Does it make Sense

[johto760]

I’m in college now, I have courted a girl before but it ended in my dismay, so it feels like:
“I keep myself from having a girlfriend”
since birth, even though I really really want to, it feels like there’s no one I can trust enough that will still be there no matter what, whenever I get the feeling like I’m starting to get familiar feelings towards a beautiful girl, there’s almost always something like, schedule incompatibility, fear of being a bother, feeling of not being worthy no matter how strongly I feel because I know that one of my greatest weakness is not being able to sustain anything whether it may be a hobby a feeling even just watching T.V., fear of not being able to say the things I have to say, or the loss of the feeling to fight,
I often feel black in this country, because I am, but mostly because most of the people that come up to me asks whether: “I’m black or not” or " Are you PhilAm-Philippine/American-?", It kind of makes me feel like I’m that different, and I feel like it’s an insult because, why does it have to matter right? " so what if I’m black?, they’re white/brown I don’t care!, they don’t hear me asking about where they came from. " I guess there’s really not much black guys in the Philippines, but even though I continue to feel “different” towards most Filipinos, I love this country, I’ve yet to explore it’s variety of islands. My grades in school is kind of high for my efforts, and I really can play any instrument at will, and well, but it takes so much time for one instrument, led alone 2 or more right?,

Now that the discrimination issue is on the air, does it make sense to feel THAT: " UNLESS I GET A STABLE JOB, BECOME SOMEONE THAT ANYONE CAN BE PROUD OF, NO GIRL(considering that she’s my type) WILL EVER BE WILLING TO EVEN THINK ABOUT LOVING ME "

Does anyone feel this way?, even if it’s just for a brief moment in time! I really don’t want to feel “different” it crashes my heart, weeping that someday all this will just simply go away. If in case no one really don’t even have the time to feel this way, what can I do to boost my will?

Never Give up. it’s a fairly hard statement that’s really putting pressure in the clouds of my heartaches.

 

[Trishie]

There are a number of issues in your post, but the basic problem sems to be self-esteem. I want to talk to you, but am just posting a couple of lines, beofre I dsh off to finish making dinner. Back later,

 

[Newbie2]

I didn’t have a GF until senior year of college. We’ve been married 25 years now.

Pray. Wait. Repeat.

Worked for me.

 

[Trishie]

May I share my thoughts, in the hope that you may begin to little by little move towards a different understanding than the unhappy, lonely perception you have now. I pray that you can begin to grow towards understanding that you are God’s loved child, and that people need you to move from the attitude you project that you’re not worth much. You are.

I really don’t think just because people ask about your origins, they are necessarily expressing prejudice. People are simply curious. When I visited the U.S a number of people asked where I came from because of accent. That didn’t mean they were prejudiced because I wasn’t American. They perceived something different from the norm, so they asked, simply to know.

You may be very sensitive about who you are, and have some prejudice about yourself, and so when others ask questions, might it be that you interpret their curiosity as prejudice.

I grew up with a fear of being a bother. I learned to see things differently, but it took a while. A glimpse: it was the evening my thrid son was born. We were visiting my husband’s parents, and basically because I was already in labour, I had severe backache. I didn’t say so or mention my situation. However I eventually asked for a cushion for my back. My father-in-law immediately called out to his wife, “E…, she actually ASKED for something!” Yes, I used to do anything not to be a nuisance. I had low self-esteem longterm.
But you know what! You don’t have to stay there, in feeling so much less than anyone else, in doing anything rather than being ‘a bother’.

And I had trust issues. Also quite entrenched from childhood. My mother was ill when I was a toddler, there were no relatives around, and at that time, no childcare, so I was in an orphanage for a few months. My mother told me just before she died, “After you were in the orphanage, you never trusted me again.” I’m white, but I was a quiet, self-doubting shy person. But as I said, you don’t have to stay like that. You don’t have to always thing that even curious questions people ask are criticisms of you as a person.

You can grow, learn to trust, learn to love, learn to receive love. There are setbacks, but you just keep trying…especially to be a kind and generous person. Less focus on your limitations, more on contributing.

No, you’re not alone, and not alone in self-esteem issues, or trust issues, or in having someone to love who loves you. There are others, of any race or creed. Just don’t give up. And don’t wallow. Let God lead you from a self-absorbed kind of misery, into the sunlight of generosity and consideration and happiness.

I hope you understand that I’m just pulling back the curtains to try to let you see yourself and others more clearly…so that you do see that in fact, with God’s grace, you can move towards a life in which you can flourish.

Bless you, Trishie

 

[johto760]

You may be very sensitive about who you are, and have some prejudice about yourself, and so when others ask questions, might it be that you interpret their curiosity as prejudice.

