themselves and who come from homes where they weren’t shown love or who spend hours watching the same thing on TV sometimes decide that life will be on their terms and their terms alone. Being mature emotionally is knowing love and knowing right and wrong, and treating people with the respect they deserve.

It is no good to say I see this or that group trapped in anything. If you can help, help - on an individual by individual basis. If you can’t help, at least pray for that person.

Generalities disperse our focus and our energies.

Peace,
Ed

Thanks.
I didn’t mean to make generalisations.
I just meant more that if someone always helps someone that is overwhelmed arnt they then preventing the individual from learning how to cope with their problems/cope with life?
Also,by everyone depending on each other,isn’t that called codependance and unhealthy?
For example,if their was a mum that was always overwhelmed with her crying baby and if everyone always rushed to take the baby off her hands and help when she was overwhelmed then wouldn’t she never learn how to deal with her situation positively and healthily,look at her situation in a different more relaxed way etc?
By always jumping in and helping her isn’t that keeping her trapped at her same emotional and coping level,if that makes sense?

 

[Sereta]

I tend to think the opposite. I have many friends who are psychologists or are people who trust all the latest psychological insights who struggle with emotional weakness. My catholic friends who have a deep prayer life seem to be more emotionally resilient and able to yield and handle loss and change. AND these same Catholics acknowledge deep psychological and spiritual truths; they just take more time to discern the truth of the latest pop psychology. They “offer up” their woes more than whining about them. That has been my experience.

Part of what inspired my question is that I feel confused between Psychology vs Catholic way and I’m finding they’re sort of pulling me in different directions.
I’ve been watching a lot of Dr Phil lately lol…

 

[Iron_Donkey]

For example,if one is a Catholic,if they feel overwhelm at their kids,life etc they might ask someone to help “carry their cross”
If someone isn’t Christian then they look at overwhelm/stress from a Psychological view-ie that it’s an abnormality in your hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis and learn how to react different to situations and do destressing activities.

So,doesn’t asking for someone to help carry your cross actually keep a person emotionally undeveloped and with poor coping skills?
I find all this confusing to understand because I see many Catholics that are stressed or trapped in cycles of stress.
Thanks

It appears that you are suggesting that “helping someone carry their cross” either is or at least can be either some sort of enabling, or can prevent them from developing the skills to handle situations themselves.

It probably can be either one of those, but only if done poorly, and neither of those (if indeed there is a difference) appears to be particular to Catholicism or even particularly associated with the phrase “helping someone carry their cross”. It is also worth emphasizing, though I don’t see you specifically saying otherwise, that helping someone with their issues need not be stunting their abilities to handle things themselves - and if it were, then any psychological help (which Catholics are absolutely encouraged to get when they need it) would fall under the same category. (That is, as soon as you make the exception that some ways of trying to help are good and some are bad, you rule out the ability to condemn such broad categories as “helping someone carry their cross,” since that statement is not specific at all, and could even refer to psychiatric help.)

I haven’t seen any particular reason to assume that stress is higher among Catholics than non-Catholics. Could be true (though I doubt it), but since it doesn’t seem that we have any reason to think that it is, it may be premature to start looking for causes or similar within Catholicism. Unless you have specific reason to think that helping someone carry their cross refers to enabling or similar? I’m curious what caused you to make this connection.

 

[Joseph_Jameson]

One of the greatest gifts God can give you is suffering, and few will truly ever understand this. Suffering brings you so close to God, you grow in union with Christ and receive such grace and start to understand truth more fully. Besides when we really think about it, there is so much on earth today to be sorrowful about. But from this sorrow and suffering comes great joy because you become more in union with the source of true joy. So yeah I think Catholics are the only ones who understand that we should embrace suffering as the gift it truly is.

 

[thewanderer]

Part of what inspired my question is that I feel confused between Psychology vs Catholic way and I’m finding they’re sort of pulling me in different directions.
I’ve been watching a lot of Dr Phil lately lol…

Do you think you could expand a little more on what exactly you think the Catholic way is and what you think the way of pschology is? That might make it easier for people to give more pertinent replies.

Thanks.
I didn’t mean to make generalisations.
I just meant more that if someone always helps someone that is overwhelmed arnt they then preventing the individual from learning how to cope with their problems/cope with life?

Perhaps, I think it depends on the particular situation. I think this is too general of a statement still to be able to answer well.

Also,by everyone depending on each other,isn’t that called codependance and unhealthy?

I know you go on to give an example, but it really is almost impossible to live life without depending in some way on other people. For one thing it would be extremely difficult to provide our material needs without many people working in different specialized areas. But even beyond that we are hard-wired to need friendship and socialization. Since I am sure you did not mean to include such depencies as being unhealthy co-dependant relationships, do you think you could better clarify just what kind of dependencies you are talking about?

For example,if their was a mum that was always overwhelmed with her crying baby and if everyone always rushed to take the baby off her hands and help when she was overwhelmed then wouldn’t she never learn how to deal with her situation positively and healthily,look at her situation in a different more relaxed way etc?
By always jumping in and helping her isn’t that keeping her trapped at her same emotional and coping level,if that makes sense?

