Don't know what to do

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garn9173

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My wife and I are separated with my son living with his Mom and they are with my wife’s sister and her family. One day during the Christmas break, I called my 9 year old son on his Android phone that my wife purchased for him to see what he was doing and he said he was watching the Die Hard movies with his cousin. My son explained that he watched the first two Die Hard movies the night before and was watching the remaining movies when I called.

I know the Die Hard movies as much as I enjoyed the original, there’s no way a 9 year old boy should be watching these movies (the original Die Hard was great, but don’t want my son exposed to a film of an adult nature). Just now, I called to say good night and he was waiting for the same cousin to show him how to play Assassin 2.

I’m just beside myself that a boy of young age is being exposed to this junk. I don’t know what to do, “without rocking the boat”, which I don’t want to do as my wife and I have been civil towards one another since she left me late last Summer,
 
garn9173 said:
My wife and I are separated with my son living with his Mom and they are with my wife’s sister and her family. One day during the Christmas break, I called my 9 year old son on his Android phone that my wife purchased for him to see what he was doing and he said he was watching the Die Hard movies with his cousin. My son explained that he watched the first two Die Hard movies the night before and was watching the remaining movies when I called.

I know the Die Hard movies as much as I enjoyed the original, there’s no way a 9 year old boy should be watching these movies (the original Die Hard was great, but don’t want my son exposed to a film of an adult nature). Just now, I called to say good night and he was waiting for the same cousin to show him how to play Assassin 2.

I’m just beside myself that a boy of young age is being exposed to this junk. I don’t know what to do, “without rocking the boat”, which I don’t want to do as my wife and I have been civil towards one another since she left me late last Summer,
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As much as I hate to say this but this may be something that you may need to cover as part of your child custody agreement. The boat has already been rocked - the two of you are separated. The welfare of your child at this point needs to come first.
 
…and this is why I tell my kids to WAIT to get married and be VERY sure of who they are. I’m on my third marriage and I feel your pain more than you know. 😦 I’m sorry I don’t have any advice or guidance, just sympathy. I’m looking forward to hearing what others have to say on the subject.
 
I am a stepmother to an eleven year old girl. My husband and I often have issues with her mother allowing things we don’t approve of. I recently told my husband I felt like we were fighting a losing battle with his ex. At the end of the day, she is going to let her daughter do whatever she wants and we have no control over what goes on at her house. But then my husband reminded me that it is our duty to protect her at all costs. Her well being and safety is more important than causing friction between the two families. Giving up the fight just isn’t an option when it comes to our children. My husband had a good conversation with his ex about their daughter and did make some progress. His ex and I have always had a great relationship and get along really well. We, too, didn’t want to ruin that by basically telling her that we didn’t think she was being a good parent. My advice to you is to ask your ex to make some time so the two of you can talk. Keep it calm and voice your concerns. You’re this child’s parent too and you have every right to be upset about those things you mentioned. This simply cannot be ignored. God expects us to do the right thing and take good care of our kids. I think you ought to tell your son how you feel about it too. You need to be that little voice inside his head that reminds him of what’s appropriate and what isnt when you’re not around. In the end, he will remember that you always had his best interest at heart. Praying for you 🙂
 
Hi and I’m sorry…been there done that. The father of my kids divorced me, then,he thought it was a good choice (it wasn’t). Anyway you guys are separated?.. Not divorced. From my experience the best thing I ever did was never to fight with the children’s dad. We already weren’t together so any complaints from my part weren’t going to be in the best interest of our kids and that needs to be your focus. (maybe even saving marriage if possibke). So no matter how much you disagree and rightly so,tread lightly. Ask her about it but NOT accusationally and not in a way that sends her the message that might think she us a bad mom. If you guys can’t agree on what’s okay for him yo view then maybe you could reach compromises, like she agrees to restrict certain shows and you will respect her feelings on another issue regarding your son.
Also when you have the oppotunity to spend time with your son you can talk to him. He’s already exposed therefore as his dad, someone who loves him so much you can share with him some surface things about him living elsewhere fie now and how things are different than as if you were all together. And when things come up like an R rated movie.you could give him ways to avoid watching them and still keep his “coolness” infant if his cousins. Also DO NOT criticize his mom fir allowing it! You could say you dont always agree with her and this may be one of those times. Give him a way out of a bad situation. First explain to him why it’s not a good choice for him to watch it yet. Then remember he is in a house with other kids and he probably wants to fit in so give home realistic suggestions in how he can get himself out of thise situations.
Remember if your focus is “kids first” don’t insult or fight with the mom. Dint be a doormat either. Maybe you guys will get back together, but if not seriously the kids suffer the most. I’m from divorced and so are my kids. I so appreciate my parents never I Solti g eachother. They both loved us kids so much. Know your not gonna win on all these things like the tv. And seriously if you do divorce, writing something up in the divorce like that huh … Anyway remember your son is part you. And you sound like a loving dad so stay true to that and continue to be that example and know he can make good choices as grows because that’s what you’ve shown him in who you are today.
Also pray…I prayed so much to Mary when it came to my son and so far…he’s good.
🙂
 
Sorry for all the typos… I’m on an iPhone apparently one without spell check 🙂
 
garn9173 said:
My wife and I are separated with my son living with his Mom and they are with my wife’s sister and her family. One day during the Christmas break, I called my 9 year old son on his Android phone that my wife purchased for him to see what he was doing and he said he was watching the Die Hard movies with his cousin. My son explained that he watched the first two Die Hard movies the night before and was watching the remaining movies when I called.

I know the Die Hard movies as much as I enjoyed the original, there’s no way a 9 year old boy should be watching these movies (the original Die Hard was great, but don’t want my son exposed to a film of an adult nature). Just now, I called to say good night and he was waiting for the same cousin to show him how to play Assassin 2.

I’m just beside myself that a boy of young age is being exposed to this junk. I don’t know what to do, “without rocking the boat”, which I don’t want to do as my wife and I have been civil towards one another since she left me late last Summer,
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Document date, time, and details of the conversation and give it to your attorney. Follow your attorney’s advice as to how to approach your wife to the letter.

Don’t worry about rocking the boat. You must put your child’s best interests above all else.

Luna
 
Is there a possibility Mom doesn’t know the cousin is watching these movies either. Kids of separation and divorce do often take advantage of a lack of communicaiton. Just a thought.
 
joanofarc2008 said:
Is there a possibility Mom doesn’t know the cousin is watching these movies either. Kids of separation and divorce do often take advantage of a lack of communication. Just a thought.
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Good point, so perhaps you can approach this gently in a very tactful way as if she doesn’t know.
She may not have watched the Die Hard movies therefore may know know how violent they are.
 
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