Does NFP cause more porblems than it solves?

[BingoBoy]

I see a TON of posts/threads on here regarding marriages that suffer from the Church’s strict rules against any form of birth control that isn’t periodic abstinence.

In some cases, a couple has a grave reason to avoid pregnancy but yet NFP doesn’t work for them, so they are forced to live as brother and sister. In other cases, the abstinence period is so long that one spouse begins to resort to masturbation or porn use.

…Things like this will sometimes hurt a marriage a great deal.

I see this again and again.

This makes me think that the Church is in error in not allowing the use of some forms of non abortifacient birth control, at least in extreme cases… for the greater good of the family, the marriage, and the souls involved.

How do I, or anyone, reconcile with a law that seems to cause so much harm to many families and marriages??

 

[Nate13]

The Church teaching on euthanasia results in people suffering for years longer than they would have were they allowed to be euthanized. You cannot make decisions based on the amount of pain or suffering that is caused because you then are allowing that fear to enslave you and your actions. Morality of actions is not determined solely by the ends of an action.

Just as the loved ones may have doubts about whether euthanasia is wrong as they have to suffer and watch their loved one struggle, people will have doubts as to whether contraception is truly wrong when the going gets tough. When you get to that kind of desperation the thing to do is throw up the same plea Jesus did in the garden. “God’s will, not ours”. And if you are having trouble believing that God would ever require going through that kind of suffering look to the cross first, and secondly to those who suffer through their last days with terminal cancer. There are ample examples of where God’s will requires us to undergo great suffering.

It also should not surprise you that this is necessary in today’s society. Look at how broken and immoral society is and then truly ask yourself whether you really thought doing the right thing would be easy.

 

[1ke]

It is not NFP that causes suffering. It is a worldly view and orientation towards sexual intimacy. Disordered desires and the false message of secular culture regarding “love”, “self”, and “freedom” and against authentic love, marriage, family, and sacrifice.

There would be no “problem” if people listened to God through his Church instead of the world.

 

[PrayHarder]

Resorting to porn and masturbation says more about the person than the Church’s teaching. Just because society provides an easy outlet for sexual gratification doesn’t mean it is good and the Church is wrong.

You mentioned that the Church should consider the greater good of the souls involved. That is exactly what the Church is doing – teaching us how to keep our souls healthy and oriented towards God. Is it easy? No, not all the time. But just because something isn’t easy doesn’t mean it’s wrong and needs changing.

Perhaps the answer isn’t in the Church relaxing its teachings, but people finding the strength to rise to the challenge. We need to raise the bar for ourselves through prayer, patience, understanding, and endurance rather than expecting the Church to lower the bar. As an analogy, you don’t make marathons shorter because they are difficult. You train harder to meet the challenge.

 

[Rence]

I see a TON of posts/threads on here regarding marriages that suffer from the Church’s strict rules against any form of birth control that isn’t periodic abstinence.

In some cases, a couple has a grave reason to avoid pregnancy but yet NFP doesn’t work for them, so they are forced to live as brother and sister. In other cases, the abstinence period is so long that one spouse begins to resort to masturbation or porn use.

…Things like this will sometimes hurt a marriage a great deal.

I see this again and again.

This makes me think that the Church is in error in not allowing the use of some forms of non abortifacient birth control, at least in extreme cases… for the greater good of the family, the marriage, and the souls involved.

How do I, or anyone, reconcile with a law that seems to cause so much harm to many families and marriages??

Unfortunately they don’t. The majority of Catholics say they use some form of artificial birth control. But the fact of the matter is, whether you agree with the law or not, if one wishes to be in communion with the Church, one has to follow the rules. The Church requires two properties to be present: the untive and the procreative. Both of these are missing when one uses ABCs. Maybe it would be easier for you to comply with the rules if you understood them better. Have you tried talking to your priest about it? Try doing a search on the forums about ABCs.