Well, I have thought about it for a long time now, and yeah, “IT’S JUST ME” I’m not being able to like myself that much because I feel different, for the past few weeks, unless I hide my face using glasses or a cap, I wouldn’t be able to look myself in the mirror and say: “I’m alright” and mean it, It’s like I am giving me a hard time liking me, and this attitude has, i guess, been holding me back a lot to my friends and family, so I try not to look in the mirror, but I have to sometime,

You can grow, learn to trust, learn to love, learn to receive love. There are setbacks, but you just keep trying…especially to be a kind and generous person. Less focus on your limitations, more on contributing.

Keep trying. whoa.

I guess I will grow up learning to love, trust and receive,

one day, I was watching Daystar, it’s some kind of a Christian church channel, and there are many pastors there and one time I heard from one of them:" BE IN CHRIST, BE WITH CHRIST AND BE FOR CHRIST, AND YOUR DAYS WILL MULTIPLY "
or something like that, just be positive about stuff right? hmm. I really loved the way Newbie2 put it: " Pray, Wait, Repeat "
I feel like it’s the simplest thing In the world, to wait, ^^ but waiting is really the hard part, praying is easy, repeating> I’m not a fan, but I seem to be able to be consistent with my grades, “not failing” i mean, some of my subjects are really weird, I review, but when the test is up, my answers cannot match the real answers, really don’t know why. ^^

No, you’re not alone, and not alone in self-esteem issues, or trust issues, or in having someone to love who loves you. There are others, of any race or creed. Just don’t give up. And don’t wallow. Let God lead you from a self-absorbed kind of misery, into the sunlight of generosity and consideration and happiness.

I’ll pray more hopefully,.

I hope you understand that I’m just pulling back the curtains to try to let you see yourself and others more clearly…so that you do see that in fact, with God’s grace, you can move towards a life in which you can flourish.

Bless you, Trishie

Thanks.

VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY EVERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY

MUCH. ^^ I’ll pray that we may see each other in heaven. ^^

 

[johto760]

I didn’t have a GF until senior year of college. We’ve been married 25 years now.

Pray. Wait. Repeat.

Worked for me.

^^ Thanks for sharing,
THANK YOU, you’ve kind of inspired me. ^^

 

[Trishie]

Wow! You see! Your last few lines are a glimpse of the warm enthusiastic person who is hidden inside you, waiting to come out! And your last phrase, 'I’ll pray that we may see each other in heaven." It’s exactly what I might say to you, except my words are, and I mean it “I look forward to meeting you in heaven!”

I was the shyest person this side of the Black Stump, and full of self-criticism and self-doubt, and very lonely.
And you know what! People thought I was different too, and sometimes said so, usually quite curiously. But later, they were more inclined to say thing’s like, “you have the gift of gentle love.”

I remember trying positive thought on myself, swinging along as I walked, “I’m young and strong and beautiful, and full of loving-kindness!” I’d repeat over and over. I didn’t think I was beautiful…but now I look back at photos and think, how come I didn’t realise how fresh and sweet and warm I looked!

Later I looked to God to help me become the person I really am

I might post a couple of prayers that were part of my struggle to find God’s vision of me. Love, Trishie

 

[Trishie]

I see gratitude and enthusiasm in your responses. Those are of God’s life in you, and the beauty and goodness in you!

Confidence in God’s merciful love
God, You command that I forgive and rightly cherish myself. Like many people in human history, I often find it difficult to sincerely and consistently love the ‘self’ that I find mirrored in my consciousness. I know that You can bring me to appreciate the miracle and privilege of my existence!

How can I refuse to love what God loves! You treasure me, as You love and treasure each unique, human person that You create. Yet I need much grace to love this betrayer of my true being and purpose, myself! I betray Your loving creation of me by failing to be fully ‘the person I am created to be’.

You love each person so much that it led to the incarnation of Your divine Son, and to His redemption of humankind. Jesus is Your response to my betrayal of my destiny and me. Yet frequently I am unconvinced or indifferent before these astounding gifts of divine love for me and for every person!

Please help me to value each person as Your beloved and eternal gift. Inspire me with faith and gratitude for the gift of myself, for the lives of dear ones and of all people. Grant that these human gifts are shaped by Your love to become everlasting gifts to You, and through You, eternal gifts to each other person.

Through Jesus, You taught us that cheerful, loving mutual service of others leads to fulfilment of Your creative will. Therefore, give me grace to faithfully say ‘yes’ to Your loving purpose by active respect and charity to others and me.

