Does God still love me?

[Kei]

Yes God still loves you. Your scruples are getting the better of you.

We can’t all control our thoughts all the time. You aren’t responsible for thoughts like this so long as you don’t entertain them.

Also, this smacks of being influenced by current thought. You are not a pedophile and you are not guilty of sodomy. These are not identities or “attractions”. These are ACTS. The only way it is true you are a pedophile is if you molest a child or entertain the idea of it.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

These are not … “attractions”.

This is a really interesting claim. I can’t figure out if it’s completely false or quite insightful.

The idea seems to be that, when I feel a temptation to think about X, it is an error to consider this to be a characteristic of me in any sense. Thus, even if we say that it is AN attraction, it is a problem for me to think about it as MY attraction. The attribution of the personal pronoun distracts one from the reality of the situation, which is not “some fact about myself” but rather “some fact about how the devil is assaulting me”, as it were.

Is this what you had in mind?

I still don’t know if it’s helpful, as I think about my experience of temptation with respect to same-sex “attraction”. I have just seen way too many people live in denial about their SSA, and then end up destroying marriages or living in deep darkness because of it.

 

[Joe_73]

If its there it might have been staring you in the face for a long time. I probably ignored it because it was an embarassing shameful memory.There was an incident when I was about 3 were I was being potty trained and my dad lost his temper with me for not succeeding at it one time and put me into the bathtub. That was a traumatic moment, cause I lost that little bit of percieved love and intimacy that I had before, Which caused fetishes related to infantilism/incontinence… it went further than that when It got sexual, but you get the point,. I knew about this story, I vaguely remembered it, and my dad would joke about it, but I suddenly realized its significance. I felt shame( as a toddler), because my dad was mad at me, so It was an obsession, because I wanted to go back and fix that shame,and that percieved lack of love. But upon discovering this,when I was able to look back and NOT blame myself at all for what happened, I realized that it was my dad’s fault for loosing his temper not mine, and I had lost the small bit of connection and intimacy with my father that I had, it turned to fear. so its a sad, difficult memory now, but its better to face it than try to escape it.

There is a big list of possible things that at some point or another have been a “fetish” so to speak. And they all have one thing in common for me, they have been about same sex features, insecurities, comparing myself and my body to other men or boys. It’s always about the differences, something I have that they don’t have or something they have that I don’t have. eg. I’m a young male, they’re a grown up male, I’m grown up male, they’re a young male(just to show how this relates to pedophilia) or I’m a “Boyish” man, their a “manly man”, and vice versa. If they come up you just got deal with them one a time. and It helps to recognize triggers. They can return when I’m stressed out, just out of habbit.
When I’m shaky in my self identity, and nervous about the future, then the insecurities about my gender come back up, but I know that now, and I’ve gotten through it a few times already, so I have more control over it; it doesn’t bother me much. but old thoughts can flare up occasionally.

 

[Kei]

I meant it to mean that you are not a pedophile and you are not a sodomite just for attractions or thoughts popping in your mind. It is not an identity. This is modern error.
What makes one a pedophile is pedophilia. What makes one a sodomite is committing sodomy.
Nowadays we say one is “gay” and one is “straight” yadda yadda. This is a new phenomenon. It is not an identity of one’s person live chaste or to not: we are all called to live in chastity, having sexual relations only legally within marriage.
The OP was wondering what if it is true he is a pedophile. He is not a pedophile for a weird thought entering into his head, or even for being “attracted” to prepubescent people, though I’m not sure I understand what that means.

I’m going to be frank. I am not sure I understand your attractiveness. Are you saying it is a thought? You experience your same sex attractions in thoughts? Do I understand that correctly? I shall now comment on my beliefs concerning thoughts:
There are thoughts that we are certainly at fault for. You in some way think about it. Hence we should not sully our minds eye. However, there are also thoughts that are temptations. These are not as much your fault, though it may be related to some particular weakness of yours, but are from the evil one.

Either way, it is good to ignore evil thoughts. These do not make you you. Saints, when tempted by lust, would roll in the snow or throw themselves into thorns. I personally quickly strike myself when a thought that seems to be an obvious temptation comes through. The important thing is to not deal with it. Pray to God for strength as soon as temptation strikes, and do not pay attention to it. The more you pay attention to it, the more difficult it is to escape it.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

I’m going to be frank. I am not sure I understand your attractiveness. Are you saying it is a thought? You experience your same sex attractions in thoughts? Do I understand that correctly?

Let me try to explain. If I see a beautiful man, I find him preoccupying. I am very unlikely to think about having sex with him, but I am likely to want to look at him a bit more. If I see him smile, it could make my whole world light up. It’s not a negative-feeling experience, and it’s not really sexual. But it’s quite preoccupying, if I let it be. And since I have a history of looking at gay pornography (stupid me), I have always understood this experience of men as preoccupying as something that was somehow sexual.

