Does love even exist?

[Aquilina16]

I don’t mean the love of God or the love between family and friends. I know that exists. I mean romantic love. I have been reading and watching so many romance stories and movies/shows since I was little so I always thought that the love displayed there could be real.

Looking at my parents, however, it made me realize that maybe that kind of love is only in our heads and it’s temporary. My dad left and my parents hate each other now and it sucks being stuck in between them because it’s as if they want me to choose and I can’t. Anyways, it just really worries me. According to my mom, they used to be real romantic and lovey dovey until things just started falling apart shortly after I was born.

I used to want to get married and be in love real bad, but now I’m afraid of marriage, because what’s the point of being married if that type of love doesn’t exist and whatever you think you’re feeling will quickly fade away leaving you in a terrible marriage? I even feel reluctant to read romance these days now because I know that the love in there probably doesn’t exist and it’s just getting my hopes up for something that won’t ever happen. It sucks cause I really like romance stories.

Back in Jesus’s time, no one got married out of love. That type of love wasn’t even a concept at the time. It only became a concept a few hundred years ago. Doesn’t that mean it’s just made up?

Another thing that worries me is that I’ll have daddy issues since I’ve never had a good father figure in my life and date or marry some abusive jerkhead. I know I’m only 17 and I shouldn’t be worrying about this stuff now, but it’s not like I can just willingly expel this stuff from my mind.

I really want romantic love to exist. You’d think God would give us something like that, right?

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Romantic love is just one facet of love. It exists.

It would be called “Eros”. Eros needs to be accompanied by “agape.” Which could be explained as being an unconditional form of love. The way God loves us.

Adding. I’m not sure romantic love is all that brand new. The Song of Solomon is pretty romantic. The way we work biologically that sexuality fosters the production of oxytocin which in turn makes you feel closeness and a bond towards the other.

 

[Rosebud77]

Never had or wanted it … love in so many other ways so who misses it…

 

[Lea101]

I do believe it exists, but it doesn’t last long. And not everyone will experience it

I’m soo not loveable+ I’m not exactly a nice face to look at so I do get the feeling of despair…I’m around the same age (18). My dad isn’t the worst person ever, but he isn’t exactly a great person to grow up with.

I do remind myself that I’m still too young to care about it. I try to focus on other things. I do read romance stories too, especially those with really plain female protagonists. It’s really bad honestly. High expectations leads to disappointment

So i know how you feel. I keeeeep thinking about it. But for me it helps when I have another goal in my life (school, career), at least I want something other than love, right? Can be a good distraction

 

[1ke]

I don’t mean the love of God or the love between family and friends. I know that exists. I mean romantic love. I have been reading and watching so many romance stories and movies/shows since I was little so I always thought that the love displayed there could be real.

Romance stories and movies are contrived. They aren’t real.

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for a healthy, mature marriage is the first step.

Back in Jesus’s time, no one got married out of love. That type of love wasn’t even a concept at the time. It only became a concept a few hundred years ago. Doesn’t that mean it’s just made up?

I wouldn’t say that is accurate at all.

Love being about YOU and your FEELINGS is new, yes. Love being about family, commitment, fidelity, caring, and desire to build a life together-- no that’s not new.

Another thing that worries me is that I’ll have daddy issues since I’ve never had a good father figure in my life and date or marry some abusive jerkhead. I know I’m only 17 and I shouldn’t be worrying about this stuff now, but it’s not like I can just willingly expel this stuff from my mind.

So, I suggest you get some personal counseling to work through these feelings. Focus on education so that you have good choices, and give yourself time to mature before jumping in to any relationships.

I really want romantic love to exist. You’d think God would give us something like that, right?

Yes, real love exists.
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[pensmama87]

What 1ke said.

I’d step away from the chick flicks and romance novels since they are causing you so much anguish. There’s a lot more good stuff out there! Find a list of “Great Books” and pick a few. Many if not most have some great parts about the human condition.

And get busy improving yourself and helping the needy.

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

It really depends on how ones defines romantic love.

