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DoubtingCatholc
Guest
children?
Yesterday, as every year, is the worst day of my year.
Yesterday, as every year, is the worst day of my year.
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Lazerlike42
Guest
You’ll want to clarify what you mean so folks can help you with your question.
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kage_ar
Guest
Prayers for you.
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DoubtingCatholc
Guest
To clarify, I grew up in a strict Roman Catholic family. 12 years of Catholic school. Grew up without love from my mother. Only emotion I ever knew was fear. The Church was always right; despite it’s own sins. Was told at an early age that I was going to Hell for taking communion at a Protestant Church and that she would support the Pope and the Church sending me there. A life of abuse and neglect which caused me to break all ties 18 months ago after she told me to go “F” myself on Christmas Eve.
So, does strict adherence to Catholic dogma drive a wedge between a mother and her children.
So, does strict adherence to Catholic dogma drive a wedge between a mother and her children.
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kage_ar
Guest
It sounds as if you had a very sad childhood.
God and His Church is full of love and compassion. I would advise you to seek out a good holy Priest or catholic couneslor who can help you find Peace in Jesus and the Sacraments.
God and His Church is full of love and compassion. I would advise you to seek out a good holy Priest or catholic couneslor who can help you find Peace in Jesus and the Sacraments.
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1ke
Guest
Your mother being crazy has nothing to do with her being Catholic.
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Della
Guest
No, strict adherence to Church teaching doesn’t drive wedges between a parent and a child when the wedge has been made by one or the other or both of them. All of us are perfectly capable of using God, Church, whatever to try to make people do what want and to abuse others. That doesn’t make God or the Church wrong, it only makes clear that we are all sinners and some of us can’t face it (as you describe your mother), so we use the Church or God as as excuse for bad behavior. Your mother needs your prayers and your pity if she uses God/the Church to be abusive. But, you don’t have to listen to her or put up with her behavior, either. Distance yourself from her, if you need to, and let God help you to forgive so you can heal and get on with your own life. :console: I will pray for you–for your happiness and peace of mind.
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kevinsgirl
Guest
There are rules about being Catholic and you’re supposed to strive to follow them as best as you can. That being said, as a Catholic, you are also supposed to be charitable and loving with every single person you come into contact with. It sounds like your mother got the rules part, but doesn’t understand about charity. I’m so sorry for that.
So to answer your question, no, Catholicism does not drive a wedge between a mother and her children. True Catholicism may make a mother tell her child that what he did is wrong, but it will also make her tell him that she loves him and that he is always in her prayers.
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duskyjewel
Guest
First off, the Pope and the Church do not send anyone to Hell. Only God can do that.
Secondly, it is wrong to blame someone’s character flaws on the religion they practice. Honestly, your mother sounds mentally ill from your description. That has nothing to do with her being Catholic, and there are mentally ill people who are members of every faith.
So, no, being Catholic does not cause women to hate their children. In my experience, being a mother as a Catholic is a much richer experience than without the Faith. I was raised by a lapsed Catholic and an atheist. My mom was never happy with anything, and made everyone around her suffer because of it. She refused to embrace the faith she was raised with because it had the audacity to require something of her. She regards all relationships with other people as a net loss for herself, because she has to give. She never accounts for what she gets back, because she refuses to see what she does get back. She told me in a conversation last fall that “accountability pisses [her] off.” So, these are character flaws in her that have nothing to do with the faith in which she was raised. They have much to do with being raised in a family with many unaddressed and painful issues, and with her own choice to give as little of herself as possible to anything outside herself. I could have turned out like her, and very nearly did. But the call in my heart was always there, back to the Church she did at least start me out in before she got angry at God. My life is far from perfect, but I am happy and fulfilled being a mother, and a Catholic mother. I have a strong Catholic man to father my children, support me, and help me with the everyday tasks we all must do. I have a faith that I am sharing with my kids and passing on. I have that beauty to give to them, because I choose to embrace it. Catholic teaching on the value of life, especially unborn and vulnerable newborn lives, the veneration of Mary, the culture that surrounds us of family support in the Church… all these things make being a mother far richer and better than the secular experience.