And you know what? even if you have difficulty reconciling the Church’s rules on ABCs, please consider this: what do couples do when they can’t take ABCs or can’t have sex for extended periods? what happens when the woman starts getting older and starts developing things like high blood pressure that puts her at risk if she takes contraception? What happens if they get her sick? What happens if hubby gets sick and can’t have sex for a while? Or if the wife gets sick and can’t have sex for a while? What happens if some circumstance separates them for a few months? What happens if using ABCs the couple gets pregnant anyway? If anything NFP surely prepares couples for real life events that simply don’t allow people to have sex all the time.

 

[Blenderx]

It is not NFP that causes suffering. It is a worldly view and orientation towards sexual intimacy. Disordered desires and the false message of secular culture regarding “love”, “self”, and “freedom” and against authentic love, marriage, family, and sacrifice.

There would be no “problem” if people listened to God through his Church instead of the world.

This is uncharitable and untrue. It is NOT a disordered and false love for spouses to want to be intimate with each other. Sex in marriage is a good thing. That is why it is only for ‘just’ reasons that we use periodic abstinence to avoid pregnancy. Not just because having more children is such a great thing, but because spouses uniting in body is also such a great thing, God intended it this way.

As for the OP, just because something is challenging, or even painful, doesn’t mean it is wrong. The easy way is not always the right way. In fact, it hardly ever is and choosing the easy way often causes us more pain. We are all called to carry our crosses. I find they become, over time, real fonts of grace and even joy when they’re born with a faithful and humble attitude, even if they remain difficult. But that’s how it goes with sin and virtue. Sin is all sweetness to start with, but ends in bitterness and death. Virtue is bitter to begin with, then becomes sweetness and life.

I’m not just blowing air when I say that, either. My husband and I have been avoiding for over a year now, adding to the six months plus abstinence we suffered through with my last high-risk pregnancy (and we’re both young, been married 3 yrs now). There have been arguments and times when we just couldn’t see the point and were tempted to use artificial contraception, especially in the beginning. But we worked through it and submitted to Christ and His Church. We’re both glad we have and we’ve grown a lot and continue to grow by struggling through the practice of NFP.

 

[casey_zia]

As for the OP, just because something is challenging, or even painful, doesn’t mean it is wrong. The easy way is not always the right way. In fact, it hardly ever is and choosing the easy way often causes us more pain. We are all called to carry our crosses. I find they become, over time, real fonts of grace and even joy when they’re born with a faithful and humble attitude, even if they remain difficult. But that’s how it goes with sin and virtue. Sin is all sweetness to start with, but ends in bitterness and death. Virtue is bitter to begin with, then becomes sweetness and life…

Profound… Can I quote this?

I’m not just blowing air when I say that, either…There have been arguments and times when we just couldn’t see the point and were tempted to use artificial contraception, especially in the beginning. But we worked through it and submitted to Christ and His Church. We’re both glad we have and we’ve grown a lot and continue to grow by struggling through the practice of NFP.

God bless you both, and give you the strength to carry on with these life-giving challenges. I’m praying for you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

In answer to the original question:

No, NFP does not cause more problems than it solves.

Using contraception subverts God’s will for us. How could NOT using contraception cause us problems? It is God’s will!

I have thought many times how I could talk to young people, explain how destructive contraception is. How in the world could doing God’s will be more destructive? It could not!

Over 50 MILLION babies have been killed in the interest of sexual freedom. That should make you ill. It makes me ill, and very ashamed.

 

[BingoBoy]

In answer to the original question:

No, NFP does not cause more problems than it solves.

Using contraception subverts God’s will for us. How could NOT using contraception cause us problems? It is God’s will!

Good question… but apparently it does.

I have thought many times how I could talk to young people, explain how destructive contraception is. How in the world could doing God’s will be more destructive? It could not!

Over 50 MILLION babies have been killed in the interest of sexual freedom. That should make you ill. It makes me ill, and very ashamed.

Perhaps then you should blame pre-marital sex for babies being killed, rather than blaming contraception for babies being killed.

A lot of married couples use contraception to avoid/postpone pregnancy, just like the couple using NFP. Contraception isn’t just used by unmarried people who have sex all over the place with anybody and everybody.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Yes, I understand that.