My wife and I endeavor to create romantic love. It flows from the actual love we have for one another as spouses, parents to our children, and partners in trying to get each other to heaven. While it may blossom naturally early in a relationship, it can fade quickly, but that does not mean we can’t strive to make it blossom anew over and over.

My wife knows I am committed to her for life, but this isn’t in and of itself romantic.

My wife knows I love our children more than my own life and would do anything for them, but this isn’t in and of itself romantic.

My wife knows I work hard to provide for our family while she cares for our children at home, but this isn’t in and of itself romantic.

My wife knows I love our faith and strive to grow our family in it every day, but this isn’t in and of itself romantic.

My wife still gets worn down, tired, frustrated, cranky, so despite the sufficiency of love I think is shown above, showing her romantic love by bringing her flowers, leaving her sweet notes, randomly surprising her with a massage, or spending time with her talking or reminiscing makes all the difference to us. We create our romantic love.

 

[Allegra]

Romantic love is real, but it’s fleeting and doesn’t last. When a couple gets married, they are supposed to develop that fleeting romantic love into true, agape, self-giving love. The two are supposed to become one and the bond between them should become as strong or stronger than the familial bonds between parents and children and siblings. For most couples, this happens naturally as they work together to build their mutual home, take care of one another, and raise their children. It becomes really obvious that this kind of love exists when you look at all the stories of spouses who sacrifice so much for the good of the other and the good of the family. Romantic love is exciting, wonderful, and pleasurable, and necessary too as it’s the first attraction that brings a couple together, but it isn’t the end goal. The end goal is kind of love that survives hardship, fear, and sorrow. That certainly exists, but it requires will and effort as opposed to romantic love which just seems to happen to people.

 

[styrgwillidar]

I don’t mean the love of God or the love between family and friends. I know that exists. I mean romantic love. I have been reading and watching so many romance stories and movies/shows since I was little so I always thought that the love displayed there could be real.

Looking at my parents, however, it made me realize that maybe that kind of love is only in our heads and it’s temporary. My dad left and my parents hate each other now and it sucks being stuck in between them because it’s as if they want me to choose and I can’t. Anyways, it just really worries me. According to my mom, they used to be real romantic and lovey dovey until things just started falling apart shortly after I was born.

I used to want to get married and be in love real bad, but now I’m afraid of marriage, because what’s the point of being married if that type of love doesn’t exist and whatever you think you’re feeling will quickly fade away leaving you in a terrible marriage? I even feel reluctant to read romance these days now because I know that the love in there probably doesn’t exist and it’s just getting my hopes up for something that won’t ever happen. It sucks cause I really like romance stories.

Back in Jesus’s time, no one got married out of love. That type of love wasn’t even a concept at the time. It only became a concept a few hundred years ago. Doesn’t that mean it’s just made up?

Another thing that worries me is that I’ll have daddy issues since I’ve never had a good father figure in my life and date or marry some abusive jerkhead. I know I’m only 17 and I shouldn’t be worrying about this stuff now, but it’s not like I can just willingly expel this stuff from my mind.

I really want romantic love to exist. You’d think God would give us something like that, right?

True love isn’t a feeling. It’s an action- the reason Jesus could tell us to love even our enemies. Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money. Feelings fade but determination and commitment and the ability to choose don’t.

Ever see Second Hand Lions?

"Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good. That honour, courage and virtue mean everything ; that power and money … money and power mean nothing. That good always triumphs over evil. And I want you to remember this… that love…true love never dies ! Remember that boy … remember that. Doesn’t matter if it is true or not, a man should believe in those things , because those are the things worth believing in… got that ? "

I’m divorced, have three kids by a woman I truly loved. She wanted the divorce, not me. I still love her in a way. Actually petitioned for a declaration of nullity more for her than me, I don’t respect choices she’s made post divorce, the way it affected our children. But I can’t honestly say I hate her. I don’t want to be the barrier to her reconciling with the Church. She was always able to visit the kids, came by every morning to see them off to school, brought them dinner once a week. We jointly attended their graduations, birthday dinners, holiday meals, she’d come over an Christmas mornings to be with them. I could never get together with her again not because I hate her, but because everything the kids went through would get in the way of my being able to love her as a husband should love their wife.

