Does NFP really work?

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Well, I’m 25 and I have 2 kids and one on the way. 🙂 The first two were artificial birth control surprises. When my husband learned about the moral problems with ABC we started NFP. This baby was one of those where we weren’t avoiding, but weren’t actively trying for a baby. We were content to just let the chips fall as they may, so we stopped using the more conservative rules, and were thrilled when we found out we were pregnant the first month after deciding not to be so conservative with the rules. Before deciding on baby 3, we used NFP to successfully avoid for about a 2 year time period.

We use the sympto-thermal method (STM), which has a set of more conservative and less conservative rules to determine fertility. As I understand it, other methods don’t have those options–you either get a “go” or “no go” from interpreting your chart. So far we’ve been very happy with STM. We were able to learn it online, but our situation for avoiding wasn’t important enough that we felt the need to meet with an instructor. If someone is facing a more dire situation (eg: something that would cause a pregnancy to be potentially life-threatening), then I would definitely advise meeting with an instructor to have help interpreting their signs. It’s very successful if it’s used correctly, and if the most conservative set of rules are used.
 
Roxygirl1488 said:
I want to know, Your age, how many kids you have, how many were planned?? Everyone I see who practices NFP has like 6-9 kids and they are only in their early 40’s. I heard the excuse “Oh well people who practice NFP are just more open to life and love kids.” I have a real hard time believing that. I would love to practice NFP, but I have a hard time believing it is affective, and if it is affective, I think human error would render it a lot less affective than it claims to be.
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I wondered the same thing when my wife and I started using NFP, shortly after we were married. We had met several NFP-using families, and the number of children in those families ranged from three to ten. I remember wondering how much a couple with ten children could really be practicing NFP. However, we were quickly convinced that NFP works, because at that time my wife had a serious but temporary medical reason to avoid pregnancy, and we successfully used NFP to avoid for about a year and a half until the medical condition had improved, before our first child was conceived.

To answer your questions specifically:
  • Yes, NFP really works – for avoiding, postponing, or spacing pregnancy.
  • I am 40; my wife is a few years younger than me. We have been married almost eleven years, using NFP as needed for over ten of those years.
  • We have four children.
  • All four of our children were at least semi-planned (meaning that in at least one case we weren’t exactly trying to conceive, but we weren’t following all the NFP rules because we knew that we were OK with another pregnancy at that time). We haven’t had any pregnancies that I would describe as unexpected.
Theoretically, if we had never used NFP (including never using ecological breastfeeding), and never used contraception, and never used any kind of periodic abstinence, then I estimate that we would have eight to ten children now, rather than four. (I say “theoretically” because my wife has some medical issues, and I don’t see how her body could have held up through eight to ten pregnancies in eleven years.)

So yes, our experience is that NFP works. But you do have to be properly educated in whatever method you are using. Taking a class is best, though reading a book or doing a home study course can possibly be sufficient (it was for us). And some NFP methods may work better for some couples. For example, we know that the Sypmto-Thermal Method works great for many couples, but the temperature part of it just never worked for us. However, the Billings Ovulation Method has worked fine for us.

Also in addition to understanding the particular method of NFP, you and your husband have to be committed to using NFP, and to practicing periodic abstinence when required. Obviously, this is not an easy thing to do, but it can be done if you are both committed to following the NFP rules. It is easy to justify bending the rules when abstinence becomes difficult, but if you have a serious reason to postpone pregnancy and you are both committed to practicing NFP, it certainly can be done.
 
Roxygirl1488 said:
I want alot of children, I think it would be awesome to have like 12 kids. The problem is my mental illness (bipolar) and the meds I am on I can’t get pregnant because it could cause serious health problems for the baby. So right now we just abstain. I would just like to be able to have sex but don’t feel secure enough with NFP being safe since I can’t get pregnant on these meds, plus financial reasons and mental reasons. I have two and a half year old twins and a one year old and I am 27 so it’s just to hard right now to be open to life.
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I read this post after I had already written my previous post. In your situation, you might choose to practice NFP very conservatively. For example, if the particular method you are using says to begin abstaining on day 7 of a certain cycle (just as an example), then start abstaining on day 5 or 6 instead. Or if it says to abstain for 4 days after the day you identify as the peak day, then abstain for 5 or 6 days after the peak instead. Or if your signs are hard to interpret, then you can abstain until you get things figured out – until the next cycle if necessary.

In other words, you can tailor the rules to your comfort level and to your tolerance for risk, and still have a better situation than complete abstinence.

My wife and I too have been in a similar situation, where she temporarily was taking medication that could be very harmful to a child in the womb. We used NFP during that time, and were confident that it would work fine (and it did).

One caveat I would give you is that you may have to chart for two or three cycles, or more, before you feel confident and experienced enough. So you may want to be extremely conservative during the first few cycles, or even abstain altogether through the first cycle. This would be a good thing to discuss with an experienced NFP teacher.
 
roxy,

Look at the Marquette method, and look at conservative post ovulatory times for intimacy.
 
