Does she like me as more than a friend. Aghhh need advice please:-)

[hawkeye]

Hi.

would like to ask her out for coffee, but what advice could you give?

Ask her out, we pass this way but once, and “faint heart never won fair lady.” and you’ll eliminate the “if onlys.”

 

[nannygirl]

Hey. Thanks for your reply. A few points:

1. I got her email directly from her.
2. She agreed to coffee through the email and said it would be great to chat about things we chatted about at the retreat.
3. I’m at the end of my wits here with this thing

I was really happy when she said yes to coffee, but then she has not replied to my email over a week ago about when she would be free to meet for coffee. How weird is that.

I’ll probably give it a few more days and then email very briefly and just let things go.

I could understand her igoring my 1st email if she did not want to meet for coffee, but why reply yes and then not reply to another email??

Personally, I think its a very cruel way to treat a person this way - we all have feelings and especially I dont think its a nice way for a Catholic woman to treat another Catholic guy. Does she want to meet for coffe or not.

P.S. Please don’t misinterpret the above as a crazy like infatuation, its definitely not. Its simply that we laughed a lot at the retreat and also talked lots of good stuff about God and I would like to get to know her better at least build a good friendship. Its so difficult to meet people these days who are faithful to the Holy Father and the Magisterium, let alone for me a single Catholic guy to meet loyal Catholic women.

As always, would really like your advice.

Hate to tell ya, but it sounds like she’s not interested and doesn’t know how to just come right out and say it.

 

[FanofB16]

Hi.

Just thought I’d mention that I met the young lady for coffee today.
(She had been away for a while after the retreat, so she couldnt answer emails etc!)

Anyway, we chatted and laughed for almost 2 hours over coffee. There were no akward silences and having not seen her for 1 month, we chatted away really well - we have a lot in common, especially the Faith.

So, It seemed to go really well and on 2 occasions, she said she would pay for the next coffee!

She said this at the beginning of coffee and when we left each other.

I was going to send her a brief text message saying that I had a great time today and look forward to doing something again soon.

And then I will hopefully call her mid week.

So, three questions I would like your help on:

1. What about the contents of my proposed text message - is it ok or too forward?
2. Should I text her later today or on Sunday? I’m thinking at the end of the today before sleep?
3. In a few days time, should I ask her out again for coffee again, maybe a different place rather than thinking about lunch, cinema etc? (I’m thinking just the coffee)

I want to take things slowly, but I have no real idea what I’m doing.

Really look forward to your help.

FanOfB6

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi.

Just thought I’d mention that I met the young lady for coffee today.
(She had been away for a while after the retreat, so she couldnt answer emails etc!)

Anyway, we chatted and laughed for almost 2 hours over coffee. There were no akward silences and having not seen her for 1 month, we chatted away really well - we have a lot in common, especially the Faith.

So, It seemed to go really well and on 2 occasions, she said she would pay for the next coffee!

She said this at the beginning of coffee and when we left each other.

I was going to send her a brief text message saying that I had a great time today and look forward to doing something again soon.

And then I will hopefully call her mid week.

So, three questions I would like your help on:

1. What about the contents of my proposed text message - is it ok or too forward?
2. Should I text her later today or on Sunday? I’m thinking at the end of the today before sleep?
3. In a few days time, should I ask her out again for coffee again, maybe a different place rather than thinking about lunch, cinema etc? (I’m thinking just the coffee)

I want to take things slowly, but I have no real idea what I’m doing.

Really look forward to your help.

FanOfB6

I’m glad you had a nice time! I would text her today…why not? Saying you had a great time, and would she want to meet for lunch during the upcoming week? Think that would be appropriate.

Is dating always this cryptic nowadays? :hypno: When I met my husband, we were friends for a little while, but he didn’t mince words and told me early on how he felt, that he wanted to be more than friends…

I just wonder what happened to people just coming out and saying what they mean…just seems like a lot of work these days to date someone!

