Does overzealous NFP marketing create a contraceptive mentality in Catholics?

[gardenswithkids]

Thanks p.e.driver. I definately understand that there is a significant difference between contraception and NFP. As you realize, many people don’t understand the difference dispite hearing it explained over and over to them. When people like that hear NFP promoted, they don’t distinguish the difference between NFP and other forms of contraception which take a lot less personal sacrifice and which are wrong to use.

p.e.driver:

As a teacher and promoter of NFP I can say that we often use the “It’s 99% effective just like the pill” ad to get people to even turn in our direction. … Hopefully they take the class to get the full story…

I’m glad to learn that’s covered well in your class. But should Catholics have to sign up for a class on NFP to get the full story that children are blessings? That message is all over the Bible! I understand why you are saying “99% effective” to appeal to their desire for an effective means of birth control. But I’m concerned about the Catholics who never sign up for your class whose opinions that birth control is okay is confirmed.

I’m also concerned about the effect of seeing mostly just small families at church. There’s a thread going in Family Life from a woman who’s pregnant with her fourth child and tempted to be sterilized, and one of the things she points out are all the small families around her while she struggles with soon-to-be four children.

I’m sorry if I offended anyone using NFP–I promise you I am not sitting around judging those with few children. I personally find NFP more difficult than raising a large family and being open to more babies. That’s part of what motivated this thread–I wonder sometimes when I hear people urge others to use NFP if they aren’t asking them to carry a heavier cross instead of carrying a baby.

 

[Ham1]

Yes, I think it can create a contraceptive mentality which is not helpful. In the practical sense, I believe it is good and necessary to teach NFP to engaged couples because even if one is using NFP selfishly that is better than using contraception.

It seems to me that the danger is that we tend to teach NFP as the norm or what God intended for man. It’s not. It’s an exception to the norm to be used when circumstances warrant. By Nature’s design, the married couple brings new children into the world. Also, by Nature’s design, these children are spaced due to natural infertility that occurs. NFP is used when for some reason, Nature fails to provide temporary natural infertility or when extenuating circumstances make delaying conception a prudent decision. Underlying all this we must not lose sight of the fact that what God the Creator intended was not NFP but simply the natural family.

 

[p.e.driver]

Underlying all this we must not lose sight of the fact that what God the Creator intended was not NFP but simply the natural family.

I will have to disagree with you. If this were true, then a woman would always be fertile (except maybe during breastfeeding) but In fact she can only conceive about 5-7 days per month.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says: "The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not rule her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife does. Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self control.

You make it sound like “refusing one another” for a season by agreement is unnatural and God intented for us to have as many babies as humanly possible. There are real reasons to space babies and sometimes breastfeeding doesn’t do the whole job. In my case for example, I got really sick 10 months post pardum and had to stop breastfeeding & wait to get pregnant. What then?

NFP was created by God. How else would our natural bodies be designed so perfectly by our creator with CLEAR signs of when we are and are not fertile?

 

[p.e.driver]

gardenswithkids:

I’m glad to learn that’s covered well in your class. But should Catholics have to sign up for a class on NFP to get the full story that children are blessings? That message is all over the Bible! I understand why you are saying “99% effective” to appeal to their desire for an effective means of birth control. But I’m concerned about the Catholics who never sign up for your class whose opinions that birth control is okay is confirmed.

Unfortunately you can only say so much in the corner of a church bulleton, so you choose a different message every week. But I am especially interested in your opinion so I will paste here a sample of one of our LONGER advertisements. This isn’t always in the bulleton but sometimes we do this when we are offering a free information session to hash out issues (this way a couple can discuss NFP before paying the fee to take the class) Let me know what you think. Maybe it will calm other’s fears and maybe others can use a similar ad:

**ATTENTION ALL MARRIED & ENGAGED COUPLES!!

An information session & 4 part workshop on Natural Family Planning will be offered by our very own certified teachers: Jackie & Pamela Driver.

Come learn about a lifestyle they like to call “Marriage Insurance”.

If you are part of the unfortunate majority who were never fully explained why the church prohibits the use of contraceptives and sterilization, come to the information session and learn about church teaching & medical explanations. Bring your questions!

Couples are welcome to attend the information sessions after the 11:00 masses on March 6 & 13 in the parish hall. You can also sign up for the workshop at that time.

