Don't Most People Have Life Goals and Dreams to Pursue?

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Maybe if I don’t make a title about Same-Sex Attracted things, I’ll draw a wider audience 🤷

Anyways, don’t most people have goals and dreams and ambitions in their lives? Don’t they have desires?

What are the most important of these in your life?

I mean… I will never have a family, I will never have a relationship. I’m not too keen on any career or job. All I really want to do is serve the Church. But, there doesn’t seem to be a really effective way for me to do that. I think most Catholics are probably married, and they serve the Church during the day, and then after they’re all done with their various ministries… they get to enjoy their families.

I mean… without families, would any of them be fulfilled in what they were doing?

I realized this, because I can be really gung-ho and fired up about doing pro-life work for example. But, towards the end of the day… people sit back and relax. It doesn’t matter how holy you are, its just human nature. Good Catholics sit back and entertain themselves and enjoy life… usually through relationships with they have, and very often with their families.

So… I can’t just pray all night in my room, and I can’t consume myself with doing pro-life stuff all night… or any other ministry stuff all night. That would be unhealthy. There’s a reason no one does that.

But… its at around these moments, where I get very sad. … I’m crying just thinking about it.
What do I get to do, to enjoy life? Who do I get to enjoy my life with?

Crying alone in my room is pretty bad.
Maybe that’s why its more often, I end up sinning alone in my room…

“Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired” are the 4 times its a lot easier to fall to sin… my priest told me.

Well… how can I not be lonely? Because, being lonely, instead of spending time with ppl… is really bad. And again… likely a big cause of why I have a pornography addiction. A lot of it (IMO), is to avoid the pain and the sadness of the fact that I’m alone, and I don’t want to be.​

Back to the top though… I want to follow the Church’s teaching. So… rather than tell me I can’t have a relationship. What is the positive side of that coin? What DO I get to do?
What can I dream about? Because… as it is… I have very little to hope for in the Church. I have pretty much 0 life goals.

College graduate, small business owner, big business CEO… succeessful this, successful that… Lonely college graduate, lonely small business owner, lonely rich person, lonely successful person… lonely good Catholic

I have nothing to aspire to.

Would you like your life, if all you had was your job and accomplishments, but minus your family? Would life be bearable if you had never had a relationship, or a marriage, or children? Would it be worth it?
 
You can be the hands and feet of Christ.
In any of a thousand ministries to the poor, elderly, sick, and homeless.
None of them will look to see if you’re wearing a wedding ring.
Think: Mother Theresa.
 
ssa_fellow said:
Maybe if I don’t make a title about Same-Sex Attracted things, I’ll draw a wider audience 🤷

Anyways, don’t most people have goals and dreams and ambitions in their lives? Don’t they have desires?

What are the most important of these in your life?

I mean… I will never have a family, I will never have a relationship. I’m not too keen on any career or job. All I really want to do is serve the Church. But, there doesn’t seem to be a really effective way for me to do that. I think most Catholics are probably married, and they serve the Church during the day, and then after they’re all done with their various ministries… they get to enjoy their families.

I mean… without families, would any of them be fulfilled in what they were doing?

I realized this, because I can be really gung-ho and fired up about doing pro-life work for example. But, towards the end of the day… people sit back and relax. It doesn’t matter how holy you are, its just human nature. Good Catholics sit back and entertain themselves and enjoy life… usually through relationships with they have, and very often with their families.

So… I can’t just pray all night in my room, and I can’t consume myself with doing pro-life stuff all night… or any other ministry stuff all night. That would be unhealthy. There’s a reason no one does that.

But… its at around these moments, where I get very sad. … I’m crying just thinking about it.
What do I get to do, to enjoy life? Who do I get to enjoy my life with?

Crying alone in my room is pretty bad.
Maybe that’s why its more often, I end up sinning alone in my room…

“Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired” are the 4 times its a lot easier to fall to sin… my priest told me.

Well… how can I not be lonely? Because, being lonely, instead of spending time with ppl… is really bad. And again… likely a big cause of why I have a pornography addiction. A lot of it (IMO), is to avoid the pain and the sadness of the fact that I’m alone, and I don’t want to be.​

Back to the top though… I want to follow the Church’s teaching. So… rather than tell me I can’t have a relationship. What is the positive side of that coin? What DO I get to do?
What can I dream about? Because… as it is… I have very little to hope for in the Church. I have pretty much 0 life goals.

College graduate, small business owner, big business CEO… succeessful this, successful that… Lonely college graduate, lonely small business owner, lonely rich person, lonely successful person… lonely good Catholic

I have nothing to aspire to.