I think what you need to do is separate your mother from the Church. Catholicism has nothing to do with it. Mental illness, or perhaps just character flaws, seem more appropriate to blame in your situation. If someone determines that she is mentally ill, perhaps she could get some help and reclaim the happiness she has been unable to have all her life! Because frankly, it sounds like she was miserable and taking it out on you.
Peace and prayers for you. I know that a damaging experience with a member of the Church can turn people off of it, but please don’t write off the whole worldwide Church because of one sinner. The Church is the hospital for sinners, we all are sinners. And we all need the Church and each other because of that.
Secondly, it is wrong to blame someone’s character flaws on the religion they practice. Honestly, your mother sounds mentally ill from your description. That has nothing to do with her being Catholic, and there are mentally ill people who are members of every faith.
So, no, being Catholic does not cause women to hate their children. In my experience, being a mother as a Catholic is a much richer experience than without the Faith. I was raised by a lapsed Catholic and an atheist. My mom was never happy with anything, and made everyone around her suffer because of it. She refused to embrace the faith she was raised with because it had the audacity to require something of her. She regards all relationships with other people as a net loss for herself, because she has to give. She never accounts for what she gets back, because she refuses to see what she does get back. She told me in a conversation last fall that “accountability pisses [her] off.” So, these are character flaws in her that have nothing to do with the faith in which she was raised. They have much to do with being raised in a family with many unaddressed and painful issues, and with her own choice to give as little of herself as possible to anything outside herself. I could have turned out like her, and very nearly did. But the call in my heart was always there, back to the Church she did at least start me out in before she got angry at God. My life is far from perfect, but I am happy and fulfilled being a mother, and a Catholic mother. I have a strong Catholic man to father my children, support me, and help me with the everyday tasks we all must do. I have a faith that I am sharing with my kids and passing on. I have that beauty to give to them, because I choose to embrace it. Catholic teaching on the value of life, especially unborn and vulnerable newborn lives, the veneration of Mary, the culture that surrounds us of family support in the Church… all these things make being a mother far richer and better than the secular experience.
I think what you need to do is separate your mother from the Church. Catholicism has nothing to do with it. Mental illness, or perhaps just character flaws, seem more appropriate to blame in your situation. If someone determines that she is mentally ill, perhaps she could get some help and reclaim the happiness she has been unable to have all her life! Because frankly, it sounds like she was miserable and taking it out on you.
Peace and prayers for you. I know that a damaging experience with a member of the Church can turn people off of it, but please don’t write off the whole worldwide Church because of one sinner. The Church is the hospital for sinners, we all are sinners. And we all need the Church and each other because of that.
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Sina
Guest
Sorry to hear that your mom was so awful to you 
I don’t think your mom’s treatment of you have anything to do with her faith. It may have to do with something else, like how she was raised herself. I will pray for you that you will find love and peace in the church. Remember that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and we will be forgiven when we repent. Jesus does not want you to go to hell.
I don’t think your mom’s treatment of you have anything to do with her faith. It may have to do with something else, like how she was raised herself. I will pray for you that you will find love and peace in the church. Remember that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and we will be forgiven when we repent. Jesus does not want you to go to hell.
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Belgarion
Guest
I’m sorry about your mother. No one is perfect, and I wouldn’t blame any religion for what some people who claim to be a part of the religion do.
However, the above quote is disturbing.
The Church itself has never committed any sin. It is impossible for it to sin. It is guaranteed by Christ that it will never fall, therefore it will never fall/sin.
People in the Chuch (clergymen, etc) CAN sin when they act as MAN ( Human beings are sinful) but it is not the Church.
The only way the Church would fall is if the Pope taught false doctrine AS doctrine and as the Pope. Christ has guaranteed that that won’t happen either.
The Church has never, and will never sin.
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AHapka
Guest
Thank you for posting Doubting. If you grew up without love from your mother and only knew fear and abuse and neglect I would recommend speaking with your Priest and finding good professional help. I am in no way saying that any of this is your fault, please be clear on that. However professional help is very helpful for those who have been abused. With that many years of living under those conditions, you tend to see things through the “lens” of those conditions. You need someone to help you see some things correctly.