Here is the thing. You make the choices in life with no guarantees on how they turn out. You’ll only know by making the choice and committing to it. You can’t be afraid to live and risk the downsides because that eliminates the chance of experiencing all the good possibilities as well. You pays your money and you takes your chances. But life is for living.

You can only control your own choice to love, but-
True love. True love never dies.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I don’t mean the love of God or the love between family and friends. I know that exists. I mean romantic love. I have been reading and watching so many romance stories and movies/shows since I was little so I always thought that the love displayed there could be real.

Looking at my parents, however, it made me realize that maybe that kind of love is only in our heads and it’s temporary. My dad left and my parents hate each other now and it sucks being stuck in between them because it’s as if they want me to choose and I can’t. Anyways, it just really worries me. According to my mom, they used to be real romantic and lovey dovey until things just started falling apart shortly after I was born.

I used to want to get married and be in love real bad, but now I’m afraid of marriage, because what’s the point of being married if that type of love doesn’t exist and whatever you think you’re feeling will quickly fade away leaving you in a terrible marriage? I even feel reluctant to read romance these days now because I know that the love in there probably doesn’t exist and it’s just getting my hopes up for something that won’t ever happen. It sucks cause I really like romance stories.

Back in Jesus’s time, no one got married out of love. That type of love wasn’t even a concept at the time. It only became a concept a few hundred years ago. Doesn’t that mean it’s just made up?

Another thing that worries me is that I’ll have daddy issues since I’ve never had a good father figure in my life and date or marry some abusive jerkhead. I know I’m only 17 and I shouldn’t be worrying about this stuff now, but it’s not like I can just willingly expel this stuff from my mind.

I really want romantic love to exist. You’d think God would give us something like that, right?

Of course it exists. Millions and millions of people experience healthy romantic love all the time. The key is to keep it in perspective and realize that romantic love is not the permanent end. Life giving, soul helping love is. After 15 years, and 5 kids my wife and I have a deeper live than romantic love. We each want to help the other (and our children) achieve heaven. Does that mean there is no romantic love. Of course not! But rather our love has grown because of the kindling of the superficial romantic love into a live that reflects Christ and his Church.

It is possible and it happens all the time. Maybe just not in your sphere of the world yet. But give it time. Give it time.

 

[His_helpmeet]

Romantic love is real, but it’s fleeting and doesn’t last. When a couple gets married, they are supposed to develop that fleeting romantic love into true, agape, self-giving love. The two are supposed to become one and the bond between them should become as strong or stronger than the familial bonds between parents and children and siblings. For most couples, this happens naturally as they work together to build their mutual home, take care of one another, and raise their children. It becomes really obvious that this kind of love exists when you look at all the stories of spouses who sacrifice so much for the good of the other and the good of the family. Romantic love is exciting, wonderful, and pleasurable, and necessary too as it’s the first attraction that brings a couple together, but it isn’t the end goal. The end goal is kind of love that survives hardship, fear, and sorrow. That certainly exists, but it requires will and effort as opposed to romantic love which just seems to happen to people.

Absolutely! I always say that love is what takes over when the romance goes away. Romance doesn’t last forever. I’ve been married for over five years. Hubby and I don’t always have mushy-gushy, ooey-gooey feelings for each other. But that’s okay. Love is a CHOICE, not just a FEELING. We CHOOSE to love each other.

It’s also important to recognize that no marriage is ever perfect. EVERY couple will have ups and downs throughout their marriage. What’s important is that you recognize that this is FOR REAL, that you made a lifelong commitment, and that splitting up is not an option (barring your needing to leave for your own safety or because the other person leaves you). That’s how Hubby and I try to approach disagreements. As we have grown together, we find that we have, on average, fewer disagreements. We each try to focus on doing what’s best for the other person.

