E
edarlitrix
Guest
Hello, I would like some peer review.
It all started when I said that I would only every marry this specific person (just a point, I never even spoke to this person except one time to say “no” about a book, and I was fifteen or sixteen when I made this vow). The reason I said that was because I believed I was very flip-floppy about who I was attracted to or had a crush on, and I hated being that way. I said that if I were married, it would not be permissible to flip-flop around (you must remain faithful to your spouse), so now I must find a way to stop being flip-floppy early, and that is by reminding myself that I must be faithful to so-and-so, the only person I would ever marry.
I have heard that in order for a vow to be obligatory, it must be made 1. voluntarily, no coercion, and 2. full knowledge of what I am vowing.
Did I know what I was saying when I said I would only ever marry so-and-so? Yes.
Was it voluntary? This is a more difficult point. I believed that I must not be “flip-floppy” (I guess I was sick of it) about who I had a crush on/attracted to, and I believed the best way to achieve this was making a vow to only marry the one person. And, you can’t flip-flop when you’re in marriage, you must remain faithful, so that committed me to being faithful to that one person. If I found myself becoming attracted to someone else, I had a reason to say NO, not acceptable. I must remain faithful to so-and-so.
Now, understanding theology of the body, I believe that attraction to another person can be good and beautiful but that one is not bound to ONE person unless one is married to that person… after all we are fickle creatures and our feelings change, so we must discern who is the “one” (if there is such a thing) before becoming sealed and united in marriage. It is only after that unification takes place, a union that God is involved in and seals, does the need to remain faithful in mind, body, and heart come into existence. Although, if one voluntarily chooses to commit to a person before marriage, that’s OK if he or she likes. Then she would be bound by that, even though it is not wrong to be flip-floppy before marriage. It would just become wrong for her now that she has made a voluntary commitment.
So, what do you say? Was my vow entirely voluntary and/or does the reason for making the vow remain?
I just want the truth, the truth of whether the vow is still binding or not. Please provide evidence and reasons for your viewpoint for why it is the truth. As a reminder: the vow was that I would only ever marry that one person, meaning (since I am confident I will never marry that person) I am completely closed off from marriage for the rest of my life (without having discerned).
Thank you.
It all started when I said that I would only every marry this specific person (just a point, I never even spoke to this person except one time to say “no” about a book, and I was fifteen or sixteen when I made this vow). The reason I said that was because I believed I was very flip-floppy about who I was attracted to or had a crush on, and I hated being that way. I said that if I were married, it would not be permissible to flip-flop around (you must remain faithful to your spouse), so now I must find a way to stop being flip-floppy early, and that is by reminding myself that I must be faithful to so-and-so, the only person I would ever marry.
I have heard that in order for a vow to be obligatory, it must be made 1. voluntarily, no coercion, and 2. full knowledge of what I am vowing.
Did I know what I was saying when I said I would only ever marry so-and-so? Yes.
Was it voluntary? This is a more difficult point. I believed that I must not be “flip-floppy” (I guess I was sick of it) about who I had a crush on/attracted to, and I believed the best way to achieve this was making a vow to only marry the one person. And, you can’t flip-flop when you’re in marriage, you must remain faithful, so that committed me to being faithful to that one person. If I found myself becoming attracted to someone else, I had a reason to say NO, not acceptable. I must remain faithful to so-and-so.
Now, understanding theology of the body, I believe that attraction to another person can be good and beautiful but that one is not bound to ONE person unless one is married to that person… after all we are fickle creatures and our feelings change, so we must discern who is the “one” (if there is such a thing) before becoming sealed and united in marriage. It is only after that unification takes place, a union that God is involved in and seals, does the need to remain faithful in mind, body, and heart come into existence. Although, if one voluntarily chooses to commit to a person before marriage, that’s OK if he or she likes. Then she would be bound by that, even though it is not wrong to be flip-floppy before marriage. It would just become wrong for her now that she has made a voluntary commitment.
I consider that the reason for my vow has ceased to exist. The reason being “to avoid flip-floppiness” or because “flip-floppiness is wrong” or because “I don’t like flip-floppiness”–Now, I don’t believe flip-floppiness is wrong or a thing to be avoided now, though I admit I do not like it. Nor do I think I will ever LIKE it. I do indeed dislike it, and think it terribly unhelpful and wearisome.
So, what do you say? Was my vow entirely voluntary and/or does the reason for making the vow remain?
I just want the truth, the truth of whether the vow is still binding or not. Please provide evidence and reasons for your viewpoint for why it is the truth. As a reminder: the vow was that I would only ever marry that one person, meaning (since I am confident I will never marry that person) I am completely closed off from marriage for the rest of my life (without having discerned).
Thank you.