Don't know why i'm so pessimistic about dating?

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george92

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hi all. i just have a hard time believing there are good quality women out there. Yeah…i been to church activities, clubs, athletic stuff…still can’t find one quality one. the ones i thought would be quality type the first words that came out their mouth " hey ho* get your motherf-ing a** over here".

I know women are attractive to me because of being checked out a lot and even being called cute. but i just feel like they would use me like my two best friends went through complete hell before finding out they were actually friend zoned.

I also feel like women these days DO NOT GIVE A DA*N about morals. it seems like all they want to do is have fun like having sex and nothing serious.

its just really frustrating to be force-fed the theology of the Church that if you stay patient God will have a girl for you but none of that means anything these days. i’ve been praying to God about daily yet it just looks more bleak.

sorry if i come off blunt or offensive, but i’m telling you how i see it.thanks.
 
I understand that you are frustrated, but please watch the way you word things. It sounds like you are saying that all women are bad and immoral, which is well, sexist. Women face the same exact problems as you do . I know I did. I had been burned many times before I met my husband. Heck, the boyfriend I had before my husband was very outwardly pious, and ended up being abusive. Not all women are bad or immoral and the same with men.
 
george92 said:
hi all. i just have a hard time believing there are good quality women out there. Yeah…i been to church activities, clubs, athletic stuff…still can’t find one quality one. the ones i thought would be quality type the first words that came out their mouth " hey ho* get your motherf-ing a** over here".

I know women are attractive to me because of being checked out a lot and even being called cute. but i just feel like they would use me like my two best friends went through complete hell before finding out they were actually friend zoned.

I also feel like women these days DO NOT GIVE A DA*N about morals. it seems like all they want to do is have fun like having sex and nothing serious.

its just really frustrating to be force-fed the theology of the Church that if you stay patient God will have a girl for you but none of that means anything these days. i’ve been praying to God about daily yet it just looks more bleak.

sorry if i come off blunt or offensive, but i’m telling you how i see it.thanks.
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Hey sweetie, how old are you?

I used to feel the SAME way about men my age. I gave up on dating for a really long time because of it. And it certainly wasn’t because guys weren’t interested in me, I just couldn’t find a man with morals, an intellect, and compassion. So I gave up. For a very long time.

But you know how when you’re looking for something for the longest time and you’ve searched everywhere but once you give up, you find it randomly and suddenly? That’s what happened to me! I stopped looking, and out of the blue, I found the most amazing man, the love of my life. He is everything I ever wanted in a man, and after I put the situation in God’s hands, I found him. God brought us together and I’m so grateful and I know it never would have happened with out His intercession. 🙂

So that’s my advice. Stop looking so hard! Put it in God’s hands; tell Him his Will be done. You’ll find her when the time is right. Good women still exist, just like good men still exist, they’re just…very hard to find. 🙂

God really does intercede, He just works in His own way and His own time. Have faith.

She’s waiting for you, as I was waiting for him. Don’t give up, good things really do come to those who wait! 😉

God Bless!
 
george92 said:
hi all. i just have a hard time believing there are good quality women out there. Yeah…i been to church activities, clubs, athletic stuff…still can’t find one quality one. the ones i thought would be quality type the first words that came out their mouth " hey ho* get your motherf-ing a** over here".

I know women are attractive to me because of being checked out a lot and even being called cute. but i just feel like they would use me like my two best friends went through complete hell before finding out they were actually friend zoned.

I also feel like women these days DO NOT GIVE A DA*N about morals. it seems like all they want to do is have fun like having sex and nothing serious.

its just really frustrating to be force-fed the theology of the Church that if you stay patient God will have a girl for you but none of that means anything these days. i’ve been praying to God about daily yet it just looks more bleak.

sorry if i come off blunt or offensive, but i’m telling you how i see it.thanks.
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Well, there’s a couple of things for you to bear in mind. The first is that it is not the theology of the Church that if one waits, one will be provided a, as you put it, girl. The Church does not teach that everyone is called to marriage. It is, however, theologically sound to ask for God to show you what path He has laid out for you so that you may follow it.

It is worth noting that it seems as though you are attempting to sieze something, rather than to alow a gift to be provided for you. In this case, it sounds as though you are trying to sieze at your vocation. This is tied to my next point, that you ought to examine what it is that you are praying for. Are you asking for God’s guidance, or are you asking for Him to give you something? It may be that what you’re asking of Him isn’t good for you, which is why it may feel like He’s witholding from you.