One of the best pieces of marriage advice ever given us was that marriage is a verb, not a noun. It’s important to us that we make time for each other, just the two of us, to help our marriage grow. Hubby has a daughter from his first marriage who lives with us half-time, but we don’t have children together (we would like to but it hasn’t happened yet). We try to take some time on the weeks she doesn’t live with us so that we can do something together as a couple. Even if it’s as simple as spending an evening watching a TV show we both love, we’re doing it TOGETHER. That’s what makes it special and important.

 

[EasterJoy]

Romantic love does exist, but it isn’t sustaining in and of itself. The enjoyment of it can blind two people to real barriers to a healthy relationship. These barriers can be all too apparent to other people who know the couple but aren’t enjoying the excitement of the romance.

Having said that, I’d say that being able to mutually flatter each other with sexual attention does have practical value in a marriage. You’ve undoubtedly been on a sports team that knows how to go out and just have fun together. Those “fun” experiences can have a real unifying value. They build “chemistry.” Likewise, both fun and romance have value to a married couple. As with a sports team, however, the fun stuff is no substitute from learning and practicing the skills required to work as a team, to trust each other and to bounce back from adversity.

 

[KiwiBliss]

Perhaps it is best to detach ourselves from movies in general, since no movie can describe a replica of an actual event or experience. The history of movies basically began so people could monitor people’s behaviors, while most of us thought is was just for entertainment. This explains why the pressure for us to experience romantic love is overgeneralized and definitely effects our behaviors in all situations.

I used to watch chic-flick romance movies over & over to memorize and not miss my moment of what type of “Prince Charming” or “the One” was supposed to look or be like, since the movies and society convinced me that it was so. Eventually it made me depressed, self-doubt that I was good enough, since the rejection of playing the main character similar to happily ever after movies weren’t working out in my reality. Just like listening to a song over & over b/c it’s captivating and then memorizing the words without really knowing the meaning until you sang it out loud and caught yourself with what you actually said while being surprised. We reciprocate what we see, hear, and feel sometimes subconsciously or not. I re-evaluated my “high standards” of what I look for in a man & found similarities with those movies I knew by heart; appearance was the most pickiest aspect of all, & yet that contradicts what’s really in my heart; the genuine qualities I hope the right man has was the least & yet that’s the most I desire to find in a man. That really bothered me how wrong I had it. So I researched a lot of info…

After researching one topic to the next, it’s inevitable that Jesus was explained as “the One” for us as our first love and He still is. It was shocking, but now makes sense why we will never learn that from society; the pressure to love & act like this & do that aren’t from God. His true love already exists with Him. We don’t need to be like the movies to patiently experience authentic love in God. As much as I don’t like to admit it, there is no man out there that can fulfill our longings of true love; only Jesus can. He deeply loves us more than anyone and knows us more than we know ourselves. He’s spared my life enough times for me to recognize Him presently with me, the One who never leaves me, and cares for me when I trust & love Him back. Although movies are fun & entertaining, we were all made to experience something more authentic & selfless by presently including time with Christ amid everything. He yearns to be the true lover of our souls & if we’re called to marriage to trust Him to help us fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts & enjoy the present moments as they come, because that’s really all we get in life. We can’t go back to the past, nor the future. All we have is this very moment. It’s what we do with each moment that counts.

Nowadays, I’ve ditched the chic-flick stuff for nonfiction books & it’s not as bad as I’ve previously made it to be. And making more time with Jesus and it’s been the medicine to soothing my wounded heart from the past & helping me accept & love life where He’s got me presently.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Love exists but romantic love is also a choice. I don’t by into the Hollywood soulmate idea but I do believe if you make the choice to love and commit to someone it can be a beautiful thing. I did fall once but as soon as I did he left. He actually did me a favor as he still was not able to commit to someone else after they were together for years. In any case if you can find a compatible person willing to take the voyage it can be wonderful as I’ve seen.

 

[chevalier]

I don’t mean the love of God or the love between family and friends. I know that exists. I mean romantic love. I have been reading and watching so many romance stories and movies/shows since I was little so I always thought that the love displayed there could be real.

It can.

Looking at my parents, however, it made me realize that maybe that kind of love is only in our heads and it’s temporary.