Perhaps if she truly always had other people jump in and do it for her, but lets face it, what parent has someone who is always there to take care of her crying baby? Even if a mother has friends and relatives who step in fairly frequently to help out the mother will still be left to handle the crying child on her own or with her spouse the vast majority of the time.

Also, it seems pretty obvious that most people would find it more difficult to develop good coping mechanisms if they are under extreme stress than if they just under a small amount of stress. It seems to me it would often be counter-productive to refuse to help out a struggling mother at all, if she is truly floundering it is quite likely she will not be able to fix the situation on her own and will need help learning how to cope. One way or another she will need to depend on others to help her. Which comes back around to the question of what exactly do you mean by “dependency”

 

[SecretCatholic]

Part of what inspired my question is that I feel confused between Psychology vs Catholic way and I’m finding they’re sort of pulling me in different directions.
I’ve been watching a lot of Dr Phil lately lol…

Being Catholic begins with having faith in God and in Church teachings. If you believe in God’s promises and what the Church infallibly teaches (there’s lots to gain from reading the great saints and theologians, but one must keep in mind that we are not required to believe all they say and can be great Catholics even whilst disagreeing) then it all flows from there.

The Church teaches prayer, worshiping God and giving up our sorrows to God. However, the Church also teaches that we can use other psychological methods to help us, as long as they are not explicitly against Church teaching (sex outside marriage, etc.). The Church acknowledges that we are physical beings, so it’s okay to acknowledge an “abnormality in your hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis” or whatever. But since we are ALSO spiritual beings, its NOT okay to say that all we are can be reduced to those material or even psychological parts.

As for Dr. Phil- I suspect on the air he is first an entertainer and second a psychiatrist. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying new therapies, but when you look at the history of psychiatry and you see the discarded therapies which were popular decades before, one wonders if it isn’t wiser to try some sage old advice rather than jump in head-first into untested therapies.

A 200-year old scientific theory that has passed the test of time and experimentation is far more reliable than a new theory that is yet to be proven.

 

[Sereta]

Being Catholic begins with having faith in God and in Church teachings. If you believe in God’s promises and what the Church infallibly teaches (there’s lots to gain from reading the great saints and theologians, but one must keep in mind that we are not required to believe all they say and can be great Catholics even whilst disagreeing) then it all flows from there.

The Church teaches prayer, worshiping God and giving up our sorrows to God. However, the Church also teaches that we can use other psychological methods to help us, as long as they are not explicitly against Church teaching (sex outside marriage, etc.). The Church acknowledges that we are physical beings, so it’s okay to acknowledge an “abnormality in your hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis” or whatever. But since we are ALSO spiritual beings, its NOT okay to say that all we are can be reduced to those material or even psychological parts.

As for Dr. Phil- I suspect on the air he is first an entertainer and second a psychiatrist. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying new therapies, but when you look at the history of psychiatry and you see the discarded therapies which were popular decades before, one wonders if it isn’t wiser to try some sage old advice rather than jump in head-first into untested therapies.

A 200-year old scientific theory that has passed the test of time and experimentation is far more reliable than a new theory that is yet to be proven.

I find it hard,in practical life,to reconcile that we are both physiological beings (including psychological) and spiritual beings.
So If psychology(Dr Phil lol) says don’t enable someone in their weaknesses but Catholic life says “relieve their burdens” it’s hard to know which is healthy.

 

[Sereta]

One of the greatest gifts God can give you is suffering, and few will truly ever understand this. Suffering brings you so close to God, you grow in union with Christ and receive such grace and start to understand truth more fully. Besides when we really think about it, there is so much on earth today to be sorrowful about. But from this sorrow and suffering comes great joy because you become more in union with the source of true joy. So yeah I think Catholics are the only ones who understand that we should embrace suffering as the gift it truly is.

I tried to think suffering was good,when I was suffering alot and in hopeless situations but I never really could make myself believe it even when priests told me of the value of suffering etc.
To me,some suffering is unbearable,and in addition I believe in trying to make people healthy and happy.
Like I wish I could create cures for Dementia & not just leave them to suffer mindlessly…
Some say suffering is good.For example extreme poverty might lead some to God but to me it can be very bad too,because others in extreme poverty,especially who live in high crime and violence areas,live in a state of continual fear,never feeling safe or relaxed etc and to me that’s bad.
Anyway ,I’m going off track here…

 

[Joy2day]

I don’t think you should necessarily try NOT to help people when you can, via the idea that this is somehow bad for them…? (seems another ploy of the devil actually).

Its like - imagine if we did not go to the doctor when we are sick or did not invent antibiotics to ‘cure’ the bacteria, due to the idea that our body/immune system would somehow become lazy if assisted with antibiotics to cure a disease.

In the past, when people did not have assistance, they often died.

eg. what would have occurred if none of the Jews in WW2 were ever helped by anyone else?

What about the good samaritan? God said to help people where you can see a need for it; so did St Mary MacKillop. Anything contrary is from the evil one.

And helping someone become ‘tougher’ does not mean banging their head against a wall to assist them with this.