The 4 part workshop will be held from 1p-4p on the following dates: March 20th, April 17th. May 15th, and June 19th.
For registration please call Pamela Driver at: 972-816-4023

The method taught will be the Sympto-Thermal method-- a far cry from Calendar Rhythm. This method is a great way to both achieve and postpone pregnancy. It’s safe, healthy, & 99% effective like the pill without any side effects!

“We ask that you pray with your spouse and explore God’s will for your marriage. We are here to educate, not judge. Let us help you enrich your marriage with the gift of Natural Family Planning.” --The Drivers**

 

[Brad]

p.e.driver:

Ok… here’s the full explaination of non-procreative.

Christopher West’s analogy:

Suppose there were a religious person, a nonreligious person, and an antireligious person walking past a church. What might each do? Let’s say the religious person goes inside and prays, the nonreligious person walks by and does nothing, and the antirelgious person goes inside the church and desecrates it. Which of these persons did something that is always, under every circumstance, wrong? The last of course.

Married couples are called to be procreative, but if there is a good reason, they are free to be nonprocreative, but you can NEVER be antiprocreative. Right at this very moment as you are reading your computer you are “nonprocreative”. We spend 99% of life being nonprocreative. It’s not a dirty word. Antiprocreative IS

Yes. But when I am looking at the computer I am not seeking intimacy with my wife while being nonprocreative. It’s the fact that people are being “nonprocreative” without abstaining that concerns me. West is terrific but his example would work better if the 2nd person went into Church but refused to say the prayers of the Mass.

 

[p.e.driver]

It’s the fact that people are being “nonprocreative” without abstaining that concerns me

nonprocreative=abstaining.

not abstaining=antiprocreative OR procreative

Maybe we aren’t understanding each other

 

[gardenswithkids]

p.e.driver:

…But I am especially interested in your opinion so I will paste here a sample of one of our LONGER advertisements. This isn’t always in the bulleton but sometimes we do this when we are offering a free information session to hash out issues (this way a couple can discuss NFP before paying the fee to take the class) Let me know what you think…

Thanks for asking. In general, I think it’ a great advertisement for NFP and the church teachings. I pulled out a few part in the ad to comment on more specifically.

"If you are part of the unfortunate majority who were never fully explained why the church prohibits the use of contraceptives and sterilization, come to the information session and learn about church teaching & medical explanations."
The quote above was my favorite. It clearly publishes the church teachings on birth control and sterilization. Many NFP ads sound like ads for a method of contraception. This does not.

"This method is a great way to both achieve and postpone pregnancy. It’s safe, healthy, & 99% effective like the pill without any side effects!"
I like that you brought up achieving pregnancy and the use of the word “postpone” instead of “avoid”. Good word choice! But the 99% effectiveness rate I believe only applies to the avoiding of pregnancies, not achieving them, (unless I’m mistaken.) Again, I realize you include that comparison to the pill to appeal to the target audience of those contracepting. But those looking to achieve pregnancy want a baby, not an alternative to the birth control pill. Perhaps as more and more people seem to struggle with infertility, you might wish to change your target audience to those who are tempted to use IVF and not just the ones tempted to contracept.

"We ask that you pray with your spouse and explore God’s will for your marriage. We are here to educate, not judge. Let us help you enrich your marriage with the gift of Natural Family Planning.”
I like the invitation to pray for God’s will. I know many people say NFP enriched their marriage. I haven’t personally experienced that, (which is part of my frustration when people try to push it on us.) NFP may be a gift for some couples who have serious reason to avoid pregnancy or for those who have difficulty concieving, but it’s not a gift to all marriages. You’re probably just looking for a catchy closing, but comments like “gift of Natural Family Planning” bug me.

Thanks again for asking my opinion. In general I do like the ad. If I read that and heard a homily or two that mentioned that children are blessings, contraception is wrong and NFP is for serious reasons, I wouldn’t have posted this thread.

 

[p.e.driver]

Thank You for the comments gardenwithkids. I will take everything you have said into consideration. I am delighted that you liked most of it, but also very saddened that we live in a world where you will probably not hear “those” homilies.

Unfortunately if we told people NFP is only a gift for some marriages, we would have an empty classroom. My husband and I only know it as a gift and that is how we will share it. We wouldn’t wish distress on a marriage (for example).
Another part of our ministry is to pray for our NFP students and all those who are using NFP (and for that matter all those who are contracepting). I will keep you in my prayers and pray that God will reveal to you in His special way the original design he has for the happiness of you and your marriage.