Delight Yourself in me by forming me into the unselfish, joyful, helpful and prayerful person You dreamed me to be for You and others’ souls for time and eternity. 1999

 

[Trishie]

‘Love others…as yourself’
Jesus when You command us to love others as ourselves, You require something more challenging than simply to “love others.” The embedded touchstone in that command is “love your self.”

Many people lack proper self-esteem, making it difficult for them to genuinely value others. However, Scripture exhorts, “value yourself at your proper worth. Who can justify a man who runs himself down, or respect a man who despises himself.” [Ecclesiasticus 10:28-29]

If we do fail to love ourselves correctly, we cannot accept God’s love. Let us never imagine ourselves hidden from Your mercy: ‘“Can anyone hide in a dark corner without my seeing him?’ asks the Lord.” [Jeremiah 23-24]

The concept of rightly loving oneself in order to love others as God’s precious children may be confused with the selfishness that ruins unselfish self-love. It requires us to reject negative self-talk and responses. “If a man is mean to himself, to whom will he be good?” [Ecclesiasticus 14:3].

Growth in Christian self-love is facilitated by “filling your mind with everything that is true, everything that is noble, and everything that is pure and good” [Philippians 4:8] and serving “in works of love.” It is allowing the Spirit to direct your life and then “you will be in no danger of yielding to self-indulgence. What the Spirit brings is…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control.” [Galatians 5:13, 16, 26, 22-23]

Jesus, help us to fittingly love ourselves. You do not wish us to disparage ourselves but to see ourselves as loved, forgiven children of God. A poor self-image may compare to our perception of ‘clouds’. To observers, clouds appear to be impressive, substantial and tangible. However, within themselves the clouds seem damp, insubstantial and misty.

Jesus, let us not belittle ourselves in comparison to others because of our personal uncertainties and inadequacies. Let us live in sincere acceptance of self, that unique gift of Your creative love. help us to see ourselves as loved children of God. Jesus, help me to know that You really love me. Help me to love myself so that I can love You and others love others truly.

My dear friend, one day after set-backs from time to time, you’ll have this wonderful understanding of who you really are. I hope and pray it comes to you soon.

You’ll remain in my prayers and daily Masses, Love, Trishie

 

[brierpatch1974]

Patience is the key here. Then again I am the guy who said I would never get married or have kids. I never dated because I was to shy and girls made me a nervous wreck.

I was on a local internet chat room and the discusion going on was about books. Talked to a nice girl on there and even though we had no books in common other than some classics we started reading books the other suggested. We did like the same movies and other things though.

As time went on we got to know more about each other and where internet friends and nothing more. After a little more than a year we decided to meet and go out for dinner and chat.

All I can say is when I saw her big brown eyes it was like I was hit by a hammer. I already liked her and was friends through our chats but this was somthing more. On our second date I remember telling her if she was as sweet and loving as I thought she was I was going to make her my wife.

After a year of chatting on the computer and a year dating we got married. Then we had our first son who is 9 years old and have another son who is now 2 years old.

I was 23 when we got married. She was the first person i ever dated. We have been married for 10 wonderful years now. She has been a blessing and God send to me. I truely believe the Good Lord had her made just for me.

These things hit you when you least expect it so don’t sweat it out. And I was the guy who said it would enver happen to me. I even had a shirt that said " not all men are fools, some are Bachelors" well if getting married to a wonderful woman is being a fool then I am happy to be one

BP

 

[johto760]

@Trishie---->>

You really do have a gentle love, THANK YOU VERY MUCH for the prayers, that’s all I can do for now, Thank you, Thanks, and TY.

let me rephrase what I’ve said earlier according to your phrases:> “I hope to meet you in heaven”
You’re right, it suits more naturally. ^^
enthusiastic person inside me? now that I think about it, when I’m with or talking to people that I’m comfortable with, I get to share a lot that’s on my mind, I would just have to focus on that more do I? ^^

THANK YOU…



THANKS…



T.Y.

 

[johto760]

Patience is the key here. Then again I am the guy who said I would never get married or have kids. I never dated because I was to shy and girls made me a nervous wreck.

I was on a local internet chat room and the discusion going on was about books. Talked to a nice girl on there and even though we had no books in common other than some classics we started reading books the other suggested. We did like the same movies and other things though.

As time went on we got to know more about each other and where internet friends and nothing more. After a little more than a year we decided to meet and go out for dinner and chat.

All I can say is when I saw her big brown eyes it was like I was hit by a hammer. I already liked her and was friends through our chats but this was somthing more. On our second date I remember telling her if she was as sweet and loving as I thought she was I was going to make her my wife.

