Don't look at me

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Paris_Blues

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I get quite annoyed when men just stare/look at me whether I’m walking across the parking lot to college or just sitting in the car, waiting for the light to change. Sure, I’m attractive yet TRY (I repeat, TRY) to dress modest because I am aware that even I could be causing other people to sin (then I would have just committed a sin) if I dress “inappropriate”.

Now if they look quickly and smile to be nice, I don’t mind that and I return a smile. Now, when they look, I take it that they think I’m an “object” and it bothers me. Some of you think I’m paranoid but you really don’t understand! First of all, I find it an “invasion” of me (some of you think I’m weird) and I strongly believe that women should be respected for their dignity as a woman and second of all, I really don’t want them to lust if they are really are looking at me that way. I don’t want to or mean to judge the look but I can’t help it. Sometimes I pray, Lord, don’t let them look and lust or should I say, I wish I was ugly?

Any suggestions? Should I wear a mask?
 
If their stares bother you, approach them and loudly say, “May I help you?”

It is almost guaranteed they’ll be so embarassed they will not look at you that way again.

There is a bit of an assumption that pretty girls who dress trendy or look nice do not have the same high moral standards as their equally attractive counterparts who dress “frumpy.” Most of my clothes are pretty frumpy, I admit, and when I do wear something trendy, I’m pretty self-conscious that people are jumping to conclusions about my moral standards because of what I’m wearing.
 
Ahhhh, the days of being looked at “in that way”. I used to feel a combination of “good for me” and insult, as though, “Hey bub, what’re you lookin’ at!” What a cunundrum it was!
Now, if anyone does more than glance, I know it’s because they think they recognize me or my skirt is tucked up LOL!
Just ride out your youthful days with a smile and respect for yourself Paris, and you will be A-Okay! When you are young and attractive, guys always look. It’s the way the world is.
 
I think the best response is to always ignore it. Anything else encourages it. That is what my mother taught me. Just think about something else, maybe even say a prayer for them that they can view women as human beings created with dignity by God.
 
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vluvski:
If their stares bother you, approach them and loudly say, “May I help you?”

It is almost guaranteed they’ll be so embarassed they will not look at you that way again.
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No offense, but that’s terrible advice if you’re being leered at by some goon on the street.

The last thing you want is a confrontation, whether verbal or otherwise. There are men – not many, but enough to wreck your day – who would take that as a challenge or an invitation. Maybe they’d just tell you exactly how they believe you could help them, and that would be bad. Maybe they’d show you, and that would be horrible.

Don’t get into conflicts with strangers. They leer – you ignore. Anything else just encourages them. If it’s somebody you know or somebody in an extremely safe setting (like, say, church), you’re probably okay to confront. But remember that anybody who’s openly staring at you probably doesn’t have the best grasp on societal mores. Stay away.

As for the rest of it, I don’t know. I think maybe you should relax a little bit about getting looked at? Men have been looking at pretty women (and vice versa) since the beginning of time. As long as nobody is saying or doing anything, what’s the harm? If they’re “lusting” (whatever that means), it’s their problem, not yours.

You’re pretty, and men like to look at you. Be happy about that. You have a rare gift – you can make somebody’s day a little brighter just by walking down the street minding your own business.
 
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vluvski:
If their stares bother you, approach them and loudly say, “May I help you?”

It is almost guaranteed they’ll be so embarassed they will not look at you that way again.

There is a bit of an assumption that pretty girls who dress trendy or look nice do not have the same high moral standards as their equally attractive counterparts who dress “frumpy.” Most of my clothes are pretty frumpy, I admit, and when I do wear something trendy, I’m pretty self-conscious that people are jumping to conclusions about my moral standards because of what I’m wearing.
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I’ve never done this. It was advice from a female police officer. Maybe she was more intimidating because she carried a gun 😛 .
 
Paris Blues:
I get quite annoyed when men just stare/look at me whether I’m walking across the parking lot to college or just sitting in the car, waiting for the light to change. Sure, I’m attractive yet TRY (I repeat, TRY) to dress modest because I am aware that even I could be causing other people to sin (then I would have just committed a sin) if I dress “inappropriate”.

