I don’t know if this is the correct area to ask something like this, hopefully someone here can help.
Here is what I am struggling with: I look around at church and hear people talk of God and Jesus and the Catholic faith with such passion and conviction. They talk of this intimate relationship with Jesus and emphasize how important that is.
I do not feel any of that. I honestly want that- I want to feel convinced that I have found the one true faith in the Catholic church and everything that comes with it- primarily the paramount importance of a relationship with- and faith in- Jesus. But I don’t feel convinced, and I wonder if I am trying to fool myself; I wonder if I am trying to force something that is not there.
I find myself analyzing what brought me into RCIA. After years of empty living I finally felt that spiritual void- it was unbearable and I began seeking God to fill it. A series of casual events led me into the RCIA program- and I am questioning whether I was so spiritually desperate that I would have latched onto and believed in anything that was put in front of me…Questioning whether I went back to the Catholic church because it was somewhat familiar (I was baptized and did 1st communion as a young girl- if I learned anything as a kid I didn’t retain it and wasn’t raised with a religious family, it was kind of a label that had no meaning), or because it’s so available (lots of Catholic churches around).
I wish there was some proof or a way to understand why Catholicism is the truth…as opposed to the many, many, other religions that exist.
I am on track to complete confirmation in a couple months and I don’t think I’m ready. I know that a great deal of accepting God/the Catholic church comes down to having faith…but I don’t know if I have enough of the initial “belief” to base that faith on. It’s a really terrible feeling…I want to know God but feel empty, lost, totally confused and overwhelmed.
If anyone has any advice to offer…a book recommendation…spiritual insight…anything…Thank you.
