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lp22
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Sorry I’m reposting this another way because I only got one reply. 
Does the church require married couples to disclose information to each other before outsiders?
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pianistclare
Guest
No. They must go through pre-marriage counseling, but whatever comes out is between them and their spiritual advisor.
What was wrong with the other response?
What was wrong with the other response?
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lp22
Guest
What was wrong with the other response?
Nothing. It was very empathetic.
I don’t want to take anymore of your time but this part I was wondering about since she can’t get married again. Her married life is over for the rest of her life. She’s going to have to live alone until she dies. So moving on is not really an option for her. That’s the only reason I was waiting for some more insight. But the rest was very empathetic thank you very much
" She needs to move on. She can pray for his happiness, but it’s water under the bridge now. She needs to stop wondering. He has a new wife. He likely was not able to deal with it at the time of their marriage, which yes, is unfortunate. "
Nothing. It was very empathetic.
I don’t want to take anymore of your time but this part I was wondering about since she can’t get married again. Her married life is over for the rest of her life. She’s going to have to live alone until she dies. So moving on is not really an option for her. That’s the only reason I was waiting for some more insight. But the rest was very empathetic thank you very much
" She needs to move on. She can pray for his happiness, but it’s water under the bridge now. She needs to stop wondering. He has a new wife. He likely was not able to deal with it at the time of their marriage, which yes, is unfortunate. "
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pianistclare
Guest
You are both misinformed or at best, only partially informed. She needs to go speak to a priest about the possibility of an annulment. When one party is not honest with the other and enters into marriage under false pretenses, a marriage can be annulled.
This is something her priest can assist her with. Have your dear friend contact a Catholic Church and make an appointment. Don’t spend any more time speculating that her life may be over.
Ask an expert.
Peace.
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lp22
Guest
Ok question:
The deceipt was later. He did not tell her about something that happened 10 years after their marriage started. I think the marriage lasted another seven or eight years, I’m not sure of the timing. But he was talking to this friend at work about it and not his own wife.
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lp22
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I’m sorry, I just realized that the title of this post isn’t very clear. It says does the church required disclosure to the wife before outsiders, or something like that. I meant to say does the church require telling the wife about things before you tell other people about things, or even more, does the church require that you tell your wife about things that you are telling people outside the marriage? Seeking solace from friends instead of your wife?
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pianistclare
Guest
That’s a totally different thing. Of course, one should share intimate things with one’s spouse…for support and not to seek outside solace. But, perhaps he was not equipped to so do, meaning, his shame overshadowed his judgment.
What the church “requires” and what the church “advises” for those who want a good marriage are two separate issues.
Aside from that…have her talk to a priest about a possible annulment.
And…how about getting ;round to the real question dear one? I sense that you have one…
What the church “requires” and what the church “advises” for those who want a good marriage are two separate issues.
Aside from that…have her talk to a priest about a possible annulment.
And…how about getting ;round to the real question dear one?
I sense that you have one…
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lp22
Guest
No, really that’s it. I just have a thyroid brain and can’t express myself anymore and it’s so frustrating. I’m sorry to take so much of your timeAnd…how about getting ;round to the real question dear one?
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pianistclare
Guest
Oh, don’t say that.
shaw:Forums are for sharing and learning. Be at peace…
Be assured of our prayers…for you and for your friend.
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St_Francis
Guest
The Church requires charity and prudence, but does not make rules about issues which need to be decided on a case-to-case basis.
From what you have said, it does not seem that this would provide reason to annull the marriage, since the deceit occurred years after the marriage began.
It is unfortunate that her husband has treated her so badly, from what you have told us; being unable to marry is a difficult cross for her and you should keep her in your prayers. If you are close, try to include her in some of your family’s activities, and her children as well. They will all need support in this difficult time.
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maryjk
Guest
No, the Church does not require that you discuss, or make full disclosure, with the spouse before discussing something with someone from outside of the marriage.
Reading your other thread, it could be that the husband did not think your friend could handle what happened to him. So, he simply didn’t tell her.
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1ke
Guest
No.
Many people are under the mistaken impression that the Church has something to say about everything. They don’t.
This is not a matter of faith and morals. It is a matter of prudential judgment on the part of the people involved.
It is a shame that the person who was sexually assaulted did not confide in their spouse. People deal with trauma in different ways. A man who is sexually assaulted deals with additional shame and denial because that is not supposed to happen to men, men are supposed to be strong. But, assault is assault. It is about power and violence.
He was the victim. He was unable to cope with it for many years it seems. We need to have compassion for him.
But, no, the Church does not have a “teaching” on who someone should talk to first about a traumatic situation. I am not even sure why you would think it would.
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lp22
Guest
That’s the answer, thanks so much
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Marysann
Guest
Please do not try to do the marriage tribunal’s job, and try to figure out if a declaration of nullity can be obtained yourself. In this situation (I hope I have this straight), the wife need to talk to a priest, and begin the process. She should not try to figure out the grounds herself. The behavior of someone during marriage could be indicative of a condition the predates the wedding, or there might be other grounds that never occurred to the wife. Let the experts look at this. The bond of marriage must be upheld, if it in fact exists, but the Church wants to help these hurting people to determine if a real marriage actually existed at all. The tribunal has been given this responsibility by the Church, and they know their job. The salvation of souls is on the line here, give the experts a chance to help.
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