Doubts about ability to raise a larger family

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BppK

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Hello All,

I am married and my wife and I have a 2-year old daughter. I am a stay at home dad and my wife works. I take care of my daughter before and after nursery school and lately I have felt wiped out. I will turn 48 in a month and now question if I have the energy to be a responsible dad/husband. My wife is 6 weeks pregnant and the plan is for me to get a job when she goes on maternity leave next spring. She plans to return to work in 2010. I told my wife yesterday that I am not sure if I can continue to keep up with the demanding duties of a stay at home dad when I go back to work (playing with our daughter, reading to her. feeding her. bathing her…). I suggested perhaps and abortion which really upset my wife. She is not Christian and I was brought up Catholic.

Help,

BppK
 
What do you expect us to say?

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Please don’t kill the baby.

50 is the new 40. You are more than able to do this.
 
**If you truly want help, get int touch with a mental health provider and get yourself assessed. Wanting to murder one of your two children because you feel so overwhelmed is not healthy.

Now, I can understand overwhelmed. So please don’t think I am being callous. But there is nothing more we can say to you here. Parents have kids…they feel overwhelmed…if needed, they get help. But they do whatever it takes to raise their children with love.**
 
I’m sorry that you are feeling the demands of parenthood so much. But like the previous poster stated–that doesn’t mean you abort your other child.

As I see it, your wife works full time right now and has given birth to one child and is pregnant with another. She is providing for you and the children. You are currently an at home dad that is being faced with the challenges of a two year old–however she DOES go to nursery school so you have a break during the day. What do you do when she is a nursery school? Perhaps taking a nap during that time would help you feel more refreshed and ready to care for her in the evening. Also, have you checked with your dr.–perhaps you are experiencing greater fatigue than normal due to a health problem. It definitely wouldn’t hurt to see. 👍

Your wife will assume more duties caring for the children when she is an at home mom–just as you care more for your daughter right now. So I don’t think you have to worry that you will be pushed beyond your limits. Maybe being an at home dad isn’t for you and you will find that things are better when you are at work and your wife is at home. 🙂

My dad is 51 and he had his youngest child at 45. I know that parenting for him in his late forties and fifties wasn’t easy, but I also know he wouldn’t change it for the world. Parenting isn’t easy whatever age you are–but it is worth it. 👍

Look at your beautiful little daughter–you love her with all your heart, I’m sure, and would do anything possible to keep her safe. The baby you and your wife are expecting is just as perfect and dependent on you to protect him/her. Despite all the challenges, you would never hurt your daughter to make things easier on you–would you? So how can you feel that aborting this baby is the right thing to do?

I hope that you and youre wife will be able to talk about your job oppportunities, discuss how childcare will be taken care of when you go back to work, and I hope you will protect the beautiful baby that you’ve been blessed with.

You are in my prayers,

kevinsgirl
 
2 is not a large family. I assumed you were going to say 4, 5 or 6…

Abortion is killing a child. Your child. Don’t see it as an option, it isn’t one.

As far as being overwhelmed, there are many things you can do. Get a “mother’s helper” [in this case, father’s helper] or a babysitter to help out. Pray. Ask your Church members or friends for help.
 
Please get help. I can’t comprehend someone with a 2 year old wanting to burn her sibling to death. I also don’t understand what could make you seem so overwhelmed. Nursery school for a 2 year old sounds foreign. Though I was not the stay at home, I did change, feed & keep our 2 while so mom could spend time out or was ill.

It was Thanksgiving 1986, while preparing to travel home to PA, that DW sprained her ankle leaving me with throwing an unexpected dinner together while youngest was 1 1/2. It was an enjoyable & memorable Thanksgiving.

Consider youself added to prayers for those contemplating such a deed. What good would it do if you were to gain the whole world?
 
I promise, if God allowed your wife to conceive this child, He WILL grant you the grace to bring her up properly. My parents are the homeschooling parents of 8, all still at home, and they’re managing. Yea stress happens, but it can be dealt with. Please, please, please don’t allow your baby to be killed simply so that your life could be easier…

many many many prayers coming your way.
 
BppK said:
I suggested perhaps and abortion which really upset my wife.
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I can only imagine how much it must have hurt your wife to hear you say such a thing. (Especially since you are Catholic and we are supposed to treasure life!) 😦 My youngest sister was born when my father was 48 years old. She was an unexpected baby, and I’m sure my dad would rather be retired than still working at the age of 61, but never would he have suggested an abortion to my mother! My father is a good man with a strong sense of duty to his family. I pray God gives you the strength and courage to be a true man and LOVE your wife and both your beautiful children.

