Don't know how much more I can take

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lovedance4ever

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I feel like I’m running out of the energy and will power to go on. I’m nineteen. My father has many physical disabilities and stays at home while my mom works full time.

I love my father very much, don’t get me wrong; but it has been very difficult lately. When things go wrong, he tends to take his anger out on me (NEVER physically, just verbally). Currently, he is having issues with my nana (his mother) and my aunt (his sister). For years, there have been unresolved problems, which I will not go into in this post. But there is a huge argument going on, and he is especially miserable lately. On top of it, yesterday, one of our cars got its fifth flat tire in like 5 months’ time. He spent the whole day yelling about it and blaming me for this and that.

Sometimes, he will make dinner, and when he does, he goes around acting like I never do anything, which is so unfair and very far from the truth. The problem is that when he does something, he acts as though he is the only one who has been working (my mother will even admit that he does this). However, a lot of the time, I do the cooking and cleaning.

Today it really hit me, though. I’m on Christmas vacation from college. I was all alone in the house; well, my dad was sleeping all day and my mom was working. So yes, I was alone. I spent some time reading, but then began to clean and cook, in hopes that my depression would go away. It did not; it only got worse. My father is extremely demanding sometimes, and while I was trying to juggle straining the pasta and trying not to burn the sauce, he began yelling that it was soon time to pick up my mother from work!

My mom also has many physical disabilities, but is capable of holding down a job (which is much needed, because we are having a lot of financial difficulties). When she gets home, the first thing she does is go on the computer……and any hopes of discussion with her are basically gone. She understands that I am having problems, and does her best to listen, but sometimes it’s just not enough. And after a while, she just gets sick of listening, because she is tired too.

I also suffer from fibromyalgia, and I’ve been having a lot of flare ups lately, to spice things up even more.

I guess it wouldn’t be so bad, if I did not have to deal with other issues, as well. I am sure I have posted about these other issues before, and I do not want to sound like a broken record, so I will not go into them. I will just say that with having no friends, close family, or even a boyfriend to find comfort in, life is extremely lonely. Some very hurtful things have also happened lately, regarding a guy who strung me along and then let me down terribly. Individually, I could deal with the problems, but all clustered together, they are unbearable.

Oh, and on top of it, I just discovered that my dad went into my room and took the $25 I had saved. He needed it to pay for our flat tire, which I understand……but he could have asked me! At times, I just feel desperate and wish I could just get married, move out and begin my own life. I feel trapped and as if nothing good will ever happen to me.

I realize that this is not true, but at times, I feel as though God is against me; I’ve never felt so deeply alone and depressed before; it almost takes my breath away, and not in a good way.

And so I ask for any advice you may have on how to deal with, and also, certainly for prayers.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

God bless
 
It has been recognized that those who take care of family members in need of constant attention need respite…not just from being in-home or “on-the-job”, but also some social time away from home, which is essentially their 24/7 job. That is also true of you, even if your dad isn’t totally incapacitated. It may be, in fact, that because your dad can do some things, it is more difficult to give all of you credit for how hard your collective situation is. It does not help that you yourself have a physical trial that doesn’t give external evidence. Those are also very easy for the others around one to underestimate.

You might look online for local support groups concerning both the business of coping with your own fibromyalgia and the stresses of being an in-home caregiver. It is also not that uncommon for people to need familial in-home care before their kids are grown. This situation asks a lot of children and teens, and sometimes presumes maturity that is even more difficult for someone their age to sustain than for someone fully into adulthood. Sometimes those of you who have been in this situation can be the best resource for each other in terms of strategies and also the most reassuring source of validation that “best” is still difficult and never perfect. I hope you can find a group or even a few people in a boat similar to yours, to help you appreciate and cope with what you’re going through, and to help what you are going through be more truly appreciated than those of us not in your situation can do.

Hope that helps. Hang in there!
 
I have sympathy for what you are going through. The advice I can give you is when ever you feel humiliated or sad look at the cross, meditate on the passion of Jesus Christ. Jesus went through soo much to save our souls. He showed so much humility; look at the example he gave us when he was persecuted. I would consecrate all your pains and sufferings to Our Lady of Sorrows and to the Sacred Heart of Jesus with an intention for your soul and the souls of your family. I have a question for you. Are you willing to follow Gods wills and over come these obstacles God put into your life to form you into a saint? I will keep you in my prayer.
 
Don’t lose hope. It is good that you have expressed how you are feeling as we all need to talk to someone at some point when things are bothering us. After all were only human.
You’re situation sounds hard but the support groups idea sounds good. Also keep up your own prayer, and give yourself time alone. Maybe that means having to go the park every couple of days for an hour. You need some breathing space. Do you think you could ask your mum to speak to your dad about how youre feeling? Or even tell your dad how you’re feeling? Dont put too much strain on yourself, you have to look after yourself too!!! Don’t neglect that. Actually I believe we all need to take care of ourselves first before we can help anyone else.
Take some time for yourself and try and relax. You’re dad can go an hour or two without you, surely. Also, pray for your dad. Pray the Rosary for him. He must be in great need of prayers. He is obviously not coping very well himself. Pray for him as much as you can. And if you already are continue to do so. The Rosary will be of great help!!
Try not to let his behavior get to you. It’s hard I know, but don’t take it offensively and love him and pray. I think you could maybe kindly in a very prudent way just tell him how your feeling and how it’s impacting on your health. Also, unite your sufferings with Christ. It makes it easier to know Christ suffered too, and he shares your pain.

