Does Jesus ask people to suffer instead of someone else?

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ladybug25

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Hi everyone,
My mom is going through a very difficult time, she has had leukemia for three years now.
In my prayer a few times I had the feeling that Jesus wants me to agree to suffer instead of her.
Do you think it is possible? I don’t know if Jesus would ask something like that and I wonder if that idea is just a product of my anxiety and bad mental state.
This idea makes me anxious and insecure.
What do you think? Who is speaking to me Jesus or my own mind?
 
It is not only possible, it is exemplary Christian behavior to ask God to give you suffering to relieve the suffering of another. This is what many elderly do as they suffer in their old age, they offer their own suffering up to relieve the suffering of others. We offer sacrifices of our time, talent and treasure for those in purgatory, or for someone in our life who is struggling.

To share in the pain of another, to lift them up and bring them relief, is a core reality of Christ’s entire ministry, and in fact his entire life. Christ, who is God, who knew no suffering, no pain, and no hardship, became human precisely so that he may share in the sufferings of humanity and raise those sufferings up to God on our behalf. He took on pain so that our pain may be lessened. He suffered so that our suffering may be purified and raised up as an offering to God. He died so that we may live forever with Him in Heaven.

I agree, it is a very frightening prospect to be asked to suffer for another, but remember that God will never give you more than you can handle, and those who sacrifice for others will be rewarded for their bravery and their willingness to do God’s will.

If Christ is truly asking you to take on some part of your mother’s suffering so that she may have some relief, I want you to think about how intense that suffering must be. It is daunting, but I encourage you to imitate our Holy Mother Mary and say yes to God. Accept the suffering and offer it up for your mother’s relief. God will support you through your own trials, and there will be other people, people you’ve never met, who will offer their own suffering up to relieve yours. We are the body of Christ, and we all work together to relieve the suffering of all the world.

God bless, and do not be afraid.
 
I think ProdglArchitecht gave a great answer. I Our Lord is asking for something, perhaps listen, to see indeed if that is what He is asking. In the meantime, keep in mind that you can handle what is given. Still, one always requires the help and ears of others. Talk to a spiritual director and friends. Brst wishes and God bless you.
 
In giving your Mom prayerful, loving comfort by being there for her, you are showing much compassion.

I know that when I have had some medical issues that required surgery, it made me feel much better when friends and family visited me, and helped me out a bit at home afterwards.

When my husband was close to death and was legally blind, he liked me to play praise and worship music on a CD for him.

Others, when sick and in discomfort like to be read too, or dictate a letter they would like to send to someone.
 
I would add to the wonderful suggestions and comments by suggestion that you pray for God’s will in this matter. Tell God and the Queen of Heaven that you are ready to assume this burden if it is their will, as well as your own. Sometimes, just being truly willing is enough.
 
I was asking also because I’m so confused. I entered the church in 2013 but for most of the time I was agnostic. Since the day of my confirmation I developed obsessive thinking about religion that eventually lead me to refusal of it.
All day I was thinking about sin and denying myself. In every small action I saw possibility to sin. Like even before I became a Catholic I would normally and without thinking do something small that was good like help without thinking about it or cook someone’s favourite meal or let others watch a TV show that didn’t interest me. These things were normal for me and I knew they were good but didn’t think much about it. Since I became a Catholic something inside of me made me feel that I really don’t want to do these things but I just have to force myself or I would disappoint Jesus and he would punish me. I was thinking about this many times a day and my whole thinking became just in terms of how to do things I don’t want to but I. Must because I don’t want to make God angry.
I also started praying obsessively more and more every day fearing God 's punishment if I just can’t do it.
This lead me to a point I couldn’t bear this and left religion completely.
After that my mental health improved and I was able to live normal life doing everyday small good deeds just because it was normal and natural to me, without fear of punishment in case I didn’t do them.
Now i want to return to relationship with God but I am afraid that I will become obsessive and scrupulous again. That’s why I was asking the question in the beginning.
none of my friends or family is a Catholic. I don’t want to speak to the only priest in our town because I visited him when my problems started and he didn’t understand and he just want able to help me.
 
Saints and theologians generally give this advice: don’t ask for sufferings (unless you have received permission from a priest); while this is noble, it is not advisable for several reasons.

Instead, they recommend that we try to accept our daily Crosses with the greatest love. This will help to prevent vainglory, discouragement and possible further obsessive thoughts etc.