Also please note that the Church does not sin. People within the Church sin. Sometimes seriously. You will find people within any orginization that will taint that orginization. Please don’t those people cause you to neglect the Church. The Church is more then the people in it. It is the way the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit lead us to Him.
As someone else said, the Church and Pope send no one to hell. For good spiritual reading, I would suggest getting a copy of the Catechism from the library and read what real Catholicism is. And I also admire your strength in finally stepping away from them.
Praying for you.
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masondoggy
Guest
I would argue that your mom was not even close to adhering to Catholic dogma. Sounds to me like she missed the whole point.
I’m sorry you’ve been through so much. I hope you can find a way to heal…Don’t give up on the Church because She has the best medicine to offer you…The Sacraments.
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Lazerlike42
Guest
DoubtingCatholc,
I’m sorry to hear what you went through with your mom. It sounds like, as some others have said, your mother got part of the faith down, but missed something else so greatly that even what she got down was not really proper. She got the matter down, but totally missed the form. Those are technical terms… I don’t want to lump technical terms on you, but they so perfectly describe your situation I thought it was appropriate.
As Catholics, we have to have faith in truths. Your mother seems to have had that. It’s true that it’s wrong for a Catholic to take Communion in other churches. It’s true that the Church cannot err in teaching even if the bishops and popes can sin a great deal in their behavior. Your mother had faith in these things. It sounds like perhaps she didn’t understand them entirely, but she had faith.
What she seems to have lacked is love. It is one of the most basic of all Catholic principles that faith is meaningless unless it is formed - that is, arranged or put into order - by love. St. Paul said it best in the Bible:
You see, Jesus did say that families will be divided over Him. He did say that we are called to love Him over our families - that we need to love him more than our mother’s for example. That doesn’t mean we should not love our families. It means just what He said were the two greatest commandments of all: to love God, and then to love our neighbor. The two are very connected. It’s impossible to love God without loving our neighbor!
When He talked about loving Him first, and said families would be divided, He meant that if a loved one asks that we sin, we won’t, and if a loved one wants us to reject God, we can’t do that for them. This is going to divide families because many times, loved ones are going to hate us for this. The division in the families comes from the non-Christian members - not the Christian ones.
In other words, Jesus was warning us about a situation such as if your mother told you not to take Communion in a Protestant church, and you got mad at her and abandoned her - not the other way around. Not the way it happened.
As Catholics, we’re supposed to love others even when they are not loving Jesus, and even when they are not loving us. I would highly suggest you read about St. Monica if you wish to understand the authentic Catholic way of handling the situation your mother was in. She was an extremely devout woman who’s child was not Christian. He was doing all sorts of things far worse than taking Communion in a Protestant church. She did not reject him… she continued to love him and spent 17 years of her life praying and offering her sufferings for him. If your mother thought you were in danger of hell, this is what she should have been doing.
I know that my post is perhaps a bit more technical than the very consoling, perhaps one might say emotional posts of others, but I hope it does help. I know what you’re looking for is understanding, so I am trying to explain things to you so you will understand. Hopefully it will be a good compliment to what others are saying to you.
I’ll pray for you and your mother,
Peace and God bless!
I’m sorry to hear what you went through with your mom. It sounds like, as some others have said, your mother got part of the faith down, but missed something else so greatly that even what she got down was not really proper. She got the matter down, but totally missed the form. Those are technical terms… I don’t want to lump technical terms on you, but they so perfectly describe your situation I thought it was appropriate.
As Catholics, we have to have faith in truths. Your mother seems to have had that. It’s true that it’s wrong for a Catholic to take Communion in other churches. It’s true that the Church cannot err in teaching even if the bishops and popes can sin a great deal in their behavior. Your mother had faith in these things. It sounds like perhaps she didn’t understand them entirely, but she had faith.
What she seems to have lacked is love. It is one of the most basic of all Catholic principles that faith is meaningless unless it is formed - that is, arranged or put into order - by love. St. Paul said it best in the Bible:
I think it’s fair to say that every single person on this board has people that they love who are not living a life of holiness, and many who are away from the Church, are atheists, or are involved in any number of grave sins. We recognize this, and we don’t try to deny it, and I am sure many of us even try to tell this to these people some times. The thing is, we tell them this out of love and in a loving way. We don’t tell them we’ll be happy if they go to Hell… we tell them that we love them and don’t want that to happen.