Youre in my prayers.
 
I agree with the other posters. Also remember that this is temporary-soon you bwill graduate from college and get a job and become independent.
 
In addition to prayer and frequent reception of the sacraments, I’d suggest that you find and join support groups for adult caregivers and firbromyalgia sufferers. Before getting too involved in these groups, though, go to a few meetings to discern whether they offer practical help, suggestions, and support, or merely a night’s out gripe session. Frequently, the only people who understand difficult circumstances are others who have themselves experienced those circumstances.
 
Sounds like you have a lot to deal with on the family front. I am also a caregiver to a parent but I am older than you, so it is not as much of a hardship. Still, I suffer from clinical depression & get fed up at times and question God’s purpose for me. Is there a counselor or therapist that you might see to help you through some of these issues? If you are in college, there is often on campus counselors you can see for no cost. Finding an in person support group might also be an option. That is something that has helped me. Try to take some time for yourself, as you are young and do need some independence and fun. Of course, prayer helps also, goes without saying. Bless you!
 
Tell your dad he shouldn’t have just helped himself to your money! That was a huge boundary violation! :mad:

It sounds as if everyone in your house is basically coping with health conditions but not coping well. You are isolated, and that makes bad things much worse. Your mom is retreating into the computer, and your dad is taking out his frustrations on you. Everyone could use family therapy but somehow, I doubt if your parents would go. Therefore, since you likely have access to counseling on campus, YOU need to go, in order to learn some new coping skills. You can’t change your parents’ methods of coping, but you can learn to set boundaries and not let their problems ruin your own peace of mind. This will get a lot easier once you have finished college and can move out of their house.

Praying for you!
 
lovedance4ever,

It looks like all the other posters have given you great advice. Here’s mine.

I was once in a very dark place, emotionally, for different reasons than yours. I wasn’t much older than you. I want to share with you, and recommend to you, what I did. It may not be possible for you to do it exactly as I did, but you can adapt it to your circumstances. Here’s what I recommend:

See if you can find just 10 or 15 minutes, two or three times a week (or more, if possible), to visit the Blessed Sacrament. If there is a parish you can go to that has Perpetual Adoration, that would be ideal. If you can’t find a place to visit the Blessed Sacrament, find a Holy Card with a picture of the Host in a monstrance. You can do that in your bedroom.

Then, when you’re in the presence of the Host (or at least looking at the picture of the Host in your bedroom), just sit and look at Him with love. Don’t try to form any words. Just sit there and look at Him, and let Him look at you. Really, don’t try to tell Him everything. He already knows it all. Just look at Him and let Him look at you.

Keep doing this. He will repay your faith with graces and joy beyond all telling. It may not happen right away. It may take weeks or months. But I’ll bet you’ll start to see a difference in your life.

But this is really important: don’t force the conversation with Him. Just look at Him with love.

Like I said. I was once in a very dark place, and I did this. I now look back on that time in my life with a special affection and sense of nostalgia for the intimacy I shared with Him. Your experience will be different than mine. You will learn other things than I learned. While I experienced God’s love for me, you will experience His love for you, which is unique to you.
 
TechMan said:
lovedance4ever,

It looks like all the other posters have given you great advice. Here’s mine.

I was once in a very dark place, emotionally, for different reasons than yours. I wasn’t much older than you. I want to share with you, and recommend to you, what I did. It may not be possible for you to do it exactly as I did, but you can adapt it to your circumstances. Here’s what I recommend:

See if you can find just 10 or 15 minutes, two or three times a week (or more, if possible), to visit the Blessed Sacrament. If there is a parish you can go to that has Perpetual Adoration, that would be ideal. If you can’t find a place to visit the Blessed Sacrament, find a Holy Card with a picture of the Host in a monstrance. You can do that in your bedroom.

Then, when you’re in the presence of the Host (or at least looking at the picture of the Host in your bedroom), just sit and look at Him with love. Don’t try to form any words. Just sit there and look at Him, and let Him look at you. Really, don’t try to tell Him everything. He already knows it all. Just look at Him and let Him look at you.

Keep doing this. He will repay your faith with graces and joy beyond all telling. It may not happen right away. It may take weeks or months. But I’ll bet you’ll start to see a difference in your life.

But this is really important: don’t force the conversation with Him. Just look at Him with love.

Like I said. I was once in a very dark place, and I did this. I now look back on that time in my life with a special affection and sense of nostalgia for the intimacy I shared with Him. Your experience will be different than mine. You will learn other things than I learned. While I experienced God’s love for me, you will experience His love for you, which is unique to you.
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That’s a wonderful suggestion - I should have remembered to suggest that myself. :doh2: The wonderful thing about Adoration…well, OK, ONE of the most wonderful things about Adoration is that you don’t have to do or say a thing. Just be there, with Jesus. Some of us have a hard time coming up with prayers when in the presence of Jesus, and that’s OK. I find it better just to be there, allowing Jesus all the way into my heart.
 
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