Does NFP really work?

[ahs]

I’m 36 (wife is 32 and we’ve been married almost 8 years), have 4 children (3 on the ground and 1 due next month). 3 were planned and 1 was an “oh, what the heck” baby.

We do plan on having more.

 

[Debora123]

I want to know, Your age, how many kids you have, how many were planned?? Everyone I see who practices NFP has like 6-9 kids and they are only in their early 40’s. I heard the excuse “Oh well people who practice NFP are just more open to life and love kids.” I have a real hard time believing that. I would love to practice NFP, but I have a hard time believing it is affective, and if it is affective, I think human error would render it a lot less affective than it claims to be.

I don’t think people who use NFP have a lot of kids because of NFP failing or not being effective (though I’m sure that is the case sometimes, but not usually)…

What I think is that NFP is probably easier for people who want/can afford a lot of kids, because they don’t have to keep abstaining so much. Hence, NFP is probably more convenient to those people which helps them stick with it.

I’m sure there are exceptions, of course, but I think this tends to be true a lot of the times.

 

[Debora123]

I share your questions! At the Engaged Encounter DH and I attended, the couple leading the NFP session had 8 kids. That made me leery and scared DH to the point that he would not even consider it for us. When I have brought it up since, he still goes right back the instructors with the 8 kids and is convinced it does not work. Since the other families I know who use it also have large families, I confess to still being leery myself.

Haha, sounds a lot like my situation. The people who hosted mine and my husband’s engaged encounter were parents of 11 kids, and the guest speakers they brought in to talk to us about NFP were a very very young married couple who were not even finished with college yet, had been married for just over a year, and already had a baby they brought with them to the event.

…That was very reassuring.

 

[CountrySinger]

Haha, sounds a lot like my situation. The people who hosted mine and my husband’s engaged encounter were parents of 11 kids, and the guest speakers they brought in to talk to us about NFP were a very very young married couple who were not even finished with college yet, had been married for just over a year, and already had a baby they brought with them to the event.

…That was very reassuring.

Our first NFP teachers has two kids in less than two years. I was like And they said they used the method to avoid.

We are learning a new method.

 

[Debora123]

Our first NFP teachers has two kids in less than two years. I was like ** And they said they used the method to avoid.**

We are learning a new method.

Perhaps it would have been best if they had left out that little detail…

 

[CountrySinger]

Perhaps it would have been best if they had left out that little detail…

I know. That terrified me.

Now DH and I are learning a method from a medical professional, and I feel a little more confident.

 

[maryjk]

Our first NFP teachers has two kids in less than two years. I was like And they said they used the method to avoid.

We are learning a new method.

I have to say it was quite a lead of faith for us. We knew two families that taught NFP. One had 8 children and one had 5 (plus 3 miscarriages). Neither one had ever had to use NFP to avoid. We NEED to avoid. I have medical problems that make pregnancy very dangerous for me and the baby.

So far it has worked. Our son is an only child and I am close to menopause. Hopefully just a few more months of charting and I will be done.

 

[Jordan719]

Yes, it does work. You must learn to control yourself though, I think that is the biggest hurdle most couples have. It is also the only method the Church allows to delay pregnancy (other than breast feeding or abstaining). If the Church teaches, we need to shut up and follow directions.

 

[Ellyakamommy]

NFP is simply a method of determining signs of fertility. Then it’s up to the couple to decide how they want to behave knowing what they know

Discernment is the element that is missing from this discussion. Op, it sounds like you have discerned that you have serious reasons to avoid pregnancy and welcoming another child. You and your spouse would then nNeed to commit yourselves to applying the most conservative rules

Couples that use NFP and embrace church teaching re: family life are allowing themselves to discern the question often. So to answer your question, I am 30 and am expecting my fourth child. In my marriage we have 1. Not ttHa or ttc; 2. successfully tta and 3. successfully ttc as our discernment guided us. serious reasons to avoid were no longer as serious with the passage of time (kids got older and more capable, meds managed medical conditions, savings accrued, etc)

Hope this perspective helps. (typing from an itouch, please pardon the typos and odd spell corrects)

 

[SusanneT]

NFP is simply a method of determining signs of fertility. Then it’s up to the couple to decide how they want to behave knowing what they know

Discernment is the element that is missing from this discussion. Op, it sounds like you have discerned that you have serious reasons to avoid pregnancy and welcoming another child. You and your spouse would then nNeed to commit yourselves to applying the most conservative rules

Couples that use NFP and embrace church teaching re: family life are allowing themselves to discern the question often. So to answer your question, I am 30 and am expecting my fourth child. In my marriage we have 1. Not ttHa or ttc; 2. successfully tta and 3. successfully ttc as our discernment guided us. serious reasons to avoid were no longer as serious with the passage of time (kids got older and more capable, meds managed medical conditions, savings accrued, etc)
Hope this perspective helps. (typing from an itouch, please pardon the typos and odd spell corrects)

We’ve had lots of physical / practical problems with NFP but I think there are also som real moral ones.