I think it can work very effectively to avoid / space pregnancy if you are careful enough but for many couples there are resulting physical and relationship issues.

We also began to question whether by being so careful and (for some people very scientific) about avoiding conception it is also easy to overstep into having a contraceptive mentality and whether if you are so keen not to conceive (and therefore not really open to it) you are not misusing sex - even if the actual occasion is potential procreative.

In summary I think it works for some - some of the time. But it is the only alternative to endless pregnancy or total abstinance for some couples.
 
Roxygirl1488 said:
I want to know, Your age, how many kids you have, how many were planned?? Everyone I see who practices NFP has like 6-9 kids and they are only in their early 40’s. I heard the excuse “Oh well people who practice NFP are just more open to life and love kids.” I have a real hard time believing that. I would love to practice NFP, but I have a hard time believing it is affective, and if it is affective, I think human error would render it a lot less affective than it claims to be.
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Perhaps the couples who practice NFP and have larger families WANT to have larger families? I got married at 33, which renders my quest for 5-6 kids unlikely, but I’d be thrilled, as would my wife. Right now, 3 years in, we have one child at home, and two in Heaven via miscarriage.

And human error can render anything ineffective. Humans manufacture condoms, in some form or another. You think that can’t play a role in the statistics for “safe” condom use? Even pure machine/robotics manufacvure of a product isn’t ever guaranteed. At least with NFP, YOU are in the driver’s seat. NFP statistics are what they are.

Also, many people use NFP to achieve pregnancy, rather than taking a scattershot approach to their attempts. It is very usual to this end as well.

In the end though, our opinions on statistics may make us feel better, but become somewhat irrelevant to what the Church teaches us is acceptable. NFp organizations are the ones touting statistics (and rightly so). Church teaching speaks only to right and wrong. To do otherwise is to tell God “yeah, prove it.”
 
Roxygirl1488 said:
Hey no I understand completely, I should have probably explained my reasons for asking the question so I didn’t come off like I used contraceptive or had anything against large families. I really really want a large family so much, I just am not sure it is God’s will for me, because our current struggles. I do hope things will change for us in the future because I love children, and would love nothing more than to be stable emotionally and not be on welfare and living with my parents in order that we could have more children. I just found out my friend was pregnant again, and I felt a little sad because I don’t know if it is the Lord’s will that I have a large family, (something I have always desired.) I feel strongly my circumstances are in order to lead me to a holier life, but than again, who knows the future.
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I don’t believe abstaining in your case means you are not open to life (in sinful terms). Unless the Church changed their position of mandatory intercourse for marriages. NFP simply allows couples who after prudent thought and prayer decide they should not conceive to still enjoy the benefits of a married “sex life.” What they do tell us is that if we are to engage in intercourse, there are acceptable practices and unacceptable ones. Kudos to you for deciding to abstain rather than use illicit means given your doubts on the efficacy of NFP. Most people would not.
 
43, married 11 years, four kids (almost 8, 7, 4, and 2, with a new puppy too). Aha you may say - - see, NFP doesn’t work. Well, it does work. Let me explain.

We have two adoptions in there, first and third of the four. NFP was used to help conceive #4, and with #2, we knew conception was possible, and while not actively trying or avoiding, we were happy to conceive. We have used it to avoid in between.

I think He Man is exactly right. Many families that use NFP want big families! In today’s society that can be hard for people to get. I would further suggest that is especially true for couples who would be teaching pre-Cana. Can you imagine if it were not the case? Hey, engaged couples, we didin’t want this many, but oh well? I think not.
 
Roxygirl1488 said:
I and if it is affective, I think human error would render it a lot less affective than it claims to be.
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as opposed to chemical and mechanical contraception, which is so unreliable and ineffective that half of all abortions occur because of contraceptive failure?

everybody I know who uses NFP (admittedly not many since I don’t go around asking people that type of question so my sample size is small) has children more or less when they feel ready to have children. What they don’t do is automatically assume there is something horrid and loathesome about having a large family.
 
Hi Roxy,

I am almost 30 and my husband is 29. We have 2 kids and have been avoiding conception since August 2011 (after my last miscarriage). I also have mental health issues (PM me if you want more details) and am currently on a Class D drug. My spiritual director (a priest) says we have grave reason to avoid a pregnancy given the fact that I am on the Class D drug and that I need to get my mental issues sorted out.

We also would love to have more kids … sometimes the ache is pretty intense.

Prayers for you, please pray for me.
 
puzzleannie said:
as opposed to chemical and mechanical contraception, which is so unreliable and ineffective that half of all abortions occur because of contraceptive failure?

everybody I know who uses NFP (admittedly not many since I don’t go around asking people that type of question so my sample size is small) has children more or less when they feel ready to have children. What they don’t do is automatically assume there is something horrid and loathsome about having a large family.
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Did I come across as sounding like I thought there was something horrid and loathsome about a large family?
 