Long story short, take a step back and relax. Start praying that God will show you what He wants you to do. Perhaps a novena to the Holy Spirit is in order?
 
george92 said:
hi all. i just have a hard time believing there are good quality women out there. Yeah…i been to church activities, clubs, athletic stuff…still can’t find one quality one. the ones i thought would be quality type the first words that came out their mouth " hey ho* get your motherf-ing a** over here".

I know women are attractive to me because of being checked out a lot and even being called cute. but i just feel like they would use me like my two best friends went through complete hell before finding out they were actually friend zoned.

I also feel like women these days DO NOT GIVE A DA*N about morals. it seems like all they want to do is have fun like having sex and nothing serious.

its just really frustrating to be force-fed the theology of the Church that if you stay patient God will have a girl for you but none of that means anything these days. i’ve been praying to God about daily yet it just looks more bleak.

sorry if i come off blunt or offensive, but i’m telling you how i see it.thanks.
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How old r u? Have you ever had a girlfriend? How many girls have you been on dates with? total number of dates?

What are the thoughts that go through your head when you contemplate dating?

Peace,
Bill
 
Well you don’t need all those woman, you only need ONE, and maybe God is not ready to have you meet her yet. Yes, the evil ones who prowl through the world like the dangle the worlds ways in front of you and tell you you are wasting away being chaste while others are having the real fun. But just as the light of Christ came into the world at the darkest time of year, your real happiness of true love will come out of the long period of aloneness, and because of that you will love each other more. There are many young women out there working hard to live upstream in our culture and follow God’s ways. When the right one comes in your life, won’t you be glad you were chaste, too? Won’t you be glad she won’t have insecurities about who you were with before, and you won’t be bringing her any disease? Won’t it be wonderful to hold her in your arms and not have the memory of another woman? Yes, these are all very good things, and to have this greatest good you have to pay the price now of obedience. It is not easy to be obedient in these times! But God is not mocked. His ways are best, and even though it seems the worlds ways are the most fun, in the end, you will not be disappointed, you will surely find it true that Gods ways are best. You cannot out-give God. Give him your obedience now even though it costs you loneliness or frustration and even when you can’t see the reason behind it, and He will not let you down because you cannot out-give Him. He will reward your obedience. You can trust in Him. Now use this time of difficulty waiting to pray for the one He is preparing for you.

There is your pep talk. Now be good! 🙂
 
george92 said:
hi all. i just have a hard time believing there are good quality women out there. Yeah…i been to church activities, clubs, athletic stuff…still can’t find one quality one. the ones i thought would be quality type the first words that came out their mouth " hey ho* get your motherf-ing a** over here".

I know women are attractive to me because of being checked out a lot and even being called cute. but i just feel like they would use me like my two best friends went through complete hell before finding out they were actually friend zoned.

I also feel like women these days DO NOT GIVE A DA*N about morals. it seems like all they want to do is have fun like having sex and nothing serious.

its just really frustrating to be force-fed the theology of the Church that if you stay patient God will have a girl for you but none of that means anything these days. i’ve been praying to God about daily yet it just looks more bleak.

sorry if i come off blunt or offensive, but i’m telling you how i see it.thanks.
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Code: 
 This is exactly why the last girl I dated was a Mormon and while I'll probably end up marrying a Mormon.
She and the other members of that church where the only woman I have ever met in my life who do not insist on going to clubs and bars.
 
Don’t forget either man woman are attracted to confidence you have to be confident enough and alpha male to run the show and when things aren’t going your way you have to be able to pick up another one to replace the last one.
If I get put in the friends zone it usually ends up with me not talking to that woman again unless I think I can hook up with one of her friends from inside that zone
 
Bill_7154 said:
How old r u? Have you ever had a girlfriend? How many girls have you been on dates with? total number of dates?

What are the thoughts that go through your head when you contemplate dating?

Peace,
Bill
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i’m 20. had one girl dated for 4 months then found out she was bipolar but still loved her. she was a sweetheart though and i thought i would marry her. we talked about children what house where we would live but God had other plan because i prayed super hard about in adoration and God was telling me to get away from her and He had another and better one in mind.
 
george92 said:
i’m 20. had one girl dated for 4 months then found out she was bipolar but still loved her. she was a sweetheart though and i thought i would marry her. we talked about children what house where we would live but God had other plan because i prayed super hard about in adoration and God was telling me to get away from her and He had another and better one in mind.
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if anything this made me MORE hungry to find another girl because i miss the cuddling, making out, hugs, all that. i know that sounds selfish but its addicting and i really miss that someone to share the love i have to give ( and i have a lot of it!)
 
