Does my mother understand same-sex attraction?

[Prodigal_Son]

My mom didn’t get that I wanted to be celibate. She thought that I would, as people do, give into my carnal desires, and that she had to support me in my pursuit of sexual gratification (which she was eager to do.) She hates the idea that I’m living a celibate life for my convictions. I’ve gotten similar responses from people in the past, when I was open about my SSA with my therapist or close friends.

Sometimes, we should just keep such things to ourselves. It doesn’t mean we’re denying who we are, we’re merely keeping our brothers and sisters away from the temptation to prejudge us.

This is a really interesting point.

I would say, however, that people like your mother will never have an alternative vision for what being chaste and SSA can be, unless we give them one. This is easy in the case of close relatives, perhaps, but difficult in the case of Christian culture at large. We need to give people another compassionate option, besides the pseudo-compassion of telling you to follow your desires.

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m also a college male with SSA.

I’ve come to learn that it’s best to just keep quiet about SSA. Everyone’s situation is different. I don’t try to pretend I’m not SSA by dating women, but I also don’t make it everyone’s business. If people hear that you’re “gay”, they’ll think things about you. As I’m not one to talk about sexual things anyway, I don’t really care to explain myself to anyone except my confessor.

Your mother may not understand your celibacy. My mom didn’t get that I wanted to be celibate. She thought that I would, as people do, give into my carnal desires, and that she had to support me in my pursuit of sexual gratification (which she was eager to do.) She hates the idea that I’m living a celibate life for my convictions. I’ve gotten similar responses from people in the past, when I was open about my SSA with my therapist or close friends.

Sometimes, we should just keep such things to ourselves. It doesn’t mean we’re denying who we are, we’re merely keeping our brothers and sisters away from the temptation to prejudge us.

A person you’ve given to believe that marriage might be a possibility ought to be told. If you want to be ordained or join a religious community, the bishop or superior ought to be told. As for anyone else, it is like any other personal information. It is praiseworthy to use virtuous reasons as your guide–such as a desire to avoid a near occasion of sin for others or to relieve the ignorance of others–but in the end the decision about what to disclose about yourself, how much, to whom, and when to disclose it is entirely up to you.

The idea of the OP’s mother that a prospective spouse ought to be kept in the dark is not OK, but of course it is OK to keep the information private until you know a person better and marriage is a possibility. It is not as if people with SSA are forbidden from marrying someone of the opposite sex or forbidden from socializing with anyone else.

It is also OK, of course, to socialize with others and to simply say, “I have no plans to marry and do not want to be set up with someone.” It is none of their business why, and I think it would be better if no one gave the busybodies any of the information they go rooting around for. That help in finding a spouse is not wanted is all they need to know. All other disclosure is up to the individual, though. I have no more right to tell people they can’t give crumb to busybodies than the busybodies are to demand it.