Does joining a religious order mean saying good-bye to friends?

[Christine_Lee]

I’ve been on Catholic Forums for a few months now but this is my first time in the Vocations forums (I usually linger around Moral Theology). I’m 20-years-old and currently in RCIA. Vocations and Religious Orders were the strongest influences on me in my decision to join the Catholic Church. It may seem like a rush since I’m not even Catholic yet, but I have a strong desire to become a nun. I’ve learned so far that no two orders of nuns are alike.
The big question I have is that if I do become a nun do I have to say good-bye to my family and friends? How often will I be allowed to see them? So far my best friends are alright with my decision to conversion, but they think that if I become a nun that they will rarely or never see me again.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

I’ve been on Catholic Forums for a few months now but this is my first time in the Vocations forums (I usually linger around Moral Theology). I’m 20-years-old and currently in RCIA. Vocations and Religious Orders were the strongest influences on me in my decision to join the Catholic Church. It may seem like a rush since I’m not even Catholic yet, but I have a strong desire to become a nun. I’ve learned so far that no two orders of nuns are alike.
The big question I have is that if I do become a nun do I have to say good-bye to my family and friends? How often will I be allowed to see them? So far my best friends are alright with my decision to conversion, but they think that if I become a nun that they will rarely or never see me again.

It would depend on the order/community. I know of one group (I did a novitiate program with them) that while in the novitiate your contact with your family and friends was limited but after it was not.

If the order/community is cloistered and follows a strict enclosure then you will be greatly restricted.

If the order/community is active then you may not be very restricted but you may be sent somewhere away from your family and current friends.

I guess the answer is, It Depends.

 

[JReducation]

Br. David is correct. If you become a nun, then it is assumed that you will enter an enclosed order. Enclosed nuns do not leave their enclosure to go on home visits. Some see their relatives once or twice a year when they visit the sister. Many have on-going contact via mail. They usually do not have telephone contact or e-mail contact with their family and friends.

If you become a sister, you will be entering an active community. These communities do not live in a papal enclosure. The sisters in active communities see their families according to the statutes of their communities. Some are stricter than others.

I’m a brother, not a nun or sister, but I can give you an example. Our community is a contemplative community but we are not monks. Therefore, we do not live in a papal enclosure. We go out every day to do ministry and for other purposes.

However, we see our family and friends once a year for a period of five days. We go visit them. We do go home for special occasions such as weddings, funerals and other. Those visits are usually very short, maybe an overnight. If the family lives outside of the province, the jurisdictioin of the community, we may never leave the area of the province without the permission of the major superior, except once a year for the five day visit. When my sister was very sick in the hospital, I did receive permission to visit for two days, but only once. It involved traveling by plane for two hours.

The statutes of sisters and nuns are not that different from those of religious men.

You do have contact by mail with family and friends. Most religious love to receive mail from friends and relatives. Superiors usually have no objection.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[Sr_Judith_Ann]

Br. David is correct. If you become a nun, then it is assumed that you will enter an enclosed order. Enclosed nuns do not leave their enclosure to go on home visits. Some see their relatives once or twice a year when they visit the sister. Many have on-going contact via mail. They usually do not have telephone contact or e-mail contact with their family and friends.

If you become a sister, you will be entering an active community. These communities do not live in a papal enclosure. The sisters in active communities see their families according to the statutes of their communities. Some are stricter than others.

I’m a brother, not a nun or sister, but I can give you an example. Our community is a contemplative community but we are not monks. Therefore, we do not live in a papal enclosure. We go out every day to do ministry and for other purposes.

However, we see our family and friends once a year for a period of five days. We go visit them. We do go home for special occasions such as weddings, funerals and other. Those visits are usually very short, maybe an overnight. If the family lives outside of the province, the jurisdictioin of the community, we may never leave the area of the province without the permission of the major superior, except once a year for the five day visit. When my sister was very sick in the hospital, I did receive permission to visit for two days, but only once. It involved traveling by plane for two hours.

The statutes of sisters and nuns are not that different from those of religious men.

You do have contact by mail with family and friends. Most religious love to receive mail from friends and relatives. Superiors usually have no objection.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

Most of what you say about cloistered/enclosed contemplative nuns is true. There are a variety of ways of living within the enclosure. I am an enclosed Poor Clare and have been for 31 years. The “Poor Clares of the Primitive Rule” live that enclosure in a variety of ways. Even as far back as the early 1970’s the sisters in my original monastery went to visit their aging parents when the parents were no longer able to visit the monastery. St. Clare’s way of life was and is very human. We, in my monastery, consider communication with family part of “wellness” and an important Gospel value.

If you would like more on the ways that the Poor Clares live enclosure/cloister check out this link:poorclare.org/blog/?page_id=2 You’ll see that there are as many different ways of living cloister as there are monasteries–a bit of an exaggeration, perhaps!
Sister Judith Ann

 

[Christine_Lee]

Thank you everyone so much for your answers. You have all helped me greatly.

 

[skallal]

Hey Christine,

Our sisters have 3 weeks a year to visit family and friends outside the community. Usually that takes place during the summer, though exceptions can be made for important family events (the problem is that then you’ll often miss school, since we all study philosophy and theology here in Rome). I think that most call home once a week, and then use email and facebook for staying in contact with others. As far as I know there has never been the need for us to impose restrictions on communication because we are continuously preaching balance in all things. I hope this helps. If you want to check out our sisters check out

http://www.apostlesofil.org/AilIndex.htm

Hope this helps.

In Christ,

Brother Scott
Seminarian
Apostles of the Interior Life, Rome