Don't want to care anymore.

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scrupulousrvrt

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I might as well come out with this. I’d like to not care anymore.
I’m sick of suffering, I’m sick of enduring a Joyless faith, I’m sick of being tempted every friggin’ second, of every day. I’ve manned up all I cans muster and cans muster no more!
No matter what I do, I’m going to sin in some way, shape, or form. I sleep more often and try to sleep longer to avoid being tempted. Most days I want to cry into my pillow, but I can’t even manage that. I drink almost every night to shut my damn mind up (and to keep myself from committing suicide).
The “would if I could” sins (or temptations, I don’t even know anymore) are always being committed. Sometimes about suicidal ideation.
Jesus says to be Cold or Hot; never be Lukewarm.
The exceptions are if you’re Cold, God can (and might) end you’re life to prevent you from suffering a worse punishment in Hell. If you’re Lukewarm, you’re still gonna go to Hell anyway. Even if you don’t commit any Mortal sins, if you still commit deliberate Venial sins -GUESS WHAT- you’re Lukewarm and bound for Hell. Those who are Cold, will go to hell. Those who are Lukewarm, will go to Hell. If you don’t love the Lord 100%, you will burn.
My mind is like Bart Simpson learning about Hell,
“HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL”
“if you love me, keep my commandments”.
Simple, right? There are “only 10 of them”.
and there are only a million-and-one ways to sin against them.
Oh! and don’t forget about sins against virtue, faith, charity, and hope!
You can sin in thought, word, action and deed.
The “gate” keeps getting narrower, narrower, narrower and poof it’s non existent.
If you don’t carry you’re Cross in Patience or Joy, you’re in danger of going to Hell, so you might as well FORCE yourself to be Joyful.
I can’t take this anymore.
 
It is tough, I’m tempted daily and often.

The crazy part about all this is that there is nothing you or I can do to stop the love of God for us, individually.

We like to get caught up in what we are not doing (or doing), or where we are falling, but regardless of those times - as often as they are - they don’t beat God at His love.

It’s the acceptance of that Love which is what is important.

However screwed up that seems, and however much we think we are at fault or undeserving, it’s the steady, real part of this crazy place.

God’s love for us.

We can know it is, regardless of how we feel.
 
Seek out a regular confessor and if possible who can also meet with you for spiritual direction.

That is where you should start. Tis the way.

Tis the remedy. One must though take the remedy.
 
The remedy is not …to give up…nor to not care…

Make an appointment to meet with the Priest.

Take the remedy.
 
Don’t be so hard on yourself. No one is perfect, we all sin.

If you are having suicidal inclinations, you must get help. Look for a therapist and/or a spiritual advisor.

Pray. Even if you don’t feel like it. If you can’t sit down for 15 minutes in prayer, just repeat this throughout the day…

“Lord Jesus Christ Son of God have mercy on me a sinner”

Spend some time in front of the Blessed Sacrament in Adoration. Talk to God, let him know your problems, speak from the heart as you do here.
 
If he isn’t seeking help from another human being, and would rather whine and groan and complain about giving up, where’s the logic in that?

One may be scrupulous, which excuses a lot, what’s the excuse for crying “I give up” and “life’s so haard” without going to someone who REALLY can help?

If one is sick, sick sick, does one come complaining to an online forum and whine about being sick sick sick?

NO! You go to a friqqin medical facility.

Same with questions of the faith life. You have problems?

THEN STAY OFF THE FORUMS AND SEE A PRIEST.
 
porthos11 said:
If he isn’t seeking help from another human being, and would rather whine and groan and complain about giving up, where’s the logic in that?

One may be scrupulous, which excuses a lot, what’s the excuse for crying “I give up” and “life’s so haard” without going to someone who REALLY can help?

If one is sick, sick sick, does one come complaining to an online forum and whine about being sick sick sick?

NO! You go to a friqqin medical facility.

Same with questions of the faith life. You have problems?

THEN STAY OFF THE FORUMS AND SEE A PRIEST.
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Wow, that’s uncalled for. Maybe he is is feeling a little sorry for himself, a little frustrated, but we all can’t be WELL all the time. I find the litany of humility to be very helpful when I am feeling angry or prideful.
pax
 
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esieffe:
Wow, that’s uncalled for. Maybe he is is feeling a little sorry for himself, a little frustrated, but we all can’t be WELL all the time. I find the litany of humility to be very helpful when I am feeling angry or prideful.
pax

And when you’re unwell, do you come seeking help on forums?

Doctor. Priest. Whoever can help.

Forums such as CAF are worthless for such problems.

And yeah. You may think it’s uncalled for. I think it needs to be said, and said that way.

I will never encourage anyone, ANYONE, who’s feeling sorry for himself in his sorriness. I will tell him to man up and do what needs to be done.
 
It may sound trite, but let go and let God. When you stop trying & give EVERYTHING to God, life gets easier. At least it has for me.
 
Please see a psychiatrist and psychologist ASAP. If you have suicidal thoughts call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
 
porthos11 said:
Have you sought help?

Not online. I mean, from another, flesh-and-blood, face-to-face human being?
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Amen! 👍 Listen to this wise member. There may be more going on than is realized - just too much conflict, too concentrated, in too short a time. Talk to your Priest and go from there - we here cannot help, other than possibly providing direction, which has already occurred.
 
No matter how bad you feel about yourself, Jesus loves you … and the fact that you are even trying is worth a lot … you care very much … Jesus sees that.

However, I must say that you sound very depleted and depressed … I also think it is time for you to seek some professional help so that you can feel better.

God Bless You and be safe
 
If you’re not already seeing one, a psychologist might help.
 
UPDATE: I realize what I posted and said was a bit overboard. and yes I am very depleted. I have Commandments from God and high expectations from my father (not to mention his daily axe-grinding over my mother and me) and the Joyless way I carry on about life in general makes things harder.
 
Hey, I feel ya, but know that through it all we are here for you and love you.

Now some people call me crazy, that’s okay, but if I were in your situation I’d seek out an exorcist. Just to be sure some evil was not cast on you. I just got done reading a book by the Vatican’s Chief exorcist and what he basically says is, it can’t hurt! So you go there and find out your completely fine, no spells or evil put on you, Satan is simply up to his old tricks. At least you know.

I’m praying for you…
 
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