Don't know what to do

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TheHopeless

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About one year ago I returned to the church, after having been away for ten years or so. Then one day, after I had moved to a new place, I was walking by my new local church, and looked at the note on the door and saw that there would be a mass 20 min later, and I felt I had to go there – and I did. I won’t go into details and I don’t want to excuse my self (because I am fully aware that what I did was wrong and I don’t want to try to justify it) but what happened was that I received the Eucharist at that mass without going to confession first. And this has continued ever since - I go to mass several times every week and recieve even though I should not. It is kind of an evil circle – I continue to receive because I’m afraid what the reaction would be if I suddenly stopped (very few people in my church) and I can’t go to confession to my priest now (There is no way I can tell him what I have done in those years I was gone and that I didn’t confess it when I came back). I have tried to find another church to go to for confession, but that seems to be impossible in my area. I am so sad, so sorrow and I can’t find a solution that will work. I am afraid – afraid of the future, afraid of people, afraid of God. I don’t know what to do – I am considering stopping going to church, maybe that would be best because I am so unworthy but on the other hand trying to hide from God will probably not help – only make me feel quiltier. I am hopeless and the situation in my life is hopeless. I hate myself for not being able to live/behave the right way.
 
TheHopeless said:
About one year ago I returned to the church, after having been away for ten years or so. Then one day, after I had moved to a new place, I was walking by my new local church, and looked at the note on the door and saw that there would be a mass 20 min later, and I felt I had to go there – and I did. I won’t go into details and I don’t want to excuse my self (because I am fully aware that what I did was wrong and I don’t want to try to justify it) but what happened was that I received the Eucharist at that mass without going to confession first. And this has continued ever since - I go to mass several times every week and recieve even though I should not. It is kind of an evil circle – I continue to receive because I’m afraid what the reaction would be if I suddenly stopped (very few people in my church) and I can’t go to confession to my priest now (There is no way I can tell him what I have done in those years I was gone and that I didn’t confess it when I came back). I have tried to find another church to go to for confession, but that seems to be impossible in my area. I am so sad, so sorrow and I can’t find a solution that will work. I am afraid – afraid of the future, afraid of people, afraid of God. I don’t know what to do – I am considering stopping going to church, maybe that would be best because I am so unworthy but on the other hand trying to hide from God will probably not help – only make me feel quiltier. I am hopeless and the situation in my life is hopeless. I hate myself for not being able to live/behave the right way.
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Things are never hopeless. God is totally willing to forgive your sins, because you are truly sorry for them. Don’t fall into the pit of despair. NO SIN IS TOO GREAT FOR GOD TO FORGIVE. You have to go to confession. Since there is no other church to go to, you will have to go to your own priest. Yes, it will be humiliating, but we’ve all been humbled in the confessional. Nothing you tell the priest will shock him. He knows human nature has its weaknesses.

However, don’t go to communion until you have received absolution for your sins. It doesn’t matter what the other parishioners think. It is so much more important that you don’t offend God by receiving Him without going to confession first. Keep persevering. I’ll pray for you. 🙂
 
Today is Saturday. Go to confession. Tell the priest just what you told us. Give him also a quick run down of the major sins that you have commited in the last 10 years. You don’t have to know exact numbers or remember them all, just don’t purposely hide anything. Think about being a priest and listening to confession year after year. You have heard it all, so you are not going to be judging anyone. Really, I think what makes priests the happiest is when people finally let go and come home and confess. Don’t let fear or shame hold you back from receiving that forgiveness and grace that you so need. Just go. You can do it. There is nothing to be afraid of.
 
I have several times promised myself, that “When I go to church today I will ask my priest if he will hear my confession” – and every time I get terrified and fail and then I just leave again without asking (we don’t have any regular times for confessions in the church, so I have to ask first).
This is so bad- I can’t even ask him if/when I can make a confession and the point where I actually should make the confession would be so much more difficult. So you see, it is hopeless (or you could say that I am hopeless) – I don’t know what’s wrong with me!
 
TheHopeless said:
I have several times promised myself, that “When I go to church today I will ask my priest if he will hear my confession” – and every time I get terrified and fail and then I just leave again without asking (we don’t have any regular times for confessions in the church, so I have to ask first).
This is so bad- I can’t even ask him if/when I can make a confession and the point where I actually should make the confession would be so much more difficult. So you see, it is hopeless (or you could say that I am hopeless) – I don’t know what’s wrong with me!
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You are suffering from anxiety. The best thing to do, is just do it and you will see that there is nothing to be afraid about. Does your church have a regular confession time where you can just show up and don’t need an appointment? Chances are if you were to call right now, there would be a recorded message saying what time this is.

