Quoting Vijon:
I have had periperal neuropathy for eight years because of the effects of chemotherapy. It is with me every waking moment. It occupies my every thought. I try very hard to be a good person, and love God and all that he has given me. I pray every day for this to come to an end. Maybe I am not deserving of his healing. Is it possible that God doesn’t love me enough to answer my prayers? Is there something I must do to be more deserving? Is it wrong to pray for a miracle?
I am very sorry that you suffer as you do. I do know what periperal neuropathy is but I know what chronic and acute physical pain is and constantly. I have oesteoarthitis and a lower back and neck injury that makes walking for one painful - and I dont have a car so walk most everywhere. . Many do know suffering and all know it on some level or other. As another poster has pointed out “as gold is tested in fire, so the servants of God are tested in the crucible of suffering”.
It is not wrong to pray for a miracle and sometimes God grants His miracles. God in Himself and in His Will is total mystery to us and all that He gives to us is never ever deserved…neither the joy He sends, nor the sufferings He may allow. God is always, always, giving to us and permitting what we truly need and what is best for us - as mysterious and contradictory as this may seem to our human logic.
Also,the cross and suffering on some level or other is intrinsic to our vocation and call as baptized into Christ: “we make up in our own bodies what was lacking in the sufferings of Christ” (St. Paul) this is an awesome matter - awesome! that anything whatsoever could be lacking in the sufferings and crucifixion that Jesus endured!!! It is a part of our vocation to complete those sufferings. Hence great honor and privilege. Very often our own sufferings are relieved by our attitude and perspective on what we suffer and we can be gifted with Peace and a Spiritual Joy in the midst of them.
There are truly horrific sufferings in this life and in the face of all suffering we are called by vocation in our baptism to be the Hands and Heart of Christ and make every effort that we can to relieve suffering. Sometimes we just cannot and this can be a great suffering too and we suffer because of what others must endure.
The cross, suffering, is most everywhere we look and in the face of our own sufferings we can consider those of others and the cross of Christ and what He endured. The Book of Job in the Old Testament is another great resource in times of difficulty and/or suffering. Job suffered to an extraordinary degree for absolutely sure and his attitude and perspective (gift)carried him through them enabling him to endure them. It is in Scripture and I think in Job that if I take joy form God’s Hands, must then not I equally take suffering. Perhaps first one needs insight that absolutely everything in life does indeed flow from the Mystery and Will of God. Suffering in life can be a stumbling block…and St. Paul sighted that the cross would be a stumbling block to many and not only in his day but continues to be so in ours.
Nevertheless I feel for you in your sufferings which do sound extremely painful. God does love you. He loves every last one of us equally and totally and eternally - it is we who drift from Him and love and acceptance of His Will for us in life…consider His OwnSon and what He endured and The Father permitted.
I will keep you in prayer that God will relieve what you are sufferings and/or grant you that Peace and Joy that transcends all pain and suffering.
God’s Blessings and regards…Barb
