Does God use sexual attraction to lead people to their spouses?

[DaneClark]

There is this girl that I think God is trying to lead me to. The reason why I was first attracted to her is because I found her sexually appealing. However, as time went on, I started discovering more and more reasons why I think she is Miss Right, like her charming personality and her catholic upbringing, and I feel myself developing an strong emotional bond to her. I have heard how the devil uses sexual feelings to take advantage of people, but not all sexual feelings are evil, right? I have sort of a strong sexuality, and I consider physical attraction to be important to making a relationship work, but I do understand that looks aren’t everything. Could God have been using my sexual feelings to grab my attention and lead me in the right direction?

 

[Shin]

No, God doesn’t.

When it is used outside of marriage, it makes any later bond within marriage weaker, and less singular.

You shouldn’t be giving in to feeling this way about someone who is not your spouse.

 

[bpbasilphx]

And just WHO do you think invented sexual attraction to start with?

 

[exoflare]

Shin, maybe I missed something but where does he say he started “giving in” to those feelings? The sexual attraction itself is perfectly normal; what’s dangerous is when you channel it in certain unhealthy ways.

 

[Sihedas]

No, God doesn’t.

When it is used outside of marriage, it makes any later bond within marriage weaker, and less singular.

You shouldn’t be giving in to feeling this way about someone who is not your spouse.

This would be an accurate response if the OP was giving in and having a sexual relation with the girl; or if these sexual desires became the source of unhealthy fantasy.

However, the desire itself is not wrong; rather, what one chooses to do with it is right or wrong. I certainly felt sexual desires for my wife before we were married. It would be ridiculous to try not to. However, we chose not to indulge those desires before marriage, and are quite glad of it. We are also glad that the desires exist.

Remain chaste, treat the girl with love and respect, and pray for one another.

I wouldn’t take a sexual attraction as a “sign from above” that she’s the one, but it is certainly one good ingredient in a marriage.

 

[Shin]

Casual mortal sin is the regular indulgence of people in these times, and they see it as harmless.

Concupiscence is not normal.

‘Not indulging it’ while allowing it to persist is ‘indulging it’.

In a more restrained society it would not happen.

If you feel about her in a way you’d feel ashamed to with a mother or your sister, then you have a problem. Or if you’re so far gone you don’t feel ashamed about such feelings about any women at all, that too is a problem.

 

[DaneClark]

This would be an accurate response if the OP was giving in and having a sexual relation with the girl; or if these sexual desires became the source of unhealthy fantasy.

However, the desire itself is not wrong; rather, what one chooses to do with it is right or wrong. I certainly felt sexual desires for my wife before we were married. It would be ridiculous to try not to. However, we chose not to indulge those desires before marriage, and are quite glad of it. We are also glad that the desires exist.

Remain chaste, treat the girl with love and respect, and pray for one another.

I wouldn’t take a sexual attraction as a “sign from above” that she’s the one, but it is certainly one good ingredient in a marriage.

I am not planning to have any sort of sexual relation with her until after we’re married, and I am not having any unhealthy fantasies about her either. And it’s not the sexual attraction that I think is the sign, it’s her personality and her catholic upbringing that I consider to be the sign. What I mean is, the reason why I first became interested in her is because I thought that she was attractive, and as time went on I started seeing how much inner beauty she has as well, and that just made me fall in love with her even more. I think that God was using my eye for beauty to lead me to her.

 

[Layman]

Not a religious opinion:

The human race would have died out a long time ago if sexual attraction didn’t exist! Makin’ babies is not something people would assent to intellectually in sufficient numbers to keep population numbers up. Remember how you felt as a child about k-i-s-s-i-n-g? Without puberty you wouldn’t be interested.

Religious opinion:

It’s the misuse of it, the careless indulgence of it that is the sin. We’re not meant to behave viciously, degrade ourselves and cause suffering, thereby, to others.

 

[izoid]

I am not planning to have any sort of sexual relation with her until after we’re married, and I am not having any unhealthy fantasies about her either. And it’s not the sexual attraction that I think is the sign, it’s her personality and her catholic upbringing that I consider to be the sign. What I mean is, the reason why I first became interested in her is because I thought that she was attractive, and as time went on I started seeing how much inner beauty she has as well, and that just made me fall in love with her even more. I think that God was using my eye for beauty to lead me to her.