Now if they look quickly and smile to be nice, I don’t mind that and I return a smile. Now, when they look, I take it that they think I’m an “object” and it bothers me. Some of you think I’m paranoid but you really don’t understand! First of all, I find it an “invasion” of me (some of you think I’m weird) and I strongly believe that women should be respected for their dignity as a woman and second of all, I really don’t want them to lust if they are really are looking at me that way. I don’t want to or mean to judge the look but I can’t help it. Sometimes I pray, Lord, don’t let them look and lust or should I say, I wish I was ugly?

Any suggestions? Should I wear a mask?
Click to expand...
Please… by no means do I mean for this to sound rude or out of line. Just hear me out…

This post is really shallow SOUNDING. Not saying that that is what it was meant for but it is how it sounds. It sounds as if you pride yourself on your looks and are looking for a way to tell those on this board about it. To ME this post really sounded like a back entrance way of saying ‘LOOK AT ME… I AM PRETTY.’ And it really brought out the sarcastic response of ‘Oh my… what a hard life you lead… You poor thing…’ in me.

This response to your looks is NOT such a terrible thing. God made you beautiful. People look at God’s work. Now, if you are doing all you can to be modest in appearance and such then ‘their’ thoughts are no concern of yours. Sure it feels creepy at times… I know the feeling because I have dealt with it before but it is by no means something that I would wish to be ‘ugly’ (I hate this stance because to me, I am finding that EVERYONE is beautiful because God made them) for. This is NOT a burden. The phrase ‘Don’t hate me because I am beautiful’ comes to mind.

What if God did grant your wish and make you ‘ugly’ by societies standards? What then? You would be wishing to be ‘beautiful’ again because now you are not getting stares of appreciation but ones of judgement and ridicule. And instead of the whistles that pretty girls sometimes get you would be getting barks and not-so-charitable comments.

All I am saying is appreciate your physical reminder that you are beautiful in God’s eyes and those around you. You are a beautiful girl, enjoy the attention as a way for the world to say that ‘God done good by you girl!’ 🙂 Because you never know… if you get to pridefull of your beauty or if God really wants to teach you what kind of a burden it REALLY is… you may just get your wish…
 
I’m probably one of those who thank the Lord for placing beautiful females into the world. One of the joys left to us older folks is that we can still see and appreciate beauty for what it is.

I’m happily married and try not to stare but I’m not 6 feet under just yet. I’m a lot better now, I guess age and maturity has something to do with that.

Sex is what makes the world go around. IF folks were not attracted to each other, our species would have died off thousands of years ago.

I can’t relate to folks who are put off from people being overly attracted to them. I’ve always had trouble getting dates. So to me, I envy folks who have to beat them off with a stick.

I suppose the only thing I could say to them is, just be glad that some folks find you attractive, Believe me the alternative is much much worse.
 
sometimes,
a look is just a look,
a smile is just a smile,
just a way to say a silent hi,
a pleasant way to catch your eye
as time goes by. . .
 
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JimG:
sometimes,
a look is just a look,
a smile is just a smile,
just a way to say a silent hi,
a pleasant way to catch your eye
as time goes by. . .
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Excelent quote. Wonderful song.

My advice, pray for them. If they are staring lustfully, they need it; if not, they still need it. 👍
 
Once you get old enough, they will stop looking.🙂 Also NEVER approach or confront them. If they give you creep vibes, they may well be creeps and say bad things to you, which you don’t want to hear, trust me. Leave the area. You are not required to talk to strange men who approach and speak to you. You are free to walk away without answering whatever stupid questions they impose upon you.

To some others…it is a huge burden to be approached or followed or commented on where ever you go, especially if you are younger and haven’t learned how to deal with annoying men.

Paris, I don’t know your age. If you are under 18, tell your parents about the problem, so they can help you avoid the situation. The men don’t always realize that it is often a 13 year old girl they are scaring to death with their advances.
 
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vluvski:
I’ve never done this. It was advice from a female police officer. Maybe she was more intimidating because she carried a gun 😛 .
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It’s true that you can accomplish more with the correct attitude and a gun than you can with the correct attitude.

SinginBeauty, lighten up on her, okay? She came here with something that’s bothering her. How does it help to tell her she sounds proud and shallow? Sheesh.

Yes, she sounds young. Many of us were young once, and maybe we didn’t always express ourselves in ways that our elders found appropriate. But that doesn’t mean we should jump down her throat and tell her that, hey, maybe God’s gonna make her hideous if she keeps complaining.

