Does he even like me?

[Amber2]

I tried to kiss my husband ( we have been married for a bit more than a year) and then he said he doesn’t really like kissing with the tongue. I already sensed that it is not his favorite way of showing affection, but still I felt very very rejected and sad when he said that. I never heard about a couple in love where one part actually disliked kissing…?
I am feeling really hurt and as if something is wrong with me or with him.
Amber

 

[Trishie]

Amber please don’t distress yourself. I’'ve known others to feel the same about that type of kiss. Please allow him to love and show affection as he can, and does, rather than feel obliged to do so in a way that doesn’t appeal. It’s not rejection, but a preference. Remember that Adam and Eve’s fault was to be miserable about the one thing they couldn’t have, instead of feeling happy about all the other things they could enjoy.

Nothing’s wrong, love…not everyone feels comfortable with that sort of kiss. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. That kind of kiss in any case is surrogate s-x…and your husband honours your relationship with the real deal, so do be happy, and give him a big hug.

 

[jrabs]

Awe, honey , I am so sorry you feel rejected.

Every person is different in the way they show affection and in the way they need to receive affection. Just because your husband does not enjoy a sensual kiss the way you do does NOT mean he does not love you.

You are focusing on the wrong things and getting yourself upset over this. Instead, as the post #2 suggests ( great post by the way) - enjoy and accept your husband. Let him love you in his way.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Amber2]

Thank you to the both of you. Your reply really made me feel quite relieved.
I look forward to my husband coming home
God bless you
Amber

 

[cupidlove]

the passion may go but the love is still here
it act in a different way, just feel it

 

[samovila]

To be honest, I’m not always receptive to that type of kiss either. Sometimes my husband’s timing is just off and I end up with an extra tongue in my mouth when I wasn’t expecting or wanting it there. I keep reminding him not to forget what it was like when we were dating and timing was everything! You can’t rush things just because we’re married now!

 

[BamaRider]

I tried to kiss my husband ( we have been married for a bit more than a year) and then he said he doesn’t really like kissing with the tongue. I already sensed that it is not his favorite way of showing affection, but still I felt very very rejected and sad when he said that. I never heard about a couple in love where one part actually disliked kissing…?
I am feeling really hurt and as if something is wrong with me or with him.
Amber

Is this a change from his past behavior?

 

[Annibc]

Hi Guy
Yeah, well, like I said, kissing on the mouth never seemd to be of interest to him. He only rarely does that, I have mostly taken the initiative.
So I can’t say that I was very surprised when he admitted to not liking it.
A

 

[duskyjewel]

Kissing on the mouth, at all? Or just kissing with tongue? Because those are two different animals, and I don’t see why anyone would object to kissing their spouse on the mouth.

He should have told you before the wedding if he had a problem with either of those things. I would feel pretty rejected too, if all of a sudden my husband, who is supposed to find me alluring and attractive and sexy, started pulling away when I wanted to kiss him! I mean, first thing in the morning when I have dragon breath, I get. But just overall, because he doesn’t like kissing, all of a sudden? That would worry me…

If you are OK with this and suspected it anyway, then I guess talk to him about what ARE appropriate ways for you to greet him affectionately. But if you’re feeling a bit out of the loop and this seems sudden to you, then express to him that he has made a change and it upsets you, and where do we go from here?

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

To be honest, I’m not always receptive to that type of kiss either. Sometimes my husband’s timing is just off and I end up with an extra tongue in my mouth when I wasn’t expecting or wanting it there. I keep reminding him not to forget what it was like when we were dating and timing was everything! You can’t rush things just because we’re married now!

** Too funny… I could have written your post too, lol.

But to the OP, there has been great advice already…not everyone shows affection the same way. But you know your husband best. If this is just the way he is, that’s ok. If this is new or weird, you need to figure out why (usually simply asking him why is enough).**

 

[Amber2]

Hi DuskyJewel
Thank you a million times for your understanding. You are the first one here to actually seem to understand how I feel about this. I also just want to be attractive in every way to him, like he is to me. It is a bit like contracepting: there is a part of me that he wants to shut out. I am sad, but what can I do!
Amber