 

[Ruthie]

It sounds to me as if you have met a nice young lady. Based on my own life of “what ifs” and various romantic entanglements, it could be that she is aware of your interest, and interested in you, but wants to keep a distance, for now. Especially since she has some baggage about an old boyfriend.

If she wasn’t interested at all, she wouldn’t have gone out for coffee with you. It’s easy to ignore an e-mail. But keep in mind that she may only want to be your friend.

My advice: take your time. Concentrate on becoming good friends. See if you can make a regular coffee date with her, same day, same place, same time. Even if nothing develops romantically - you will have a good woman friend. If something does develop, you will know each other well enough to have a firm foundation.

Oh, yeah - and pray for her good, every day, and that God’s will be done in both your lives.

That prayer worked for me… still married to Mr Right after 12 years!

Ruthie

 

[chevalier]

Hi.

Just thought I’d mention that I met the young lady for coffee today.

Congrats.

Anyway, we chatted and laughed for almost 2 hours over coffee. There were no akward silences and having not seen her for 1 month, we chatted away really well - we have a lot in common, especially the Faith.

As well.

So, It seemed to go really well and on 2 occasions, she said she would pay for the next coffee!

Why exclamation mark after relating she’d pay for the next coffee? Does that seem somewhat significant to you? Or did it simply indicate to you that a next coffee would take place?

She said this at the beginning of coffee and when we left each other.

All right, so she didn’t change her mind.

I was going to send her a brief text message saying that I had a great time today and look forward to doing something again soon.

Yeah, a good idea. Do such things naturally, though. If you feel like sending it, send it. Don’t want to smother her with too much attention, but on the other hand you don’t want to be with a woman around whom you can’t behave like yourself, right?

And then I will hopefully call her mid week.

Three days is the norm. I make it two days on purpose to show a bit more attention than the standard dictates.

1. What about the contents of my proposed text message - is it ok or too forward?

First of all, do not focus on the exact wording. You don’t want to go mad. Don’t start obsessing. Write something which is natural and be gone with it. Find yourself something to do. Make use of your time, don’t kill it.

1. Should I text her later today or on Sunday? I’m thinking at the end of the today before sleep?

End of day before sleep generally indicates a more-than-friends intent. Whether that’s good or not in your case I don’t know. Midday will attract a more active, constructive response, likely.

1. In a few days time, should I ask her out again for coffee again, maybe a different place rather than thinking about lunch, cinema etc? (I’m thinking just the coffee)

Yes, no need to push the cliches. Find a nice cafe which won’t make any statements. Next time you can go to a teahouse or some other such place. Note that I’m biased since I don’t eat with strangers and don’t like cinema dates, so maybe it will work for you anyway. Though if you want my opinion, stick with your current idea.

I want to take things slowly, but I have no real idea what I’m doing.

That’s good for several reasons and not so good for several other reasons. A good thing is that you won’t be pushy. A good thing is that slow is generally the good approach (slow as respectful and level-headed, not as slothful, though). A bad thing is that women generally prefer men who know what they’re doing. I imagine I’ve lost many opportunities because of not being decisive or decided enough around a woman. However, my advice is not to change an approach which is natural to you. I can name random places and times that are of no significance to me just for the sake of appearing bold, decisive and conquering… just for what sake in the end, anyway? Since you want a woman for yourself, not for a persona of yours, an approach which is the most natural to you will get you the best result. It will not make you successful in the general sense, but it will bring you the success, which generally means at the end of the day you’ll be the one who won.

Really look forward to your help.

Do it your pace and your way as much as possible.

 

[FanofB16]

Hi. I’m not sure if anyone reads this thread anymore, but the latest update is as follows.

As mentioned above, I met the young lady on Saturday and it appeared we had a great time - almost 2 hours chatting away and lots of fun and serious stuff also.

I texted her on Sunday to mention I had a great time on Saturday and hoped to meet again soon.

I then telephoned her today on her cell phone to ask her out for coffee again. (I wanted to ask her out by phone this time, rather than by email like the first time). The first time I rung, it was switched off. I then tried again and the cellphone rung a few times and then went to voicemail.

