Don't know what to do.

[vesnianka]

My sister married in Church about 20 years ago. Last year, her husband left her for a younger woman…she’s now dating (albeit seemingly) a nice guy. But the problem is, whatever the case is, she’s committing adultery because in the eyes of God, she’s still married to my brother-in-law.

My sister wants me to meet this new guy - who seems to be nice and great and caring, blah, blah, blah. But I’m struggling on what to do. I don’t want to show that I accept this new guy due to my beliefs, but she’s been through so much junk in recent years.

What would you do? In God’s and my eyes, she’s committing adultery.

 

[Sparki777]

Have you asked her about seeking to have her first marriage declared null?

 

[vesnianka]

you know, i can’t see any reason why the church would declare it null. they both went into it in good faith. it’s too easy and convenient to “call it null”. just because someone leaves another for a younger person, would not make a marriage null. it’s the sin of the person who does it, and putting another in danger for committing adultery.

my question is, what is the Christian way to respond to this? should i meet the person, love him as the person he is, but hate the sin? or should i respond by saying i don’t want to meet the person because he’s making my sister commit adultery?

 

[Sparki777]

you know, i can’t see any reason why the church would declare it null.

Well, that’s kind of up to the tribunal, not you and I. I don’t have any facts at all about how this couple married and what was going on, and since they both seem bent on new relationships, it’s legitimate to seek a decree of nullity in the hopes that the new relationships can happen without sinning.

they both went into it in good faith. it’s too easy and convenient to “call it null”.

Well, there are many different issues that might cause the vows to be null. As I said, I don’t have all the facts. Likely you are right in that the marriage is valid, but it’s okay to go through the process to be certain.

just because someone leaves another for a younger person, would not make a marriage null. it’s the sin of the person who does it, and putting another in danger for committing adultery.

Very true. Regardless, there might be some OTHER issue that would invalidate the marriage.

my question is, what is the Christian way to respond to this? should i meet the person, love him as the person he is, but hate the sin?

Think about the long term. If you reject the boyfriend, how angry will your sister be? Will you ever have another opportunity to bear a good witness again if you reject him now? Would you ever have an opportunity to lead him into an authentic Catholic life? Would it be better to be polite to the boyfriend and then speak privately with your sister about the adulterous nature of the relationship and urge her – lovingly – to do the right thing (seek annulment, and if that’s not possible, live alone until her husband dies). I don’t know any of these people, so you need to assess the situation yourself.

or should i respond by saying i don’t want to meet the person because he’s making my sister commit adultery?

Well…are you sure they are having sex? Because if they are just dating, they may be unwise, but they wouldn’t be committing adultery. I don’t think it’s wise to assume somebody is sinning. I think it’s better to give people the benefit of the doubt.

 

[aicirt]

you know, i can’t see any reason why the church would declare it null. they both went into it in good faith. it’s too easy and convenient to “call it null”. just because someone leaves another for a younger person, would not make a marriage null. it’s the sin of the person who does it, and putting another in danger for committing adultery.

my question is, what is the Christian way to respond to this? should i meet the person, love him as the person he is, but hate the sin? or should i respond by saying i don’t want to meet the person because he’s making my sister commit adultery?

The Church may see it null and void if, when your bil married your sister, he did not have the intention of staying true to her. Remember Gov. Sanford’s announcement to his soon-to-be-wife, “I don’t know if I can keep my marital vows”? Who knows what was in your bil’s head. Another consideration is if your sister acted as a wife never giving him any reason to seek sex or companionship from another. I’m sure she was a good wife and he had no reason to break his vows.

Do you really think the new boyfriend is “making my sister commit adultery”? Don’t you think she’s an adult and making her own decision?

IMO, your sister is an adult. I’m guessing she’s about 40. Sometimes I wish people wouldn’t reveal their sex lives. Whatever is going on is between them and God. However, I would not like it if he’s sleeping over if kids are around. Kids shouldn’t be put in a position of judging their parents. And I’d be concerned about STDs.

 

[vesnianka]

well, i feel adultery is not only about having sex or not. that’s not my business if they’re doing it or not. adultery is also putting your emotions into another relationship other than your marriage; loving someone else, and planning for a future with another man. it’s not just the physical, but emotional too.

 

[aicirt]

well, i feel adultery is not only about having sex or not. that’s not my business if they’re doing it or not. adultery is also putting your emotions into another relationship other than your marriage; loving someone else, and planning for a future with another man. it’s not just the physical, but emotional too.

True. I don’t think you can help with whom you fall in love but you can stop yourself from sleeping with him.

IMO your sister has put her emotions into another relationship because her husband left her for another. Will he be returning? No. Would she want him if he did? Probably not. Would she have still be married to him if he hadn’t left? Probably.

I just hope she hasn’t jumped from the fire into the frying pan. Hope she takes a deep breath and thinks things out.

 

[vesnianka]

this still doesn’t answer my question. should i meet him or not?

 

[dulcissima]

I think you should. I also think you should pray for her. It sounds like it must be very difficult for her.

 

[aicirt]

this still doesn’t answer my question. should i meet him or not?

Yes. She needs your support. What’s going on is between them. Hopefully, you’ll like him. It’s good to see how a person interacts with others. Let’s hope and pray for her. She’s been through a lot.

 

[vesnianka]

thanks!!!

 

[MtnDwellar]

If you love your sister, then you will support her. Stop judging!!!

 

[JerrySeibert]

Yes, meet him. Advice from a man. But, be honest with your sister. Urge her to seek counsel from her Pastor. If all hope of reconciling her marriage is gone. Don’t know seems from your posts that this is the case.
If nothing else be there to support her. Even if in sin. I feel we are no better than they if we turn our back on them.