Doubts and discernment

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Michael16

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Maybe I’m just being on the pity pot or maybe not; but being engaged is a period of discernment.

I’m having some doubts of whether or not I’m a suitable man for my fiancé.

I’m a 41 year old American single dad of two boys who lives with his parents. I have some ideas of where I want my life to go; but I have to face facts:
  1. I live with my parents. That’s originally because my last place was infested with bedbugs. Now; I’ve got my sons.
  2. I have little idea of where I want to go in life and it’s pretty sad at this stage in life.
  3. I’m a single dad with two eight year old boys. They’re my first priority.
  4. although I have faith; I don’t practice it very well. I struggle with my mental issues and my sins.
  5. Even though, overall; I am a good man, I don’t often feel like it.
My fiancé thinks the world of me and I her. But, let’s be honest: She needs a man who’s a good husband and a father. I am a good dad, I think; but I have a lot to learn now that I’m a single dad.

Even my ex said I was a good husband, aside from my mental issues; even though I made her life a living hell because of them.

But, I have to consider whether or not I’m mature enough and stable enough to even have a wife and to be the man she deserves.

Like I said: Maybe I’m being too hard on myself or maybe not. But: I do have to think of her and my boys.
 
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Michael, the advice you keep getting in the threads you start is that first, before you do anything else, you need to take care of your sons. They just lost their mother. Your sole attention should be on them.

Second, you’ve been in a long distance relationship with this woman and asked her to marry you the first time you met in person. Slow down. The two of you need to get to know each other in real life.

Once your children are settled and you have a home of your own you can worry about whether or not you’re good husband material.
 
You mention mental issues and that these impacted your marriage, and that you struggle with them.
Are you under the care of medical professionals specializing in your issues?
 
Actually, I’m on meds and I was discharged earlier last year, before their mother died. I’m diagnosed as bipolar with psychotic tendencies, I experience hallucinations; and schizo affective disorder.

I’m okay with them now. But, sometimes I still struggle with them.
 
Are you getting constant professional help with this, and in living with this while raising your boys?
 
No. My therapist discharged me, like I said. I had incredible improvement in the last year and that’s why he discharged me. My fiancé has been a huge help in this.
 
Michael, we are not allowed to give advice of a medical nature, on this forum. It would be very prudent for you to seek professional medical advice now, of those who know your history, and update them on the changed conditions in your life.
Your overseas fiancé is not the person to be turning to in this. You really require trained, skilled, professionals to support you in your new role as full time father of 8yo twin boys who are grieving.
 
I understand. I’m not looking for medical advice though. I’m just feeling blue and not feeling worthy of her. I didn’t turn to her for medical advice either. Just, she’s been incredibly supportive and understanding.
 
How are you Michael?

How are your boys?
I do think and pray for your situation often. How are your children settling in school now? Have you been able to spend lots or quality time with them?

Importantly are you getting the help you deserve? You will be a much better father and husband getting your MH under control. Personally if you are having doubts about your ability to be a good husband I would be pausing the plans to marry and just keep getting to know each other better. There is really no rush to remarry right now.

Good luck. Keep working on your family. They truly love you.
 
I’m doing pretty good, actually. Regular Confession and Mass attendance. Thank you for your prayers. As for help with my MHI, I’m doing a lot better with regular Mass and Confession.

My boys are doing okay. Except my autistic son keeps having meltdowns and I’m trying to teach him how to manage his emotions. My youngest son has expressed a desire to become Catholic; so I’ll be taking him to RCIC classes starting tonight. I’m beside myself with happiness and pride about that.
 
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