The purposes of having sex are:

To create children
To bond the husband and wife together

Procreative
Unitive

Contraception blocks both of those purposes. It is destructive from the beginning. People start to believe that pleasure is the ultimate end of sexual relationship. Just the opposite is true.

 

[timotheos]

It is destructive from the beginning. People start to believe that pleasure is the ultimate end of sexual relationship. Just the opposite is true.

Thank you; the Truth is simple, always.

 

[searching04]

In answer to the original question:

No, NFP does not cause more problems than it solves.

Depends on who you are; you are not one of those who do in fact have problems. Neither you nor anyone else is a position to determine what another couple considers “problems”, any more so than they are to dictate to you about your life. NFP doesn’t “solve” anything. Couples are forced to deal with life and a lack of sexual intimacy and maybe other issues, but it doesn;t solve a thing.

Using contraception subverts God’s will for us. How could NOT using contraception cause us problems? It is God’s will!

I have thought many times how I could talk to young people, explain how destructive contraception is. How in the world could doing God’s will be more destructive? It could not!

How in the world can you believe that it is God’s will - and you don’t know what God’s will is for others - that couples, having been given each other by Him, are to not be or infrequently be sexually inimate maybe for years? That is a huge struggle and contradiction.

Over 50 MILLION babies have been killed in the interest of sexual freedom. That should make you ill. It makes me ill, and very ashamed.

Abortion is not the same thing here.

 

[searching04]

Yes, I understand that.

The purposes of having sex are:

To create children
To bond the husband and wife together

Procreative
Unitive

Contraception blocks both of those purposes. It is destructive from the beginning. People start to believe that pleasure is the ultimate end of sexual relationship. Just the opposite is true.

You assume automatically, by your statement above, that couples who desire and indeed need sexual intimacy without intercourse or maybe resulting in children, are only looking for sexual pleasure. Isn’t always so. Believe it or not, agree with it or not, non-intercourse sex can be and is highly unitive. We can’t do it because the church says it’s a no-no, but it is true.

And for the poster, it is not NFP that causes the problems; NFP works. The problems are caused, for some, by church teachings on sex combined with NFP.

 

[Castello]

The false teachings about NFP cause problems, those stem from the failure of parents and catechicists and all of the Catholic community in teaching about what marriage is and what it is not.

Another problem, seems no one wants to study. I cannot count the number of times I see on this website where those struggling with the Church teaching on marriage and sexuality have been encouraged to read “Humanae Vitae” and have even been provided the links. Still, when Julianne references the Holy Father in that same document (that contraception leads to abortion), people respond as if she pulled the thought from her ear.

Here is the link. vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html

Sit down and give the Holy Father a listen today.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

You assume automatically, by your statement above, that couples who desire and indeed need sexual intimacy without intercourse or maybe resulting in children, are only looking for sexual pleasure. Isn’t always so. Believe it or not, agree with it or not, non-intercourse sex can be and is highly unitive. We can’t do it because the church says it’s a no-no, but it is true.

And for the poster, it is not NFP that causes the problems; NFP works. The problems are caused, for some, by church teachings on sex combined with NFP.

I will take God’s dictates above your opinion, thanks.

 

[searching04]

I will take God’s dictates above your opinion, thanks.

Trying to figure if I should even bother, but what the heck.

No, not opinion. Experience and fact, albeit from the past. Obviously yours is different.

In your words, God dictates (through the church) that we cannot do certain things. Agreed. However, God does not dictate feelings, beliefs, experiences. The church tells us what is supposed to be true and good and all that; it can try to lead us to what is supposed to be; it can teach us. People will choose via free will to follow something or not, whether they agree or not, whether they understand or not. That is what learning is.
We follow what the church say though I disagree and do not understand.

None of that is any way invalidates people’s experiences or feelings or beliefs. You and I can disagree on teachings, but neither you nor I are in each other’s shoes or lives. You can tell me you think I’m wrong; that works for a teaching or a belief, not an experience.