Would you like your life, if all you had was your job and accomplishments, but minus your family? Would life be bearable if you had never had a relationship, or a marriage, or children? Would it be worth it?
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You don’t realise how BLESSED you are. :hug1:I pray to be half as brave as you. You have a strong passion for the Church. Lets face it many Catholics, some on here have no understanding or compassion for SSA Catholics. How strong must you be!

I’ll say it again, you are BLESSED. By not having a SS relationship you are participating intimately with the suffering of Christ on the cross. For you that is your cross, we all have our own crosses to carry.
**
All too often christians are willing to embrace the blessings** of Christ’s crucifixion, not many are willing to joyfully embrace the suffering of Christ’s crucifixion.

Alone? You have friends, immediate family, church family (1billion+), Jesus, your guardian angel, all the Saints in Heaven. When I have been at my lowest I have always remembered that.

Yes, life was bearable before I had a relationship, before I was married and before I had children. I am now a university graduate, married 3 years and had my first child 18 months ago. If I were to lose it all tomorrow, I know I would be okay because I now have the Church to guide me. I am a new convert to the faith and I know without a doubt that if I were in the same situation as you, I would not have the strength of faith that you do.

What can you aspire to? You can aspire to holiness.

You may be physically alone in the journey of life but if you really ponder that…we are all, each and every one of us alone in the salvation journey.
 
The whole point of life is to enter into the fights against evil, to find one’s unique calling to battle wickedness and hence bring the world more into conformity with the reign of God.

Make that your goal, make that your dream…
 
Altho you may be alone, in that you do not have a new family, there a lots of avenues for you to explore. You can do things that are not affiliated with the Church, which will bring you in contact with a wider group of people, some of whom may be closer in age or circumstance.

Our music director is in your situation. He is very close to his family, but he also has good friends in the parish and is very involved there. I can tell that he works very hard on his music–the music in our church is always improving 🙂 --but he is also involved with a theater group in our town.

Do you have a talent that you enjoy which you could practice and enjoy with others? The obvious one is always music, but there are plenty of others! In the area I live in, I can think of several hobby groups: shooting (a riflry group), a group which makes and flies model airplanes, a ham radio group which helps in emergencies, a couple of re-enactment groups,… One must have a job to support oneself, but it does not have to be the focus of one’s life.

So think about things you’ve done which brought you joy and a good feeling of accomplishment, or things that piqued your interest when you heard about them. Did you really like science in school? You could get involved with a student group or the local Science Fair (that doesn’t happen on its own!). Do you want a bit of physical challenge? Join the volunteer fire department if they have one.

I think that because we are both spiritual and material creatures, we must grow in both areas to be balanced. Once upon a time, everyone in town was Catholic but this is no longer the case. It’s ok to do things which are not specifically Catholic while maintaining our growth in holiness and our ties to the Church.
 
My condolences OP.

If it is any comfort, our LORD too was lonely, to an extent.

His human Dad died when He was a teenager, requiring Him to financially support His mother from then on, and to absorb her grief on top of His own.

And He was without a female relationship, knowing there was no point to seeking one because He knew that He was on a collision course with an agonizing young death.

Although He was never “alone” physically, one of His friends would deny knowing Him, another would turn on Him, and at the moment of His greatest anxiety, all of them would be asleep.

He kept all these sorrows behind His forehead, and is known to this day as the Man of Sorrows.

So while I sympathize with you, OP, there **is **more to life than being in a sexual or familial relationship. But to the extent that this is causing you to suffer, you are participating, like Simon of Cyrene, in the cross of our LORD.

GOD Bless and ICXC NIKA
 
Become a part of a closely-knit group - when I was in high school, the theater group I was a part of was often likened to a family. We were dysfunctional and huge, but we all loved each other.

Take something you enjoy doing and find some like-minded people to enjoy it with. It could be anything - a reading club, a board game club, etc. And friendships naturally grow out of that.

Or, as some others have said, you can give yourself even more to the world, which is one of the huge blessings of the single life. There are so many charities that you can devote your time to.

Or maybe God is calling you to the religious life, to be part of a community of religious?
 
Thanks all for the responses!

I don’t have time to address them right now really. I’m going out of town for the weekend too, but I really appreciate it.

Idk… specifically, I talked with my priest yesterday. And, I told him that I’m afraid that once I get my college degree, and assuming I’ve made significant gains in terms of purity by then… that I’ll still be rejected because I’m gay.** And… he basically confirmed my fears. If I have “deep-seated SSA” then… I can’t enter a seminary or a religious order.** Idk if I have “deep-seated SSA”… but, I know that if I do… its not really my choice to have that.