Or, if that option is not available, why don’t you have a friend call and schedule an appointment for you to come in and have a face to face confession in your priest’s office. Frequently these are easiest because you won’t be rushed and it feels more like just having a normal conversation.

Either way, you need to do something. Clearly your conscience is urging you. I know, I’ve been there myself. I went about three years without going to confession after joining the Church, just because I felt so much anxiety about not knowing “how” to do it. Finally, I just went and did it and it wasn’t at all scary.
 
Hopeless, I see a lot of myself in you. A while back, I was in your shoes too. I stayed away from the church for a long time, and then returned again. Unfortunatly, I did not go to confession at first, and I was receiving holy communion on top of all of my mortal sins. I really didn’t understand why this was so wrong at first (I mean, God knew I was sorry, didn’t he)? After doing some research,and reading some info on this forum, I realized that what I was doing was wrong. I knew I had to go to confession, but I was scared to death. I asked for some advice from a priest (on another forum), and he urged me to go, and assured me that the priest would be impressed with my humility. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I was literally shaking in my shoes when I went in there, and it was all I could do to get my confession out without crying. I was clutching my rosary in my hand the whole time, because it made me feel like Mary was holding my hand the whole time, helping me get through it. I have to tell you that the anxiety and mental/emotional agony I put myself through before I went was horrible. You know what? My priest was gentle and understanding, did not judge me, and was very comforting. I walked out of that confessional feeling like a new person. I actually felt a bit dazed, but very grateful and so glad I went. Ever since then, I make a point go to confession every couple of weeks. It has turned from my most dreaded sacrament into one of my favorites.

My point: don’t be afraid. Remember, the Lord is in there with you. He’ll help you get through it. You won’t regret it.
 
hopeless. hopelessness, despair. no hope. beyond hope. without any hope.

devil loves that one. it’s one of his proudest whispers. he smiles everytime a sinner thinks they’re beyond forgiveness.

if you go to confession today, tell the priest what you said here. all those sins will be gone. forgiven. just like that with the words of absolution.

and the devil will fall once again.
 
Hopeless,

Don’t worry. Just go to confession and get it over with so you can be free. There’s nothing you can tell the priest that he hasn’t heard many times before.

Peace.
 
Your problem is just a one confession away. I had the same problem before, until I convinced myself that avoiding confession is what the devil really want me to do. God is looking down at you and just waiting for you to say the magic words. He alread knows that you are sorry and that you really wanted to be cured, and he wants you cured by using the medicine he prescribe to us, the sacrament of confession. So go ahead, do not burden yourself anymore and go to confession. You’ll be relieved and feel a lot better mentally, physically and spiritually. God bless!
 
Thank you for all your replies and for trying to convince me that I can do it, that I can go to confession and be forgiven. The problem is that I am terrified, both thinking about my relation to God and thinking about talking to my priest make me panic. I can’t talk to anybody about it. Today is Sunday and mass started half an hour ago, so I should be there…and I’m just sitting in front of my computer instead being so sad. Please pray for me – I don’t know what will happen now, I feel so lost, and so fare away from God.
 
TheHopeless said:
Thank you for all your replies and for trying to convince me that I can do it, that I can go to confession and be forgiven. The problem is that I am terrified, both thinking about my relation to God and thinking about talking to my priest make me panic. I can’t talk to anybody about it. Today is Sunday and mass started half an hour ago, so I should be there…and I’m just sitting in front of my computer instead being so sad. Please pray for me – I don’t know what will happen now, I feel so lost, and so fare away from God.
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Hi. What is it that scares you the most?
 
TheHopeless said:
I guess I am most affraid of God… I am really in trouble, right?
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Why don’t you do this. Go here: www.littleflower.org/ to this site devoted to St. Therese. You can go to the prayers of petition page and type out a prayer to St. Therese. Ask her to help you trust God and realize how much he loves you. He is just waiting for you to come to him so that he can give you that forgiveness and that peace that you long for. Maybe a prayer to St. Therese will be just what you need to gain confidence in God’s love.

I am heading off to bed now, but know that you are in my prayers as well.
 
Does your church not offer anonymous confession? If it doesn’t then insist on it - it’s your right to confess anonymously.

Don’t you believe for a single second there’s anything you could possibly have to confess that either the priest or God hasn’t heard before - there’s no such thing as a unique sin. Not even receiving communion in a state of mortal sin for years - you’d be surprised the number of people who’ve done that and had to confess it. (PS yours truly is one - I survived that confession!)

The fact is God, in the person of Jesus, instituted confession as our main way of obtaining forgiveness of mortal sin not only because he WANTS to forgive us, but he cares so much about us that he ALSO wants us to KNOW, by hearing from the mouth of the priest, that we’re forgiven. Doesn’t sound like something an especially harsh and judgemental God would do, does it?

