Donor conceived child

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For the second child there can be a solution.

I don’t know the laws where you lived, but perhaps it can be possible that the true father declared himself as a father (even before the birth?) to cancel the automatical presumption of paternity.

Perhaps he can claimed in his divorce procedure that he has no relations anymore with his wife, and that any child conceive is not him.

And for the first child, perhaps the boyfriend can adopt him if both parts agree. There is a lot of possibilities in the US for adoption there is not always inothers countries. I don’t know what could be done.

He needs some legal informations from an attorney to know his options.
 
Sperm donors,for their own interests, as well as those of the parent(s) using their services, sign away both rights and responsibilities toward the child they are fathering. So, for all intents and purposes, the woman’s husband at the time of the baby’s birth is, legally, the child’s father.

It is interesting that he won’t take the way out that his wife is offering. Maybe the new bf has a history of child abuse or neglect, or something like alcoholism or addiction to make this man a less-than-ideal father. That’s the case that I can’t help but admire…although he has an easy out, he chooses to remain a father to this child.

I truly wish the best for all concerned, especially the baby. Please-don’t rush into anything you may regret. Prayers for all involved!

EDIT… I just read thru this whole thread, and, to put it bluntly, it looks like you’ve been taken for a ride!

You say you’ve never met this child. Have you met his wife, parents, his child’s mom’s new bf, anyone? Have you talked to anyone, besides your bf, about the situation? Or, is your bf saying that your interference could ‘cost him dearly’ or something like that?

You speak of alimony, which, as I recall, is awarded only AFTER the divorce. And, with her having a live-in bf, who would take charge of the whole family, if allowed, it wouldn’t be near the amount you seem to think it is/will be!

Have you met any of the lawyers involved? There have to be lawyers involved in a divorce, highly involved when financial support and child custody are at stake.

If he isn’t being totally open with you, you’re setting yourself up for a fall. If you think there’s still hope, ask him for the name of someone who can verify his story NOW! That you can call right after speaking to him, even if he is right in the room. Don’t give him a chance to get his story straight with friends, relatives, and colleagues. Find someone you can speak to, right away.

You can start with something really small. Like asking if he’s arrived to a scheduled visit with his son. If it’s ‘yes’ or ‘no’ he’s in the clear. If it’s something like ‘who?’ or ‘what visit’ or even ‘We’re not expecting him today’ You know that somethings up!

Sorry to come down on you so hard, and I do apologize if I was way off base…but it seems that you don’t have the full story. And his visitations being short and supervised, shows that there’s something unsavory in his handling of the situation

In short, pray for the best, but prepare yourself for the worst… Hope you uncover the truth.with a minimum of drama.And before your commitment to him grows stronger!
 
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Cecilia_Dympna said:
Just because he is not the biological father does not mean he is not the legal father. The courts will force him to pay child maintenance. He is the legal father, regardless of whether he is the biological father.
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I don’t know. If the divorce isn’t final when the wife gives birth to the boyfriend’s child, is the husband the legal father?
 
YES, he is going to be the legal father unless the other man adopts the child.
 
Yes. If you’re going through a divorce and your soon-to-be ex conceives a child you are the legal father with all the legal rights and responsibilities. The husband is assumed to be the legal father of every child born or conceived during the marriage.
 
Werbenjagermanjensen said:
Yes. If you’re going through a divorce and your soon-to-be ex conceives a child you are the legal father with all the legal rights and responsibilities. The husband is assumed to be the legal father of every child born or conceived during the marriage.
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Isn’t that why there are paternity tests?

Yes, it is assumed if the birth is before the divorce is final, but it doesn’t have to be. I have never had to deal with this, but I always assumed that if, in this situation, a man proved that the wife had someone else’s child he wouldn’t be responsible. Why would he?
 
Yes, of couse.

But this procedure could be done for the 2nd child, if the birth is before the divorce.

I doubt that the mother want his husband be the father of the child of his boy friend.
 
Seems this thread is the other side of the same coin
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A girls' right to her father doesn't matter. Protecting 'marriage equality' does Social Justice
A little girl in New York is in foster care, even though her father is a perfectly fit parent. The court will not even recognize him as her father. How is this possible, you ask? The little girl’s mother is in a same sex union. The girl is in foster care, because of neglect petitions pending against both the mother and her lover. The five-judge panel agreed that the fact that the child was in foster care was “relevant” and “concerning.” They nevertheless denied the father’s request to prove his…
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yes, the husband is the legal dad, until the biological father demands the paternity tests. If it is a donor-conceived child, the biological parent renounces all the rights, hence paternity test is useless. The issue is that my bf has practically no rights as a father apart from paying. His ex despises him and refuses any contact. She will not even meet him to hand the child over, she only agrees through a mediator.She does not answer any of his calls
 
There is a time period to dispute paternity and abandon paternity rights. If that isn’t done there are no taksie-backsies even if you later prove the child isn’t yours. I have a coworker who was taken to court by the state for child support for a child that wasn’t his. The child wasn’t even the same race as him and he still had to pay support.

The law was written before paternity testing was widely available and is more concerned with seeing that a child isn’t left without support than with the feelings of a wronged man.
 
This is one of the parts I don’t understand, and which makes me suspicious. If the mother of the child is not pushing for him to recognize the child, something is waay off here.
 
A month after she left her husband, she was already with another man, with whom she had been already in contact. Apparently, he was her love from university times. My bf didnt know any of that, learned from his mutual friends afterwards. Even judges found it hard to believe that a pregnant lady finds a man just after a month from separating from her husband. Maybe she had already planned all this. She wants nothing to do with her ex, apart from his money.
 
Justyna85 said:
A month after she left her husband, she was already with another man, with whom she had been already in contact. Apparently, he was her love from university times. My bf didnt know any of that, learned from his mutual friends afterwards. Even judges found it hard to believe that a pregnant lady finds a man just after a month from separating from her husband. Maybe she had already planned all this. She wants nothing to do with her ex, apart from his money.
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Quite frankly, nothing you said here adds up in any way. He’s spent 130k to fight her but is not yet divorced, he wants to care for a kid and has fought for custody even though he “knows” the child is not his. She wants alimony (which is different than child support) but has offered for the BF to adopt the child.

This makes NO sense…and unless his not-yet-ex’s boyfriend is the judge, none of this does. All of what you said is just so outlandish. He’s not some innocent pawn, and if he is he’s the worlds worst decision maker and should not be trusted or counted as mariagbale.
 
yep, it does not add up to me either. He admits, it is his lifetime mistake, to have agreed to conceive a child in that manner, and those circumstances, and with that lady. He did not want a divorce. He wanted to be either a 100% dad or nobody. She made it impossible, first offering that her new partner would adopt the child, later saying he would not ( she found out that she would ve lost the money). Since he couldn’t back off the birth certificate, he decided he would fight for his rights as a father but so far with little success. The justice system is extremely slow here ( Switzerland), and it is very normal to wait a couple of years to divorce if the couple doesn’t agree. She has also been sabotaged by her mother, who had promised her a house if she had left her husband, which she did. I ve no clue, why she did all this.
 
Justyna85 said:
She wants nothing to do with her ex, apart from his money.
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Ummm, that’s 90% of divorcées. If that in itself prevented men from seeing their children then very few divorced dads would. You just need to stay far away from everyone involved in the whole mess. Remember that you’ve only heard one side of things.
 
But no lady questions the paternity of the father of her child.
 
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Then she should make up her mind, either he is the father or he is not, with all the consequences. He cant be only a father when it suits her ( money) and otherwise having no father rights and privileges. So far, he is only sponsoring her child.
 
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