Doubts after leaving the Church

[littlered123]

I stopped practicing Catholicism about a year ago due to many factors, some being anger and rebellion and and feeling far from God, as well as wanting to be able to engage in sins against the 6th and 9th commandment guilt free. I was raised in a super devout Catholic family and was very religious myself, even seriously looking into religious life for few years. While I understand my initial reasons for leaving Catholicism were more emotional, over time I have had more and more doubts about Catholicism and the Church in general, even though at the same time I long for the love and connection I once felt with God.

It just seems almost presumptuous and prideful to assume the religion I was raised in is more true than any religion out there. I realize how little we actually know about the real historical Jesus and it makes me seriously doubt everything I have been taught about him. I have begun reading books written by historians on who Jesus was. I have read about contradictions in the Old Testament, especially with God and the Jewish laws. I really don’t understand God. On one hand he is supposed to be unchanging and yet he becomes jealous and kills people, etc. There are more reasons, but I don’t need to delve into them all.

I also have serious issues with the Catholic Church and its political role in Europe for centuries, as well as the divide between Eastern and Western Christians, particularly between Orthodox and Catholic. It seems it is a big cultural and political divide and has nothing to do with the essence of Christianity. I refuse to ever say one side is better, or the true Church etc.
I also have issues with the sexual morality as I see nothing wrong with it and it seems completely unnatural to me. For example, it seems completely unnatural to abstain from sex until I am 30 which is when most young people seem to be getting married now a days. At the same time I am so afraid of going to hell for my “sins” and for not practicing Catholicism in general. Yet, how do I know Islam isn’t the truth and I won’t go to hell for not being muslim???

I understand this is a long post. I am just writing out a few of my struggles and do not expect anyone to respond to them all if any. Just feeling lost and not knowing what to do. I want to know the truth but do not know if that is possible. It makes me very afraid not knowing what is after this life and the possibility of hell. It seems all I can do is be a “good person”.

 

[Gorgias]

It just seems almost presumptuous and prideful to assume the religion I was raised in is more true than any religion out there

Well, then… look into it and don’t rely on presumption?

I realize how little we actually know about the real historical Jesus

How much do you know about the “real historical” persons of antiquity? Do you likewise doubt them?

I have begun reading books written by historians on who Jesus was.

The value of this research will be highly dependent on the perspective of these historians, don’t you think? Especially since your goal is to know the truth of Jesus’ teaching, and not just his historical person, no?

I have read about contradictions in the Old Testament, especially with God and the Jewish laws.

I would encourage you to read the writings of better authors, then. A good Bible study might be a good start. (I’d recommend Ascension Press’ “Bible Timeline”.) Dr Brant Pitre’s books are also a great resource. In addition, although it’s a long read, Bergsma’s and Pitre’s " A Catholic Introduction to the Bible: The Old Testament" is a well-written and thorough guide!

I really don’t understand God. On one hand he is supposed to be unchanging and yet he becomes jealous and kills people, etc.

One word of encouragement: on the surface, this seems like a troubling question. However, with a little research, you’ll find that this question has a simple and easy-to-understand and believable answer!

I also have serious issues with the Catholic Church and its political role in Europe for centuries

That’s a reasonable critique. Yet, is the truth of Jesus’ message dependent on humans’ ability to live it out well? Or is the message believable on its own merits, even if we kinda stink at living it out in our lives?

it seems completely unnatural to abstain from sex until I am 30 which is when most young people seem to be getting married now a days.

For animals, who act merely on instinct? Sure, I’d agree with that. But, for humans – for whom physical action is guided by rational thought – if long-term monogamous relationship is the basis for the actions to which that relationship gives rise, then why is that “unnatural”? Instead, it proceeds precisely from our human nature, and is the most “natural” thing going!

 

[Gorgias]

Why is there no evidence whatsoever for the Bodily Assumption of Mary in the opening centuries of Christian history

Putting the cart before the horse, I’d say. If the teachings of Jesus are true, and if Jesus gave the Church authority and the charism of protection against error, then why would “historical evidence” be the determining factor?

The atonement of Christ is infinite and is not restricted to people who belong to the one true church.

Ahh, but… " Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven." Be careful, when you dissent from the teachings of the Church that Jesus founded, that you haven’t merely presumed on His mercy…

 

[littlered123]

How much do you know about the “real historical” persons of antiquity? Do you likewise doubt them?

I don’t know much about them. I honestly barely think of any persons of antiquity. They aren’t important in my life. In the history classes I did take the teachers made it clear a lot of the stories were more legends or what more historians believed due to evidence left behind

 

[littlered123]

The value of this research will be highly dependent on the perspective of these historians, don’t you think? Especially since your goal is to know the truth of Jesus’ teaching , and not just his historical person , no?

I’ve been trying to read different perspectives. I have been reading a book on the historical Jesus written by Bart Ehrman, who I know is no longer Christian. I also have been reading one written by a historian who is a Catholic priest. I am interested in the history before I start incorporating any theological or religious beliefs

 

[littlered123]

That’s a reasonable critique. Yet, is the truth of Jesus’ message dependent on humans’ ability to live it out well? Or is the message believable on its own merits, even if we kinda stink at living it out in our lives?