I then texted her to mention I had rung and to ask if she would be interested in meeting up again on Saturday for coffee.

But no response 5 hours later, so it doesnt look good at all. I think it’s over before its even realy begun

A few points which make me think it definitely doesnt seem good:

1. I might have expected a return message on Sunday from her saying that she also had a good time, but no message. (Late on Sunday, I thought that seemed not a good sign)
2. On my 2nd call, it seemed to me that she possibly deliberately pressed her cellphone to divert to voicemail when she saw on caller id it was me calling - it seems strange that it should only ring 2 - 3 times before voicemail.
3. But sadly, the key point is that she has not replied at all to my text message 5 hours later.

(We have texted each othe before, so i know she gets the texts)

And although I’m hoping against hope, truthfully, I dont believe she will reply positively or even probably reply at all.

So, it looks as if this is another failed attempt at a relationship by me. I’m just kinda sad that after almost 2 hours of chat on a Saturday where we seemed to click, there will not be another meeting

Plus, I dont think she will even reply to my text. I know it may be difficult, but how long does it take to politely reply that she basically not interested?

It’s strange because you hear so much these days about how Catholic women cannot find a good Catholic man loyal to the Magisterium etc, and I cannot even get past a first meeting for coffee. I’m 30 now and every time I try and get a second meeting with someone, that’s it all over. I see all my friends getting married, but I can’t even start a proper relationship.

Would be grateful of your thoughts?

 

[chevalier]

Hi. I’m not sure if anyone reads this thread anymore, but the latest update is as follows.

As mentioned above, I met the young lady on Saturday and it appeared we had a great time - almost 2 hours chatting away and lots of fun and serious stuff also.

I see.

I texted her on Sunday to mention I had a great time on Saturday and hoped to meet again soon.

Yeah, that sounds nice.

I then telephoned her today on her cell phone to ask her out for coffee again. (I wanted to ask her out by phone this time, rather than by email like the first time).

And that was reasonable.

The first time I rung, it was switched off. I then tried again and the cellphone rung a few times and then went to voicemail.

I then texted her to mention I had rung and to ask if she would be interested in meeting up again on Saturday for coffee.

But no response 5 hours later, so it doesnt look good at all. I think it’s over before its even realy begun

There are various reasons but maybe she didn’t want to progress from e-mail and text messages to real calling. I once had a girlfriend who was comfortable with Skype but not with real phone. Many of my female acquaintances wouldn’t rather talk on the phone but either communicate online (text only) or text by the phone.

1. I might have expected a return message on Sunday from her saying that she also had a good time, but no message. (Late on Sunday, I thought that seemed not a good sign)

Nothing conclusive, really.

1. On my 2nd call, it seemed to me that she possibly deliberately pressed her cellphone to divert to voicemail when she saw on caller id it was me calling - it seems strange that it should only ring 2 - 3 times before voicemail.

Maybe not or maybe she had a good reason.

1. But sadly, the key point is that she has not replied at all to my text message 5 hours later.

Wait a couple of days.

And although I’m hoping against hope, truthfully, I dont believe she will reply positively or even probably reply at all.

It would be a strange way of cutting contact on her part, but pushing will not help.

So, it looks as if this is another failed attempt at a relationship by me. I’m just kinda sad that after almost 2 hours of chat on a Saturday where we seemed to click, there will not be another meeting

Has happened a lot for me.

Plus, I dont think she will even reply to my text. I know it may be difficult, but how long does it take to politely reply that she basically not interested?

Little time, but much emotional strain sometimes.

I see all my friends getting married, but I can’t even start a proper relationship.

Marriage is the proper relationship. Having anything referred to as a relationship before is not even prerequisite. Worry about finding a wife, not about having a girlfriend.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Would be grateful of your thoughts?