Don’t look at it too physically. Any feeling or emotion could be said to exist only in your head and be temporary is the sense of being felt today but not necessarily tomorrow.

As regards romantic love, psychologists say a single bout of it last anywhere between 6 months and 3 years, but it can be experienced again with the same person as before. The key is to be on the same page with your hubby as regards (the need for and relevance and value of) keeping it alive.

My dad left and my parents hate each other now and it sucks being stuck in between them because it’s as if they want me to choose and I can’t. Anyways, it just really worries me. According to my mom, they used to be real romantic and lovey dovey until things just started falling apart shortly after I was born.

Nothing I could say could be adequate, but still: 1) you aren’t bound to repeat their mistakes; 2) it’s not your fault; 3) you don’t have to choose; 4) no human being is absolutely perfect, only God is.

I used to want to get married and be in love real bad, but now I’m afraid of marriage,

Perhaps that’s because you’re beginning to understand the importance of the obligations.

because what’s the point of being married if that type of love doesn’t exist and whatever you think you’re feeling will quickly fade away leaving you in a terrible marriage?

Procreation, avoidance of lust, and mutual assistance.

I even feel reluctant to read romance these days now

That’s a good, unless those are books that teach mature, responsible love.

It sucks cause I really like romance stories.

Real life is always better than fiction, though this is sometimes hard to imagine.

Back in Jesus’s time, no one got married out of love.

Not exactly. It’s not like they all married for money. The didn’t go about it the same way we do now, but it’s not like they wanted loveless marriages. And it’s debatable who got the worse end, we or they.

That type of love wasn’t even a concept at the time. It only became a concept a few hundred years ago. Doesn’t that mean it’s just made up?

Check out Song of Songs. It’s much older than just a few hundred years.

What’s made up, as in hoax, is the idea that emotions are the most important thing ever or a goal unto themselves or the ultimate measure of human love or human actions.

Besides, it’s not like one can p(name removed by moderator)oint some sort of real difference between romantic love and cases of spousal love that allegedly, supposedly aren’t. Love is expressed in a multitude of ways, and wondering whether what you have is or is not ‘being in love’ when you know each other and are already married anyway is kinda pointless. Especially if you’re actually happy together.

For the record, if you open yourself to it it will happen eventually. Endorfins and oxytocins will do the job if you as much as remove the mental block. When one’s married it makes no sense to not remove that block. Once the ‘forsaking all others’ is done for real, getting to love that one person will follow. Sheer exposure will do it, given openness. This is the funky way humans are wired, for our own good.

Don’t focus on any ‘right’ way of meeting any sort of arbitrary definition of romantic, as that would be nonsense and wouldn’t make you happy. It would be more similar to an addiction.

Personally, though this is a bit TMI, I used to find the idea of having babies with my best female friend to be quite romantic, in its own way. Who’s to call me wrong?

The idea of my mum finding me a woman after her own heart and me trusting my mum on this is also quite romantic. Who’s to say it isn’t?

Another thing that worries me is that I’ll have daddy issues since I’ve never had a good father figure in my life and date or marry some abusive jerkhead.

At least you’re aware of the possibility. That will help you avoid it.

I know I’m only 17 and I shouldn’t be worrying about this stuff now, but it’s not like I can just willingly expel this stuff from my mind.

You’re a grown person by all means, but there’s such a lot of life to see yet!

For the record, many times may come yet when those ‘abusive jerkheads’ begin to appear attractive to you on some level, or you may think you don’t deserve better or something like that. Resist all such thoughts, just like any other temptation, it’s doable. Part of being happy is not making yourself miserable. Part of not making yourself miserable is resisting the temptation to, such as the temptation to choose the easy way (i.e. of just giving up and going with the flow).

I really want romantic love to exist. You’d think God would give us something like that, right?

Much more actually. What He gives us is better than what we make on our own. The key is to open up and let Him lead but without an amoeba about it.

Oh, and pray to St Joseph. He’ll take good care of you.

 

[AdamP88]

Never had or wanted it … love in so many other ways so who misses it…

That’s not helpful at all. You might not want it but the OP obviously does.