It is possible that God is asking you to accept further sufferings for someone else, but decisions like this are best made under obedience to a spiritual father.
 
ladybug25 said:
I was asking also because I’m so confused. I entered the church in 2013 but for most of the time I was agnostic. Since the day of my confirmation I developed obsessive thinking about religion that eventually lead me to refusal of it.
All day I was thinking about sin and denying myself. In every small action I saw possibility to sin. Like even before I became a Catholic I would normally and without thinking do something small that was good like help without thinking about it or cook someone’s favourite meal or let others watch a TV show that didn’t interest me. These things were normal for me and I knew they were good but didn’t think much about it. Since I became a Catholic something inside of me made me feel that I really don’t want to do these things but I just have to force myself or I would disappoint Jesus and he would punish me. I was thinking about this many times a day and my whole thinking became just in terms of how to do things I don’t want to but I. Must because I don’t want to make God angry.
I also started praying obsessively more and more every day fearing God 's punishment if I just can’t do it.
This lead me to a point I couldn’t bear this and left religion completely.
After that my mental health improved and I was able to live normal life doing everyday small good deeds just because it was normal and natural to me, without fear of punishment in case I didn’t do them.
Now i want to return to relationship with God but I am afraid that I will become obsessive and scrupulous again. That’s why I was asking the question in the beginning.
none of my friends or family is a Catholic. I don’t want to speak to the only priest in our town because I visited him when my problems started and he didn’t understand and he just want able to help me.
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Dear “ladybug”,

Perhaps this site can be of help:

mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupulosity.htm

I will say a prayer for you.
 
littlestsouls2 said:
Saints and theologians generally give this advice: don’t ask for sufferings (unless you have received permission from a priest); while this is noble, it is not advisable for several reasons.

Instead, they recommend that we try to accept our daily Crosses with the greatest love. This will help to prevent vainglory, discouragement and possible further obsessive thoughts etc.

It is possible that God is asking you to accept further sufferings for someone else, but decisions like this are best made under obedience to a spiritual father.
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Not that I doubt your word, because I can see some wisdom in it, but could you post a link or two indicating this? I ask because if that is true I’d like to know it for sure so I can give better advice in the future.
 
ProdglArchitect said:
Not that I doubt your word, because I can see some wisdom in it, but could you post a link or two indicating this? I ask because if that is true I’d like to know it for sure so I can give better advice in the future.
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This topic is addressed in Dom Vital Lehodey’s book, ‘Holy Abandonment.’ St. Francis de Sales, among others, teaches this doctrine.

Unfortunately I do not have the book at hand.

I will do a quick search for a relevant quote.
 
… No luck finding the quotes, unfortunately. What I do recall is that St. Padre Pio said to someone that relatively view are called to be victim souls (in the full sense of the term); St. Teresa of Avila cautions us about asking for sufferings, as we might not be able to bear them; and St. Francis de Sales says that holy abandonment - whereby we will unreservedly what God wills - is most perfect and secure.

Actually, I just found some relevant quotes from St. Francis de Sales:

“… ask for nothing, refuse nothing, desire nothing, resign your cares to Divine Providence, allow God to do with you whatever He pleases. A heart indifferent to all things is like a ball of wax in the hands of God, capable of receiving all the impressions of His eternal good pleasure. It does not place its love in the things which God wills, but in the will of God which decrees them.”

“Let Him carry you on His right arm or His left an infant does not mind which. Let Him lay you down or lift you up, for, like a good nurse, He knows best what we need. Therefore, my children, desire nothing, refuse nothing; enough is said in those words.”

I don’t think there is anything wrong in praying such a prayer as this: “Lord, please grant me an increase in suffering for today, if I am able to bear it, and if it be in accordance with your will.” There is no *absolute * denunciation of asking for suffering.
 
littlestsouls2 said:
… No luck finding the quotes, unfortunately. What I do recall is that St. Padre Pio said to someone that relatively view are called to be victim souls (in the full sense of the term); St. Teresa of Avila cautions us about asking for sufferings, as we might not be able to bear them; and St. Francis de Sales says that holy abandonment - whereby we will unreservedly what God wills - is most perfect and secure.

Actually, I just found some relevant quotes from St. Francis de Sales:

“… ask for nothing, refuse nothing, desire nothing, resign your cares to Divine Providence, allow God to do with you whatever He pleases. A heart indifferent to all things is like a ball of wax in the hands of God, capable of receiving all the impressions of His eternal good pleasure. It does not place its love in the things which God wills, but in the will of God which decrees them.”

“Let Him carry you on His right arm or His left an infant does not mind which. Let Him lay you down or lift you up, for, like a good nurse, He knows best what we need. Therefore, my children, desire nothing, refuse nothing; enough is said in those words.”

I don’t think there is anything wrong in praying such a prayer as this: “Lord, please grant me an increase in suffering for today, if I am able to bear it, and if it be in accordance with your will.” There is no *absolute * denunciation of asking for suffering.
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Thank you for taking the time to find those for me. I agree that normally a person shouldn’t ask for suffering; however, the OP stated that he felt that Jesus was asking him to take on suffering for his mother. He wanted to know if Jesus might ask that of him, and I responded according to that understanding.

I agree that we shouldn’t ask for suffering, and should instead ask that God do his will through us. I just wanted to make it clear to the OP that God’s will may indeed ask you to suffer in the place of another, and if that is His will then we should be open to it. I probably should have told him to welcome God’s will, whatever that may be.

Again, thank you for those quotes. ^^
 
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