Drawn to marriage and the priesthood? HELP!

[abon12]

You’re welcome!
Get a spiritual director. Or at least talk to a priest about this. Because discernment is hard! And you are a fool if you try to do it on your own.

 

[EvanK]

You’re welcome!
Get a spiritual director. Or at least talk to a priest about this. Because discernment is hard! And you are a fool if you try to do it on your own.

Yeah I agree. I found the email of a priest who I trust to be able to help me out with this. I don’t have a car so I can’t meet in person for the time being, but hopefully soon I will be able to.

Thanks again! God Bless!

 

[Rete]

Yeah, I wasn’t interested at all in becoming a priest until recently, which leads me to think there’s a reason for that. Specifically I’m drawn to be a parish priest.

I know people change throughout their lives, and I still have maturing to do, but I cannot turn my back on either of these things, even if I wanted to.

Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut!

Parish priests are the best priests.

It might be that the love you feel for this girl is you picking up on the love that God feels for her, and an inner desire to help her overcome these difficulties. I am now celibate and have recently noticed that I pick up on what I think is God’s love for a person, and in the case of some women, it can be confusing because I am still a man, after all.

I might be wrong about this, but I suspect that, when we love somebody, what really happens is that we share in God’s love of that person. We alter and react to it differently, according to the context and our human needs and desires, but the underlying love we feel is really a gift, not our own creation.

Nor do I think God loves all of us equally. Some people are just beautiful and virtuous people. Others are in pain and God shares His love for them with others to elicit compassion, charity, and solidarity with them. In my case, I noticed this with a young woman who is extremely pious and innocent. It’s almost like I can feel the love He has for her, and it is most intense during mass.

If you are truly being called to the priesthood, then I wonder if you would feel something like this all the time. If I am correct in this belief, then it would represent one of the most important gifts a parish priest can be given in order to guide the souls in his charge.

I have wanted to ask a priest about this, but it’s such an awkward question because it can be misconstrued as something other than what it is.

In any case, if you are called to the priesthood, then you definitely will still feel something for this girl because of her pain and suffering. But somehow you have to learn to untangle that feeling from your lesser desires. I don’t know how priests do that, but you probably could get help if you ask your own parish priest.

 

[aspirant]

A “feeling” and a vocation are not the same, although God can use our feelings.

My only comment is that there is no rush to make a decision. At 18 years old, you are young… You need time for your relationship with her to mature a bit. You also need time to let the idea of priesthood percolate in you…

the diaconate is not fallback plan for the priesthood. It is a calling all its own.

You sound like you think you are in a hurry; but this is the ONE aspect of your life that cannot be hurried. Step back and breathe, before you rush into the wrong decision.

I agree with all of these points!

Well, the first problem I suppose, is she isn’t Catholic and admits not knowing anything about the Church. When I tried to explain some basics, she said she wasn’t real interested.

All the more reason not to be hasty in the relationship. Slow everything down.

 

[Auntie_A]

Thanks for your response to my words. I have a few more:

I want to clarify that your discernment is not really going to be a case of “this girlfriend” vs The Priesthood.

It is more about the priesthood versus a married OR single life. Everything in life is not so carefully laid out or set up. We don’t always know how our future will play out. And God plays the biggest hand in how it will all come about.

I will pray that the desperate situation with the girlfriend resolves and lets you “off the hook”. I am a total romantic, by the way, but this just doesn’t feel like romantic, reciprocal love; it feels desperate, dangerous, and almost threatening: “If I leave her, she will harm herself.” But I will pray for both of you. Maybe she will wake up to her own life, rather than her victimhood, and you can get the breather to discern and get an education and a job.