I can only agree with previous posters. Seek help from a doctor if you feel your health is failing you, and take care of yourself. From my dad’s experience with my little sister I do understand that it is more difficult to be a parent in your 40s. But abortion is not the answer!!! If you are feeling so overwhelmed that you think you have to kill your unborn child, I sense there are other issues here.
 
Feanaro_s_Wife said:
**If you truly want help, get int touch with a mental health provider and get yourself assessed. Wanting to murder one of your two children because you feel so overwhelmed is not healthy.

Now, I can understand overwhelmed. So please don’t think I am being callous. But there is nothing more we can say to you here. Parents have kids…they feel overwhelmed…if needed, they get help. But they do whatever it takes to raise their children with love.**
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:clapping: :clapping:

As a SAHM to three, and a part-time freelance worker… I know overwhelmed. I know it like the back of my hand. I wouldn’t trade two seconds with my kids for anything, though.

With each new addition to the family I’ve grown as a person and learned I’m capable of handling way more than I ever thought I could.

But, I’m with Feanaro’s Wife, if you’re desperate enough to consider abortion, then maybe counseling is in order.
 
Please!!! Go talk to a priest. There is no reason to murder your second child. Would you consider keeping the second and stuffing the first into the trash compactor? No!

There is a quote from Mother Theresa that goes something like this:

“It is a sin to kill a child so that you can be comfortable” or words to that affect .
 
cthulhubryan said:
Please!!! Go talk to a priest. There is no reason to murder your second child. Would you consider keeping the second and stuffing the first into the trash compactor? No!

There is a quote from Mother Theresa that goes something like this:

“It is a sin to kill a child so that you can be comfortable” or words to that affect .
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“It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish,” Mother Teresa

Get some help, don’t kill your baby. Prayers for you and your family today and always!
 
40.png
BppK:
Hello All,

I am married and my wife and I have a 2-year old daughter. I am a stay at home dad and my wife works. I take care of my daughter before and after nursery school and lately I have felt wiped out. I will turn 48 in a month and now question if I have the energy to be a responsible dad/husband. My wife is 6 weeks pregnant and the plan is for me to get a job when she goes on maternity leave next spring. She plans to return to work in 2010. I told my wife yesterday that I am not sure if I can continue to keep up with the demanding duties of a stay at home dad when I go back to work (playing with our daughter, reading to her. feeding her. bathing her…). I suggested perhaps and abortion which really upset my wife. She is not Christian and I was brought up Catholic.

Help,

BppK
Click to expand...
Dear Bppk

I hope you are now feeling a little less overwhelmed at your situation. Sometimes things so overwhelm us that even if the solution jumped up and said “I am the solution” we can’t see it.

First please don’t use up energy feel guilty about feeling overwhelmed, you need to use your energy to look at how the arrival of your second child, and caring for two not one, could become less overwhelming for you.

Agree with the posters who have suggested counselling - so you can look at your situation in general and discuss options. Also depending on your relationship with your doctor seeing them is also a good idea.

Try to avoid people who tell you “I coped, so should you” or “What’s your problem?” You could ask them, though, “What made your life with two children easier?”

Please take care of yourself, your wife and daughter. Your daughter may be too young to know what is going on but she will know something bad is going on. So please ensure she knows she is loved and wanted.
 
Jennifer_J said:
“It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish,” Mother Teresa

Get some help, don’t kill your baby. Prayers for you and your family today and always!
Click to expand...
That’s the quote. Thank you.

Bppk, I will be praying for you and yours as well.
 
Hi,

Abortion is not an option. Deep inside you know that.

Mother Teresa had another saying; “God will never give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.”😃

Every stay at home mother on this web has probably felt Mother Teresa’s sentiments.

The first thing you need to do is apologize to your wife for even saying the abortion word. Between you and your wife and God, you have created a precious, beautiful thing. Don’t destroy it because you feel overwhelmed.

The number one thing to keep in mind is that you don’t have to be perfect. The important thing is to create good memories with your children. Is there something that you feel enthusiastic about that you can share with your daughter? Are their places you can go that would be entertaining for both of you? Have you taken her to Storytime at the library? There are usually a lot of moms there who network with eachother while the stories are being read. Mothers love to give stay at home fathers and young mothers tips on how to make things easier.

Another thing is you don’t have to have a perfectly neat house, just be a loving father and supportive husband.

Two year olds can be difficult. It is considered to be one of the most difficult stages to deal with until they reach their teenage years.

I’m sure that both children will bring you more joy to your life than you would ever dream possible.
 
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