K
kittery
Guest
My sister has spent the last 4 months not speaking to me. She was in a car accident one night on her way to talk to this guy she had been pining over for a year. Problem was that he was living with the mother of his child that they’d had out of wedlock four years ago and my sister knew that people didn’t approve of her trying to break them up (he always told my sister that him and baby mommy were just roommates 
). She was embarrassed apparently because the accident happened right at the street where she was turning in to go see him. When my mom and I arrived at the scene of the accident, she said that she was mad at my brother for telling us about the accident and she didn’t want us there. I couldn’t believe she was being so rude and telling us to leave when we had just come to see if she was ok or if she would be going to the hospital… I said “Ok, you don’t want us here? Got it.” I started to walk away and she yelled after me, “I’m at the tippy top of what I can handle right now and I don’t need this from you!!!” I turned around and yelled back, “YOU are the the top of what you can handle? Maybe I’M at the top of what I can take from YOU!!!” My sister had taken on the perception that somehow my dad’s death hurt her more than it hurt the rest of us, and I hadn’t said a word to her about it but I WAS FED UP with her selfish attitude.
I tried to call her several times the next day to clear the air and she wouldn’t answer her phone. She finally texted and said she was dealing with insurance stuff. I asked her if that meant she couldn’t answer the phone or if she wouldn’t. She said she wouldn’t. A few days later I tried again. No answer. A few hours later, a text saying her phone was on silent or something. I asked her if I called her, would she pick up. She said no. I made one more attempt and she shut me down again so I gave up.
Fast forward four months. She’s engaged now to this guy. She got him to kick his girlfriend out and proclaim his love for my sister. Two months later and they are engaged to get married two months from now. The dilemma: I used to be a florist, owned my own flower shop. I got a text announcing she was engaged the night of her engagement. A few days later, another text asking if I would do her flowers and telling me I HAD TO SAY YES because she’s waited so long to ask me to do her wedding flowers. I said that I would do them, and did not ask for any discussion of the past. At this point, I certainly felt hurt that she had ignored me up until the time she now is needing something from me. She did drop a hanging basket off on my front porch 3 days before her engagement (I’m pretty sure she knew it was coming since they’d planned a weekend away with friends and family she wanted to witness the engagement) which I see now as a way to butter me up.
She has asked her future sil to be a bridesmaid and my brother to be a groomsmen and my daughter to be a junior bridesmaid. So, I’m feeling like- I’m good enough to do her flowers pro bono but not good enough to be in her wedding. Then she asked me to attend a family barbecue to meet her fiance’s side of the family. (In my other thread “Brother taking advantage of mother”, I detail the huge falling out my brother and I had just a month ago regarding his handling of mom’s finances after our dad died just over a year ago. My brother and mother aren’t speaking to me and my sister is now inviting me to this family barbecue? I told her I’m not up to that, but that I would do her flowers. She sent me this loooong text tonight telling me how I didn’t know how much emotional pain she was in the night of her accident and that her attitude toward me that night had nothing to do with how she felt toward me but the fact that I would jump to such a conclusion immediately hurt her very deeply. She said she hasn’t spoken to me since then because she feels like I’m expecting an apology and she doesn’t feel like she owes me one.
I don’t even want to GO to this wedding now. What would you do? I want to hear how you guys would handle this…?
). She was embarrassed apparently because the accident happened right at the street where she was turning in to go see him. When my mom and I arrived at the scene of the accident, she said that she was mad at my brother for telling us about the accident and she didn’t want us there. I couldn’t believe she was being so rude and telling us to leave when we had just come to see if she was ok or if she would be going to the hospital… I said “Ok, you don’t want us here? Got it.” I started to walk away and she yelled after me, “I’m at the tippy top of what I can handle right now and I don’t need this from you!!!” I turned around and yelled back, “YOU are the the top of what you can handle? Maybe I’M at the top of what I can take from YOU!!!” My sister had taken on the perception that somehow my dad’s death hurt her more than it hurt the rest of us, and I hadn’t said a word to her about it but I WAS FED UP with her selfish attitude.I tried to call her several times the next day to clear the air and she wouldn’t answer her phone. She finally texted and said she was dealing with insurance stuff. I asked her if that meant she couldn’t answer the phone or if she wouldn’t. She said she wouldn’t. A few days later I tried again. No answer. A few hours later, a text saying her phone was on silent or something. I asked her if I called her, would she pick up. She said no. I made one more attempt and she shut me down again so I gave up.
Fast forward four months. She’s engaged now to this guy. She got him to kick his girlfriend out and proclaim his love for my sister. Two months later and they are engaged to get married two months from now. The dilemma: I used to be a florist, owned my own flower shop. I got a text announcing she was engaged the night of her engagement. A few days later, another text asking if I would do her flowers and telling me I HAD TO SAY YES because she’s waited so long to ask me to do her wedding flowers. I said that I would do them, and did not ask for any discussion of the past. At this point, I certainly felt hurt that she had ignored me up until the time she now is needing something from me. She did drop a hanging basket off on my front porch 3 days before her engagement (I’m pretty sure she knew it was coming since they’d planned a weekend away with friends and family she wanted to witness the engagement) which I see now as a way to butter me up.
She has asked her future sil to be a bridesmaid and my brother to be a groomsmen and my daughter to be a junior bridesmaid. So, I’m feeling like- I’m good enough to do her flowers pro bono but not good enough to be in her wedding. Then she asked me to attend a family barbecue to meet her fiance’s side of the family. (In my other thread “Brother taking advantage of mother”, I detail the huge falling out my brother and I had just a month ago regarding his handling of mom’s finances after our dad died just over a year ago. My brother and mother aren’t speaking to me and my sister is now inviting me to this family barbecue? I told her I’m not up to that, but that I would do her flowers. She sent me this loooong text tonight telling me how I didn’t know how much emotional pain she was in the night of her accident and that her attitude toward me that night had nothing to do with how she felt toward me but the fact that I would jump to such a conclusion immediately hurt her very deeply. She said she hasn’t spoken to me since then because she feels like I’m expecting an apology and she doesn’t feel like she owes me one.
I don’t even want to GO to this wedding now. What would you do? I want to hear how you guys would handle this…?