One last suggestion if I may (and this is for anyone). I have found the book “Life-Giving Love” by Kimberly Hahn (Scott Hahn’s wife) to be very inspiring toward NFP and the blessings of children. Also Christopher West’s book “The Good News About Sex & Marriage” is very informative and easy to read. If anyone is starving for this topic these would be well worth your time.

Thank You

 

[Ham1]

p.e.driver:

I will have to disagree with you. If this were true, then a woman would always be fertile (except maybe during breastfeeding) but In fact she can only conceive about 5-7 days per month.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says: "The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not rule her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife does. Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self control.

You make it sound like “refusing one another” for a season by agreement is unnatural and God intented for us to have as many babies as humanly possible. There are real reasons to space babies and sometimes breastfeeding doesn’t do the whole job. In my case for example, I got really sick 10 months post pardum and had to stop breastfeeding & wait to get pregnant. What then?

NFP was created by God. How else would our natural bodies be designed so perfectly by our creator with CLEAR signs of when we are and are not fertile?

You’re missing my point. Sometimes, NFP is needed and good. It is not the norm. It is to be used in certain cases when necessary. In a sense, refusing marital intimacy when desired by both parties IS unnatural. God put those good desires in place for a reason. In certain circumstances it is necessary to override those inclinations.

 

[Brad]

p.e.driver:

nonprocreative=abstaining.

not abstaining=antiprocreative OR procreative

Maybe we aren’t understanding each other

Not the way I understood NFP. I thought it allowed for the marital act even when trying to not get pregnant, which would not be abstaining.

I’m more concerned with terminology, which affects mindset, than I am the actual method. The method can be used for great good.

 

[timmyo]

Man, I wish I had the problem of overzealous marketing of NFP where I live. I know only of a couple of priests who have ever dared to bring it up in a homily and one has suffered a lot of grief for it. I would like to see SOME marketing of it here, either weak or zealous. I plan on taking it on in my parish in the near future. Also, I believe John Paul the II said that NFP builds virtue in people. Most couples will not be 100% there when they start using NFP, but practicing the method will bring them to 100%, even if they start out with a contraceptive mentallity.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

Simply put, this is done on purpose to bring in people who are already using ABC. The theory is that they will eventually be entirely open to life. However, the reality is that it encourages a birth control mentality. Yes, there are some truely grave serious resons to avoid pregnancy - but this is not the reason most use NFP imo.

 

[p.e.driver]

Brad:

Not the way I understood NFP. I thought it allowed for the marital act even when trying to not get pregnant, which would not be abstaining.

I’m more concerned with terminology, which affects mindset, than I am the actual method. The method can be used for great good.

With NFP all acts have to be opened to life, even if it is less likely. That would still be considered procreative in my book. That’s why if there is a grave reason to avoid pregnancy (like say death) total abstenance may be necessary. God can work miracles even with NFP… it’s only 99% effective.

I know what you mean by terminology… I’m a big stickler.

 

[Karin]

gardenswithkids:

I believe that if some in the Church would stop pushing NFP and instead encourage large families (while reserving NFP for those who have a significant reason not to have more children at that time) we would see a positive change to the culture.

Encourage “large families” by all means…just make sure you can afford to cloth, feed, educate and raise these children. I know I really do not want to support any more people with my tax dollars!

 

[Christian4life]

Karin, this may sound funny but every single person I know who is on welfare (and I know a LOT) is unmarried, doesn’t go to church, and has less than 4 kids.

I’m really sick and tired of people thinking that big families are causing some kind of welfare problem. Look at the numbers. I’ll bet anything that MOST women on welfare wouldn’t dream of having more than 3 kids. These are the same people using condoms and having abortions. They are just flat out not responsible people.

 

[Karin]

Christian4life:

Karin, this may sound funny but every single person I know who is on welfare (and I know a LOT) is unmarried, doesn’t go to church, and has less than 4 kids.

I’m really sick and tired of people thinking that big families are causing some kind of welfare problem. Look at the numbers. I’ll bet anything that MOST women on welfare wouldn’t dream of having more than 3 kids. These are the same people using condoms and having abortions. They are just flat out not responsible people.

Christian4life: I did not mean to imply that all families with more than 3 kids cant afford them…there are families in our parish though that struggle to raise their large families of 5 plus. Also the woman on welfare do have more than 3 children as they get more money for having more kids.