I understand that, but it makes me seriously question if the Catholic Church is just a human institution. Even if Christianity is true and Jesus is God

 

[Gorgias]

I don’t know much about them. I honestly barely think of any persons of antiquity.

OK… but you don’t doubt them, merely because you haven’t researched them, right?

Same thing with Jesus’ teachings: come to know them first, and read up in the context of these teachings and of the Church He founded, and then pass judgment on them!

I have been reading a book on the historical Jesus written by Bart Ehrman

That sort of thing was pretty evident, based on your characterizations of what you’d read.

I also have been reading one written by a historian who is a Catholic priest.

Current priest, or former? One who teaches what the Church teaches, or one who ‘does his own thing’?

I am interested in the history before I start incorporating any theological or religious beliefs

That’s pretty easy, then: nearly all serious scholars agree that Jesus actually existed and lived in Palestine in the 1st century A.D. Now… go learn what He taught, from the perspective of the Church He gave us!

I understand that, but it makes me seriously question if the Catholic Church is just a human institution.

The Church is an institution founded divinely but populated by humans. OF COURSE we’re going to make bad prudential decisions! The question is whether Jesus’ grant of proxy – of authority – and protection of doctrine against error is believable. Other than that? It’s natural that people won’t always make the right decisions on matters of governance!

 

[littlered123]

For animals, who act merely on instinct? Sure, I’d agree with that. But, for humans – for whom physical action is guided by rational thought – if long-term monogamous relationship is the basis for the actions to which that relationship gives rise, then why is that “unnatural”? Instead, it proceeds precisely from our human nature, and is the most “natural” thing going!

I don’t know if monogamy is actually natural or more of a societal construct. Even in the old testament you see the kings taking hundreds of concubines. Monogamy has been around much longer in our culture and is good for a stable family. I think its great, but it doesn’t mean you can’t date around until you find someone you want to marry and neither should it mean you can’t have sex until then. It isn’t natural for humans biologically at all. There is a reason we go through puberty as teenagers and not 30 year olds. There is a reason sex drive is often higher during the younger years. It is also an optimal time for reproduction. However, times have changed and people take longer to become independent and settle down and start families. Unless you will propose marriage in the late teens/early twenties, I don’t think it makes sense to say sex needs to wait till marriage

 

[littlered123]

Current priest, or former? One who teaches what the Church teaches, or one who ‘does his own thing’?

A priest who did not leave the church. John Meier who was a biblical scholar and named honorary prelate of the papal household by JP2

 

[littlered123]

That’s pretty easy, then: nearly all serious scholars agree that Jesus actually existed and lived in Palestine in the 1st century A.D.

I don’t doubt his existence. I do doubt the miracles that are attributed to him, I do doubt the things he said, I do doubt his resurrection

 

[Gorgias]

I don’t know if monogamy is actually natural or more of a societal construct. Monogamy has been around much longer in our culture and is good for a stable family.

In other words… it’s something that our rational nature has perceived as valuable.

Even in the old testament you see the kings taking hundreds of concubines.

You see people waging war, lying, stealing, cheating, and doing all sorts of immoral things in the OT. The fact that it’s described in the pages of the Bible doesn’t imply that it’s endorsed or even condoned.

I think its great, but it doesn’t mean you can’t date around until you find someone you want to marry and neither should it mean you can’t have sex until then.

Well, that’s your opinion, and you’re welcome to hold it. Doesn’t mean it’s right though, eh?

Unless you will propose marriage in the late teens/early twenties, I don’t think it makes sense to say sex needs to wait till marriage

Right – because being a teen parent, without means of supporting oneself and without the presence of a partner to provide economic and emotional support… well, that tends to turn out so well, right?

 

[littlered123]

The Church is an institution founded divinely but populated by humans. OF COURSE we’re going to make bad prudential decisions! The question is whether Jesus’ grant of proxy – of authority – and protection of doctrine against error is believable. Other than that? It’s natural that people won’t always make the right decisions on matters of governance!

I don’t know though. If Jesus is God and intended to start Christianity, I wonder if he intended it to become an institution, or the institution that now is the Catholic Church. Even the little I learned about early Christianity from Catholics seems to show Churches were much more localized and independent. I don’t know enough to really say though. It is very possible Jesus never intended to found a “Church”, or that the Church he intended to found is not the Catholic Church, or was corrupted and became all the churches and sects there are today, or that it died out , or that he just doesn’t really care as long as we worship him and believe in him

 

[Brian_K]

This video might be helpful

He’s also got a book called God So Loved the World that I think addresses some of your questions. Not that these will banish doubt or confusion entirely, but they helped me to focus my attention and reflection and make some truths that I thought were impossible for me to believe actually become part of the lens through which I view life. Hope this helps

 

[Gorgias]

A priest who did not leave the church. John Meier who was a biblical scholar and named honorary prelate of the papal household by JP2

Here’s the thing, though: he’s a product of his times. The “search for the ‘historical Jesus’” was a popular academic subject, and many offered their perspective on the question. One of the more poignant reflections on the fruit of this ‘search’ is that the searcher, attempting to find Jesus, only manages to see the reflection of his own presumptions and prejudices, rather than Jesus Himself.