That’s really been the dream for me… in the back of my mind, for a long time now.

Yeah, I know there are many avenues I can go down. But, right now… its just very difficult. He didn’t exactly tell me no. So, I imagine I’ll revert to holding out hope that one day I might join a religious order.

Idk. He told me, **"pursue something else you want to do, and then, if you STILL feel a calling to a religious vocation, away from something else you’re actively doing… then that would be indicative of a vocation. But… he doesn’t want me to only be focusing on it… which I have been…
**
Idk… shouldn’t I have dreams, or be aspiring to something?
Now, I really can’t envision what my place in the Church will look like.

I mean… I’m staying in the Church. I do love the Church. I just don’t know what form that will take. I guess I should trust in God. Yes… if I pursue holiness, and trust in His Will… then He will provide amazing opportunities for me. Being a saint means a life that is great, not a mediocre life.
 
beleg said:
Become a part of a closely-knit group - when I was in high school, the theater group I was a part of was often likened to a family. We were dysfunctional and huge, but we all loved each other.

Take something you enjoy doing and find some like-minded people to enjoy it with. It could be anything - a reading club, a board game club, etc. And friendships naturally grow out of that.

Or, as some others have said, you can give yourself even more to the world, which is one of the huge blessings of the single life. There are so many charities that you can devote your time to.

Or maybe God is calling you to the religious life, to be part of a community of religious?
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I really do want to be part of a community. I mean… maybe I have a religious vocation, and if I do… I certainly want to make sure I follow it and don’t ignore it. But… even if I don’t, I’d like to live in community as a layperson. Idk… I wish in our society, or even our Church was more open to living in intentional communities.

I mean, I don’t really have many hobbies. But, why can’t a number of Catholics have that same “big dysfunctional family” feel and live in a close-knit community? That’s what I really want. I think our Church needs to have more ppl open to communal life… so if I can do that as either a religious or a layperson, I think that would be very fulfilling for me.
 
ssa_fellow said:
What do I get to do, to enjoy life? Who do I get to enjoy my life with?
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Make art. Write songs. Write stories, or pamphlets. Take photographs. Learn to play an instrument. Go to art openings and symphony concerts.

There is a whole creative world out there, just waiting for you to discover. 🙂
 
ssa_fellow said:
I really do want to be part of a community. I mean… maybe I have a religious vocation, and if I do… I certainly want to make sure I follow it and don’t ignore it. But… even if I don’t, I’d like to live in community as a layperson. Idk… I wish in our society, or even our Church was more open to living in intentional communities.

I mean, I don’t really have many hobbies. But, why can’t a number of Catholics have that same “big dysfunctional family” feel and live in a close-knit community? That’s what I really want. I think our Church needs to have more ppl open to communal life… so if I can do that as either a religious or a layperson, I think that would be very fulfilling for me.
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Way back when I was young, so I don’t know how much it happens now, someone would rent a big house and get housemates. This happened all over, but the ones which seemed to last the longest were the ones which were in, not a suburban area, but near the center of town, in an older part of town where the trees had had time to grow very large, etc. [ETA: I think the reason for this type of location was that the houses were bigger but also people walked around the neighborhood more and the neighbors talked to each other.]

This was a little different from group houses where people were there mostly just to keep living expenses down: it was more like a commune, altho a lot of them weren’t considered actual communes.

You may be able to find a couple of like-minded friends to form the nucleus of the hosuehold. And so you could form a little community household, some of which might be transient and people’s lives change, but one in which there could be a (voluntary!) Rosary at the same time each evening, etc., that sort of thing.

If you are currently in college, maybe there is a way to start through the campus Catholic group?
 
I’m not sure if the arts came up because you’d mentioned an interest in it, OP, but in the event that this is the case, you may be interested in this: colematson.com/

I believe it’s located in NY (possibly with a branch in LA), but may branch out more in the future.

God Bless you, OP!
 
Are there some not-too-unorthodox Protestants in your locality who would enjoy your company/keeping you company?

I wish I had started younger with my dabbling in languages and history, which I now do mainly through the internet, which would have saved me from some time-wasting over the years. Was there something that appealed to you in the past which you haven’t yet had the opportunity to follow up?

It’s too early for your padre to see how “deep-seated” something is in you or how quick or slow it might evolve gradually later in life (let alone how others might discern these points).

At any rate it was never Christ’s attention that the only model of community should be in monasteries.

As a family of one I have a lot going for me and at the same time the door is not yet shut (at 60) to it expanding to a family of 2 at some later date.

In the immediate term, go all out to widen your mental horizons and pay the bills. And keep in touch by posting and by PM.
 