Not all women are immoral, just like not all men are immoral. Have faith, and don’t judge women in general. Maybe you are just meeting them in the wrong places?
 
george92 said:
if anything this made me MORE hungry to find another girl because i miss the cuddling, making out, hugs, all that. i know that sounds selfish but its addicting and i really miss that someone to share the love i have to give ( and i have a lot of it!)
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You can call it selfish but if you do realize that your selfishness is leading to your pleasuere and your girlfriends pleasure and in her selfishness she is getting the same. So it’s not selfish IMO, it’s a human need for the heart and soul, to feel close and connected to someone of the opposite sex who wants that kind of connection with you.

Do you think you might have brought up marriage, etc too soon in your past relationship? I’m asking because most girls I think would be scard off by hearing that 4 months into a relationship, especially teenage or early 20’s girls.

What do you think about when your worried about dating. I ask because if you can change your thinking to more positive thinking, it will lead to more positive feelings, which in turn will get you out of your shell more around girls or whatever the block is that you feel.
 
You’re 20? You’re very young. Just have patience, I know its hard, but you’ve got plenty of time.

I’m 31. Single. Never had a boyfriend. I know there’s good Catholic men out there, as evidenced by this site. Its just a matter of crossing paths with one in such a way that discernment of both parties leads to marriage. Of course, my pessimissim stems from me being fat and ugly, and even the “good” Catholic men seem to think they shoudl have dibbs on the pretty girls before they consider the ugly Catholic ones. I can do something about the fat, but the ugly [at least by society’s standards] I’m stuck with. We all have our crosses and hang ups, the trick is to not let them get in the way of your progress or self esteem.

Its not an easy road. Offer your sufferings and longings to Christ and dedicate them to your future wife.
 
george92 said:
if anything this made me MORE hungry to find another girl because i miss the cuddling, making out, hugs, all that. i know that sounds selfish but its addicting and i really miss that someone to share the love i have to give ( and i have a lot of it!)
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Perhaps THIS is why God has not sent a girl your way. This is very immature and selfish. You have other threads that you have posted similar thoughts on. When will you see that you are the one that needs a conversion of your heart? God is not going to change, you must.
 
george92 said:
i’m 20. had one girl dated for 4 months then found out she was bipolar but still loved her. she was a sweetheart though and i thought i would marry her. we talked about children what house where we would live but God had other plan because i prayed super hard about in adoration and God was telling me to get away from her and He had another and better one in mind.
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I am vaguely disturbed that you feel God was telling you to abandon the bipolar girl for a “better one”.
 
Yep know exactly what you’re talking about that was why I gave up on dating. I either just got completely passed over for the girls who live the wilder life style or placed firmly into the friend zone. I also seem to attract only users so sometimes it best to just take yourself out of the game and spare yourself the trouble.

Just because people attend church or go to christian groups doesn’t mean they live a Christian life style. I was at one Christian singles group recently and I’m not a judgemental person but this lady was telling me all about how she had lived with this guy for 10 years (still does as a matter of fact), had not attended church in longer than she remembered and was dating a guy who may or may not still be married and just separated if that. Sadly her story is somewhat tipical today. I see a lot of guys not even divorced just separated out doing the rounds all over the place. I’m sure lot of women are doing the same. I joined a Catholic dating site just so my family would leave me alone about the dating thing but it’s the same there. Very sad. Prayers you find the quality person you hope for someday.
 
George, it doesn’t really sound like you’re ready to be in a relationship. Marriage is not about what you get from your spouse, and it seems like that is what you are focused on right now. Cuddling and kissing are nice, but are not the reason to be in a relationship or get married. Also, a good Catholic woman, as you say you want to find, will not be attracted to your use of language.

It isn’t Church teaching that if you are patient, God will send you a spouse. More focus on what God wants from you, rather than on what you want, will make you into a man worthy of the good Catholic women you purport to be seeking. I know the whole dating thing is very frustrating. But if you work on becoming a man who would make a good husband, it will be easier to attract a good wife. And remember that while it is certainly a blessing to be married, none of us “deserves” a spouse.

By the way, you mentioned church activities and clubs- have you tried any dating sites? I know you’re probably tired of hearing it, but you are still quite young. Many of us (myself included) did not even meet our spouses until we were older than you are now.
 
vera_dicere said:
We all have our crosses and hang ups, the trick is to not let them get in the way of your progress or self esteem.

Its not an easy road. Offer your sufferings and longings to Christ and dedicate them to your future wife.
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Bingo!
 
PaulinVA said:
I am vaguely disturbed that you feel God was telling you to abandon the bipolar girl for a “better one”.
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don’t take that the wrong way. she told me she had that disease right after we got together and i hung around for 4 months. it was just the long run our personalties weren’t going to persist.
 
If you want a good woman, you will find her at daily Mass and Adoration. She’s too busy to be out looking for a man.
 
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