Are you a Catholic? YOu stated that she is a good Catholic. It is important to make sure that the 2 of you are on the same spiritual page. Life will be much better if you are.

 

[Lujack]

If you feel about her in a way you’d feel ashamed to with a mother or your sister, then you have a problem. Or if you’re so far gone you don’t feel ashamed about such feelings about any women at all, that too is a problem.

Look, this doesn’t make sense. If you felt the same way about a single girl the same way you felt about your mother or sister, you would not find her attractive because you don’t look at your mother or sister as a potential wife, you look at them as your mother and sister. You don’t have any attraction to them at all in that regard.

There is a distinction between lust and physical attraction that I think you’re ignoring; “Wow, what a pretty girl!” is not an unhealthy reaction, and is certainly not the same as mentally undressing someone.

 

[DaneClark]

Are you a Catholic? YOu stated that she is a good Catholic. It is important to make sure that the 2 of you are on the same spiritual page. Life will be much better if you are.

Yes, I am catholic. And I think I already figured out the answer to my question. This experience with this girl has helped me have much better control over my sexual urges, so that must be God’s leading me in the right direction.

 

[GerardSchlundt]

No, God doesn’t.

When it is used outside of marriage, it makes any later bond within marriage weaker, and less singular.

You shouldn’t be giving in to feeling this way about someone who is not your spouse.

This sounds like a flirtation with gnostic heresy. Properly ordered humans have all been given attraction, its part of our package as a human being. Thats part of the gift we all received from God.

Now, how we USE that attraction is where the trap set by the evil one exists. If we engage in activities that we shouldn’t, weather in a marital relationship or not, that is the problem.

 

[dixieagle]

Casual mortal sin is the regular indulgence of people in these times, and they see it as harmless.

Concupiscence is not normal.

‘Not indulging it’ while allowing it to persist is ‘indulging it’.

In a more restrained society it would not happen.

If you feel about her in a way you’d feel ashamed to with a mother or your sister, then you have a problem. Or if you’re so far gone you don’t feel ashamed about such feelings about any women at all, that too is a problem.

I would hope he doesn’t feel about a possible future spouse the same way he feels about his mother or sister (other than having respect for her, as a woman.) Feeling a physical attraction to someone is hardly “casual mortal sin.”

 

[Sihedas]

I am not planning to have any sort of sexual relation with her until after we’re married, and I am not having any unhealthy fantasies about her either. And it’s not the sexual attraction that I think is the sign, it’s her personality and her catholic upbringing that I consider to be the sign. What I mean is, the reason why I first became interested in her is because I thought that she was attractive, and as time went on I started seeing how much inner beauty she has as well, and that just made me fall in love with her even more. I think that God was using my eye for beauty to lead me to her.

To me, this does not sound problematic, so long as you keep your focus on Christ and remain obedient to the Church’s teachings. Of course, I am a layman, and certainly no chaplain or theologian.

 

[Inwe86]

Sexual attraction is completely normal and healthy. Being sexually attracted to someone doesn’t mean you’re giving into temptation. You can’t control something natural like attraction, but you can control what you do with it, e.g. thoughts, actions, etc.

 

[TheRiver]

Lol @ Shin’s response, one would think it was St. Thomas Aquinas back from the dead.

Sexual attraction is normal, though it doesn’t necessarily mean God is leading you to that specific one, God uses it generally to attract a male and female. I get sexually attracted to every girl I feel pretty, but I’m not compatible with all of them.

 

[DaneClark]

Lol @ Shin’s response, one would think it was St. Thomas Aquinas back from the dead.

Sexual attraction is normal, though it doesn’t necessarily mean God is leading you to that specific one, God uses it generally to attract a male and female. I get sexually attracted to every girl I feel pretty, but I’m not compatible with all of them.

I have also been sexually attracted to girls who were completley wrong for me, and it is something that has lead me down the wrong path on several occasions.

You know how they say “God turns evil into good?” This is what I believe happened with me. He saw that I was a shallow, hormonal male, so he used my sexual attraction to this girl to grab my attention and see what a wonderful person she is on the inside. Also, ever since I have fallen in love with this girl, I have been praying more than I ever have before , and being in love with her has helped me grow closer to God than ever before. Also, my love for this girl is what finally convinced me to stop masturbating and looking at porn, because it helped me understand why it was wrong. If something caused me to change my outlook on things and become a better christian in the long run it can’t possibly be bad.