Read the story of the lost sheep in the Gospels - and the part where Jesus says that there’s more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than 99 people who don’t need to. Read the story of the prodigal son and see how happy the father was when his son came home, even after wasting all his inheritance. Picture Our Lady and all the saints and angels waiting for you inside the confessional and longing for you to come inside and be reconciled with God.

And then get that butt of yours in there pronto! It’s anonymous, for heaven’s sake, the priest is most unlikely even to know it’s you confessing! And if he does he’d never say so. The seal of the confessional means that he can’t even talk to YOU about your confession once it’s over, unless you specifically give him permission.
 
Does your church not offer anonymous confession? If it doesn’t then insist on it - it’s your right to confess anonymously.
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No, my church does not offer anonymous confession - I have to go directly to the priest or call him to make an appointment… And it is a small church, so he will know who I am.
 
You mean there are no screens in the confessionals? If I were you I would probably call the priest, you don’t need to tell him who you are, just tell him you need to confess anonymously. Most priests would be willing to find a way to organise this for you.

If he is unwilling, then go to another church to confess. Make an appointment with one of the other local priests if need be.
 
You mean there are no screens in the confessionals?
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I don’t know because I haven’t been there. It is so many years ago since my last confession, that I was a child at that point, and at that point I liwed a different place so it was in another church. What I meant was that there is no scheduled time for confessions in my church. So before I can go for confession, I need to make an appointment with the priest. And the only way to do that is to go and talk to him before/after a mass or call him… and there is no way I can do that without him knowing who I am - there are so few catholics here and even less coming to church. And my priest is also the parish priest for our neighbour church…
 
Hello Hopeful! 🙂

I have a few thoughts.

First of all this is a very common problem, from what I can tell. I did it myself. Nothing you tell the priests will surprise them, they will be glad that there are still worshippers who care enough about this issue to confront it. Your priest will happily welcome you back into the family!

I actually have always preferred face to face confessions, once I tried it, many do. Think of it as a counseling session, the pastor can be one’s Spiritual Director. There can be dialogue (amazingly). I am sure that priests are sick and tired of the “dump and run” confessions that many people do, and heartsick over the multitude who do not confess at all.

Communion has healing and forgiveness qualities as well. It should not be abused, but those of us who are spiritually hurting with a host of minor infractions can benefit, be strengthened and encouraged by partaking. In the Eastern Catholic (Byzantine ritual) churches this prayer is said in every Divine Liturgy, just before communion:
  • "That to those who shall partake thereof they may be unto cleansing of soul*, unto forgiveness of sins, unto communion of thy Holy Spirit, unto fulfillment of the kingdom of heaven, unto boldness toward thee, not unto judgment nor unto condemnation. "
Finally, there is no reason you could not go to another parish for confession. That is an option you, as a Roman Catholic will have as long as there are neighboring parishes available to you.

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!
 
First of all a lot of people’s voices aren’t recognisable on the phone. My own sister’s boyfriend used to confuse me with her when he called our place. Secondly - get someone else (a friend or relative) to put in the phone call for you and arrange for you to meet the priest in the confessional.

Thirdly, if the priest knows who you are - big deal. God already knows who you are, what you’ve done and that you’re genuinely sorry for it. Nothing and no-one else matters half as much as putting yourself at rights with Him by going to Confession.

Trust me, I know what it is like to be incredibly nervous before a confession. Still happens sometimes, even though I’ve gone plenty of times. And I know that I always come out laughing at how I worried beforehand. Just do it already. No way are you ever going to regret it more than not going.
 
Sugar, you’re not hopeless, just chicken. I was such a monumental chicken I didn’t go to confession for years. Then one Lent it just hit me that I really did need to go. It was so strong I wondered if I was about to die and this might be my last chance. God was drawing me to him the same way he’s drawing you. We open the door by our desire to be close to him. He acts on that desire by drawing us to the things we need to accomplish that end. Naturally, Satan does NOT want us to be closer to God, so he pours gasoline on the flame of our doubts and creates a bonfire of such spectacular proportions that we convince ourselves we can’t possibly go and reveal ourselves as the sinful creatures we are, but, as has been pointed out, God already knows, so who are we fooling? He not only knows, he wants to pick us up, dust us off, and set us straight.

I always hated the black box confessions, so this is one reason I gave myself for not going. I was claustrophobic and afraid of the dark and since the priest had dinner at our house many a Sunday I’m sure he knew my voice anyway. That way overdue confession was my first face to face one. It’s awesome. To have the priest look you in the eyes and tell you that you’re forgiven (which you will be if you’re sorry for your sins) has got to be what it was like to hear Jesus do the same thing. Do it.
 
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