Roxygirl1488 said:
Did I come across as sounding like I thought there was something horrid and loathsome about a large family?
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I don’t think so, but it is kind of seems like this kind of statement is usually used: “Oh my goodness!! Those people have a bazzillion kids!!!” and is usually followed by poor logic to infer that they could not have chosen to have that many kids, NFP must have failed. But you have shown that this is not your opinion.
 
jilly4ski said:
I don’t think so, but it is kind of seems like this kind of statement is usually used: “Oh my goodness!! Those people have a bazzillion kids!!!” and is usually followed by poor logic to infer that they could not have chosen to have that many kids, NFP must have failed. But you have shown that this is not your opinion.
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Ok, good, I should have explained my reasoning for asking because now as I re-read the post, I can see how it could easily be misinterpreted as me being one of those people who doesn’t believe in NFP or doesn’t like large families. I want to believe in NFP, I am just afraid to use it because I can’t be open to life on it right now, abstinence isn’t easy but I feel for my current situation, I can only abstain since, there is still a small percentage I could get pregnant on NFP. Even if it is like 1%. I am just to concerned about the health of a baby were I took take that chance use NFP, and get pregnant. I wouldn’t be able to handle that emotionally, so even though I do believe NFP can work based on everyone’s responses, I guess for me abstinence is the safest thing???
 
Yes! It works just as well as you’ve heard. Don’t be scared off by the fact that people have many kids, the two don’t necessarily go hand in hand. My wife and I have been using NFP to plan our family, and were able to use it to avoid having a child during her semesters of graduate school. We’re both open to life and accepting of the fact that God’s plan for us may involve a large family. Right now we’re in our late 20’s with our third child on the way, and will no longer use NFP after my wife graduates from grad school this spring. But has been effective for us when we’ve used it. But, it involves effort! Particularly on the part of the female, to check her temps daily. But it’s also rewarding as a couple to really know better how we’re made and put together, and I have a better understanding and respect for her since I’m more in tune to the way God makes her fertility tick. My advice, try it!
 
It totally works, but of course you do tend to see NFP-practicing families with more kids because these families are more likely to be a) Catholic and b) open to having more children than the general population anyway.

I’m almost 40, 5 kids. We had the first when I was 24, planned. Due to work/family stress, we intentionally avoided pregnancy for 5 years, had the second when I was 29, planned. Third and fourth came when I was 31 and 33, not really planned but we were ok with whatever happened and weren’t charting. We planned for the fifth but it took a long time coming- this time we used NFP to actively TRY to get pregnant and it took over a year. We have intentionally avoided pregnancy for the last 3 years or so with success.

And, FWIW, I am healthy but do not have particularly regular cycles- anywhere from 27-35 days. We use the symptothermal method.
 
Does NFP really work?

Work for what or as what?

As contraception? Nope.

NFP is something you use if you have a Catholic pro-life mindset. The reason for NFP is to respect sexuality as God intended it, that means primarily as a generative power by which children come into the world… Also, as with all other things natural, as something that can make you wonder and which doesn’t work like a mashine.

If you have sex there is always a chance that you will have a child.
I have a friend who has 5 children. One of them came while she was trying to avoid and using the billings method. The child before came when she had a spiral (common in Europe) supposed to be a very safe contraceptive, and it failed.

So if you absolutely wanna avoid, there is abstinence.
 
Yes, NFP really can work if you are willing to use it correctly. DH and I only used it for 6 months before trying for our first child and 18 months before trying for our second child so we might not be the best case to “prove” that it works.

However, When you hear an couple using NFP has a lot of kids, it’s important to also look at the spacing of the children to see if they were able to use it to avoid pregnancy.

My parents have used NFP throughout their marriage and while I am one of 8 children, my parents were able to use NFP to avoid pregnancy for over 5.5 years during two seperate periods when they felt called to avoid pregnancy (so they avoided pregnancy for a total of 11 years). This works out to be about half of the fertile years for their marriage.
 
Early 40’s, married in late 20’s. Two ‘planned’ kids, one ‘oh what the heck’ child and zero ‘oopsies.’

Contracepting couples have no idea what a ‘oh what the heck child’ is. 😉 NFP couple often have a few of them. You see the very process of NFP acts like a lie detector on your allegedly serious reason to not get pregnant. More than occasionally, the abstinance times reveal that it isn’t as serious as we previously imagined it was…

Some women do have difficult to read symptoms and they have my sympathy. The medical community has little interest in researching and refining fertility symptom recognition techniques. Which is a real shame, IMO. I’d like to think that once upon a time medicine was about fixing bodily systems that were broken rather than taking pills to break bodily systems that were working perfectly!
 
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