Does your husband coddle you when you're sick?

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I wish mine did, but he’s afraid of getting sick. He sleeps on the couch, will enter the room briefly to bring me something to drink or eat, then he’s gone. I was home from work and miserable all day, and really just wanted to be comforted when he finally got home at 7:30 in the evening. He did stop at the store to pick me up some soup and medicine, but a little QT would’ve gone a long way. Am I just being selfish?
 
Jesus loves you. You don’t need to be cuddled. You can get through anything without cuddles. That’s what people tell me anyways. I’m gay, and therefore can never cuddle. So, God’s love is enough, right?

Sorry if this is a hijack to your thread or whatever. Its an honest answer to your question. Unless everyone wants to just apply a double standard to me and not to other ppl.

“Would it build virtue?”

That’s what people ask me to dissuade me from pursuing any kind of physical intimacy. Do you think cuddling with your husband while sick would help you become a stronger Christian? Would it build virtue?
 
Praying for you, ssa_fellow.

No, The Husband doesn’t coddle me when I’m sick. It’s not that he’s afraid of getting ill himself. He just isn’t the coddling type. I accept that’s how he is. Sure, I’d like to be taken care of when I’m not feeling well, but I can’t make him do it, can I?

To be honest, I’m thankful things have changed since we got married. Back in the day, I came down with the flu—really came down. I was perfectly fine when I left for Mass and shivering and achy when I got home two hours later. I was in bed for nearly three weeks. (The flu really does a number on me. We even had to call a doctor in because I was too ill to leave the apartment.) That first evening, he came to me, woke me up and asked, “What’s for dinner? I’m starving.”

Well guess what, honey? I have a headache, a 103°F fever and can’t stop shaking. Dinner is whatever you can be bothered to prepare for yourself or order in. 😛

He doesn’t do this anymore.

For that, I’ll let the absence of coddling when I’m sick slide. 😃

I don’t think you’re being selfish. You prefer a little extra TLC when you’re ill, and who doesn’t? But the bottom line is that you can’t force your husband to give it to you, and unless special circumstances exist that I’m unaware of it isn’t going to kill you not to have it. He did get you soup and medicine; just out of curiosity, did he do so of his own initiative or did you ask him for these items?

Hope you feel better soon! Remembering you in my daily prayers. God bless.
 
Tezza said:
I wish mine did, but he’s afraid of getting sick. He sleeps on the couch, will enter the room briefly to bring me something to drink or eat, then he’s gone. I was home from work and miserable all day, and really just wanted to be comforted when he finally got home at 7:30 in the evening. He did stop at the store to pick me up some soup and medicine, but a little QT would’ve gone a long way. Am I just being selfish?
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No your not at all selfish ,what would make you think that,
I love to give a hug &. Cuddle weather sick or healthy,
But not everyone is like that,
Some people need attention ,just a careing cuddle can make a heap of difference,
I’ll give a Hug,
 
I think she’s asking if anyone’s husband treats her indulgently, takes care of her. That might include cuddling, but that’s a different word. You can coddle someone without touching them.

I think a lot of guys are uncomfortable with caring for sick people. Although that’s not true of everyone, there are some exceptional male nurses for example.
No, my husband doesn’t coddle me when I’m sick. I like to keep to myself on the couch at such times, which are rare. My kids are helpful when necessary, though.
 
Tezza said:
I wish mine did, but he’s afraid of getting sick. He sleeps on the couch, will enter the room briefly to bring me something to drink or eat, then he’s gone. I was home from work and miserable all day, and really just wanted to be comforted when he finally got home at 7:30 in the evening. He did stop at the store to pick me up some soup and medicine, but a little QT would’ve gone a long way. Am I just being selfish?
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Isolation!! If you cuddle him, he’ll get it. In fact, he needs to spray your room w lysol going in and our for you and him. He should have a mask. We have germs now that do NOT respond to antibiotics like MRSA, VRE, and since I left hospital nursing I think there is C.Diff that will not readily die w drugs. After 2 days you should get a new pillowcase. Trash can emptied everyday w using plastic bags. Plastic plates should be used or use bleach w dishes. Gatorade, Chicken broth or chicken noodle soup. Gatorade has electrolyes. Chicken soup has salt which keeps fluids in out body so we don’t need IV"s Some saltine crackers or dried toast when tummies are upset. I chase all people out and only call when I need supplies/food/meds. Hate it when my peers (RN’s) come in sick and make us all sick and pt’s who are critically ill get worse.

May the LORD HELP your immune system fight your illness. May the Great Physician heal you. By His stripes you are healed. May you find cuddles on facebook. Talk to him on the phone. Your husband.Be guided to Md by God ASAP. Read scriptures and cuddle God.
in Christ’s love
tweedlealice
 
Viki63 said:
I think she’s asking if anyone’s husband treats her indulgently, takes care of her. That might include cuddling, but that’s a different word. You can coddle someone without touching them.
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That’s how I understood the OP.
 
