Drama with FIL once again

[jazzy0710]

I’m sure many of you remember may very first post back in August about feeling overwhelmed with my FIL and his wife.

Some suggested that they are very toxic people and to limit my contact with them.

I did limit my contact with them however just before the holidays for the sake of my husband, and the fact that I wanted a good family oriented Christmas for my husband and myself, I began to talk to them again.

My FIL’s wife apologized for what she did at my husband’s birthday supper. She told me she loved me. I forgave her and hugged her.

I went to my FIL’s house on xmas eve, and we hung out with them on New Years Eve too. I was as nice to both of them as I could possibly be. I thought everything was fine.

My FIL’s birthday is this weekend. I went through quite a bit to get my shift changed in order to attend. He decided that he wanted to go a different night and didn’t care that I had to go through a lot to switch my shift.

Everything is always about him and I mean everything. I don’t know what to do. I am at my whit’s end. I have done everything imaginable to try to get along with this Man over the years and nothing seems to work. My husband tells me that he’ll talk to him but he’s said it before when other things happened and either he didn’t bother talking to him at all or he did and it just doesn’t work.

Please pray, I’d greatly apprechiate it.

 

[1ke]

I don’t think the problem is that he wants to do his birthday celebration on a particular day, place, etc.

I think the problem is you somehow feel obligated to accomodate that. You simply say, “oh, darn, I wish we could be there but we have a conflict. I have to work. Sorry. Happy Birthday.” “Maybe next time”. Or, “we’d love to have you over next Friday for a belated celebration with just our family.”

Case closed. Hubby can go without you or you can both decline.

If he truly wants you there, he will be more accomodating himself. Or not. It’s up to him. Stop taking it all on yourself to “do” something.

 

[MCGar]

I wrote out a looong reply that got eaten up.

Shorter one:

Don’t do things for other people that you aren’t willing to do freely without strings attached.

Yes, I know, you don’t think common courtesy and respect are ‘strings’.

This is where you learn your lesson, for your FIL; consideration for other people’s time ARE STRINGS.

You know he is a somewhat selfish person that has given you problems in relation to maintaining a healthy in-law relationship.

Don’t inconvenience yourself or the other person that you switched shifts with for a situation that is not a ‘sure thing’ or an important emergency for that matter.

You should have just given a card and well wishes for the birthday.

But the big problem is really not with FIL. He is a person that is a known quantity, he’s not a person to count on to maintain a healthy relationship. Make your decisions FROM THAT INFORMATION. Don’t keep on banging your head upon a wall by extending yourself in order for it not to be rewarded.

You aren’t going to change FILs behavior the only behavior you can change is yours.

Also that big problem (besides your expectations) is that your husband tells you he’ll do something and he doesn’t. Work on fixing that, before you ever worry about fixing FIL.
I have an idea why your husband doesn’t follow through but you two need to be open and honest with each other about it and go to counseling until you two are straight with each other.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

My FIL’s birthday is this weekend. I went through quite a bit to get my shift changed in order to attend. He decided that he wanted to go a different night and didn’t care that I had to go through a lot to switch my shift.

So make your apologies and decline the invitation. You’re under no obligation to keep switching around your work schedule to accommodate this man.

Luna

 

[Catholic90]

You simply say, “oh, darn, I wish we could be there but we have a conflict. I have to work. Sorry. Happy Birthday.” “Maybe next time”. Or, “we’d love to have you over next Friday for a belated celebration with just our family.”

Case closed. Hubby can go without you or you can both decline.

So make your apologies and decline the invitation. You’re under no obligation to keep switching around your work schedule to accommodate this man.

These^^

 

[Samson01]

I’m sure many of you remember may very first post back in August about feeling overwhelmed with my FIL and his wife.

Some suggested that they are very toxic people and to limit my contact with them.

I did limit my contact with them however just before the holidays for the sake of my husband, and the fact that I wanted a good family oriented Christmas for my husband and myself, I began to talk to them again.

My FIL’s wife apologized for what she did at my husband’s birthday supper. She told me she loved me. I forgave her and hugged her.

I went to my FIL’s house on xmas eve, and we hung out with them on New Years Eve too. I was as nice to both of them as I could possibly be. I thought everything was fine.

My FIL’s birthday is this weekend. I went through quite a bit to get my shift changed in order to attend. He decided that he wanted to go a different night and didn’t care that I had to go through a lot to switch my shift.

Everything is always about him and I mean everything. I don’t know what to do. I am at my whit’s end. I have done everything imaginable to try to get along with this Man over the years and nothing seems to work. My husband tells me that he’ll talk to him but he’s said it before when other things happened and either he didn’t bother talking to him at all or he did and it just doesn’t work.

Please pray, I’d greatly apprechiate it.

Well thing about birthdays are they happen every year…unless they die or something. Seems to be a lot of effort for a birthday…lol.