I would add that, to find Jesus Himself, we should search the teachings of the Church which He left for us.

If Jesus is God and intended to start Christianity, I wonder if he intended it to become an institution, or the institution that now is the Catholic Church.

So… how can one found a church, and commission leaders and give them marching orders… and not intend an institution? Unless you doubt that Jesus was God (and remember – you’ve left ‘history’ are already knee-deep in ‘theology’!), then how would you assert that Jesus was either incompetent or merely massive mistaken?

Even the little I learned about early Christianity from Catholics seems to show Churches were much more localized and independent.

Hmm… I’d advise that you read up on the Early Church Fathers. They were adamant that the Church was not only apostolic, but also universal and united.

It is very possible Jesus never intended to found a “Church”, or that the Church he intended to found is not the Catholic Church

Matthew 16? Jesus literally not only “founds a Church”, but on Peter (and the apostles).

or was corrupted

or that it died out

So… Jesus was impotent to make happen what He wished…?

or that he just doesn’t really care

So… Jesus lied…?

Check out Pitre’s “The Case for Jesus”. He addresses the “Liar, Lunatic, or Lord” discussion of Jesus and His teachings.

 

[Margaret_Ann]

I stopped practicing Catholicism about a year ago due to many factors, some being anger and rebellion and and feeling far from God, as well as wanting to be able to engage in sins against the 6th and 9th commandment guilt free.

G.K. Chesterton once wrote that the man who says “I don’t believe in transubstantiation” really means “I don’t believe in the Sixth Commandment.”.

 

[poche]

It has been my observation that disbelief usually comes from a love of sin.

 

[Limoncello4021]

I would ask the OP: what is your prayer life like?

 

[Viaetveritasetvita]

This is a wonderful channel that has very good answers to these somewhat perplexing and at times overwhelming questions, buy very well educated priests.

Sensus Fidelium - YouTube

We have all experienced the misery of being lost or detached from God at certain times of our lives but it is primarily because of our own doing. As Padre Pio once said, “God will not allow you to be lost if you persist in your determination not to lose Him.”

• Islam

In relation to struggles with the sixth and ninth commandments, you must always guard yourself in this dangerous depraved world because temptations will present themselves right left and centre, and it is very easy looking at the present societies behaviour to believe there is nothing immoral regarding sex before marriage because it is mainstream. Do not be fooled, but step by step educate yourself about the faith.

Also remember that the incredible saints that we are blessed to call upon for help, struggled with desires and temptations just like all of us do! Reading St Augustine, Aquinas etc could be very enlightening.

• On hell and the devil https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuCw8UT5y6c

Fatima: The Vision of Hell & the Torments of the Damned in Hell - YouTube

4 Last Things: Fr Isaac Mary Relyea - Hell - YouTube

I wish you all the best,

Benedicat Te Omnipotens Deus.

 

[Brian_K]

Your post came to mind this morning and reminded me of St Francis de Sales saying that sometimes God directs us by the lightest touch, or holds us only by one of the hairs of our head. That seemed to describe the struggles you’re having, where you don’t feel a “clean break” with the Church, but you can’t get “all in”, either.

It reminds me of my own faith journey, which started as an agnostic who either wanted to be a confident atheist or a devout Catholic. I desperately wanted the sense of conviction that both those ends of the faith spectrum seemed to have. I always felt inadequate that I couldn’t get all the way in one camp or the other. It turned out that God was using that very feeling of inadequacy to draw me to Him and to His Church.

Like you posted, I also wrestled with questions and contradictions that seemed to have no answer. But one notion was constant: “If this is true, my whole being wants to believe, and if it’s not, I want to know that as well.” I didn’t realize that this sense was a tremendous grace, and that many go through life lukewarm about “the whole God question.”

I don’t believe any set of human words or insights will resolve your doubts, and I don’t think all human doubt can even be resolved this side of heaven. But despite all the contradictions and struggles you listed, Someone is still speaking to the ears of your heart. But He won’t scream at you. He won’t likely appear appear as an apparition and answer all your questions verbally. He doesn’t want robots. He wants our love and trust, but only through our choice. Without doubt, struggle, fear, and anger as possible alternatives to love, there’s no real choice. And the quieter He speaks, and the more we struggle to hear Him, the more merit He assigns to our choice to listen.

Of course struggle hurts. I’ve come close to despair at times. But more and more it helps me to know that others have been down this road before, and that doubt and fear and frustration are not necessarily a punishment, but that they may be permitted precisely because we’re ready for the next level and leg of our spiritual journey. If we got to choose our own struggle, it wouldn’t be authentic struggle, and we’d be working on becoming more like our own version of our best selves rather than the one He created us to be.

“Hence we should all make St. Augustine’s prayer our own: "Lord, here cut, here burn and spare me not, but spare me in eternity!”
— St Alphonsus Liguori