There are definitely times in a marriage when you know for whatever reason that you don’t want to conceive - but perhaps equally know that these are not really sufficient justification for avoiding pregnancy. And very careful ‘scientific’ NFP does seem to me perilously close to contraception at times

 

[Newsy]

We’ve had lots of physical / practical problems with NFP but I think there are also som real moral ones.

There are definitely times in a marriage when you know for whatever reason that you don’t want to conceive - but perhaps equally know that these are not really sufficient justification for avoiding pregnancy. And very careful ‘scientific’ NFP does seem to me perilously close to contraception at times

Are you referring to contraception as an attitude? Abstaining from relations is a lot different than using hormonal treatments or barriers. Yes, one can approach NFP with the idea to use it as a contraceptive. But, this still doesn’t separate the person and the pleasure. It doesn’t ‘interrupt’ the act, thus separating pleasure from total self giving. One problem with ABC’s, is that it never allows total self giving, it reserves fertility, so it separates the act (pleasure) from the person. There is nothing sinful about being with your spouse during a non-fertile time, but there is sin in seeking pleasure from your spouse without giving all of yourself. If, due to finances, housing, health or other reasons someone doesn’t feel they could support another child, then they should pray to discern the matter. Maybe they are called to trust God and have another or maybe they are being responsible with what they have, using NFP God may bless them either way.

 

[Ellyakamommy]

We’ve had lots of physical / practical problems with NFP but I think there are also som real moral ones.

There are definitely times in a marriage when you know for whatever reason that you don’t want to conceive - but perhaps equally know that these are not really sufficient justification for avoiding pregnancy. And very careful ‘scientific’ NFP does seem to me perilously close to contraception at times

SusanneT, would you care to elaborate further? As these statements stand now, I’m not sure the point you’re trying to make , and I genuinely would like to understand.

Are you saying that using NFP to avoid conception at all, ever is a contraceptive mentality or that without discernment couples can easily fall into a contraceptive mindset? Some people use ‘scientific NFP’ to maximize chances of conceiving. Is that also problematic to you?

 

[manualman]

We’ve had lots of physical / practical problems with NFP but I think there are also som real moral ones.

There are definitely times in a marriage when you know for whatever reason that you don’t want to conceive - but perhaps equally know that these are not really sufficient justification for avoiding pregnancy. And very careful ‘scientific’ NFP does seem to me perilously close to contraception at times

It is true that couples CAN rationalize trivial reasons for avoiding pregnancy into “serious reasons” and thus use NFP to avoid pregnancy in a manner that is damaging to their sexual intimacy. But the very design of human phsyio/pscyho construction works against it. The period of abstinance during NFP (tta) shines a rather bright spotlight on the allegedly serious reason for avoiding. So bright that in practice it has a pretty good capability for burning through rationalizations. That God is a smart feller.

 

[SusanneT]

SusanneT, would you care to elaborate further? As these statements stand now, I’m not sure the point you’re trying to make , and I genuinely would like to understand.

Are you saying that using NFP to avoid conception at all, ever is a contraceptive mentality or that without discernment couples can easily fall into a contraceptive mindset? Some people use ‘scientific NFP’ to maximize chances of conceiving. Is that also problematic to you?

Sorry to be a bit vague I guess what I’m saying is that it is all too easy to convince yourself that you have sufficient justification that you need to avoid conception, when in retrospect you don’t really.

Equally when you practise NFP you can easily start to see becoming pregnant as a real disaster / failure which you dread, so that the process of NFP becomes in effect a way of divorcing sex from the procreative element i.e. contraceptive. Rather than saying - well we have done our best by abstaining when I thought I was fertile but we are still open to life when we do have sex.

I think the latter is particularly true when NFP is a real struggle (as it has been for us) or when it becomes highly scientific (using increasingly complex means to identify and extend thesafe time).

I know it is NOT contraception and that the actual act is potentially procreative (which is why we can use it), but I still think using increasingly complex means to enable us to have sex, whilst we are actively avoiding and very definately not wanting to conceive (why else do it) creates moral questions.

 

[1inICXC]

There is hope: babyComp or LadyComp!!!
No more charting, no more mucous reading, no more guessing. This device gives you green, yellow and red lights for every day so you KNOW when you are taking chances!!

NFP at its finest!!

 

[teresadeavila]

Yes, NFP does work. 11 years married, using Marquette model and Clearblue and we have 2 beautiful daughters - 2 is the maximum number our patience, finances, and sanity can allow. But we are always open to life - we know it’s possible but as NFP is 99% effective if used correctly, 2 healthy happy girls is what we’re blessed with.

 

[Brendan]

Yes, it does work.

We have 6 children (and are discerning having a 7th); the only one that was an accident was the very first, and we were using ABC at the time. All the rest were specifically planned.