After a year of chatting on the computer and a year dating we got married. Then we had our first son who is 9 years old and have another son who is now 2 years old.

I was 23 when we got married. She was the first person i ever dated. We have been married for 10 wonderful years now. She has been a blessing and God send to me. I truely believe the Good Lord had her made just for me.

These things hit you when you least expect it so don’t sweat it out. And I was the guy who said it would enver happen to me. I even had a shirt that said " not all men are fools, some are Bachelors" well if getting married to a wonderful woman is being a fool then I am happy to be one

BP

Inspiring.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH
for sharing,… I would try to stay positive about stuff this time.

 

[chevalier]

You are rather shy, Johto, but your enthusiasm makes you go out to people. I don’t think you will end up unmarried unless your calling is different. You have every potential to make a girl fall for you, though it is good you don’t tell yourself this to bed.

Pray and be yourself. The only way you will find your girl is being you. It’s not hard to find anyone, and even if it actually is, then that can be overcome. It’s a wholly different thing to find the right girl. If you encounter the right girl, it does not matter how good you are at the game. It only matters whether you are prepared - and even if you aren’t, that’s not a setup for a bad ending.

If you don’t have that girl around, it doesn’t matter that you are single (in the sense of not having a girlfriend, not the same as married or not). You do not want to be “taken” when you meet the right girl. And if a girl is not for you, why pursue her? Let her find her guy and you your girl. When you find the right girl, you will not have regrets about having been single.

And you are not jaded. Do not become so. Aren’t ya quite a cheery guy? Stay so.

And don’t even think about the race thing. That’s rubbish. I don’t even get the thing. If this is any consolation, sometimes discriminated people turn out to have been ugly ducklings and in the end they knock the score board. You just never know when they suddenly start appreciating you. As a young boy, I was considered ugly and somewhat repulsive by girls (which still troubles me to this day, it’s hard to get the scars to heal), these days they say “tall, handsome” for identification purposes. Not like it helps being single in any way. Also, as people grow up, traits like being smart or well-read gain importance. It similarly becomes more important whether you are responsible and, also, whether you are a good person. Good, kind-natured, such traits become more appreciated after a while. A rebel may be a fun teen date, but not really a great husband. Women tend to know this.

Avoid pride, be natural, you’ll find a girl before you know it. But pray.

 

[johto760]

You are rather shy, Johto, but your enthusiasm makes you go out to people. I don’t think you will end up unmarried unless your calling is different. You have every potential to make a girl fall for you, though it is good you don’t tell yourself this to bed.

^^ I know what you mean… ^^

And THANK YOU, as in, (A LOT), for telling me all of this, I remember thinking twice about posting anything here, because I thought no one will get it, it’s SUPER REFRESHING to know that this is NEVER TRUE.

Pray and be yourself. The only way you will find your girl is being you. It’s not hard to find anyone, and even if it actually is, then that can be overcome. It’s a wholly different thing to find the right girl. If you encounter the right girl, it does not matter how good you are at the game. It only matters whether you are prepared - and even if you aren’t, that’s not a setup for a bad ending.
If you don’t have that girl around, it doesn’t matter that you are single (in the sense of not having a girlfriend, not the same as married or not). You do not want to be “taken” when you meet the right girl. And if a girl is not for you, why pursue her? Let her find her guy and you your girl. When you find the right girl, you will not have regrets about having been single.

Be myself, okay. Now how do you know when you’re being yourself or not? I mean, I feel like now I’m doing good about the way I present myself, but how do you really know something like “being yourself” ?

And you are not jaded. Do not become so. Aren’t ya quite a cheery guy? Stay so.

And don’t even think about the race thing. That’s rubbish. I don’t even get the thing. If this is any consolation, sometimes discriminated people turn out to have been ugly ducklings and in the end they knock the score board. You just never know when they suddenly start appreciating you. As a young boy, I was considered ugly and somewhat repulsive by girls (which still troubles me to this day, it’s hard to get the scars to heal), these days they say “tall, handsome” for identification purposes. Not like it helps being single in any way. Also, as people grow up, traits like being smart or well-read gain importance. It similarly becomes more important whether you are responsible and, also, whether you are a good person. Good, kind-natured, such traits become more appreciated after a while. A rebel may be a fun teen date, but not really a great husband. Women tend to know this.

Good point, And THANK YOU VERY MUCH again for sharing, I know now, that God never intended to give something that we cannot handle, it’s just a matter of choice I guess.

Avoid pride, be natural, you’ll find a girl before you know it. But pray.

Pride? what do you mean by this? I really don’t get it… if it’s okay for you to elaborate more.