Does my child need to get a dispensation?

[lisawpt]

My non-practicing (well Easter and Christmas - sorta) adult daughter has informed me that she and the boy she is living with wish to marry and want to know if we will help pay for the wedding. I told her yes but only if she got a dispensation first. Her boyfriend refuses to marry in the Catholic church because he is not Catholic. I mentioned this to my Catholic friend here at work and she stated that she would not be given a dispensation as she is not a practicing Catholic. My husband and I are faithful, practicing Catholics and I worry about her soul. She and the boy both know that we did not approve of them living together from the beginning and she has been on her own financially since making this decision - we are not monetarily supporting them. I do not want to destroy my relationship with my daughter even though I know that faith is/can be a reason for separation father from son, mother from daughter (I don’t know that bible verse off the top of my head). At this point would it be best for them to just have a civil marriage and for us to continue to pray and fast for a convalidated marriage later when (I PRAY) she returns to her faith? I did tell her that she is responsible for her faith and leading him home to the Catholic church.

 

[Fr.Charles_Grondin]

While your co-worker might have meant well, she doesn’t seem to have all the facts. Parish priests encounter Catholics at all different levels of faith and participation who want to get married.

Your daughter would need permission for mixed marriage and dispensation from canonical form.

Permission for Mixed Marriage:

Can. 1125 The local ordinary can grant a permission of this kind if there is a just and reasonable cause. He is not to grant it unless the following conditions have been fulfilled:

1/ the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;

2/ the other party is to be informed at an appropriate time about the promises which the Catholic party is to make, in such a way that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party;

3/ both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage which neither of the contracting parties is to exclude.

Dispensation from canonical form:

Can. 1127 §2. If grave difficulties hinder the observance of canonical form, the local ordinary of the Catholic party has the right of dispensing from the form in individual cases, after having consulted the ordinary of the place in which the marriage is celebrated and with some public form of celebration for validity. It is for the conference of bishops to establish norms by which the aforementioned dispensation is to be granted in a uniform manner.

Further reading: Archdiocese of Indianapolis

It is possible to receive permission for mixed marriage and dispensation from canonical form even if the Catholic party is not a fully practicing Catholic. Each situation is addressed individually. Your daughter should sit down with her local parish priest (not a friend or co-worker) to discuss her situation.