Of course, I’m capable of taking the momentary experience of seeing a good looking man, and then lusting. But that’s the exception, not the rule. Usually it’s just distracting.

 

[theCardinalbird]

Let me try to explain. If I see a beautiful man, I find him preoccupying. I am very unlikely to think about having sex with him, but I am likely to want to look at him a bit more. If I see him smile, it could make my whole world light up. It’s not a negative-feeling experience, and it’s not really sexual. But it’s quite preoccupying, if I let it be. And since I have a history of looking at gay pornography (stupid me), I have always understood this experience of men as preoccupying as something that was somehow sexual.

Of course, I’m capable of taking the momentary experience of seeing a good looking man, and then lusting. But that’s the exception, not the rule. Usually it’s just distracting.

Can I say that this is so relatable! Except a few parts…

 

[Kei]

So by preoccupying you mean you focus on it?
I mean, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with finding a woman beautiful or man handsome. Or even a woman handsome and man beautiful. But if you feel you are about to feel lust, or if you feel even thinking this person is attractive or whatever is going to make you sin, then perhaps it is better to not think these thoughts at all, or if this cannot be done, to quickly stop your self when this happens. Think of something else, it could even be some complicated math problem. But what is especially effective is thinking of the Crucifixion, of Jesus suffering.
Impurity is a very strong temptation, so it may also be helpful to give some physical reaction to hinder these thoughts. Nothing harmful, just a pinch or a light strike to yourself, so as to stop yourself.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

So by preoccupying you mean you focus on it?

No, I mean that even if I don’t focus on it at all, and I look away, I will constantly know exactly where that man is. I mean that he then occupies a subconscious awareness, even if I’m not thinking about him. This doesn’t happen often, but it does happen. And it can happen with women too, for sure. I don’t actually experience these moments as temptations to lust. I experience them as temptations to look. But I’m honestly not sure whether looking is wrong, with two caveats: (1) if looking will make me lust, I shouldn’t look, and (2) obviously I don’t want to stare at people, cause that’s weird.

Thanks for the advice on strategies to avoid lust, though. I do sometimes need those, especially when dealing with good looking men or women who aren’t wearing many clothes.

 

[Kei]

Haha yes, perhaps it is best to look away when we see any person scantily clothed!
You can’t control accidentally seeing someone like this, but we can control looking away and hiding our eyes. God bless

 

[JamesATyler]

Hi Joe. I understand you are 16. I am 43. I was born in 73 so I was 16 in the late 80s. I had sexual thoughts when I was 12. Those I remember. Also I had siblings and cousins around my age that were female. They also were beginning in their sexual awareness at that age. This was pre-internet. My fantasies at 12 were not pornographic but only involved mostly relationship ideas. At 12 I desired a younger girl. I had no shame about those thoughts because they did not seem wrong.

In those days, I do not think it was very likely that younger girls would relate to a 12 year old in a sexual way because there was not as much access to sexual material. At 11 or 12 I was able to sneak views of playboy magazines at my step father’s house for he had a large collection. I found a weather beaten magazine with pictures of naked women along the side of a road while walking to a store once. I might have been 14. I kept it hidden in my room. I was able to acquire or view a little more sexual material as I aged. I suppose that before I viewed sexual material I did not relate to women in a sexual way as much.

Here is a point worth noting. My sexual awareness and development of ideas started very young yet I had little access to material. You are growing up in the internet age. Not only do you have easy access to sexual material but so do the other young girls and boys. Some of them may have already accessed a large quantity of sexual material at even earlier ages than 12. I consider that highly likely. As such, these children have a different relationship with even full grown men and women, for most material depicts adults.

Your problem is two fold, at least. Forgive me, because I must attempt to place myself in your shoes, yet your challenges are different. The 16 year old girls have been viewing full grown men who are sexual performers probably for several years. The experience and maturity of these men seem to be the norm. To these young girls, you may seem less desirable because of your youth and inexperience. For the even younger girls, you appear quite a bit more mature. Because a 12 year old girl lacks much in the power of discernment when it comes to telling the difference between a 16, 18, or even 23 year old. You all look more grown up. Yet these girls have also been viewing porn and have a greater sexual awareness. Remember they are viewing fully grown men and women who are performers. That is even very different from the private adults. They also view sexual material performed with a viewer in mind. So things are done on camera with a cinematic aim. That is different from private sex.

So not only do you have to deal with your own desires but you have to deal with developing desires of kids from possibly very young ages to those older than you. Because of the heightened sexual awareness and development of younger children I anticipate that things are much more complicated and difficult than ever for the youth.
[Cont]

 

[JamesATyler]

Develop your leadership skills. Be mindful of the ages of those approaching you and what their interests are in you. If you are approached by younger children who seem receptive to sexual advance, become a pillar of strength for them and increase their caution with an aim to delay them until they are adults. Continue to delay yourself.

I am sorry you have it so difficult. Your youth will be more difficult times than mine and mine were not easy. Many mistakes were made but God does still love.