That is one of the very great things about NFP, it is a great tool to use if you are looking to concieve, as well as being effective when you have just reasons not to.

 

[twoangels]

I want to know, Your age, how many kids you have, how many were planned??

I’m 31. I have one daughter. I consider that there are different degrees in planning. There is strictly planning to avoid. There is being cautious but not obsessed preventing pregnancy so that you give yourself maybe a few leanient days where you say “oh what the heck. Getting pregnant wouldn’t be that big of a deal right now.” There throwing out NFP to try to pursue pregnancy in a non-obsessive casual way. And there is using NFP to time out sex to your peak fertility to optimize your chances of getting pregnant. And usually with these varying levels there is also how much effort you build into planning your lives for a baby. There is not being prepared at all, there is being ready at any time for a baby, there is obsessing about baby readi-ness to the point that you’re taking prenatal tablets before you’re even pregnant, you’re changing your diet, getting yourself off of harmful medication, and perhaps even buying baby supplies before you’re pregnant.

Our daughter was conceived through a “what the heck” time.

Everyone I see who practices NFP has like 6-9 kids and they are only in their early 40’s.

Most families I know where the couples used NFP and now are past their reproductive years have 4 to 8 children. The couples I know who think using even NFP is immoral tend to have 8 to 14 children depending on how old they were when they got married. Usually they rely exclusively on breastfeeding to space children, but they don’t do ecological breastfeeding and as such they usually have a couple of pairs of children who are super close in age. Sometimes they’ll have 3 in a row where each child is barely over a year apart.

So I’d say effective NFP shows itself as working even in this sincero: Bob and Sue got married at the age of 23. They decided to start a family right away. Sue was 55 when she hit menopause. If you subtract 55 - 23, that is 32 years. Divide that by a 3 year age gap between children and you get 7.66666. Take in the reduced changes of getting pregnant past the age of 35, and you might see larger amounts of spacing. Or she may have had health reasons that made them decide to use NFP strictly to avoid when she hit her 40s. Considering they might wish to space some children only 2 years apart or that they might struggle to get pregnant, and that the method can occassionally fail (like any method of contraceptive. Getting pregnant while on the birth control pill is not a miracle like the virgin birth!), and you’ll get the trend we see - NFP families having about 4 to 8 children reasonably spaced apart.

Why don’t you see NFP families who don’t struggle with infertility issues having only 2 kids? Because NFP forces you to recognize that the choice to space children is a choice to abstain. Sex is important in marriage and couples have to really reconsider how much of a priority it is to prevent pregnancy versus the priority to make love in their marriage. Contraceptives don’t force you to re-evaulate your motives. Having children becomes a completely seperate decisions from having sex. The two componants are divorced and thus what you find is what would be a sign of infertility issues (only 2 children) as something praiseworthy.

In my opinion, a couple who married young and wants to use NFP to have only two children is seeking to practice sexual anorexia. Its like a girl who obsesses more on the physical “beauty” of being thin, than on overal physical health. She makes herself underweight by dieting in an unhealthy manner. Withdrawal is like bolemia and contraceptives are like drinking large amounts of caffiene to speed up your metabolism or taking drugs that cause diaherea or other things that mess with your digestive system so that you can enjoy food more without digesting it or gaining the weight you don’t want.

NFP is the actual healthy diet and exercise plan. It doesn’t make people look like underweight supermodels. It simply makes them healthy.

 

[Debora123]

Why don’t you see NFP families who don’t struggle with infertility issues having only 2 kids? Because NFP forces you to recognize that the choice to space children is a choice to abstain. Sex is important in marriage and couples have to really reconsider how much of a priority it is to prevent pregnancy versus the priority to make love in their marriage. Contraceptives don’t force you to re-evaulate your motives. Having children becomes a completely seperate decisions from having sex. The two componants are divorced and thus what you find is what would be a sign of infertility issues (only 2 children) as something praiseworthy.

In my opinion, a couple who married young and wants to use NFP to have only two children is seeking to practice sexual anorexia. Its like a girl who obsesses more on the physical “beauty” of being thin, than on overal physical health. She makes herself underweight by dieting in an unhealthy manner. Withdrawal is like bolemia and contraceptives are like drinking large amounts of caffiene to speed up your metabolism or taking drugs that cause diaherea or other things that mess with your digestive system so that you can enjoy food more without digesting it or gaining the weight you don’t want.

NFP is the actual healthy diet and exercise plan. It doesn’t make people look like underweight supermodels. It simply makes them healthy.

What if a couple does marry young and having 2 children is genuinely all they are ever able to afford emotionally and financially??

Does NFP become an unhealthy practice of sexual anorexia in their case? What else should they do?

 

[1inICXC]

**There is hope: BabyComp or LadyComp!!!

No more charting, no more mucous reading, no more guessing. This device gives you green, yellow and red lights for every day so you KNOW when you are taking chances!!**

NFP at its finest!!

This, once again!!