Sorry to hear that, bro. I think it’s time to back off a little. The ball is in her court. If she wants to talk to you, she will. Any more contact by you would seem a bit desperate and will likely scare her off, if you haven’t already. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but I’m trying to tell it like it is. Best of luck to ya!

 

[FanofB16]

Hi. Cheers for the replies you guys.

I actually got a reply. She apologised for the delay in replying and said she had a great time last Saturday, but this Saturday didnt suit, but maybe the week after next as she already has plans in place for this weekend.

So, I replied saying that’s cool and id contact her.
(I’ll not do anything now, and probably contact her in 1 - 2 weeks time).

Bit more content now, I think I need some patience and will see what happens

 

[chevalier]

Don’t make anything out of that since there’s not enough data to figure anything out, but don’t live on hope. You need to get on with your life and and avoid focusing on her.

 

[thomfra]

Hi. Cheers for the replies you guys.

I actually got a reply. She apologised for the delay in replying and said she had a great time last Saturday, but this Saturday didnt suit, but maybe the week after next as she already has plans in place for this weekend.

So, I replied saying that’s cool and id contact her.
(I’ll not do anything now, and probably contact her in 1 - 2 weeks time).

Bit more content now, I think I need some patience and will see what happens

You know, this all seems a bit strange. Like the previous poster said, hang in there but don’t focus all of your energy on her.

It’s clear that she is not “head over heels” for you. When you really, really like somebody then you answer their messages ASAP, and re-arrange to meet them…

But maybe you can just keep chipping away… you have to be in it to win it…

 

[purelovemmc]

Hi.

I’m a 30 year old single Catholic man and there’s a 22 year old Catholic woman I like very much. We’ve been spending some time together because we’ve both been away on a Catholic retreat with a few hundred others this past week.

I’ve been getting to know her, we seem to have a lot in common and she seems to like me.

So, ive been trying to work out if she likes me as more than a friend, and i cant work it out:

1. We can talk about serious and fun things. She holds my gaze for a long time.
2. She touches me on the arm quite a few times.
3. When I was in a group of friends with her, she told them I was wonderful and cool.
4. We can have serious talks about God.

And just the general feeling, that she is happy to be with me.
but the minuses:

1. We were finishing tonight clearing the retreat hall with me, her, and 2 of her friends. She hugged one of her friends, and then came over to me and shook my hand!!! I would not have xpected her to hug me, but I have always thought that a handshake from a girl is bad news if you are interested in her.

I might not see her again actually because we are all leaving tuesday and i na group of 500, its difficult t ofind people, but ih ave her email and would like to ask her out for coffee, but what advice could you give?

Email her and ask her out for coffee.

Goodluck.

Oh, and don’t forget that friendship can also develop to something better so if she offers friendship only, take it.

 

[purelovemmc]

Oops,so there was a development. Well then…goodluck. =D

 

[katerisouthern]

Hi,

Just a word of thanks for all your helpful replies.

Unfortunately, things are going nowhere for me with the young lady I was interested in.

I asked her friend by phone if she could send me the girl’s mobile number so that I could call her. But, she never replied!

And I then emailed the young lady I liked to ask her out for coffee. That was a few days ago and no reply again.

It’s disappointing for me, considering how well we appeared to get on together.

But what is even more disappointing is that either her or her friend did not have the courtesy to reply to me and rather just chose to ignore me. I dont think it is very Christian-like.

Anyway, back to loneliness and wondering what just is wrong with me that I cannot seem to ever get anyone to be romantically interested in me - and I’m 30 so I’m not that young any more :-(((

I know it hurts, but if you want to be treated with maturity, you might want to stick to someone a little closer to your age. Either that, or be a little more thick skinned about the immaturity. I’m 31 and I’m worlds more mature now than I was at 22. 22 is an adult, but that’s barely out of college if out of college at all… not much real life experience for many people at that time. Also, she is probably not trying to be rude… she just does not want to hurt your feelings and doesn’t have the courage to respond to your e-mail. That is immaturity… but with the age difference, you should expect that.
Good luck in your search for true love.