Gee, I’ve said most of this in my head, too. It’s hard to be alone, especially when you look at all the families in church at Mass. I cried all the way through the last Mass I attended when a family complained about having to sit in the same pew as me until I got up and moved. I have never been married, never had a serious relationship - or any relationship so I wonder what’s wrong with me. The whole world is geared towards couples, as you will learn if you ever go on holiday. But… I believe that God loves us, and I believe God has a special care for those who are alone, the modern widow and orphan.

I’ve had a tough few years. A Dark Night. A nervous breakdown. Serious physical health issues and depression. Last year I dedicated to looking after myself, to saying no when I was exhausted, to sleeping enough and eating properly. People don’t realize how easy these things can be let slide when you’re alone. I had a heart attack and had no one for the hospital to call, though they offered repeatedly.

Still, all this pain and suffering is worthwhile. I have to believe that. I believe in a loving God. And I must hope or run mad. I will understand one day. Until then I must do what I can.

This year I have dedicated to filling the empty spaces in my life. Couples will say “You’re so lucky to not have to spend time running around after children.” I will no longer mentally reply “Thanks for rubbing it in.” I will do something with my life.

Nearly every job can be a ministry. I will be loving and kind to the people I briefly meet. I will try and stop being a cynical so and so. I will take music lessons to get out of the house, community college classes etc. I will attend Mass regularly. I will pay attention to the good things and let go of the bad.

I have made a bucket list, after years of saying I have nothing to live for. I have found goals. I believe that God wants me to be the best version of myself, so I am pursuing my talents. I have them for a reason. We all have our own special talents. I am starting to feel actual hope, which is new.

So I say to you, who stands with me as my brother before God, don’t give up. You are special and God loves you. He will provide what you need. Find dreams and goals, no matter how unrealistic. Working towards them is worthwhile, even if we never succeed. And may we work towards the same goal- the glory of God and the building up of His church.
 
ssa_fellow said:
Maybe if I don’t make a title about Same-Sex Attracted things, I’ll draw a wider audience 🤷

Anyways, don’t most people have goals and dreams and ambitions in their lives? Don’t they have desires?

What are the most important of these in your life?

I mean… I will never have a family, I will never have a relationship. I’m not too keen on any career or job. All I really want to do is serve the Church. But, there doesn’t seem to be a really effective way for me to do that. I think most Catholics are probably married, and they serve the Church during the day, and then after they’re all done with their various ministries… they get to enjoy their families.

I mean… without families, would any of them be fulfilled in what they were doing?

I realized this, because I can be really gung-ho and fired up about doing pro-life work for example. But, towards the end of the day… people sit back and relax. It doesn’t matter how holy you are, its just human nature. Good Catholics sit back and entertain themselves and enjoy life… usually through relationships with they have, and very often with their families.

So… I can’t just pray all night in my room, and I can’t consume myself with doing pro-life stuff all night… or any other ministry stuff all night. That would be unhealthy. There’s a reason no one does that.

But… its at around these moments, where I get very sad. … I’m crying just thinking about it.
What do I get to do, to enjoy life? Who do I get to enjoy my life with?

Crying alone in my room is pretty bad.
Maybe that’s why its more often, I end up sinning alone in my room…

“Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired” are the 4 times its a lot easier to fall to sin… my priest told me.

Well… how can I not be lonely? Because, being lonely, instead of spending time with ppl… is really bad. And again… likely a big cause of why I have a pornography addiction. A lot of it (IMO), is to avoid the pain and the sadness of the fact that I’m alone, and I don’t want to be.​

Back to the top though… I want to follow the Church’s teaching. So… rather than tell me I can’t have a relationship. What is the positive side of that coin? What DO I get to do?
What can I dream about? Because… as it is… I have very little to hope for in the Church. I have pretty much 0 life goals.

College graduate, small business owner, big business CEO… succeessful this, successful that… Lonely college graduate, lonely small business owner, lonely rich person, lonely successful person… lonely good Catholic

I have nothing to aspire to.

Would you like your life, if all you had was your job and accomplishments, but minus your family? Would life be bearable if you had never had a relationship, or a marriage, or children? Would it be worth it?
Click to expand...
This pretty much sums up my life as well. Only replace being gay with being autistic. No hopes, goals, dreams, etc. When I was in high school, I wanted to be a video game developer. After high school, I took some programming classes in community college and realized I hated programming. Since then, I’ve had no idea what I wanted to do.
 
My condolences, amigo.

If it’s any comfort (and it probably won’t be), being without SSA doesn’t equate to fulfilling relationships. A lot of folks have that penance in their life.

ICXC NIKA
 
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