J
JosephDColeman
Guest
I’m a recent convert to Catholicism, but I was a Protestant for years before that. I never had to address this as a Protestant, mainly because I assumed all of my sins were forgiven and there was no loss of salvation…however, now that I’m trying to grow closer to God and make Him the center of my life I have realised how sinful my thoughts are by default.
For example, when I am at work and someone is blocking an area I have to get to my first thought is, “move!” Or if I’m walking home from work and someone honks at me just to be annoying my first thought is what I would do if I caught them stopped up the road to confront them in an aggressive way. When I realise my mind is doing this I do all I can to change my mindset, but I feel bad that it seems to be my default mindset and often wonder if I have the Holy Spirit or even if Christ looks at me as wicked because I’m like this. I’m always worried that I’m mortally sinning by having these violent thoughts because I entertain them but it’s not like I can look at a thought before I have it and decide if I should get caught in it or not. Usually I realize, “that’s a bad way to think” and try to correct my perspective but that’s after I realize I have been stuck in a thought.
Is the mind part of the “sinful flesh” we war against? Am I sinning when I have these thoughts by default and then realize it after the fact? My whole day is haunted because it’s like I’m watching how evil my mindset is and I can’t force it to change. Reading “The Story of a Soul” was hard on me because I feel like St. Therese Lisieux had a mind so naturally different than mine.
I’m sorry for writing so much.
For example, when I am at work and someone is blocking an area I have to get to my first thought is, “move!” Or if I’m walking home from work and someone honks at me just to be annoying my first thought is what I would do if I caught them stopped up the road to confront them in an aggressive way. When I realise my mind is doing this I do all I can to change my mindset, but I feel bad that it seems to be my default mindset and often wonder if I have the Holy Spirit or even if Christ looks at me as wicked because I’m like this. I’m always worried that I’m mortally sinning by having these violent thoughts because I entertain them but it’s not like I can look at a thought before I have it and decide if I should get caught in it or not. Usually I realize, “that’s a bad way to think” and try to correct my perspective but that’s after I realize I have been stuck in a thought.
Is the mind part of the “sinful flesh” we war against? Am I sinning when I have these thoughts by default and then realize it after the fact? My whole day is haunted because it’s like I’m watching how evil my mindset is and I can’t force it to change. Reading “The Story of a Soul” was hard on me because I feel like St. Therese Lisieux had a mind so naturally different than mine.
I’m sorry for writing so much.
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