It makes sense for you or others to tell someone that their beliefs or understandings, etc about church teachings are incorrect. It makes no sense whatsoever, nor is it even right, for anyone - you, me, others - to tell another that something they experienced is not true or didn’t happen.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Your experience is your experience, and what you call “fact” is only based upon YOUR experience. A fact should be true for all, and you are one person.

People choosing to do what God says is wrong is SIN, and yes, we have free will to commit sin. You can try to justify your sins by saying “It’s MY experience! It’s valid!” But so what, in the end, it is sin. Jesus was up on that cross for MY sin, and I regret every single one I’ve committed and all sins I will commit. I earnestly endeavor not to repeat my sins.

The Church, through the Magisterium, does not err. It is Jesus’ Church and He always points us back to His Father.

Like it or lump it, anything but what God tells us is right to do, is wrong to do.

 

[manualman]

When people blame NFP for problems in their marriage, they are scapegoating. Hold fire until you finish reading. A great analogy is a canary in a coal mine. Long ago, miners took canaries down into the mine with them. The canary’s lung systems were far more fragile than that of a human and responded very quickly to toxic atmospheres. If the canary died, the miners were evacuated. But over time, if the miners lose perspective, they may start to resent the fact that those stupid canaries keep costing them day’s wages!

NFP is like that canary. If a couple does not recognize the interconnected way in which sexual intimacy and fertility are totally bound together, they may start to resent “having to give up” those fertile days every month. They may resent those times when symptoms are ambiguous, no contact is possible before peak time and even longer waiting is needed to ensure the peak is past. It may be down to a couple days a month on occasion. When people resent that, it means that they fail to recognize the danger of seeing their sexual intimacy as an action divorced from fertility. They resent the canary instead of appreciating how it saves their marriage from the development of a fatal pattern where sex is an act of mutual taking instead of a mutual giving.

The bottom line is that contraception isn’t wrong because it is included in an arbitrary list of sins. It is wrong because it innately degrades the experience of marital love. It is very tempting to rationalize away that reality, but just look around you a little. This culture didn’t get this way by accident. The sexual worldview of our culture changed precisely BECAUSE it embraced contraception. All the degradation that followed is inevitable.

Be grateful to that little canary, even though it costs you dearly sometimes.

 

[KostyaJMJ]

The Church sets very high standards that the majority of people will not be able to live up to if they’re called to. So you see people fail, get up, and then try again. I don’t know if things would really be that much better if the standards were lower. Most people today seem to have pretty low standards and it hasn’t exactly led to butterflies, sunshine, and happiness all around.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

When people blame NFP for problems in their marriage, they are scapegoating. Hold fire until you finish reading. A great analogy is a canary in a coal mine. Long ago, miners took canaries down into the mine with them. The canary’s lung systems were far more fragile than that of a human and responded very quickly to toxic atmospheres. If the canary died, the miners were evacuated. But over time, if the miners lose perspective, they may start to resent the fact that those stupid canaries keep costing them day’s wages!

NFP is like that canary. If a couple does not recognize the interconnected way in which sexual intimacy and fertility are totally bound together, they may start to resent “having to give up” those fertile days every month. They may resent those times when symptoms are ambiguous, no contact is possible before peak time and even longer waiting is needed to ensure the peak is past. It may be down to a couple days a month on occasion. When people resent that, it means that they fail to recognize the danger of seeing their sexual intimacy as an action divorced from fertility. They resent the canary instead of appreciating how it saves their marriage from the development of a fatal pattern where sex is an act of mutual taking instead of a mutual giving.

The bottom line is that contraception isn’t wrong because it is included in an arbitrary list of sins. It is wrong because it innately degrades the experience of marital love. It is very tempting to rationalize away that reality, but just look around you a little. This culture didn’t get this way by accident. The sexual worldview of our culture changed precisely BECAUSE it embraced contraception. All the degradation that followed is inevitable.

Be grateful to that little canary, even though it costs you dearly sometimes.

:yup::clapping:

[SIGN]Well said[/SIGN]