You see, Jesus did say that families will be divided over Him. He did say that we are called to love Him over our families - that we need to love him more than our mother’s for example. That doesn’t mean we should not love our families. It means just what He said were the two greatest commandments of all: to love God, and then to love our neighbor. The two are very connected. It’s impossible to love God without loving our neighbor!
When He talked about loving Him first, and said families would be divided, He meant that if a loved one asks that we sin, we won’t, and if a loved one wants us to reject God, we can’t do that for them. This is going to divide families because many times, loved ones are going to hate us for this. The division in the families comes from the non-Christian members - not the Christian ones.
In other words, Jesus was warning us about a situation such as if your mother told you not to take Communion in a Protestant church, and you got mad at her and abandoned her - not the other way around. Not the way it happened.
As Catholics, we’re supposed to love others even when they are not loving Jesus, and even when they are not loving us. I would highly suggest you read about St. Monica if you wish to understand the authentic Catholic way of handling the situation your mother was in. She was an extremely devout woman who’s child was not Christian. He was doing all sorts of things far worse than taking Communion in a Protestant church. She did not reject him… she continued to love him and spent 17 years of her life praying and offering her sufferings for him. If your mother thought you were in danger of hell, this is what she should have been doing.
I know that my post is perhaps a bit more technical than the very consoling, perhaps one might say emotional posts of others, but I hope it does help. I know what you’re looking for is understanding, so I am trying to explain things to you so you will understand. Hopefully it will be a good compliment to what others are saying to you.
I’ll pray for you and your mother,
Peace and God bless!
J
jmcrae
Guest
It may have been the times. I grew up with a Methodist mother, and was completely terrified of her until well into my 30s.
No. Terrifying and bullying your children does that.
Fortunately, my mother and I have patched up our differences, and we can be friends, now. Not that it’s always easy, but it’s doable, now. I think we both just grew up, in the end.
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Catherine_W
Guest
Actually I’m pretty sure that God does not send people to Hell either… but as I understand it… people choose Hell when they choose to not love God. God wants us to all be in Heaven.
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duskyjewel
Guest
Well, all I meant was that no human has that power. Jesus promised the Apostles that whose sins they held bound would be bound… but God can and will do whatever His will is after that. He has the right to be merciful or not…
But technically, you are right. God desires us to enter Heaven and be with Him, and we are the ones who can throw that away with both hands…
But technically, you are right. God desires us to enter Heaven and be with Him, and we are the ones who can throw that away with both hands…
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tapiocapudding
Guest
Your mother sounds an awful lot like my mother in law. She recently disowned us because my Mom sent out baby shower invitiations ‘only’ two weeks before the shower and because we left the city she lives in. It was really hard on my husband…
She’s not Catholic or even Christian… unfortunately some Moms are just not nice people. I don’t think it has much to do with faith. I’m sorry that your Mom was so mean to you
She’s not Catholic or even Christian… unfortunately some Moms are just not nice people. I don’t think it has much to do with faith. I’m sorry that your Mom was so mean to you
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Catherine_W
Guest
duskyjewel
I agree and I understand that you were just trying to say that no human has the power to send others to Hell. I just wanted to make sure the OP knew that God desires us to all be in Heaven and that He does not send us to hell… but that individuals send themselves when they do not choose God. Since the OP had gotten such harsh and unloving teachings from her mother I thought on top of what you said, that it would be good to point out the loving nature of God.
I agree and I understand that you were just trying to say that no human has the power to send others to Hell. I just wanted to make sure the OP knew that God desires us to all be in Heaven and that He does not send us to hell… but that individuals send themselves when they do not choose God. Since the OP had gotten such harsh and unloving teachings from her mother I thought on top of what you said, that it would be good to point out the loving nature of God.
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Spirithound
Guest
No, my mom was thrilled when I told her I was discerning the priesthood.
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