UpUpAndAway said:
That’s how I understood the OP.
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Yes, me too. Coddling and cuddling are not the same.

I’d say for many (not all!) men that compassionate care for a sick person is probably not intuitive. They’re also less likely to be given those types of responsibilities growing up so there is a bit of a steeper learning curve.

The first thing to consider IMO is if he even knew you’d want to spend time with him, or if you just expected him to know. Unspoken expectations can be killer in any relationship. He may have been assuming you just needed as much rest as possible and wasn’t looking on purpose to avoid you. So, if you want him to stay, ask!

Do you have children? He may be taken up with their care as well. I just make sure I have a stack of books, a computer, and then after the kids are in bed I may stumble out to the living room to watch TV together if I’m up to it and feeling lonely. But really, him keeping the kids out of my hair is a big task. If he refills a drink or rubs my back that is a huuuuuge bonus.

If he does have drastically different expectations for you when he’s sick that would be something to address.
 
My husband is always worried if I say I don’t feel well, because he finds it upsetting for me to be ill. He’s very sentimental like that. 🙂

I try to avoid getting close him when I have a cold or sore throat (which luckily is very infrequently), as he has a suppressed immune system. So I wouldn’t want him to fuss over me, as it would be counter-productive for both of us in the longer-term! The few times he’s caught a cold from me he’s been ill for ages and I’ve felt very bad about it - particularly as I’ve bounced back to health in just a few days.
 
When I have something contagious, I don’t want my husband to get sick. Besides wanting him to be well, he also has work- why would I expose him to something just because I want him close? This goes both ways too- when he is sick I make him food, pick up medicine, and bring him things he needs or wants, but keep myself and the baby away.

My concern for keeping him from getting sick is greater than wanting to be coddled.
 
It is NOT selfish to want something. It IS selfish to demand it.

Like others have said, perhaps this is a communications issue. Have you ever discussed this with your husband. Does he know how you feel? Do you know why he won’t do it?
 
ssa_fellow said:
Jesus loves you. You don’t need to be cuddled. You can get through anything without cuddles. That’s what people tell me anyways. I’m gay, and therefore can never cuddle. So, God’s love is enough, right?

Sorry if this is a hijack to your thread or whatever. Its an honest answer to your question. Unless everyone wants to just apply a double standard to me and not to other ppl.

“Would it build virtue?”

That’s what people ask me to dissuade me from pursuing any kind of physical intimacy. Do you think cuddling with your husband while sick would help you become a stronger Christian? Would it build virtue?
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She said cOddle, not cUddle.

Nobody says it is immoral for anybody to coddle you within an inch of your life when you’re sick.
 
To answer a PP, yes, coddling your DW when she is ill and needs some TLC **does **build virtue. Being kind to your loved ones is virtuous.

That being said, my DH is beyond kind when I am ill. Unfortunately, when I’m sick, I just want to be left alone. Bring me some food two or three times a day, make sure I don’t run out of whatever meds I’m taking, and then leave me alone.

It’s taken almost 48 years, but DH is finally beginning to get it. His first instinct is to coddle, but somewhat surprisingly, he doesn’t like to be on the receiving end either.
 
Tezza said:
I wish mine did, but he’s afraid of getting sick. He sleeps on the couch, will enter the room briefly to bring me something to drink or eat, then he’s gone. I was home from work and miserable all day, and really just wanted to be comforted when he finally got home at 7:30 in the evening. He did stop at the store to pick me up some soup and medicine, but a little QT would’ve gone a long way. Am I just being selfish?
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It’s all perspective. This is what my hubby does and I consider it coddling… Bringing me soup and Kleenex and medicine and whatever else I need, running errands, and such. I don’t expect him to get near me and get sick. I consider all the toting and fetching to be coddling, before we were married I had to schlep myself down the stairs and cook my own soup when sick. Now it comes on a tray to my bed.
 
Touch wood and praise be to God, I don’t really get ‘laid up’ kind of sick. Although in 1997 I was laid up for over a week with a dose of pneumonia. My parents took my children to stay with them for a week and my husband took the week off work. I spent the days propped up in bed dozing (apart from a daily drive to the doctor for an injection in the bum) and watching TV. (It was the horrible week that Diana died)

It was actually one of the nicest, most memorable weeks of being free from life’s duties and feeling completely guiltless for it, that I’ve ever had in my life. I don’t really like the notion of being ‘coddled’ though. I just don’t have that need when I’m sick.
 
Thanks, everyone, for your responses.