Be nice. Not everyone is fishing for compliments. And, to tell the truth, if somebody is on here fishing for compliments about her beauty, then we should be extra nice because she or he has trouble enough already.
 
Well, I am the poster child for being stared at… Pretty, intelligent, snappy, happy – oh yes, and I’m also a dwarf! So, I am so used to it that I rarely see it anymore. Now when I was young, I noticed every single stare…

Anyway, one day I was taking my son and his buddy to the movies. Son/buddy were about 12 or 13 at the time, and stood head and shoulders taller than me already. Before the movies began, we ran into the grocery store to buy some candy. We are in hurry, darting up this isle, down that isle – when my son’s pal gets this look on his face and says “everyone here is staring at me” – I laughed out loud and said “Actually, they are staring at ME, now, let’s go!”

I tell you that story to say, sure, some people are going to look at you. Make sure that you are confident in your stride, and hold your head up high, and just keep walking. Maybe they are not staring at you, maybe I’m on the other side of the sidewalk J
 
SinginBeauty, lighten up on her, okay? She came here with something that’s bothering her. How does it help to tell her she sounds proud and shallow? Sheesh.
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As I said in the beginning of the post I did not mean it to sound rude or anything. If you read my post in context you would read that I was actually warning her in putting too much time into thinking about this. She is getting good advice for this from all of you so I wanted to come from a different angle. I have been through all of what she is talking about. Creepy stares and all. I know what she is talking about…

I don’t see how the end of my post (which should have rounded out the whole message but once again people only like to dwell on the negatives… :rolleyes: ) was worth the ‘sheesh’…
All I am saying is appreciate your physical reminder that you are beautiful in God’s eyes and those around you. You are a beautiful girl, enjoy the attention as a way for the world to say that ‘God done good by you girl!’ 🙂 Because you never know… if you get to pridefull of your beauty or if God really wants to teach you what kind of a burden it REALLY is… you may just get your wish…
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Paris… If you feel I was rude in any way I deeply apologize. 😦

My only warning is… Be careful what you wish for! 😉
 
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catsrus:
Ahhhh, the days of being looked at “in that way”. I used to feel a combination of “good for me” and insult, as though, “Hey bub, what’re you lookin’ at!” What a cunundrum it was!
Now, if anyone does more than glance, I know it’s because they think they recognize me or my skirt is tucked up LOL!
Just ride out your youthful days with a smile and respect for yourself Paris, and you will be A-Okay! When you are young and attractive, guys always look. It’s the way the world is.
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:amen:
 
As one of the men in college who tries not to stare, I’m sorry. As long as you’re doing your best to dress modestly I thank you. One of the first things Adam and Eve did after eating the fruit was clothing themselves. Sin affects our relationships dramatically.

Try talking things out with St. Lima of Peru. As I recall she had the same issue with men oggling her.

newadvent.org/cathen/13192c.htm
 
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JimG:
Thanks, but only the title line was a quote; I just put new lyrics to an old song.
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Oddly enough, I ended up listening to the song later and found this to be true. :rolleyes: Oh well, still a great song!
 
Penny Plain:
SinginBeauty, lighten up on her, okay? She came here with something that’s bothering her. How does it help to tell her she sounds proud and shallow? Sheesh.

s about her beauty, then we should be extra nice because she oYes, she sounds young. Many of us were young once, and maybe we didn’t always express ourselves in ways that our elders found appropriate. But that doesn’t mean we should jump down her throat and tell her that, hey, maybe God’s gonna make her hideous if she keeps complaining.

Be nice. Not everyone is fishing for compliments. And, to tell the truth, if somebody is on here fishing for complimentr he has trouble enough already.
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Gosh, SinginBeauty didn’t sound that harsh to me, I actually had a similar reaction when reading it, and I don’t consider myself too old (under 25). Ok, I wasn’t going to vocalize it like she did, but anyways (I guess I kinda am now). Truth is some guys will stare you down, pretty or not.

Paris, All I can think of saying is keep trying, or maybe even try harder if you can, to dress modestly. There was a Saint that pulled her eyes out to avoid being an occasion of sins for others that were tempted by her beauty. Now I’m not telling you to try to be ugly, but instead take advantage of your attractiveness to set a good example of how to dress and how beauty can co-exist with modesty.
 
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