I know you must hear this a lot but you are so young. Now is the time to try out different ways to learn, work, express yourself, travel, LIVE. 18 feels so old when you are 18 but your next 6 to 8 years are very special and very vulnerable. Your 20’s are a time of learning to “drive your own car”, live your own life, not your parents’ lives, not your community’s. It’s now YOUR life, advances, retreats, successes and mistakes. I didn’t realize this but my 20’s were about growing up with less “cushioning” around me, making mistakes and picking up the pieces. I had my parents but I had to put myself out into the world on my own terms. Many married people wish they had jumped at more opportunities to be young and independent before they settled down. My dad was a sailor until he was 30! Then he settled down and raised a big family. He said he was “done with the ships”.

I see a very interesting future for you if you learn what this helping energy is all about. I agree with a previous post: God is using you (all of us) to help others find God’s love. How you do this will be exciting if you can get a handle on that dangerous, rescuing stuff. What do you think it means?

 

[Sillara]

I had not intended to respond at first, but with so many people harping on the “you’re so young” part, I felt like I should.

Yes, 18 is young, but it is certainly NOT too young to be making adult decisions. It is perfectly acceptable and appropriate for you to be determining your vocation at this time.

That said, this girlfriend of yours does not sound like a proper wife for a devout Catholic man. She may have been hurt in the past, but she is NOT your wife. You are NOT responsible for her. You should treat her with kindness and respect, of course, but you are not obliged in any way to marry her.

If God is calling you to be a priest, then you should explore that.

I would encourage each of my children to explore a religious vocation first, and only then to discern marriage.

 

[dlenzeuga93]

Pray, pray, and pray some more! In the beginning of my discernment, I would fall in and out of whether or not I could lead a celibate life. Constant prayer and lots of thought totally helped. Although I understand its challenges, I know all things are possible with Christ. I’ll pray for you.

 

[SDCC]

Evan, it seems obvious to me by your words that are in love with a woman - so I think you possibly could be having cold feet about marriage. You so very young with many years before which bring about many, many changes in your life. As long as you remain chaste with your girlfriend, I strongly believe that you will have your answer in a few years. You will know in your heart what to do and will not have any question about your life path. Always trust your “gut feeling” so to speak and you can be in the youth group at your church to offer your special gifts within your personality to the community. I am sorry to say that I did feel the need to read past 2-3 sentences of your question, but I do know this for sure - you will know what is right for you in due time.

 

[MrsLilreader]

This woman sounds a lot like my ex-sister-in-law. The kindest thing you can do for her if to help her find counciling. I myself would probably not be here if not for a close friend helping me find county services for depression and mental disorder. Cutting even once means she needs help. Those urges to cut speak of a void that is festering in her heart and she needs an outside professional voice to guide her to better emotional state.

I am glad you care for her so much. It doesn’t sound like she is a good idea for a wife at this time, especially since she is in a fragile state and also closes her heart to God. My marriage is imbalanced because my husband is stuck in the stage of being angry at God, and it is a heartache I do not wish for you, dear one. This path is so hard to walk, sitting alone in Mass every week, being belittled for trusting God.

I was married at 19, and I knew then and now that this was my path and my husband was the missing part of me. I just urge you to be careful and thoughtful. Have your parents or guardians and you had a conversation about how they knew what choices were the right ones for them?

 

[Nils]

Dear Evan,

I have been working with teenagers for a few years now and the only thing I can tell you is that she is not as dependent on you as you may think. It is very common for young people to fix all their stability on one person, even if they only have known each other for a few months, and start to believe that their happiness is dependent on him/her, which of course is not true.

The reality is that you are in the perfect situation to live an extraordinary life. You will not go to college but you can see the joy in living for others - so why not try?

Did you ever consider volunteering with a religious community? At least it is something quite common here in Europe and it also gives you the chance to see more what it is like to live a structured religious life. That would also mean that you do not need to cut it off completely with this young lady, only that you could not see her for this year or however long you would like to commit… Some would even allow you to see her sometimes.

With lots of love,
Nils

 

[Catholic4Jesus]

Have you considered the permanent diaconate? I am your age and have had the same feelings in my heart. You hae to be married first however before becoming a deacon. If you are ordained a deacon and are single, you must remain celibate as a priest must.