And yes, I did mean cOddle and not cUddle. My skin hurt from a fever, so definitely not interested in cuddling.

My husband called once in the am asking how I was doing. I called once in the afternoon for advice on how to get rid of a headache that wasn’t responding to NSAIDs (he’s a physician). I’m a nurse, but don’t think straight when I’m sick. Turns out I forgot my daily dose of caffeine since I wasn’t up at 0500 as usual for work and wasn’t interested in coffee since I was sick. Good call, husband.

I emailed about an hour before he was due to get off work asking for throat spray, soup, lemons and whiskey (hot toddy). I don’t know if he would’ve asked. I brought the custom of hot toddies into the marriage-he now knows the recipe since my husband gets sick way more often than I. When he finally got home at 7:30, he asked if I wanted soup and brought me a small bowl. He then got ready to go run (he runs marathons). I got up to get more soup and make myself some tea, since he didn’t offer. I feel like I nag when I have to ask for every little thing and I knew he was anxious to go run. I also feel I’m not allowed to ask him not to run and instead spend time with me after being gone all day. This has been an on-going issue; me feeling like I come in third after his kids (I have no children) and his marathons. I thought my being ill would be a motivator, but it felt like business as usual. P.S. we are in counseling.

Thus I spent the night holed up alone in the back room socializing with strangers on Catholic.com. I’m grateful you’re all out there.
 
It’s good you’re in counseling. In the meantime, I urge you not to hold onto resentment toward your husband. It can be very disappointing when he doesn’t give you what you would like (attention), so it’s natural you’d feel bad about it; it’s so much better if you can let it go, though. From your description, he seems to have cared for you with his phone call, supply provision, and soup, and that may be the extent of what he feels necessary to do for you. It doesn’t make him a bad guy or a bad husband. Not everyone has the same capacity for taking care of sick people.
 
Xantippe said:
She said cOddle, not cUddle.

Nobody says it is immoral for anybody to coddle you within an inch of your life when you’re sick.
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Yeah, sorry. “coddle” literally isn’t in my vocabulary. I assumed the OP meant cuddle.
DaddyGirl:
?
What does being gay have to do with cuddling/coddling? I don’t see the connection.

I think cuddling/coddling would build virtue, yes.
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Isn’t cuddling romantic? Who are gay people allowed to cuddle in the eyes of the Church? Its my understanding that I am not allowed to cuddle. Who can I cuddle with?

How does cuddling build virtue? There are no problems in the world that you absolutely need cuddling or a hug to solve. Look at monks for instance, do you think monks cuddle? No, they bear the suffering. Bearing suffering builds virtue. I fail to see how cuddling builds virtue :hmmm:
 
Merriam-Webster definition of the verb “cuddle”

In the sense of “to hold (someone or something) in your arms in order to show affection,” I cuddle small children all the time. There is nothing remotely romantic about it. :confused:

Sometimes I do this to comfort a distressed person, child or adult. It might not solve whatever problem they have, but it sure seems to help them feel better.
 
Tezza said:
I wish mine did, but he’s afraid of getting sick. He sleeps on the couch, will enter the room briefly to bring me something to drink or eat, then he’s gone. I was home from work and miserable all day, and really just wanted to be comforted when he finally got home at 7:30 in the evening. He did stop at the store to pick me up some soup and medicine, but a little QT would’ve gone a long way. Am I just being selfish?
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I was going to say yes, mine does, but when I read your description of what your husband does when he isn’t coddling you… well it happens to be what mine does when he is coddling me :). I really don’t want for my husband to get sick, and mine sleeps next to me even if I am sick (and usually ends up sick), so I am not sure how I would feel if he wouldn’t sleep next to me, I can see how you could be lonely (although if I do want to look at it from a selfish perspective, it is so much nicer when he can help with the kids when I am sick, so it may be worth sleeping alone to keep him healthy!) I am not sure what you mean by QT, but for me, when I am sick (and I was sick last weekend) I often just want silence to rest, and that is one way my husband coddles me, keeping the kids out of our room and doing what he can so I can rest. I ask him for things if I need them, but he just leaves me to rest in the meantime. My husband did end up getting sick after me this last weekend, and it was tough because I was still getting over my illness, and I have morning sickness so he had been handling dinners, so I guess I may be a bit biased in the area of wanting to keep dh healthy.

Either way, I would talk with your husband. I think it makes sense to let him know how you feel, he may think he is doing you a favor by leaving you alone and only bringing you things when you ask for them. Also, understand his point of view, maybe he really is worried about being sick, and although it may make you feel a bit rejected, it might be good to look at the perspective that he isn’t technically rejecting you but the contagious illness itself. Communication is key here, I think.
I hope you feel better soon!
 
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